He knew, when he first got a hold of the toxin, he should have gotten rid of it, or at least told Batman what he was doing. He knew when he began examining it that any precautions he took were useless, and he knew if the toxin got in his system there was no cure other than time and even that was questionable. No one other than the Bat had been exposed to this particular toxin and survived. He knew, but he was so curious. Batman had mention the toxin once in passing, but no matter how much he probe, no matter how many times he asked, Batman never told him exactly what the effects where. He tried to be careful, but later he knows he'll wonder, because he's never been the klutzy type, he's never tripped over air and dropped a vile before, and what are the odds that the one time he does it's with this toxin, the one he's so curious about.
He watches the vile fall and shatter in slow motion, and he's trained by the bat so he should be able to catch it before it hits the ground but his body doesn't even move. The glass shatters and he breaths in, and he knows that now the toxins in his system. He glances at the walls of the lab, the one he's not sure anyone other than him and the bat know about, his lab. He knows he should hit the emergency button, but he can't make his body move, which is good because a few… secants… minutes… later the emergency door closes on its own, and he's glad because he can feel the toxin under his skin swimming through his blood.
He's not sure how long it has been, he thinks… or at least the part of him that was Robin, thinks it's been approximately 6.85 minutes, before one of the computer screens, the biggest, lights up and there's Batman with his gravely rasp, "Robin?"
He makes a sound, a sort of sound he's never remembered making before, it sounds a bit like a pained grunt, but before he can really think about that he realizes he can't think, his minds getting hazy like when he's on serious pain-killers, the kind he only ever uses when he's with Batman or safe in his bed, never here in the cave because Robin had to always be clear headed. His gloved hand tightens around the edge of the desk and he wonders when he moved over to the desk, because he wasn't there a moment ago and… he's pulled out of that train of thought, " 'Bin"
He looks up and some part of him tells him he just lost a few secants, like those times when he got those really bad concussions only not as painful. Again he's pulled out of his train of thought, this time more forcefully, "Tim! Look at me!"
He looks up and he knows he lost a lot of time that round because that's Bruce on the screen, not Batman. He takes a deep breath, but that only makes the pain in his chest worse. He's been ignoring it for so long that now that he's feeling it, it hurts worse than ever before. He puts a hand to his chest and he knows if he were in his right mind he would never say, "I'm sorry… You're going to have to find a new Robin…" He hears Bruce say something but his brain doesn't register the words, "This Robin's…" The pain in his chest is worse and his eyes are on fire, as he says, "Concisus…Broken."
He could hear Bruce, yelling something, and it doesn't matter if he understands the words at this point or not, because he knows, Batman never gives up on his Robins, even after death. Sometimes, when the pain in his chest is really getting to him, he wonders if the Robins would have been better off left on their own. He flips the switch to the lab, the one that turns off all the power to everything, and he wonders if he had been reaching for it the whole time.
As the emergency lights come on, and he looks around the room, he feels the familiar thrum of adrenalin, the only thing that ever numbs the pain. He wants more of it, more of that elixir that numbs the pain, so he does something he knows will get him the adrenalin, its something's he's only ever done when he's really angry. He starts with the desk, and he knows it was drilled into the wall and table and he shouldn't be able to lift it, but somehow he does. He might have done some damage in his time, but out of all the robin's he's never been know as the destructive one, yet nothings ever been so easy.
The desk when he's done with it is nothing but shards of wood, so he moves on to the machines, the computers and scanners and the tech he normally holds so dear, but right now he's hates it because it breaks so easy, not even putting up a fight. There's another desk, but this one doesn't last as long. Before moving onto the next desk he turns to the wall, and his fist leaves a crater, and that's even better than when he broke the desk. So he does it again, then again, and it feels good but not good enough, and he knows it because the gloves are in the way, dampening the feeling of contact. His brains so hazed over he forgets to undo the safety, and when he pulls the glove off there's that zap of electricity, and he forgets about the wall because that… that shock… felt even better.
He scans the room and there's an electrical wire, sparking from being ripped open. Part of him is screaming warnings, spouting statistics on the hazards of electricity, but that part of him is not the part in control. He walks over, because even though that voice isn't in control it's still is having an effect on him. He's almost to the wire, his bare hand is reaching out towards the bright blue sparks that remind him of something… Before he can actually touch the sparks something pushes him away. He jerks in surprise, because yes that was a physical body pushing him back but when he opens his eyes the feeling of that body's gone and he doesn't see anyone. He goes to reach for the electrical wire again, and this time when the body slams into him he keeps his eyes open.
His body reacts, and before Bart can speed away he grabs his wrist. Part of him is trying to deduce how Bart got into the lab, but he ignores it, because he doesn't care about the why, because his hand's gripping Barts wrist and the feel of skin on skin. He almost forgot about this, in fact he can't even remember if he's ever actually had this, maybe not as Tim and definitely never as Robin. Bart's looking at him with wide scared eyes, and he's doing that thing where he tries to stay in place but he's still moving, and those are vibrations, and it's too much for someone who's as touch starved as he is, but he wants more!
Bart's eyes are even wider, and he stutters a bit when he says, "R-Robin?"
Tim swallows, and he can hear that part of him that's yelling all the reason he never touches anyone, and one of them sticks out, because if he touches, if he feels, how can he go back to the starved creature he has always been? He doesn't want to have something in his grasp for a moment just to have it slip away like water through his fingers. He's always been strong but he knows he's not strong enough to take that sort of loss and survive. He wondered if the pain in his chest was his yearning for some kind of contact. That all makes sense, and if he were in his right mind he would listen, but right now he needs to feel, to touch.
He tugs, just a little bit at Bart's wrist, and that's all it takes to pull the speedster in closer. At first Bart just vibrates as Tim raps his arms around him, but when Tim grabs at the zipper at the back of Bart's uniform Bart squeaks and tries to make a run for it, tries to leave. Bart almost gets out of his arms, but suddenly training as Robin kicks in, and in the blink of an eye, he slammed Bart to the ground and bound his legs with a type of rope made to hold even supers, and his arms are handcuffed above his head, wrapped around the edge of one of the desks he didn't destroy. Bart struggles for a bit, trying to worm his way out, so Tim puts his knee in the middle of his back, to hold him in place as he reaches up and grabs the zipper where it starts at the base of his neck.
He hears something, and he knows he should be concerned with the sounds, but he's got the zipper halfway down Bart's back, and that's skin. He forces himself to undo the zipper all the way before running his hands over smooth skin. He wants to keep touching but he hears Bart whimper. He still wants to touch, but the other part of his brain is screaming, telling him that Bart is just a kid, younger than him, even younger than he was when… and suddenly the pain in his chest is worse, and it's spreading through his body like a virus. His head is pounding with every beat of his heart as he forces himself to take a step back, away from Bart.
His head is still hazy but now that he's not feeling skin to skin, it's clear enough that he knows, he has to get away from Bart, because he's too young, and Tim has little to no self control right now. He tries to force himself to leave, to walk away, but the pain in his chest feels like he just got shot, through and through, and he hates that he knows what that feels like to have a hole in his chest, at least this time it's not bleeding, but that means he won't pass out from blood loss.
He's too preoccupied with the pain, and not touching, to notice the change in the room till he hears a clank, he looks up and his handcuffs are in tiny pieces on the floor, and Kon's moved on to the rope and he's trying to rip it, but it's strong enough that even he can't break it, and Tim forgets that he's not suppose to touch, because suddenly he slams into Kon, pushing him away from Bart. Kon rolls and tries to pin him down but before he can Tim hits him with his Tazer, the one he designed for meda-humans, the one he's never tested on a Kryptonian but is pretty sure it will work.
And Kon jerks and goes completely slack, and Tim has to check his eyes to make sure he's still alive, still awake, and he is, he just won't be able to move for a few minutes. With a quick heave he's got Kon on his back next to Bart, who gaze is flicking from Tim to Kon to the rope holding his legs, and Tim's a little surprised he hasn't tried to escape. When Tim pulls out another rope like the one around Bart's legs, Bart asks with a small stutter, "Why are you doing this? We're your friends."
Tim pants, because he feels too hot, and his breathing is too heavy, and he wants to ignore Bart's questions, but he's right, they are his friends. Tim drops the rope and tries to step away, and it hurts because he was so close.
"I want to feel!" and he's pretty sure he's never heard his voice sound so, sad, because he normally never lets himself show any emotions. He closes his eyes, and he can feel the burn eyes and knows he's close to tears. He can't remember the last time he cried, he thinks it was that time his mom and dad left him at home alone and forgot that the nanny had took the week off, he had been so hungry and scared, alone in that big house, and right now he feels worse than he did back then, because he's still alone.
He feels a gentle hand on the side of his face, and he's surprised when he looks up to find Bart just a hairs breathe away. His whole being is so focused on that hand, skin to skin, that he doesn't notice Bart's maneuvering him around, doesn't notice that Bart's digging around in his belt. He hears a click and feels the medal of his secant pair of handcuffs, he's kind of wondering whether Bart just grabbed the first pair of handcuffs he found because, this pair is the only pair that's got a cushion and it's the only pair he's never escaped from, because he tests all of his handcuffs.
He can feel part of himself start to panic as he realizes he's tied down, but Bart's still there, and he's petting his cheek and that feels even better than when he was just touching him. He moans, because it's not enough, he needs… he's not sure exactly what he needs but he's pretty sure it involves more of this, all over. Bart pets him again and asks, "Robin, what did you do to Kon, is he going to be okay?"
Tim pants and glances over at Kon, who's still on his back, but his eyes are open and focused on him. He licks his lips and Kon's eyes follow the movement, so Tim says, "Electrical Induced paralysis, last eight hours on a regular human, but should only last a few minutes on a Kryptonian."
Bart asks, "You've used that on a regular person? Bet they didn't like that."
Tim bit his lip and said, "It sucks but it's doesn't hurt as bad as a regular tazer, it shouldn't hurt him at all."
Kon made a noise and Bart asked, "Where you planning on using it on him, is that why you carry it around on you?"
Tim blinked, and his chest gave a pang as Bart pulled his hand away, and he's pretty sure that whine came from him. Bart looks down at him, and he looks like he trying really hard to figure him out. Bart slowly reaches out, and his hands just a few scant inches away from the skin of his neck, and Tim needs it so bad that he arches up, and the angle of his arms and the weight of his body is a really bad combination and he can feel his should joint doing those little pops that are a sure signal he's about to dislocate his arm, but he doesn't care because he's got Bart touching him again. Bart pushes him back down and asks with a grimace, "Did you just dislocate you shoulder?"
Tim nods his head, because yes he did just do that, but he doesn't care, because he's moaning "Please…?"
Bart frowns, because he doesn't understand, and that's when Kon says, "He wants you to touch him."
Bart and Tim look over, and sure enough Kon's pushed himself onto his side and is now crawling towards them, and Kons leaning over him as he asks, "Do you want me to touch you?"
Tim nodded his head and begged, "Please…. I need to feel."
Kon gives a little nod and then with a move to fast for Tim to catch he grabs the top of his uniform and there's a tearing noise as he rips through the material. He pulls the tattered shirt away and deftly unfastens the Kevlar , and then Tim moans because Kon's hand is on his chest, skin to skin. Bart asks, "So he wants us to touch him? I've read about this but I've never actually… can I?"
Kon shrugs a shoulder and Bart must take that as a yes because suddenly he's right there and somehow he managed to pull Tim so that he's lying on top of him, but before Tim can even register the movements he gasping because Bart's pinching both of his nipples. That alone felt so good, but it's even better when Tim arches up, and that's Kon, above him, and Kon took off his shirt, so everywhere Tim touches is skin to skin. Tim felt a small pang when Bart suddenly disappeared, but gasped in utter delight when he reappeared behind him, minus the costume. He can feel Bart, and he's hard, but before he can think about that, Kon's undoing his belt, completely ignoring the zap of electricity as he begins to fumble with the latches holding up his tights and groin guard.
Bart starts vibrating again, and he's humping him like a dog in heat, but it feels so good that it distracts him for a moment from Kon's fumbling fingers. For a secant his head seems to shut down, because it feels so good, but then cool air runs over every part of him, because somehow Kon got him completely naked except for his boots. He snorts, because for how much Bruce paid for them and the amount of work he put in to make them acceptable Robin boots, they better not come off that easily.
Kon frowns down at Tim, probably because he's laughing so manically he's starting to sound like the Joker, and that thought sobers him right up. Bart's stopped vibrating and humping as he asks, "Rob, are you okay?"
That's when Tim starts crying, and no one ever told him how much crying hurt. Bart pulls back and starts saying "Robin…"
Tim jerks, and if he were in his right mind he would say, "Don't call me that… I can't be that…"
Kon tilts Tim's face up, and he's staring at the tears like he's never seen someone cry, and Bart asks, "You don't want me to call you Robin? Dude you are Robin."
Tim shakes his head, and more tears stream down as he says, "I can't… I thought I could… Batman needs a Robin so I thought I could, but…"
Kon's brow creases and he asks, "Batman needs a Robin?"
Tim nods and part of him is screaming to let it drop, but he doesn't listen because he needs to say it, "The first one was gone, and the secant one died, and Batman needs a Robin, and I knew… so I thought I had to, I couldn't let the Gotham Knight spiral out of control, not when I knew. I wasn't supposed to know!"
Kon's still staring at the tears on his cheek, and Bart asks in a confused voice, "You knew what?"
Tim lets out a little sob, because his chest is a throbbing invisible open wound, and he says, "I knew Batman, I knew the first and the secant Robin, not just the heroes but the identities behind them. I wasn't suppose to know, it was a secret that they didn't tell me, they didn't know me. I was okay with just watching them, taking pictures, but then he died. Sure it had sucked when the first Robin left, moved on to a different city a different name and didn't want to be part of the Dynamic Duo, but this was worse. Jason was dead, I saw them bury him. I saw Batman slowly lose control, but I didn't want to do it. Kept hoping he would find some other kid who would be the perfect Robin, but he never did. I'm smart, I can hack the oracle. I was a decent martial artists and knew how to blend into the shadows but I never was Robin. I can't be Robin!"
Bart suddenly wrapped his arms around Tim and said, "Whoa dude, calm down! Are you okay, you're acting really weird."
Kon said, "He was exposed to some sort of Toxin."
Bart frowned and said, "Really, than we probably shouldn't be doing this… Oh god, what is Batman going to think when he finds out we almost deflowered his partner?"
Tim started shaking, and for a moment the two heroes though he had started crying again, but then he burst out laughing, "Seriously? You really don't have to worry."
Bart looked confused as he asked, "Why not?"
Tim laughed harder and said, "You've met Nightwing, yeah, he was the first Robin, and he got around so much that Bats got to be conditioned to it."
None of them have ever seen Batman look so haggard or so upset as he says, "This particular toxin deals with repressed… needs. If he gets them out of his system he might survive. He's still in control for the most part; I won't interfere unless he asks me to."