Michelangelo is not the one to engage in deep conversation. He's at the shallow end of the pondering pool and he's just fine with that. If someone were to ask him if he believes in chance or coincidence, he would swiftly direct them to his brother Donatello, the guru of statistics and other… science-like stuff. If Michelangelo tries to understand he would literally drown. He doesn't get it. 'Would you like to play a game with me instead?' he would ask. Thinking about the future and the inner workings of life are beyond him. He's fine right where he is, comfy in the world he can see and feel. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow can take care of itself. It would take a miracle to change his mind.
Now, miracles and destiny are a different matter. Miracles are sent and destiny is planned. Seeing what happened between Raphael and Amber, Mikey knows miracles are real. He doesn't know how miracles work but he's seen them in action and felt their amazing results. He couldn't be happier for his brother who was changed for the better since he fell in love. If it happened for Raph, then surely ALL of them have a chance, right? But you can't just get a miracle like you can dispense a Sprite from a soda machine. They're too special. He would have to hope for something else.
Destiny, to Michelangelo, is like a big, invisible hand that controls the dice. It directs the movements around the monopoly board game, making sure he's the first one to land on Park Place and purchase it. And no matter how many times Leonardo sends his little metal dog directly to jail, Mikey always seems to cast double dice or pull the get-out-of-jail-free card. It is his destiny to own all four railroads. It's his destiny to force Raph into bankruptcy. It's his destiny to rob Donnie of his meager Baltic Avenue slums. In the end everyone marvels at Mogul Mikey, the turtle who doesn't even understand the concept of real estate. When his brothers give up, because no one ever finishes a game of monopoly, Mikey victoriously lets the colorful money rain over their heads. Some things just unexplainably work out for Mikey. Maybe it's his sunny demeanor or childlike optimism that causes everything to fall as they should. If it doesn't work out, Mikey always finds the spark of light, making hopelessness impossible. It's his destiny for the pieces to line up on the board for him. Could he believe that it is also his destiny to one day love and be loved?
Unfortunately, not everyone is able to view the world through orange tinted bandanas. It's true that everyone wants happy endings but getting there can be a bitch of a battle. No one wants the pain, heartache, tears or lonely nights that come with the assurance of dawn. A lifetime, in hindsight, can end up as an overall wonderful journey. Yet, no one can foresee or avoid the rough times, even the motley Hamato clan, especially Raphael Hamato.
Raphael knew it would happen someday; that Amber would leave again. No one could blame her. She was never meant to stay grounded in New York. Her dreams are much bigger than running her late Uncle Bubba's Brooklyn bookstore. She's definitely not the kind to live her life trudging through the sewers or holed up in the apartments upstairs with Raphael. He couldn't fault her for wanting to go away, have new experiences and meet new people. As awesome as the five of them are, he surmised that it could get boring spending all her downtime with four mutant turtles and their aging rat father. One day she's baking his favorite chocolate chip double fudge brownie cookies, the next day she's gone. It wasn't fair for Raphael to get so used to smelling her perfume, playing in her hair, sleeping in her arms to now only having the memories of Amber's smile to console him. She flew away toward horizons he could only dream about and took his fighting spirit with her. He's become a new grim, deflated version of himself. Any loud, rowdy rants he used to spit at his brothers have morphed into grumbling murmurs and dismissive sighs. He no longer gloats during sparring and Mikey's pranks implode on him. He's a wimpy, half-living pushover and needs Amber back! They all need her back. They don't know how long the bookshop can last without its owner or how long they should stay in her apartment without her.
"Well, I'm done wit this." Raphael sighs, slumping back in Amber's dark recliner in the living room.
"Awe, come on Raph. Let's play another game. I found the deck of cards. You want to get some poker in?" Mikey suggests.
"I though I threw those out." Donnie says as he gathers the scattered toy money from the floor.
"Why would you throw these cards away?" Mikey asks.
"The deck is no good." Leo grins. "Remember the last time you and Raphael played 'I Declare War'? He tore your three of hearts in half when he lost with his two of clubs."
"He took all four of my aces with that stupid three of hearts." Raph huffs.
"That's how it goes in love and war." Mikey muses.
"It was just dumb luck."
"Nu-uh! Not luck. It's how the cards were dealt." Mikey tosses the ruined deck in the wicker wastebasket and heads to the wall of bookcases behind Raph. "She left a lot of games behind. Why did Amber have so many games if she was alone before she met us? Do you wanna play Jenga or Guesstures Raph?"
Raphael winces at the mention of her name. How could Mikey be so thoughtless? Without answering Raphael strains to remove himself from the big leather chair. His brothers look to him as he heads toward the apartment door. "I heard the postman lift the slot a while ago. Gonna check the mail." He slides along the checkered linoleum of the entryway and slinks down the stairs toward store level, leaving the two elder brothers to shake their heads at their baby brother.
"Mikey, you said her name again." Leo scolds.
"He still misses her a lot. You have to do better, Mikey." Donnie chimes in.
Mikey rolls his eyes as he places Monopoly box on the shelf and removes Taboo. "Guys give me break. It's been three weeks and he's still in a funk! We're running out of games and I'm running out of jokes. He's got to start talking about her some time!"
"That may be true but we can't rush him. We have empathy for his situation, but we don't really know how hard he's taking her absence. He's the only one of us that ever loved someone." Donnie says.
"That's not true." Mikey stared at them, a little hurt by their short memories. Their confused faces requests that he go on. "Must I remind you of a certain Feudal Japanese warrior princess and how I almost gave up my life in the twentieth century to stay with her?"
They both laugh at him. His face pouts. Leo stops first. "Michelangelo, It's the twenty-first century now. I can't believe after all this time you're bringing up Mitsu."
"Oh, Mikey really. You could never compare the two days you spent with Mitsu to the almost two years Raph had with Amber. Besides you never loved her." Donnie reasons.
"I, I did too love her. I just never said anything cause it was all too painful to talk about." Mikey tosses the box of Taboo on the coffee table and falls back into the recliner. His brothers sober quickly and look over at him. "It just hurt so much when we had to go back. It wasn't like Mitsu was down the street or in a different country. I couldn't email her or pretend to accidentally dial her cell just so I could hear her voice. The moment we got home she had already been dead for hundreds of years. I would never see her again. Even though I smiled and laughed with you guys, I remember that night crying for her like she died. I've never felt anything so wrong before. I thought somehow, we were supposed to be together. Just thinking about it makes me feel all hollow inside."
Leo stares at him in amazement. He had never known Mikey to be so… adept. "Do you still feel this way?"
"Heck no!" Mikey chuckles. "But I remember that I used to. That's why I think it's time for Raph to get over it and have some fun! Maybe we should go back to our lair. He can't stop thinking about her if he's living in her… you know what I mean?"
"You may have a point there, Mikey, but what about Master Splinter? Forget about his comfy fourth floor apartment. He's sunbathing and nature-soaking on the rooftop patio almost everyday. He can't stay here by himself and I won't have him go back to the sewer. Even with Amber gone, I'd say he's the happiest here." Donnie says.
"So what can we do for Raph? He can't stay like this! It's like without Amber he's not Raph anymore… He's Ralph! Droopy old Ralph with no one to love!" Mikey whines.
Leo resigns with a sigh. "Right now the best thing is for Donnie and me to start lunch, and for you, Mikey, to go down stairs and snatch Raphael away from the mailbox before he turns Amber's electric bill into a love letter through sheer will."
Mikey moans loudly as his older brothers head into the kitchen. He rolls off the recliner and bounces down the steps. Instead of finding Raph curled up under the storefront door like the last few times, he sees him somberly lounging on the worn velvet couch in the middle of the floor. He has unopened mail in his hand falling to the rug and an old book covering his face.
"Hey, can I join you?" Mikey asks. Raphael takes his time sitting up to make room for Mikey who flops roughly down on the creaky cushions. "What are ya reading?"
"Nothin'." Raphael whispers. "Just an old book of poetry. It's the first thing she ever read to me."
"Dude why are you torturing yourself? Give me that." Mikey takes the book from his face and skims through it. He stops to a rather short poem. He looks to his brother. "She ever read you 'Annabel Lee'?" Raphael shook his head. "I'll read it then. I can understand all the words in this one." He begins.
It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived who you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
As Mikey reads he starts to feel a strange longing for something he had forgotten; The many years ago, the kingdom by the sea, his young strong love, the death that time brings, how their souls can never be severed, how he dreams of her beauty, still dreams of her. Living in the palace, she must have her tomb by the...
"Sounding Sea." Mikey finishes.
"Ugh. I don't know why she likes Poe so much. His stuff is all about dark and death and lost love. God, why don't he put the sun the sky sometimes!" Raphael says.
"Yeah…" Mikey pauses. "Look, I'm sorry about before. But you know it won't be like this for long. You won't feel like this always."
"I know Mikey. Thanks."
"We all want you to take as much time and you need. But just do me one favor?" Mikey asks as Raph looks at him. "Stop checking the mail every day, or you'll drive yourself crazy, Ralph."
"Sure… but don't call me Ralph."
"I'll stop calling you Ralph when you stop acting like him!"
"Who the heck is Ralph?"
"You are Ralph. Ralph says 'heck'. My Bro Raph says 'hell'. Hello yeah, hello no, and hell, maybe! You're just soft, lonely Ralph!"
"Shut up, Mikey."
"Shut the 'fuck' up Ralph."
"I'm warning you, dirt-for-brains!"
"Don't you mean shit-for-brains, eh Ralphy-Ralph?"
He asks for it. Raph tackles Mikey to the floor. Although he's screaming, he's laughing too. Getting beat to a pulp by his brother never felt so good.
...
A week passes and Raphael keeps his promise to not hover by the mail slot. What ever he was hoping for hadn't come yet and watching it like a hawk wasn't making 'nothing' come any faster. He decides to chill on the rooftop patio with Master Splinter. Raph is lying across three floor pillows by the low dining table. Splinter is happily trimming his trio of bonsai trees, which sit beside the babbling koi fishpond. His corner of the roof is more of a Zen garden than anything else. In the opposite corner sits a low marble tablet displaying the candles of Amber's, well their, deceased family. They are properly shielded from the elements with a glass canopy. The rest of the roof is for grilling, dining and gazing up at the sky, which is what Raphael is doing now. Although a tall wooden fence conceals them from outside view, the soft buzzing of city life is heard all around. The sun is shining from somewhere just over the neighboring buildings. It's a peaceful June afternoon.
Just like the one last year when Amber asks Raphael to move into the second floor apartment with her. He recalls living on the third floor with Donatello and Michelangelo. Leonardo and Splinter were sharing the fourth floor. Once he moves in with her, Leo transfers down to the three bedroom apartment with his other brothers, giving Splinter more space for himself. Seeing her everyday becomes one thing but getting to wake up with her every morning, being the first face he sees, sharing the sink while they brush their teeth, giving each other the first kiss of the day, becomes so much more. He remembers when he and Amber make the choice to either cook a small breakfast for two, a breakfast banquet for all of them, or to simply go back to bed and roll around under the covers until lunchtime. He remembers her shiny twists of hair that once he was through with them, became a messy mop of curls. He remembers how he loves to bury his face into her full tresses, smelling like coconuts and lime. He remembers the quiet peace of the afterglow, her warm body, her rich, brown skin, her tender kiss, how she said, "I love you Raphael."
"How are you feeling today, my son?" Splinter asks, breaking Raphael's train of thought.
"...Peachy." Raph says. He doesn't lie. His thoughts don't hurt him like they first did. The memories leave an appreciative grin on his face.
Splinter blinks. "I too, am feeling peachy!" He cheerily prunes away.
The doors of the stairwell connecting all of the floors are open so that music can flow throughout the building. Leo is in Splinter's fourth floor study, meditating. Donnie is in his third floor bedroom, paying Amber's utilities bills online and tutoring his Physics student. Mikey is in the bookshop looking through the graph novel section, trying to find a series of comics he hasn't read yet. Mikey turns to the sound of someone stepping toward the front door of the shop. He can't see who it is with the large 'Closed Until Further Notice' sign in the window. The mail slot clinks and envelopes fall into the brass basket just below. He never picks up the mail but decides to take it anyway incase there may be more bills. He grabs the small stack, shuffling through them for nothing in particular when he notices the two white envelopes covered in stamps; return address, Japan. He gasps, a big smile on his face seems to pop out of nowhere. Mikey had never run up the four flights of stairs so quickly and loudly as he does right now. "Ralph! Oh, Ralph! MAIL CALL!"