The White.
It brought many things to mind. Cleanliness, a new start, or in the case of Agent Carolina, it brought two things to mind. The freezing cold cliffs of Sidewinder, whose constant snow had covered most of the tracks of years past. Hiding the violent memories of deaths, of stolen minds, of crashed ships and importantly, the resting place of the second White.
Agent Maine. Maine. The memories rose up, welling. White memories turned to red, of the flame AI that had turned Maine to.. the Big Guy. That's how Carolina had made the Meta in her mind, the man.. creature who's helmet she held in her left hand. The one in the right would come later. Right now though, it was about confronting Maine. It was.. what Epsilon would want. She had been trying to cope with his passing since fighting and defeating Hargrove, since he had turn the odds and saved the Reds and Blues..
But, just like Maine, he was gone. Carolina's right hand dropped the spare broken helmet to the ground, letting the black hit the white. Epsilon and the other would have to wait. Carolina lifted the left, staring across the helmet she had taken from Tucker. Was it actually Maine's? The Freelancer didn't know, but it would do. She had to confront it. Come to peace with the memories, the good and the bad.
"I suppose, Maine.. we should start at the start." She softly mused, moving her right hand to lift her helmet off, stripping light blue away to reveal green eyes and red hair, reflected in the visor. Like she was looking at the big guy's head. "We should start with how we met. It wasn't like York. We didn't have history before the Project." She reflected, Carolina's eyes twinkling. There was nobody around. Nobody to hear her talk, but.. she needed to do this. For all the time shoving it aside, with the Reds and Blues gone into isolation, she NEEDED to do this. Or it would follow Carolina forever.
"Nobody wanted to talk to each other it felt like. York and I were lucky. South and North were barely handling each other. CT wasn't having anything, Wash trying his luck.." Carolina remembered, the scene in the classroom. Grown adults locked in a room, barely talking to each other, all dressed in what looked like military uniform surplus. "And he tried striking up with the bear of a man who hadn't shared his code name yet."
Carolina's amused smile as she remembered the reaction. A simple hello was greeted by a growl, almost menacingly and Wash had stumbled back and.. "Crash, bang. He managed to fall right over the table and at CT's feet. Whilst she was putting her feet on him, you were folding your arms across your chest. Shrugging. I think that's when I first realized you weren't growling. You were speaking. A sorry. You'd just made Washington fall over a desk onto his ass, and all you did was shrug, say sorry.. I don't know why, it made me laugh. Seemed to catch your eye and you came over. Said one word to me and that was the start. Maine." She had been.. a little concerned when he came over. After all, he was a giant of a skin headed man, and Carolina was a rabbit compared to that.
"Some reason, nobody else really seemed to warm up to you at first. Wonder if it's because you never stopped growling at people and it took them a while for them to figure it out." Carolina laughed. This was getting easier, each line she spoke, memories came back. The good ones that had been lost to the nightmare. "Of course, well.. nobody wanted to spar with you either. I was shocked to learn that trained soldiers didn't want to spar with a fellow. Course, everyone was worried you were going to break them in half." Carolina could remember South deflecting, York just shaking his head and laughing, Wash holding his hands up.. All in that circular room.
Carolina had stepped up. A challenge for both of them. Maine was strong and tough, Carolina was probably the quickest foe Maine had ever fought.. "So it was us then. Boy, did we make trouble for each other. You had trouble catching me, and I got hit harder than a truck at times. But neither of us quit. Sure, you broke my nose, and sure, I broke a few fingers of yours, but neither of us gave up." The right hand of Carolina reached down, to haul up some snow and crumple it between her fingers. Trying to match the sound of breaking fingers as the white substance clung to the teal fingers and palm of Carolina. Such beauty conjuring up such violent memories.
"They had to stop us. We'd probably would have ended up a lot worse.." The memories of the Director, striding into the room, demanding in the way he did that they should stop. They had been taught a valuable lesson. To trust your fellow agent when sparring. Carolina already had learned to trust Maine and it seemed the others had as well. Chuckling at that, Carolina threw the remaining snow in her hand up in the air and letting it sprinkle down, blanket across the red hair. White and red.
"After that, well. Best friends. You never really liked to talk, but.." Carolina turned the helmet around, facing the back of it. Like it was hard to admit to the 'face' what was coming next. "You made it easier for me. That there was someone else who wasn't too sure about their place, or if they could fit with everyone else. You're the reason I felt strong enough to push the way I did. To make myself the best. We were such the team, too. Those simulation troopers never stood a chance. Especially those at the High Ground Simulation.."
It had been easy. They had come in for the first test there, before Alabama's passing. It was a simple 'test the entry ways job'. And by that, Carolina had gone in the quick, stealthy way. Blending in, climbing the wall, leaving a few choice doors open here and there, before getting to the center of the base. Maine.. well. One destroyed bunker wall, several broken Sim Troopers.. and a successful mission. "You absolutely seemed determined to outdo me completely in your own way, and at the end of it, you just shrugged, growled and gave a thumbs up. Like it was nothing.."
This time, Carolina moved her right hand, pushing it down into the white snow, sinking her palm and her fingers completely in, burying her hand in the white. The armor plated gauntlet did the job, keeping the thermal heat in but she didn't care. It wasn't the cold she wanted. Moving her hand side to side, a slow repeated motion. Making a hole, wider and wider. "You were never the best of us. You got too angry, but you never endangered the mission. You just.. made a few messes." She mused so softly as she kept making the hole. This was all the motion she made, all she could do but remember. "Messes that were more of the corpses, not alarms. Not like South. Not like... CT." That bitter memory rose but Carolina squashed it. She would get to that. Eventually.
"Then, everything started to move. You got angrier. More violent. Even before Sigma, the project was taking a toll on all of us. I got.. determined. South got aggressive in a desire to move out of her brother's shadow. North got too protective. It seemed to all be playing against us, and against you. I suppose that's why the Director found you and Wyoming near perfect to practice against.. her. And to even trust you with live rounds." Carolina murmured, finally confronting it all. What the Project had done to not just her, but to everyone, to her friends. "Which lead to York getting injured. Which.. well."
Memories flooded up. The heist. Two teams. "You screamed when I shoved you out the window. You were such a baby. Pretty sure you cut up a lot of the guards down there whilst we.. completed the extraction." Defeating the flame man once, getting to the roof, then jumping off.. "Never knew how you timed it but you saved me and York. We got the briefcase." The chase on the highway. Fighting Hornets, jetpack soldiers, all the while trying to keep hold of the briefcase. "Fighting like usual, together, back to back. We had the chemistry to switch. We understood it all. I wasn't sure what happened but I turned and.." Shots. Bullets ripping the throat flesh.
"I don't know how you survived. I don't know how you got up. I don't even know how you got aid, but you did. You were the toughest person I've seen." Carolina groaned out a little bit, the echoes of the shots ringing in her ears. It was one of two noises she could always remember. It haunted her dreams. "Agent Maine survived. But it was the start of the end. I sacrificed my AI for you. Sigma should've been mine. You ever think of that?" Carolina left the question open ended, but there was only one meaning to it.
Sigma should've been Carolina's. "Would of it gone the same way? He preyed on your broken anger at being so crippled. He was creative, like that. He.. would of preyed on my desire to be number one. Would of pushed.." She murmured softly, and the brief flash of.. dead freelancers. Killed by her own, by the Meta's hand. South. North. York, Wash... They sickened her. The idea had been haunting her dreams, the guilt of the fact it should've been her. Carolina should of been under Sigma's control, for the power, to become the best Freelancer, to be top of the leaderboard, Sigma whispering into her ear. "What would've happened? We couldn't see it happening to you, Sigma became your mouth and everyone rather didn't know what was happening in your head. You were fine, to us... I should've seen it." Carolina spoke, her voice quick, panic and fear building. it was getting closer and closer. The big guy. The nightmare. The one that had followed her through her life since being dropped off the cliffs..
"But I was too focused on HER. I was too focused on trying to beat her, I was so misguided and then the twins.. that must of put me on Sigma's map. I never understood what he was trying to do. Metastability. To become.. human? Alive?" Carolina's brow furrowed. "But he used you. Twisted you into his tool and.. you died that day on the cliffs. When the Mother of Invention crashed. You had the chance to come back and Sigma won. Tore the twins from me and.."
Carolina fell silent. She could hear a sharp "NO!" in her memories. The feeling of falling, clawing at the air, nothing she could do as she fell to the icy depths below. Carolina shook her head, trying to clear her memories, unaware of how her fingers had curled into a fist. She was not leaving it unfinished. She had gone through all of her memories with Maine and now.. she had to confront this. "I don't blame you. I'm sure he spoke of power, I'm sure he sold it the right way. The way that got you to agree. I blame myself, I.. should of stopped being so driven. I should've noticed what was affecting you, Maine. I should of been there." The guilt came away. At long last, Carolina had admitted it and now guilt melted like heat to ice, flooding her with relief.
"You're gone now, Maine. I lay you to rest." Carolina spoke, pressing the helmet down into the hole of the snow, leaving the fishbowl glaring up at her. "I miss you, yes, but you've haunted my sleep. I need to put you to rest. I need you gone." Carolina moved her right hand, brushing against the very tip of the helmet. It felt right, to lay him on these cliffs, on where he had died not once, but twice. Where he had nearly killed Carolina. "Goodbye."
The Black.
It was the opposite of the white. It only had one connotation to Carolina. It only had one meaning, one group of memories.
Agent Texas.
Her hand moved behind her, grasping Tex's helmet, the one that Hargrove had taken. It wasn't the Tex that Carolina had known, but it worked. This was about laying her demons to rest, and Texas was the last. The last one that truly haunted her. Unlike Maine, there was no positive memories for Tex. There was no easy way to start. It was the pit of hate, jealous of anger. She had to fight it down. Talk. This would be shorter. Easier.
"I hated you, Tex." Carolina started, staring at the gaping hole in the visor. Staring at the empty electronics inside, staring at the nothingness inside. It was not like Maine's helmet, perfectly sculptured and save. No, Tex was much like the Alpha. Like Epsilon. Shattered, broken, and now gone. "You were perfect. You came in, took the top of the leaderboard. Took everything I'd been working for and you never tried to make an effort to work with us."
The thumb dragged white snow along the bottom of the sharp visor wound, almost thoughtfully. "But, I suppose, you felt like you never fit in. You weren't.. human when you came in. We were already a group, you were late and even then, who was going to welcome you? Wyoming and Maine tried to kill you, York lost his eye against you, South and CT didn't trust anyone. North wasn't exactly open to talking to strangers at time. Wash? It's Wash. It would've been an awkward joke." Carolina laughed a little, pressing her thumb firm on the jagged edge. Testing it a little bit. "You beating me to the top of the Leaderboard forced me to push myself beyond all belief.. and what? We had one fight. One."
The pain flaring up. The suplex on the glass, the crash onto the planet and ending up onto these cliffs. "And you made sure I knew my lesson. I was never better. I doubt I ever could be, now, but.." Carolina's face shifted, almost to one of sorrow. "I learned, Tex. You checked up on me after the.. AI had been implanted in me and gone haywire. Even put me out to help. I also remember you screaming 'NO!' as I fell."
She sighed, moving her hand away from the helmet and making another hole. Slowly moving snow around. "I always villainized you. You were motivation, you were the drive to be better, and I never even tried to get to know you." Carolina's voice had such a mixture, hate and disappointment mixed in. "You and I should of been something, together. Driven, similar goals.. in the end though, it's ended up like this."
The snow flurry picked up. A storm was coming in and Carolina didn't fancy being caught in it. "So I'm sorry, Tex. I'm sorry it ended up like this." That was it. There was no goodbye, instead simply placing the shattered visage of Agent Texas in the snow hole, to the side of Agent Maine's. Two helmets, once perfectly made, the other broken. Easing herself to her feet, the freelancer put her own helmet back on, turning. Footsteps soon covered by the white.
The dark night would come. And helmets and footprints would be gone, buried under the sand.
The White. The Black.
Gone.