DOOMSDAY

He stood at the console, waiting. He whispered her name, not having the ability to amplify his voice further. He was doing his best to hold back the tears, and his throat was swelling shut as a result. He kept saying her name, over and over, his mantra, the one thing keeping him standing, keeping him alive.

When she had let go of that lever, he had almost lost his mind. As she was sucked towards the void, he could feel his heart go with her, and the scream of agony was as much due to physical pain as it was emotional. But then, by some grace of Rassilon, Pete Tyler came in and saved the day, saved the woman whom he had rejected as his daughter. The Doctor could still see that final look on Rose's face, happy to be alive, but desperate to stay, knowing she couldn't.

He really shouldn't be thinking about it. It only made him more upset, yet it should make him happy. She was alive. She could have easily been swept into the void and stuck there for all of eternity. At least in a parallel universe there was some hope of getting back to her.

So that's what the Doctor did. He searched and searched and prayed for a crack, even the smallest crack to be left, something that he could use to attempt a return, to get her back. All he could find was a hole small enough to project himself, just a picture. He had laughed bitterly at that. He had opened his hearts to this woman, he had let her in to his entire being, and she was taken away from him. Now he could say goodbye but he couldn't even hold her or kiss her one last time. Damn the universe, he had thought on multiple occasions since the battle at Canary Wharf.

Finally she appeared. She looked around, desperate to see him. He aimed his sonic screwdriver, made himself visible, and waited for her to notice him.

"Rose," he breathed. He was determined not to fall apart in front of her. He needed to be strong because he knew she would break. She was so human that way.

She turned to him but did not immediately approach. "Where are you?" she asked.

"Inside the TARDIS," was his reply. "There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close." He paused for a moment before adding the next bit, "And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye." He couldn't resist showing off, but to say goodbye to Rose, he would go to any leaps and bounds. The Universe could spare a sun.

"You look like a ghost," she almost whimpered. He changed the setting on his sonic before aiming it at the console. He must have fixed the problem because she came closer and held her hand up near his face.

"I'm still just an image," he declared sadly. "No touch." The words broke both of his hearts.

"Can't you come through properly?"

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."

She never faltered. "So?"

Despite himself, he smiled. His Rose, his beloved pink and yellow human. He understood her desire. The only thing stopping him from doing as she asked was the knowledge that if he came through, she really would be gone. At least this way she would be able to go on and have a life.

"How long have we got?" she asked, choking on her words.

"About two minutes," was the reply. She nodded and tears began to fall down her perfect cheeks. He clenched his hands into fists to stop himself from reaching up to her face. If he attempted to touch her, if his hand just fell through her like she was nothing, then his resolve would break for sure. At least now he could pretend she was right in front of him. He could almost smell her perfume.

"I can't think of what to say," she chuckled slightly. He gave a small smile, finding himself in much the same state. He let his eyes trail away from her for a moment and realized that her parents and Mickey had made the journey as well.

"Jackie and Pete are making it work then," he spoke.

She nodded and chewed her bottom lip. She did that when she was nervous. He didn't fully understand why she should be, but her next sentence explained it all.

"Well there's five of us now," she spoke quietly. "Mum, dad, Mickey...and the baby."

His muscles tensed and he could feel his expression fall slowly. He wanted to smile, he so desperately wanted to convey some sort of happiness, some joy at the possibility that she would have a family, but he couldn't. "You're not...?"

She nodded, apparently she didn't want to hear him say it anymore than she had wanted to tell him. "About four months gone."

He could feel it, could feel the sprinkle of debris as his walls began to crumble. She was pregnant. With his child. He opened his mouth to say something, but had to remain silent to prevent the cry that threatened to escape. He bowed his head and brought a hand to his eyes, feeling the droplets that had started to collect. He let out a ragged breath.

"I went to hospital to confirm it," she said, trying her best to keep an even tone. "They let me hear the heartbeat. The doctor there said I'm having twins, but I didn't think so. I reckoned from the start that he's got two hearts."

Her words gave him pause, and the Doctor returned his hand to his side before finally finding his voice. "He?"

Again, she nodded. "Yeah, Pete found a doctor who can be trusted so I could go for a scan. Says it's a boy."

His reaction was instantaneous. The last of his walls disintegrated at his feet and it was all he could do to remain standing. Tears rushed down his face and he let out a strangled sob. He was going to be a father again. He was going to have a family with the woman he treasured above everything. Except they wouldn't be a family because he wouldn't be there. He had a chance to do it right this time, and he was still screwing everything up by being in the wrong universe.

She too lost the small grasp she had on her composure. Her eyes bled black as her mascara failed her. "Am I ever gonna see you again?"

The next words that fell from his lips almost killed him. "You can't." After they were spoken, her tears fell with more determination, and his own despair left him completely unable to breathe.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Rose, if I could, I would do anything to be there."

"I know," she whispered. "I love you, Doctor."

He sniffed loudly. "I love you too, Rose. So much. You'll always, always, be-"

"Yeah," she interrupted. "Same goes for me, eh?"

He sent her a pleading glance. "Tell him about me. Tell him why I couldn't be there."

"I will," she replied. "I promise."

"Tell him, Rose, please tell him how much I-"

And she disappeared from his sight forever.