Just popped in to my head.x
I stare at the man I am currently sharing a bed with. He is asleep but I am noy. I don't know if I've made the right choice, being with him. It scares me slightly, that he here. My heart aches for love. Not something you'd thought I'd say.
I get out the bed, trying not to wake him, and pad into the kitchen. I boil the kettle and prepare a mug of coffee. I sit at the table, nursing a cup, my head swirling with memories of things that happened oh so long ago. Yet, somehow, it still feels like yesterday. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, but they don't come, I cried myself out years ago. I miss far too many people far too much, that's what I told the man currently occupying my bed. But the truth I just want someone to hold me 'till I fall asleep. I'm not me anymore. Well of course I'm myself, but if you'd asked me to define myself in 5 words before I came to Holby they most probably would have been; Independent, Intimidating, Rude, Sarcastic and Spiky. Now it's more like; Intimidating, Closed off, Cold, and broken-hearted, that's what losing the people you love does to you. It breaks you to until there's nothing left and you're just a ghost of the person you once were. Lonely and alone. That's me it two words.
The man in my bed is doing a really good job of piecing my heart back together, but I know that there will always be shards missing, and not even he will be able to find them, because they are with the only person I trust. I still regret throwing it all away, I guess I will live with that grief for the rest of my life. Everyone is gone or leaving, well not everyone. Just everyone I associate with him. Him. How can I still think of him when I have brought another man to my bed? But somewhere deep inside of me, in a place I hide from everyone, I know I will love him for ever and ever. I hear my bedroom door open. Johnny must of woken up.
But the truth, the real truth, is that I, Jac Naylor, will be forever in love with Joseph Byrne. And nothing will stop that.
Hope it's good.x Charliex Please review or I'll think it's rubbishx