Disclaimer: I own a dog, several imaginary friends, a few split personalities, but I don't own these characters.

Throughout the ages, witches and wizards have learned one of the most important life lessons in the wizarding world. Never trust a trick-or-treater on Halloween. In the wizarding world, they normally aren't after candy.

This chapter starts on the Halloween in Harry's first year. I will be moving backwards in time from there.

The person whose viewpoint the story is being told will be bolded. It will change throughout the chapter. R&R please!

Quirrell and Filch

Quirrell:

I had to get that Stone! I didn't need to be punished any more than I already had by my master. So I devised a plan. It was rather ingenious, I must say. If I let in a troll, the teachers, and more importantly Dumbledore, would all be completely distracted. They wouldn't miss me- I had long ago established a cowardly nature in the eyes of those around me.

But how would I get a troll in Hogwarts? Even Muggles tend to notice when full grown trolls stomp around, and I needed to get one into one of the most secure and protected magical buildings in Europe! This would prove tricky.

My master's encouragement was helping me to think more quickly though. I don't mean the type of encouragement like when you dangle a carrot in front of a donkey to get the beast to move. I mean the type of encouragement like when you put a whip behind a donkey to get it to move. I suppose the latter type of encouragement does indeed work best. The first way has too many risks involved. What if the donkey wasn't hungry for carrots? However, both man and beast generally have a healthy appetite for actions that make them avoid pain.

That sparked an idea in my brain. I then knew exactly what to do.

Filch:

Halloween. Ha! What a stupid holiday! Then again, all holidays are stupid. So are people who celebrate them. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Well maybe pessimists are the only non-stupid people or things in this stupid world.

Ah well. Better go to my post. Ever since Dumbledore decided to make this the safe house for the Stone, one of the staff must be guarding the front gate at all times. As this was Halloween and the stupid teachers wanted to be at the stupid feast, I was the lucky lookout for tonight.

I would like to swear right now because of the monotony of this job, but Mrs. Norris was with me. She shouldn't be exposed to that kind of crude language. Some people say I care more about Mrs. Norris than this entire bloody world. I think those people should shove something sharp and pointy up their noses, but they are absolutely right.

Urgh! What is that smell? It smells like a mixture of old socks and the type of public toilet no one ever seems to clean. Fantastic- whatever it is, I'm probably going to be the one that has to clean it up.

Then I see it. It's twelve feet tall, and it's a troll. I rub my eyes to check that they are functioning correctly. Most unfortunately, they are. When the troll lumbers over, my 20/20 vision allows me to read the sign around the creature's neck. I'm torn between attacking the troll and sobbing. The sign, glowing in the moonlight like a sinister beacon simply reads:

TRICK OR TREAT?

I want to kill the troll, I really do. But I would lose since I'm only a Squib. So now the troll is standing right in front of the front gate. And- oh come on- I think its actually trying to give me a puppy dog look so I'll open the gate! If you've never seen a troll try to look cute, consider yourself lucky.

Now I'm starting to get worried. The troll is about a meter away from me, and that measurement is decreasing as he reaches his gigantic arm out towards me. So, I calmy did the only sensible thing I could. I screamed like a pixie and ran towards the stairs that would lead me back into Hogwarts. I would have made it too. A meow behind me made me stop. Mrs. Norris had climbed onto the troll.

Quirrell:

Oh this was great! I wish I could enter this in Witch Weekly's Top Funniest Wizarding Moments! Filch, in a pathetic attempt to rescue his cat, had climbed on top of the sign around the troll's neck. The sign was just a last-minute amusing thing I had thought up. The only real purpose it served was to entertain me while I watched from a window in the castle, a purpose it was fulfilling exquisitely.

Ho ho hee! This is classic! Mrs Norris became so terrified up on that troll that she was clawing everything in sight while running up the troll's neck. Usually this would only be funny, but when the cat used her claws to accidentally cut the rope the sign was on, it became hilarious! Filch managed to grab Mrs. Norris before he fell. Then he went down six feet before managed to grab hold of the troll's leg. Unluckily for him, he had fallen on the side the troll was swinging his club on. Avoiding the huge wooden stick, Filch jumped around to the back of the troll's other leg.

It was perfect timing too. The troll had gotten tired of waiting, so he kicked the gate open with the foot Filch had recently vacated. Filch himself had disembarked the troll, and was now cowering comically in terror as the troll made its way to the castle.

I left immediately so I could go play my part. Namely rushing into the Great Hall and fainting. This was a talent of mine, the acting. Before I became a faithful servant of the Dark Lord, I had always wanted to be an actor. Pathetic Gryffindors would say that I was giving up my dreams by serving him, but I know better. The Dark Lord promised me my own show when he takes over.

Filch:

I hate Halloween. An hour of questioning later, I'm finally free. Dumbledore seemed highly suspicious of my story, and its small wonder why. I didn't tell him the whole truth. I would be fired if I did that, because the obvious thing to do would be run for a real witch or wizard, not save your cat. If Dumbledore is as great as everyone says then its possible he wouldn't have fired me, but I'd prefer to be cynical and safe then out of a job and sorry.

I have a reputation with Dumbledore for not being very smart. I used this to my advantage during the questioning. That sounded quite shrewd. Maybe that Kwikspell course is working….anyway. I said that the troll came up and I told Dumbledore about the sign, but that's all the truth he knows. Then I just told him I assumed the troll was being controlled and brought in for the Halloween festivities. Dumbledore actually bought that, and merely gave me a word of advice before I left.

"Argus?" I turned back around. Dumbledore smiled. "One more thing. Next time, never let in a trick-or-treater on Halloween."

I stood dumfounded. For being the greatest wizard that ever lived, Dumbledore sure was thick.