My Dearest Wynter,
I tried to be all that you need
Tried not ever let you down
I would give anything to be the man you need. Anything in this world. If I could be the one to bring a smile to your face, the one you wait for in the night, the one who showers you in the adoring affection you so deserve, I would be. But I cannot. I'm not the man you thought me to be, and I can't be that man. A slave...a slave would never love you the way you deserve.
Still I can see it in your eyes
Not good enough
The look of disappointment in your eyes breaks my heart, what little of it is left. Oh Hawke if only you knew how so very badly I wished to wipe that expression from your face. A face like yours, so beautiful and full of life, should never be crowded with sorrow and pain. And knowing I put it there...it would be better for us both if I died perhaps.
This time I believed that I really could change
I gave it all
I tried. Oh, I tried so hard. I wanted to change, I wanted to wake up anew, to a life of bliss with you. The shackles of my former life forgotten, the pain and the anger gone from my heart. I wanted to forget it all, I wanted to forget everything again and only know you. If I only knew you my life would never know pain again. I tried. I failed
This time you really had my everything
I guess I was wrong
A slave, I'd never bared my heart to anyone, not my body, not my soul, but that night I gave you everything. I gave it to you freely because you yourself held nothing back. I wanted you to have it, to keep it. Everything I am, it belongs to you Hawke. I want you to have it.
What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
I'm not made for love. I'm a battle-hardened warrior. I'm scarred and flawed and broken. I'm what the mage says: a beast. A wild dog, hurting and attacking everything until it no longer recognises friend from foe. This is what I am. An ex-slave, tainted by magic, twisted by hatred, unworthy and unfit.
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
You are the dearest thing in my life, you are more important to me than anything in this world. I can never hope to be the man you deserve. I don't deserve your compassion, your love, your kindness. I deserve to be banished to the furthers corners of Thedas. Vanhedis.
Without you I am crying
With you I am just hurting you
I can't bring myself to leave your presence. You call to me, with your beautiful eyes and your loving voice, I'm unable to pull away from you. I love you. With the deepest sincerity of my heart, shrivelled as it is. But I can see what others many not. You're bleeding. You're hurting. You might smile but you're crying. I'm hurting you just by being here. I've broken you. I never meant to, never wanted to, I tried everything to avoid it, but all the same, you pulled me in faster than I could pull away.
I always end up hurting you
My adore, my beloved, my life, my heart. I am truly sorry. I will save you from myself. I swear this. You will no doubt hate me for doing this, but it must be done. Your love is too pure for me, mine too battered to be given to you. I will never be worthy of you, and for this I am so sorry. For the sake of you, I must put this to right.
Forgive me.