Not Backing Down

by darthelwig

Drabble- Goku knows Sanzo is fighting his feelings, even if he doesn't understand why. Mild Slash.

"Not Backing Down"

by darthelwig

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I do not own Saiyuki. This story is rated T. Mild Slash warning.

Drabble- Goku knows Sanzo is fighting his feelings, even if he doesn't understand why.

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Sanzo doesn't always push me away.

Sometimes he even lets me hold him for a split second… before he remembers he's supposed to be shoving me away.

I used to wonder how such a mean-spirited, cold-hearted man could be a Sanzo priest. But that was then. I didn't know him very well.

Now I know better. After all these years together, how could I not? Sanzo can't hide from me anymore. I know his secret.

I know how much he cares.

He tried not to. I think he feels like it makes him weak somehow. I'll never understand that. My feelings for him only make me stronger.

I think the truth is he's afraid… and that bothers me. Sanzo is the most fearless person I know. To see something actually have the power to scare him is… disturbing. It makes my entire world feel a bit off-kilter.

But I won't let on that I see his fear, because it would…hurt him… in a way I can't even define. I don't have the words.

Maybe I really am stupid. I'll let things go just to keep from rocking the boat any further. But I'm in deep now and I think I need all the help I can get, even if it causes more problems later on down the road.

Sanzo's heart has very deep places and I'm in over my head for sure, but there's no one to bail me out and I don't think I'd take the help even if there was.

I'm not afraid of this.

And I'm sure as hell not backing down.