"'lo?" Steven. Barely awake.
"Steven."
"Brendan?" Silence. "What do you want?"
What do you want?
More silence. That's what you want.
"Brendan?"
"…"
"I'm hanging up."
"Wait." You're good with the silence but terrible with your words. Steven is so much better with words but what you want is something else.
"Is something wrong? Is it Cheryl?"
"No, it's…" It's you. It's always you, isn't it? That's the problem. "Can you just…"
"Can I just what? It's 3 the morning."
"Can you just be there?" You're getting loud. You're tired of being loud. "I just… I need you to be there, alright? Just… be there."
"Brendan, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm…" You want to lie but you can't. You're tired of lying. "Just be…" Your words fail.
"I'm here."
Fuck that kid. Why can't you quite him?
Because you need him.
Because you need his silence in your ear, in your mind.
Because you him to be quiet when you scream on the inside.
Because you need his breath in your lungs.
Because you need his life in your hollow death.
Because you need his light in your darkness.
Because if he isn't, what else is there?