(Could You) Be Mine?

Part One

Santana was looking at me like I was absolutely crazy.

Her eyebrows were raised questioningly, her mouth was agape and her eyes were wide. I'd known before admitting to this-this-this odd confession that I'd probably give her a heart attack or something. So this was definitely good. She wasn't rolling on the floor and clutching her chest in pain or anything. She was just looking at me like I'd grown another head. I don't know exactly why I chose to tell Santana of all people about this, but I figured – if someone would be able to give me advise, it'd be her. Even if it'd be laced with profanities and mock as she tried to let the news settle in.

So this quietness? It was a positive thing! It's not everyday that you spring news like these to the girl you've been best friends with for a couple of years. As crazy as our friendship has been, she's always been there for me when it really mattered (except for when she found out I was pregnant, but I think that would have permanently damaged our friendship for good, had she tried to help me). I'd always been able to tell her about everything – this was no exception. Besides, she'd been going through something a lot similar to this just six months ago, and it had taken her forever to become comfortable with it. But now that senior year was starting tomorrow, it was a known fact. Santana Lopez was a lesbian. (And I think quite possibly maybe that... that Quinn Fabray was one, too).

"Please say something." I breathed and tucked a piece of my short hair behind my ear. I'd really grown to love it, it was becoming a part of this new me, this new person. I could thank Santana for that, too, it was her idea after all. Maybe we didn't often have these heart-to-hearts because they freaked us both out (emotions and things in that area? So not Santana's cup of tea, and definitely not mine either), but fashion and questions about sex and rants about stupid parents... that was especially Santana's forte, and I loved her for it.

I'd expected her to maybe – at this point – suck in a deep breath (I would have especially loved it if she'd gulped after air like a fish out of water), fall off her chair and spend several moments muttering beneath her breath before demanding I tell her how the fuck I figured that out over the course of the summer. So the fact that she broke into a full-blown belly-laugh? It very much threw me off guard.

I felt my eyes go wide and dropped my hands to hang limply by my sides, "What? What's so funny!" I hissed at her, "Why are you laughing!"

She was clutching her stomach and laughing so hard that she was – in fact – gasping for air. Her cheeks were tinted pink and she had tears of joy streaming from her eyes as she continued to laugh. I just glared at her – I don't know what else to do. What could I do? I'd just made the probably most important confession of my lifetime and she was laughing at me – to my face? She was the first person (besides myself) that I'd dared admit this to, and this was how she treated this precious information? Sometimes I did not understand Santana Lopez.

"I'm sorry, Q," she hiccuped and squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she tried to gain control of her breath, "that's – that's just-" and before she managed to complete her sentence she was laughing so hard again that she indeed slipped off her chair.

I angrily stomped my foot into the floor like a little child before I took one step closer and kicked her thigh. This caused her to stop laughing and she sat up, looking at me from her position on the floor. Her face was still red and she was smiling in a way she rarely did. This was fun to her, and I hated it. This wasn't supposed to be fun, this was supposed to be serious!

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Well?" I said to her, "Why are you laughing at me? I'm standing here, taking this incredibly important milestone in my life, deciding that you'll be the one I share it with, and you're just laughing at me?" I whined. My voice was positively reaching shrill, but at the moment I could not really care.

She brushed her cheek off with the back of her hand to remove leftover tears and smirked at me. "I'm sorry Q, but what do you want me to say?"

I shrugged. I hadn't really thought about what I wanted her to say. I'd just expected some kind of reaction a lot better than this, that was for sure. "I don't know!" I spat at her, "I was hoping maybe you could help me figure out what to do? You're a lesbian – it's not just something one admits out of the blue, and I'd like a respond to that! And you were in love with a girl who had a boyfriend! Now you're dating that girl... What – how? I mean! What do I do!"

Santana sighed heavily and pulled herself off the floor to reclaim the big comfortable chair in front of the fireplace. She crossed one leg above the other and bluntly said to me. "You want me to say that my gaydar wasn't going crazy whenever I was near you? That I hadn't figured out years ago that you were batting for the other team? Fuck Q! The entire incident with Puck and Drizzle practically labelled you as gay. Might as well have screamed it from the rooftops."

I fell into the big couch with a huff. My legs dangled from the side and I stared at the ceiling without responding. How did she get that to make sense? Her logic was all kinds of messed up, that was for sure. I tilted my head to the side and looked at her. "So you know I'm gay?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Everybody knows you're fucking gay."

Sitting up in the couch I stared her down. "No! Not everybody? Just you, right?"

"You're kind obvious, Quinn. I'm sorry, but you are." she added when I opened my mouth to object. "I think ever Mr. Schuester was catching on at one point. Especially when we were in New York."

I felt my eyes widen and stared into my lap for a second. How could they know when I didn't even know? I'd only just recently figured out why I was... why I'd always been the way I'd been. Why I wanted so many things, yet when I had them, I was never happy, even though it was like I'd always thought it would be, except it didn't make me feel certain things. I'd spent two weeks with some distant family member in California over the summer, and suddenly it'd all made sense to me. Why I did the things I did, and reacted the way I did.

I hadn't known – yet everybody else did? Oh shit! If everybody else knew, then did that mean that she knew? I hastily opened my mouth to voice my panic to the feisty Latina across from me, but she beat me to it.

"Relax, Q!" she said, and again she went ahead and chuckled at me, "Everybody knows you've got ladywood for Berry. Except for Berry... Oh, and Finnept, but he doesn't know anything, so that's no surprise."

For a second there it had felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest, but thankfully Santana managed to calm me down before disaster stroke. I don't know what I would have done if Rachel and Finn had known. I might have changed my name and moved to Alaska or something. It would have been too embarrassing to ever set foot in Glee again, that's for sure! I sighed and wetted my lips for a second, "Everybody really knows I like Rachel?"

Santana sighed again; I could tell that I was starting to annoy her, but I didn't care. I'd chosen her to help me with this, so she just had to pull through it, no matter if she had a say in it or not! "It's written all over your face, Quinn. I'm an expert on these things, but even Artie and Mercedes figured it out. You kinda stare a her – like a lot, alright? And whenever she does one tiny little thing, you scowl at her. Oh, and you glare at Finn, too. We were all very confused when you suddenly started dating him again – that kinda threw me for a loop, but then I figured it out... you were jealous of their relationship and whatever the fuck it is they share, and naturally your tiny little head thought that it was because you wanted Finn..." she barked out a sarcastic laugh, "Boy was it wrong!"

"That's actually right..." I flinched. And when she said it like that? It made me sound like a completely clueless moron. But I really had thought it was because of Finn... But then when I was finally with him and it didn't make me feel any better... I couldn't figure out where I went wrong. So when he broke up with me at that funeral for her... this fire just started going on inside of me and I was even more confused. I can't believe I didn't realise this a long time ago. God, I was so fucking stupid!

Santana's eyes softened a little bit as she drew her feet up beneath herself. She offered me a soft, supportive smile. "Hey Q..." she whispered, "It's not always easy for people to realise these things about themselves. I was buried in denial, but eventually it always comes out. It's only natural that you had no idea, considering the house you grew up in."

I offered her a soft smile too, because she was really making an effort, trying to make me feel better. And I really appreciated that. It mattered so much to me to have a friend like her at a time like this. I mean, when shit got real, who did I turn to? Santana – always Santana. This was probably going to be one of the moments I'd always remember... these things were important, weren't they? This was the moment I first admitted to someone (who wasn't myself) that I was a lesbian.

I'm not even going to begin to figure out how I ended up like this. Smart people say that gay people are born gay, it just takes different things to make them realise this. And perhaps I was born gay – I've never really enjoyed being with guys, they were always just there because that was the way it was supposed to be. Their kisses never did anything for me, and don't even get me started on the night that Puck knocked me up... I'm sure he's all that in bed like all the girls say, but I just didn't feel it. It's not even the part where I'm a lesbian that gets to me. It's the part where I'm … I'm very much into Rachel Berry.

How? I mean seriously, just – just how? She's loud and obnoxious. She's an annoying know-it-all (who actually knows it all). She's so incredibly talented that it bothers just about everyone. She dresses like a mix between my old grandmother in the nursing home and my cousin – she's five. It's just – there's no sensible explanation as to why I'm feeling this urge to just... grab her and kiss her all the time. And push her up against the piano to have my wicked way with her.

For the longest time I was in denial; these feelings and urges, I labelled them as hate; I called her names, picked on her, made sure to make her life hell, and yet she still... she still returned smiling every damn day, and I just don't get that. I just don't get why it had to be her. Out of all the girls in the school I could have my lesbian crush on it, it was her.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I groaned and rubbed the heels of my hands into my eyes. Despite all the things I just listed though... I couldn't help but get this strange thudding in my chest because she was so amazing. She's loud and obnoxious, but she's also kind with a wish to help people with all her efforts. She's so smart that it can be annoying, but it also kind of turns me on. And she's so incredibly talented that it bothers everyone because they're not that good, yet we can't really hate her for it, because if she didn't sing, the world would seriously be missing out. She does dress like a mix between my grandmother and my cousin, but her short skirts give me plenty of opportunities to ogle her legs and her animal sweaters are kind of adorable. I can't help myself – how can someone not see just how amazing Rachel Barbra Berry is?

She's incredible and I want to kiss her.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Santana whacked me in the stomach with a pillow from the chair. I gave out a yelp and forced myself to sit up and look at her. She was giving me this weird intense look, and I didn't know what to say. So I just stared at her right back and for about thirty seconds we were just looking at each other like two morons. Until I cracked. "What?" I said, arching an eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'ma tell you what." she said to me and readjusted herself in the chair a little bit so she was sitting up straighter, "You're all cool about being into the ladies now, right? You're not like... gonna take it all back and try to date a guy again, alright?"

I nodded. It was scary with this new part of my life, but I was ready to jump into it. It wasn't going to scream from the rooftops that I was gay (that'd be a bullshit move in Lima, Ohio), but I'd come to terms with it myself and that was something at least. I wasn't going to pull away from that.

Santana continued, "So what are you gonna do now?"

There was a pause, and I wasn't entirely sure what she meant. What was I going to do now? That didn't make any sense. I said, "What do you mean, what am I gonna do now?"

She rolled her eyes at me again (and what was up with that? I was not being that clueless!). "How are you gonna get Berry?"

I practically fell out of my chair. That was surprising. And what the hell was she thinking? I couldn't get Rachel? She was not mine to have, and she was definitely already involved in a relationship, so that was out of the question. However, that was also besides the point! I wasn't going to get Rachel, it was never going to happen. Even if she wasn't with Finn, Rachel would never want someone like me. Even if she wasn't straight, she'd not pick an All-American girl like myself. I'd been horrible to her, like I was generally horrible to a lot of people, and Rachel? She was the kindest person, who'd never treat anyone the way I'd treated people in the past. She was all about sunshine and rainbows and optimism, whereas I... I was entirely the opposite.

I glared a Santana, and softly said, "I'm not."

She raised an eyebrow at me me and shot me a curious look. "What? Why not?"

"Let's face it, she'd never want someone like me." I simply explained with a shrug of my shoulders.

Santana nodded to herself. "Huh..." she trailed off and kicked back in her chair with a sigh, "Well, that's surprising."

I was about to nod at her in agreement, when I paused. I'd just assumed she was going to agree with me about Rachel not wanting me (that's why I was nodding), but when her actual words managed to wedge themselves into my brain, I realised that was far from what she'd done. Now what she really said? That didn't make much sense to me. What the hell was so surprising? I threw the pillow back at her, "What? What's surprising, S?"

She gave me a serious look – my best friend since high school started gave me a look she usually didn't throw my way. We were never serious with each other, except for when throwing random insults. She gave me this look that told me I was crazy, that she didn't understand me right now, and that she was about to tell me so. "I always figured you as a girl who went after what she wanted." Santana said then, forcing me to look her in the eye, "When you first moved here and started high school with us, you became the youngest Head Cheerio ever, you were ruthless. You saw Finn and figured he'd do you good, so you went after him and made him your perfect boyfriend. You even nailed Puck and made him keep your secret for many weeks." she said, her eyes softening a little bit, even though it was clear to me that she was still serious, "You've always gotten everything you wanted, because you wanted it. Don't make a mistake with Berry and change that."

Staring at her, I let her words settle in. It was true. I did always work and work and work until I got what I wanted. It was the same thing that happened before I moved here, when... when I was still Lucy. I decided then that I was tired of it; that that part of my life had to be over. And when I realised that us moving gave me that opportunity, I worked my ass off to make it happen. It was what I wanted – to be popular, to be beautiful. And ever since then I'd done the same regarding every aspect of my life; school, Cheerios, love... even Glee. Mostly. It got me places. But I just wasn't sure it'd be the same this time around. "I'm surprised," I honestly told Santana then, "I figured you'd laugh at me and tell me that I was crazy for wanting Rachel. I certainly never expected for you to encourage me to get her."

"Honestly?" Santana replied as a teasing grin flickered across her face. "I want you to put all of us out of our misery! There's so much sexual tension between you and the dwarf that it's driving us all nuts! Everyone's going to buy you a damn cake if you get her to loosen up a little. Besides... it'd also make you happy." she paused when she realised what she was saying and quickly added, "But I never fucking said those words, alright?"

I grinned at her, "Sure you didn't."

"Shut up, Blondie." she added and swept her hair behind her shoulders.

"Bite me, Boobs McGee." I fired right back.

She chuckled, "You fucking wish."

I pretended to gag at her.

"Seriously though," Santana added as her grin faded a little bit, and the tension shifted slightly, "I think you should go after her."

My eyes wavered a little bit as I mused the idea over. Basically everything told me that I should not go after Rachel – it'd never end well. But there was also this other feeling inside of me that just wanted to throw caution to the wind and go for it. I wanted her. Sometimes, I've realised, I wanted her so badly that it made me hurt and ache just thinking about her with Finn, thinking about which steps they might've taken over the summer, which lines they might've crossed. I would absolutely die if we return to school tomorrow and I find out they've slept together. Absolutely die.

But could I really take that step with her? It seemed like there was no way she'd ever go for it with me – why would she, after all?

I swallowed loudly, "But... S, I don't really think she likes me... She's with Finn, and she's been wanting him for two years now."

Santana shook her head dismissively. "Nonsense! She wants you, Q."

Wriggling my nose, I couldn't get myself to believe her.

"Berry might think she wants, Finn... but they're no good for each other." Santana continued to explain to me, "Actually, they're bad for each other. They want completely different things, and no matter what Finn says now, he's going to get her to stay next year."

I felt my eyes go wide. "He can't do that!" I hissed, and I got angry with him, I really did. Rachel needed New York next year, and more importantly – New York needed her. "She has to go, it's the only way."

Santana chuckled, "I'm not saying I don't agree with you, but do you see me worked up over it? No friggin' way, it's just Berry." she paused, "But you on the other hand... you've got your panties in a twist over it." she barked out a laugh when I huffed at her, "You want her, Quinn, and really, you should have her. If things go well, you could go to New York together. It'd be good for you, too."

I decided not to comment on that, because the idea of me and Rachel in New York was something I'd mused a lot over during summer... I liked the thought of it, I really did. I'd actually decided that I wanted to apply for NYU, hopefully to study something interesting (I didn't know what yet). I refused to end up as a realtor here in Lima... I wanted out, and why wouldn't I go to New York? Maybe... maybe I'd run into Rachel someday when she was over leaving Finn in Lima, and I'd be able to get her. Yes. It was a strange fantasy, but you go figure.

Instead of letting Santana know all of these pathetic fantasies, I said, "But Rachel's straight." Which was, perhaps, more important than anything. You can't really get a straight girl to date another girl, can you? It'd prove to be difficult, if not impossible.

Santana snickered. "No she's not."

I glared at her. This was no time for jokes. Rachel was very straight. She'd only dated guys... she'd never even hinted wanting to be with another girl. She was straight straight straight!

"She's really not." Santana added, "I know this! Are you forgetting that I've been in Lima longer than you? She was totally dating this girl in middle school, for reals! They were totally gay for each other." she winked at me, "Besides, with the two Berry Daddies, it shouldn't be hard to figure that she'd be open to it, ya' know? She was, like, born hugging a rainbow. She'd totally date you, Quinn."

"She's with Finn!" I spat, because really... she might be right about Rachel (what did I know?), but she was still with someone else. And even if both Rachel and I had been prone to cheating in the past, I did not want to go there with her. She was worth more than that to me – and I wanted more than that with her. I wanted the entire package, for God's sake! It just wasn't that easy, and why couldn't Santana see that?

The feisty Latina cheerleader scoffed. "So?" she questioned sarcastically, "Make her not be with Finn, make her be with you!"

"Santana, for fuck's sake!" I exclaimed, growling and crossing my arms in front of my chest, "It's not just something I do. I can't just go up to her and tell her to dump him and be with me."

She laughed at me again and I was beginning to regret my decision about confiding in her. Why would I ever think that Santana was a good confidante – no matter what she'd been through herself? She was still giggling when she said, "That's not what I said."

I huffed again, "Then what did you mean?"

She shot me a mischievous smile, "You just need to win her over, Quinn.. just win her over! Finn's about the worst boyfriend in the world – you know, you dated him! - so it's not going to be difficult to show her that she has other options."

"He really does treat her horribly." I heard myself murmur, before I could stop it.

Santana hummed in agreement, "Mhmm, he sure does! So... because you're like my oldest friend who doesn't hate me... I'm gonna help you."

She was shooting me this smile that just told me she had plan. I don't know why I thought it'd be a good idea to accept her help, but... I gave a sigh of defeat and told her, "What's first?"

x

We were lurking around in the hallway because well – because we were lurking. It was, like, the only thing we could do. And stall, of course. But thankfully Brittany was there, and even though she had no clue what we were doing, she was always a good staller. Because she liked to talk, and she liked to linger around. Artie had totally scoffed at her and Santana when he wheeled past us earlier, but they didn't seem to notice, really, they were all in love and happy – and I wanted that, fuck I wanted that. And most importantly, I wanted that with Rachel...

...who was currently having that with a certain someone who was very tall and goofy. Finn. Urgh, just the thought of his name. Right now he was trying to trap her between her closed locker and his giant body, but Rachel kept trying to push him away. She wanted to get into her locker. I wanted her to get into her locker. The first part of our plan was in there.

I flipped through my locker in search of whatever book. I'd never been more thankful that her locker was just about four lockers from mine. I didn't really need any books though, we had PE first, but whatever. Santana was leaning against the row of lockers, and to her credit, she was actually watching out for Rachel and Finn instead of kissing Brittany. That was, like, huge when it was her. I think she really did want to help me with this.

"So why are we here right now?" Brittany suddenly said with a confused smile.

I absently replied to her, while I was watching Rachel and Finn out of the corner of my eye (she was trying to push him away again – why couldn't he take a hint? I was going to kick him, soon), "I just need a book, B."

Brittany sounded even more confused, "But we have PE now... Why would you need a book?" she hesitated for a second, before she made that sound – you know the sound that people make when they realise something? - and grinned, "Oh! Are we spying on Rachel and Finn? Are you finally going to date Rachel now, Quinn, are you?"

I gave Santana a panicked glare, "You told her!" I hissed. Sure, it was only Brittany, and I didn't mind her knowing, but she did have a tendency to talk a lot – and she couldn't keep a secret. It was not to be evil or anything, it was just Brittany.

Santana shook her head, "Nope." she said and clicked her tongue.

"San didn't have to tell me anything, you're being, like, super obvious about your lady crush on her, Quinn!" Brittany happily explained while she did a little dance, "Oh, I hope you can date her! You'll be a super cute couple, not hot like me and San, but just cute! Oh! We can double date!"

Santana's eyes went wide, but I didn't really focus on what she said next because Finn was finally shuffling off to class, dragging his feet, and Rachel took in a deep breath before she dialled the combination to her locker. I found myself holding my breath as she pulled the old door open and paused. I could hardly contain the grin that erupted on my face when she pulled the one long-stemmed red rose out of there with a soft expression. Her huge eyes were completely wide and there was a confused pout on her lips. She seemed touched.

I was happy that she liked the flower so much, and I hoped that it wouldn't matter to her that Santana and I had basically broken into her locker this morning with a nail file to put it there.

With a shaky hand, she turned to white card over, and I could see her pout fade into a wide smile when she read the words I'd written there yesterday.

You deserve someone who actually treats you well. I'm hoping that can be me.

It was pretty evident with those words that the rose was not from Finn, and she didn't seem to find that offensive at all. Maybe they were having troubles again? After all, it wouldn't be surprising, they always had troubles. She seemed happy though, she gently lifted the flower to her nose to smell it, and I felt my heart swell. She grabbed her books and closed her locker, and I knew I had to do something right now. I smacked mine close too and quickly brushed pass Santana and Brittany. I came up right behind her as she turned and we practically bumped right into each other.

Her eyes were wide when she whispered, "I'm sorry Quinn! I was consumed in my own thoughts, I didn't mean to bump into you like that!"

I offered her a soft smile, "It's okay, don't worry about it."

She gave me a confused look (probably because I was so kind to her), and her eyes wavered to my new 'hair' before they went wide and started shimmering slightly. "You dyed your hair pink?"

I shrugged, "I thought it was time for a change..." I trailed off and gave her a kind smile, "New year, new me, you know?"

She smiled widely at me, "Yes, I do know." she said and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear, "I've contemplated making certain... changes myself."

Wanting so badly to hear which changes she wanted to make, I had to bite my lip hard to keep myself from asking. It wasn't my place to ask something like that, but... I wanted to know! Instead I shot her a nervous smile, "So... I guess, I'll see you in Glee?"

Her usual mega-watt show-smile came upon her face then, and she eagerly nodded, "Yes, you most certainly will! We'll have to work hard from the very start, so we'll cruise through Sectionals and not tie-" she said this with venom lacing her every word, "-like we did last year."

I decided not to be insulted that she hinted that my performance with Sam was the cause of the tie, and decided to just be positive about the fact that she cared so much. I stuck my hands into the pockets in my dress and said, "Well, we have Kurt now, so it should be no problem."

Rachel nodded in agreement, "Yes! Kurt definitely does give us an edge, there's no one else quite like him out there."

My cheeks tinged slightly pink when I continued, "Well, we have you, too, so you're gonna make it easy for us. We'll win, for sure."

"Thank you, Quinn!" she said, and she sounded very surprised that I'd even say such words to her. Well, of course she'd be surprised, I'd never really been nice to her before. She smiled brightly at me and her eyes were shimmering beautifully. I didn't really know what to say, I guess I was just gaping at her like some stupid moron. Thus came the awkward silence and Rachel just kept smiling at me.

I opened my mouth to say something absolutely brilliant to her, maybe, perhaps, hint that that rose was from me, but... nothing came out of my mouth. You're such a moron, Quinn Fabray!

Rachel clasped her mouth shut, "Weelll..." she said, "I better get to class, I have French now."

"I uhm, I have PE, so yeah..." I said to her, and we shared another awkward moment, before she brushed pass me and practically skipped down the hallway.

I couldn't help it – I turned to watch her go, and as I did so, my eye caught Santana's and she gave me an oddly supportive smile, and I couldn't help it – I gave her one right back. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard, trying to woo Rachel Berry? It seemed like I'd gotten off to a good start so far and it was only the morning of the very first day.

Perhaps it wouldn't be too long before I got to hold her hand and call her mine.

Yes I'm back, and it's certainly been a while! I've got a bit more time on my hands now, but work has been crazy lately. I'm working on a longer Faberry as well, but there's a lot of details I need to get figured out before I can really start writing, so I decided to make a short story... it'll probably be three or four parts, but I hope you'll like it just the same :) There's nothing big and dramatic about it, basically just romance ;)

Anyways! Please tell me what you thought – I'd like to know if you're interested in reading more :)

Disclaimer; I don't own Glee, and the title to this story is from a song called Could You Be Mine by Julie Berthelsen.