Uzumaki Naruto was god. Not in the way Haruhi-san from that Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu series Sasuke had just watched a few days back was.

Uzumaki Naruto was god in the sense that he seemed to be utterly perfect in every way. Or so it seemed to the equally utterly lovestruck Sasuke.

Or perhaps Uzumaki Naruto really wasn't perfect. Just nearly perfect. As close to perfection as anyone could ever be. Relatively speaking, of course.

Despite the fact that he was completely head-over-heels with the blond man, Sasuke had to admit that Naruto wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Yes, definitely. Naruto could run a hundred miles – this was obviously something more than well exaggerated, but Sasuke was a man of the arts and couldn't help doing such descriptions inside his mind – but he couldn't, for his life, answer an algebra question without fumbling in any way.

The irony of it all failed to escape Sasuke. How could it? It was so blatantly obvious! The irony, mind you, for it seemed as if Sasuke was pretty much neutral when it came to Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke had perused the situation over and over again, trying to find a fault in this crush that he'd gotten. He had the opposite of the results he wanted to get. He found himself falling even more for Uzumaki Naruto.

It really was funny that the school topnotcher was falling for what seemed to be a brain-dead student. So hilarious that Sasuke could cry.

Well then, moving along. Today was the day that Sasuke decided that he'd make Uzumaki Naruto his. Or, well, the start of a series of events that would inevitably make Uzumaki Naruto his.

"Do you think that I'll be successful?" Sasuke asked Neji after he told the latter his plans.

Neji's eyebrow twitched. What was he? Some sort of fortune-teller?

"I don't know, Sasuke," he said, "since I don't know anything about that sort of thing."

"But everyone says that you know a lot about things like those," Sasuke said. "They're practically comparing you to the Oracle at Delphi."

"And that oracle's a myth."

"Still stands the fact that people trust your words like the Israelites craved manna."

"You've been reading too much of that... Bible."

"It's for History class. Just answer me with a yes or no, Neji."

Sasuke was still as pleasantly rude as ever.

"Well?" he asked.

And just as impatient as ever, too. Or demanding.

Neji looked at Sasuke and said, "I don't know. I'm not wise."

Sasuke hummed in agreement. "No, you're not. But you are, as you've said before, mature."

"What does being mature have anything to do with knowing how to deal with... love issues?"

"Go for it, Sasuke-san!" Lee exclaimed, making an entrance deserving of the adjective dynamic.

Sasuke cringed. Neji sighed, wondering if that energetic ball of god-knows-what was really a classmate of his.

"Sure," Sasuke said. "Thanks, Lee, you really made me want to do it."

"... Sasuke-san, what exactly are you going to do?" Lee asked, the excitement in his voice deftly choking Neji and Sasuke.

"You'll see soon enough," Sasuke said as he walked out of he room. He also gave Neji a glare for good measure. Damn Hyuuga.

Naruto looked at the upperclassman.

"What do you want from me, Uchiha-senpai?" he asked.

And this upperclassman ought to deem their conversation finished soon because he was going to be late for practice. He sure wouldn't be rude to this particular upperclassman. Not in front of so many girls.

The two of them had long ago known each other. Really known. They were practically the best of friends. Or, well, Naruto would like to think of it that way. Sasuke was just neutral.

Sasuke had accelerated a grade. Naruto had already flunked one. They were really just a few months apart with Sasuke being older. Though, people would more than often say that Naruto was the older one simplybecause. There was just something that looked mature in Uzumaki Naruto. Well, at least nowadays there was.

Sasuke could be mature, but the problem was that people often saw him as this celebrity that needed to be pampered and watched over each and every second of the day. Which was definitely not adult-like. At least it seemed so to most.

"I like you," Sasuke said.

"You're fucking with me," Naruto said.

"Go out with me."

"Shit, man, are you even hearing yourself?"

Naruto was really scared. Not only for Sasuke's sanity, but also his own health. The girls that would mob him for stealing the heart of their Sasuke. And mobs like those didn't do excuses either.

"Yes, I am," Sasuke said. "I'd clearly said that I like you – meaning that I am interested in you – and therefore would like you to go out with me. And perhaps even be interested in becoming my boyfriend."

Naruto blinked in confusion.

Why the hell would some rich pretty boy ask him, a sports 'tard and totally not suave guy according to the girls, out? Much less want to be in an actual romantic relationship with him. It just didn't add up. There had to be some ulterior motive there.

Sure, Naruto was a bit flattered. But, damn, it was too good to be true. Not a single girl had asked him out before, nor had they even shown any sort of interest in him. And then here was the guy whom everyone adored, asking him to be his boyfriend.

Naruto had nothing against homosexuals. Nothing at all.

He glared at Sasuke.

"There's got to be something going on," he suspiciously said.

"Yes, there is," Sasuke said. "I like you and am asking you out right now. Possibly even hoping that we could get together. As a couple, I mean."

Naruto, as much as Sasuke knew, was a blunt person. So Sasuke himself would also be blunt.

"We don't even know each other that well!" Naruto exclaimed.

"We did," Sasuke said, "know each other well."

"Did."

"Would you like to know each other again?"

"You're acting like-like-like Sai!"

"Am I now? Do you like people like Sai?"

"No!"

"I'm hurt, Naruto-kun!" a voice piped out from the crowd of bystanders.

Naruto rapidly looked at the source of the voice and shouted, "Shut up, Sai!"

Then he turned back to Sasuke and said, "Look, we just can't go out. It's not right."

"Would you rather that I was a girl?" Sasuke asked.

"You're fine the way you are," Naruto said without thinking.

"So you like me then?"

Naruto slapped his forehead with the back of his palm. God, he was such an idiot and Sasuke was milking it for all its worth.

"This is insane," Naruto muttered.

"The whole world is insane," Sasuke said, having heard what Naruto had said.

"Just leave me alone!"

"But I like you. And I'm supposed to stalk you until you swear your eternal love for me. Or at least go out with me. Or you could do both."

"That's not how things work out at all!"

"Who are you to say that?"

"And who are you to say what you said?!"

Silence covered them. Naruto had thought that Sasuke had given up on him.

"I like you," Sasuke said, "and you seem to get along pretty well with me," at that, Naruto snorted, "so why not just try it out."

"I'm not going out with you and that's final!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Give me one good reason why."

It seemed as if Sasuke had garnered one point in their squabble. That was, if Naruto's sudden silence and thoughtful look was any indication.

Naruto was stumped.

Well, sure, on a normal basis, he wouldn't decline an offer to go on a date with Sasuke. It was free food! Free food! And expensive free food at that, too.

Sasuke was the no-strings – or whatever the hell they called that – type of guy in Naruto's opinion. He wouldn't take any offense at all if Naruto turned up to still not be interested in him even after the date. None at all.

Or at least Naruto hoped that he was that sort of guy.

Eh, well, either way, right now, Naruto wouldn't want to go on a date with Sasuke. It just didn't seem rather right. It wasn't that Sasuke was a guy. That wasn't the problem at all. The problem was that Sasuke was Sasuke.

"I have a girlfriend!" Naruto exclaimed.

Gasps came from everyone watching the scene. He felt mildly irritated. Did it seem impossible for him to snag a girl?

"No, you don't," Sasuke calmly said. "You don't have a girlfriend."

"What?! Do you think that I don't have enough charms to actually get my own girlfriend?" Naruto asked, a bit enraged.

"I've yet to see you with an actual girl and I stalk you. I don't think that. Otherwise, why would I want you to go out with me?"

"Because you're a nutbar! And the stalking adds to that, too!"

"That would imply that you have no charms at all."

Naruto groaned.

"Stop turning this conversation around!" he said.

"I can't do what you said because I can't understand it at all," Sasuke said. "It's almost as if you never learned about language syntaxes."

"What do... syntaxes have to do with this?!"

"Nothing at all. I just wanted you to go out with me and you're the one complicating things."

"You're the one complicating things! You could've just not asked me out!"

"And deny myself of such an experience?"

"... You're just doing this for your sadistic kicks, aren't you?"

"No, I'm doing this to explore my heart."

Squeals and coos came from the hopeless romantics inside the crowd. Damn right they should be acting like that. Sasuke had studied the various romance literature that his house-sharing folk – composed of Itachi and his free-loading friends, and their godfather Kakashi – had just to get the right lines.

"Who the hell are you and what did you do with Sasuke?!" Naruto asked.

"You're just enjoying this, Naruto!" someone said from the crowd. Someone who suspiciously sounded a lot like Sai.

Naruto was so going to maul the guy later on. Definitely. Or else his name wasn't Uzumaki Naruto.

"It just won't work out, Sasuke," Naruto said in what he thought was a gentle voice.

"If you're talking about the expenses for this date, I'll gladly cover for them myself," Sasuke said. "If you're talking about the romantic relationship with you which I'm trying to pursue, then I'll make it work. Of course, given the fact that you yourself are also willing in making it work."

Inner Naruto's mouth watered. Free food.

Then Naruto mentally slapped himself. Free food was not a good enough incentive! He would remain strong in his decision. He was a stubborn mule like that.

He glared at Sasuke.

"Why can't you just understand that I don't want to go out with you!" he exclaimed. "I don't also want to have a relationship with you! Dammit, I'm not even attracted to you in the least bit!"

"You're not attracted to me?" Sasuke thoughtfully asked.

"Yes! I'm not! I'm attracted to... to people like Sakura-chan!"

"Hey! Hey! Don't get me into this!" a girl, presumably Sakura, shrieked. "I didn't know anything about this, Sasuke-kun! I'm actually rooting for your intentions!"

"You would prefer me to wear... skirts and dresses, then?" Sasuke asked. "I have never been fond of the idea, nor have I ever tried cross-dressing, but I'd be more than willing to if you said so."

"WHY ISN'T ANYONE CALLING THE LOONY BIN?!" Naruto asked.

"You look more insane right now in not wanting to get that wondrous piece of meat!" someone yelled from the crowd.

"That constantly seemingly dehydrated maniac is right!" Sai, the person Naruto seemed to love the most during that day, said.

Sai had a thing for giving people nicknames. Naruto should know. He'd been the focus of Sai's great name-giving skills for the most part.

"Look, kid, I just like water! I'm not dehydrated!" Suigetsu objected.

"Whatever, fish-breath," Sai said.

"Oh, why don't you two get a computer and write an OTP!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Apparently, Sasuke is mad for the fanfic geeks."

"Just 'cause the guy's pretty, ain't mean that he has good taste," Suigetsu muttered.

"Sasuke has good taste!" Naruto shouted, obviously hearing Suigetsu's remark. "And I'm not a fanfic geek, okay? I just like reading them... and occasionally making one."

"That's nice to hear, Naruto," Sasuke said, "now can you just go out with me so that we can all return to our schedules? We only have around fifteen minutes to get back to class. Morino-san is our teacher for the next class and he tends to go by his own clock and starts class five minutes earlier than the supposed time."

"But I don't want to go out with you! Don't you get it?!"

"Yes, yes, I do get that you don't want to go out with me. What I don't get is why exactly."

"Just because!"

"Hey, Naruto, I don't think that you've still copied Shika's homework!" someone yelled. "We have History in a few and you know that Mitarashi's already likes bullying you!"

Checkmate, Sasuke thought.

"Let's meet at that playground three houses away from yours at around seven in the evening. At Friday. Which is two days from now," he said. "I'll make sure that you won't forget it."

He started to walk towards his classroom.

"Hey, wait! I didn't agree to this!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Eventually you would," Sasuke said. "You're already being pressured by Inuzuka to hurry and copy Nara's History homework, which you conveniently forgot to do, so you would dismiss me by agreeing to my offer."

"Maybe I could've just left you here."

"I assure you, that would've never happened. Not with that attitude of yours. On Friday then."

Sasuke did not acknowledge any more complaints that came from Naruto that day.

The crowd began to go to their own classrooms. Soon enough, only two people were left. Naruto and Sai.

"You know, dickless, the legal age is fourteen," Sai said.

Naruto groaned. "I'm not an idiot, Sai. It's twenty."

"No, no, the legal age."

Naruto brightly blushed a few seconds after, obviously caught on to what Sai was really trying to tell him.

"Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm not doing that with him!" Naruto exclaimed.

"That's what they all say, Naruto," Sai said with one of those grins of his. "Have fun anyway!"

"Shut up, Sai!"

The end.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It would be much appreciated if you left comments since I'm pretty sure I must've messed up something up there. For real this time because I've mostly done this one during those hours after ten in the evening.

And now, some real note/s.

The age of consent in Japan, I've heard, is from thirteen to seventeen (and then onwards). And twenty's the age where they can usually vote and drive. Though, hey, if I'm wrong, feel free to tell me so that I can fix it.

Why fourteen instead of any other number from thirteen to seventeen? Well, er, I just saw it in some manga I'd been reading while I was making this. So, yes, it'd be safe to assume that it was partially written down on impulse.