Vector's Despondency ( A.K.A Or I shouldn't have watched GOF during that time of the month)
Septima Vector discovers that Snape must re-enter the Dark Lord's service.
Cedric Diggory's parents had been administered sleeping draughts and Professor Vector rubbed a hand over her eyes trying to block out the vision of their poor child as she ascended the stairwell to Dumbledore's office. Her legs felt like lead, yet she need not move, as the stairwell spiraled up and up to the Headmaster's office.
When she got to the anteroom to his office, she saw that Professors McGonagall and Sinistra were there and that the door to Dumbledore's office was shut. Crouch and Fudge most likely had left or the two women, who were no fans of theirs, would have hinted somehow.
"What is going on?" she asked nervously. "Who is in with the headmaster?"
"Severus is…discussing a few, er, developments with Professor Dumbledore," offered Minerva quietly.
Septima didn't like the eerie calm of her voice; it sounded manufactured.
"Well, what are they discussing? What will they do now that You-know-who has returned?" asked Septima with concern, her voice quivered, and a chill went through her.
McGonagall took a deep breath, looked over at Aurora and then answered with difficulty.
"Severus Snape has been summoned by the, er, through that mark on his arm. He sort of knew he would have to, if You-Know-Who…ever…. It started glowing even before Harry Potter returned with poor Cedric Diggory. He will have to go to him immediately and rejoin his ranks," breathed McGonagall.
"It is hours after they assembled. What can he possibly tell them?" asked Aurora with a mixture of sadness, disbelief; shocked to her core. It was a sure death sentence. He was walking to a very painful, prolonged death. It made her sick to think on it.
"NOOOOOOOOOO! Oh…Merlin, no!" The sobbing was uncontrollable just outside Dumbledore's office.
Minerva and Aurora's heads swung around at the unexpected outburst.
Minerva looked goggle-eyed at Professor Vector who collapsed into an over-stuffed chair. Sinistra, who was now next to her, had Septima's head cradled in her lap and was stroking her dark hair.
Septima lifted her head and sat up rigid, taking big gulps of air as if she couldn't breathe, as if something was stuck in her chest and she couldn't get it out.
"Oh, my, oh, my dear….he…I never knew you cared about him so. I always suspected he did greatly for you but…" McGonagall stopped herself, "Oh, Septima, you have to stop. They will be coming out soon and he has no idea at all, I'm sure. My dear, it may just be too much for him tonight." Minerva had tears in her own eyes as well.
"And Mia, he has to leave…he has to," admonished Aurora.
She was hyperventilating, the great sobs coming swiftly and stifling her speech when she attempted several times to speak. She choked on her tears.
Sinistra, who moved from her seat next to Septima, got up and faced her. She loved her best friend so, but knew she had to do this. She never wished to be harsh, but she was very nervous herself about what would happen once Snape and the Headmaster came back through the door, if Mia didn't pull herself together. She had figured she had a crush on him perhaps, but saw now that she had greatly, gravely misjudged, and felt like a complete, insensitive dolt now for her earlier comments. Merlin, how Septima must have hidden this from her, if she had ever realized the extent to herself!
"Professor, do you think you could fetch Mia some tea?" asked Aurora.
"Yes, of course, please, Septima, compose yourself, it will disturb him," Minerva pleaded, choking back her own tears that were rising.
Aurora didn't wish for tea. She would do everything in her power later to help Mia feel better. She only wished for McGonagall not to see her bawl Mia out…in desperation. It would help herself also to be strong and not cry as well. Mia looked pitiful in her present state. It was hard to look at her. She might be in shock.
If the two of them had stopped their teenage nonsense years ago, they could have spent more time together perhaps. She felt like a moron for having that thought, knowing it was never that easy, but her mind was racing. Aurora knew that he had always picked on her as well, because she was best friends with her, and she had always suspected his fascination with Mia. Septima was not afraid of him, he couldn't bully her, his sarcasm and dry, venomous wit was no match for Mia's biting, forthright one-liners back. She always called him out on his nonsense and was honest with him. No use to dwell on it now… but academically, he was as wise as Dumbledore. Emotionally, he could be the equivalent of a fifth year. He must have basked in it, come to think of it. It made sense now.
"You have got to stop now, Septima," she said through her teeth, barely in control of the roller coaster of emotions sweeping through her. She felt utterly helpless and very, very sorry for the both of them.
Mia looked up at her abruptly with red, tear-stained eyes at the stern voice. She wasn't used to it. She had always been a bit tougher than Aurora.
"But don't you under—stand? They will kill him. How much luck or skill can one person have?" Septima rambled on morosely, wild-eyed.
"He's been doing this for years," she tried to sound casual. "Do you want him to hear you?"
"Yes, but not in his presence….and no…I don't…want him… to hear." The whimpering cries and mewing sound as Septima tried to compose herself stabbed Aurora in the heart. She pressed on for her friend and for Snape.
"Merlin, I should fetch some blood lollipops…..you are as pale as a vampire, maybe Severus was right. You think he has some in his office next to his dried lady bugs? Perhaps near those ghastly jars with Merlin-knows-what floating in them?"
Septima smiled through her tears and sniffled. "I know now he was just being funny, well, in his odd way," she still appeared grim. "And whatever that rubbish is, he uses them…not sure for what though."
"Yes, because he cared deeply and was so afraid you would find out. I think we all suspected now that I think about it," she said softly, not caring if Snape hexed her if he should happen to hear.
"But how come nobody told me?" She sniffled and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief Aurora had just given her.
"I don't know, Mia. I'm still not sure, but I just know he does. And it always remained in his power alone to do something about it. I'm sure he had his reasons…many reasons."
"What does it matter now? They will kill him! Volde…"
"Don't say his name. Not now… that he has…And anyway, look at you being so positive!" She tried humor on her friend once more.
"I can't," Septima screeched, "I'm too afraid to be, of what may happen if I am."
"Well, that attitude…Mia, it quite frankly, needs to be sacked. He would never act like that and you know that. He'd…why he would laugh at you. You should have seen him when Dumbledore told him what he had to do. He said nothing, never broke his composure, and coolly walked right into the office before you came and CALMLY, I might add, with the devilish smirk on his face."
"Because he is brilliant…so brave…nothing intimidates him. Ever. It's utterly amazing and dumbfounding…at the same time…"
She started to cry harder again.
"Mia, I will drag you out of here. Forget the tea, I will tell Minerva to tell the elves to bring it to my room. We can talk and wait until he comes back," Aurora was getting nervous now, nothing was working.
"No, I want to stay here."
"Not like this…you will upset him!"
Septima was pensive for a few seconds. She thought about him being upset and thinking it might compromise his already precarious position if his ever-smooth outlook was rattled, she rallied.
"You're..you are right,"she sniffled. "I…I can't see him like this. I can't… knowing where he has to go. Let's leave, please, Aurora…I know the look, the-what-the-hell-is-this-all-about-Vector. And then he will glare at me and quite possibly sneer, too. Let's go."
The heavy door to the office opened. The robes of Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape swept out of the office.
"As a matter of fact..."Snape started silkily, "what the hell is all of this about, Vec..."he froze mid-way through addressing her. His long, thin face grew pale.
"What is the matter? We heard…oh, my dear Miss Vector, sweet girl. We thought it was Harry... perhaps the Diggorys had awakened…have you been crying, my dear?"
Aurora couldn't believe the Headmaster's lack of tact…either that or he wanted to draw attention to it. He was always one for melodrama, er, at times.
He-perhaps he thought it would help Severus?
Snape turned from the headmaster to look at her. He was deathly silent and the black eyes remained cold and calculating. She was no longer crying, but her face displayed every bit of evidence that she had been, and quite hard, too.
His mouth opened slightly and he stared piercingly at her, questioning, assessing the situation, and his eyes widened, not believing it, and then he looked into her eyes and his face slackened a little bit. Aurora thought he looked pale for a moment.
And then something, something flickered…behind the eyes…and she knew. He did care…it bothered him.
And as for Severus Snape, deep within, every mistake he made when he joined the Death Eaters hit him with such force, because it hurt her now. He'd dealt with it for many years, but for someone else, it tore into him newly fresh.
Septima, thoroughly embarrassed and unable to believe that the damned door opened right when she was about to leave, felt so guilty that the two men who had such burdens to carry had to see her like this. She felt as if she was contributing to the burden.
Her legs wouldn't allow her support due to her nerves taking over, and she sat back down. Aurora put an arm around her to try to help her up. Maybe he would continue to stand there dumbstruck and she could get Mia out of there quickly. Septima just looked down at the floor, frozen, her mortification complete.
She had probably always cared for him, but it had to take this for it to burst forth from her, and she cursed how much time she had wasted. She was just as confused as the befuddled people looking at her with sympathy, which now pissed her off slightly and made her even more embarrassed. Images of the countless times he had tried to drive her insane flashed in her mind, and now it seemed so petty.
Well, Dumbledore was not incredulous. He understood more than anyone there could possibly imagine. He had always hoped she would come around. Snape, he knew about from day one, from his own observations and not at all from the man himself. Severus would rather die than talk about it.
He had watched their interactions, especially Snape. He had some sort of reaction to everything she did in his expressions, which meant, really, his eyes, a warm glimmer for nobody else but this young woman. The most telling, calculated affectations when he was around her that tried so hard to convince that he didn't care one bit, which were exactly the opposite of what he actually felt for her. Pretending he was looking elsewhere when he was paying very close attention to everything she did and said. Hyper-attentive, one could say, like a second nature, most unnerving if one didn't know Severus Snape as he did.
Severus had promised him, should the opportunity ever present itself, he would do it. Perhaps all would go well. One could only hope. He had known years ago when he still wasn't sure he could trust Snape completely, because no human being was exactly predictable, that this girl would save them all. Severus would risk nothing that would hurt her. He would never again return to their ranks as he had been.
Snape slowly walked over to where she was sitting and knelt down so he was eye level to her, his black robes spreading about before them on the floor.
He pushed her chin up with the knuckle of a single finger so she would look at him squarely in his eyes, his face softening slightly, but the determination in his eyes never wavering.
"Now…I have even more incentive to come back safely," his voice was low and soft. He moved his lips near her ear, so no one else could hear.
"I will see you when I return. I can't begin to guess how long I will be gone, but please wait up for me." His black eyebrows went up as if to ask her if she understood him.
She pushed strands of hair off of her wet eyes that blocked her vision, and nodded repeatedly with lowered eyes, but she glanced up quickly to steal a quick look at him, before looking down once more.
He shifted back on his knee and reached forward and slowly pressed his lips against the part in her shiny, dark hair. He wanted to do more, but he had to leave and he had mere minutes to remove this exchange from his mind and organize his thoughts once again before facing Voldemort after 13 years. If anything happened to him…if he was declared a traitor…they may seek out that which he cared the most for, namely her. Bellatrix Lestrange would surely revel in it. The maniac sought out families and loved ones for revenge, it was her twisted trademark, and he knew this.
He rose and didn't look back at her. He was afraid of what would happen if he did, and he didn't want to see her face like that again, distressed, puffy-eyed, but beautiful still. He wouldn't be able to stand it if she cried or even worse, she called him back to her.
He looked at Sinistra willing her to stay with Septima until he returned. "I do love her, you know," he mouthed. His face was unreadable, with no emotion, only in the words. She knew she had better not say anything….unless he never returned and all he had learned over the years couldn't successfully fool the Dark Lord.
She was as level-headed as she could be up to this point. It was now her turn for the tears to well up.
He turned on his heel, swept out of the office, his robes rippling past McGonagall as they passed each other.
Minerva, who was returning with a tray, couldn't believe the reserve and collectiveness that was on his face when he left. It gave her hope that he would be all right. She had taught him and later worked with him. He was brilliant and it would have to be enough.
He reached the outdoors near the grounds. He would fly there as they all did in days past. As they supposedly did as they reunited with the Dark Lord hours ago. Which Lucius, most likely checking up on him, had communicated with pride for their side and new confidence, because the Dark Lord was not angry with him or his family. He reached for his wand, recalled his Death Eater mask from the place it was "evanescoed" and fled. He held on to it in case he ever needed it again, like tonight. It was not an article one left out in one's rooms or for that matter, thrown carelessly out and into a dustbin.
Snape smirked as he marveled at his grave misfortune as he walked faster. The best thing that would probably ever happen in his life happened on the eve of his possible demise. The irony wasn't lost on him as he sighed, pulled up his shoulders, and spun, his dark robes twirling with him.
The black smoke rose up fast, and higher and higher into the night air. The noise it made was frightening.
Now, how did he convince the Dark Lord that it was in his best interest to remain at Hogwarts for a few hours more? That he was still his most loyal, his most faithful servant?