Summary: AU. Teen Emma and Regina. Emma has an abusive home situation and has often depressing feelings. She writes them all in her diary, but she also writes about the girl she dreams about so often: Regina Mills. What happens when Emma leaves the diary and Regina finds it?
by now i'm sure you're all used to my creative moods. I have exactly four stories to write (an update on constant reminders, an update on jane and emma's big plan, a request from tumblr and a challenge with a friend of mine which is a fairy queen story) however... this story happened and I couldn't let it slip. It was a bit hard to write sometimes because some things hit close to home but I managed to get it out. The grammar will not be perfect since it's 3am but yeah.. I managed. Let me know.
Btw this is pretty much angst but it has a happy ending don't worry.
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT or any of the characters.
When would it stop? Ever, she hoped. When would the people realize that this was not something you could fix? Maybe one day. When would her step-mother ever love her despite her situation? Never.
Emma buries her head in her pillow and screams as loud as she can, hoping the soft material would mute her cries. Her parents had to habit to just ignore her - David mostly just too scared of his own wife Noelle - except for right now of course when all Emma wanted was to be alone. There was no knock on the door, it just burst open and half a second later she felt her step mother grab her by her ponytail and yank her into an upright position. Emma couldn't stop. She was crying and gasping for air and her make-up was stained onto her pillow but still, she couldn't stop.
"Stop right now. You know the rules, weakness is not accepted in this house young girl."
Noelle's hand moves towards her arm and squeezes hard when Emma isn't listening or looking at her. "Emma!"
Finally the 16 year old girl's eye shift towards her step-mother's eyes. She breaths shakily and feels herself calm down. "I'm sorry." She says.
"Apologizing won't get you anywhere." The woman takes a deep breath and starts pacing the small room.
"Your principal called, she was very disappointed with you."
Emma's eyes widen in shock. "What-" She stammers, not fully believing that her principal would do such a thing. Sure, the woman had every right to call her parents but she and Emma got along, sort of, and she had often let things slip. Besides, what had happened wasn't her fault.
Noelle clenches her fists and Emma scoots back a little on the back, until her back hits the wall. She knows this kind of mood of her stepmother all too well and her eyes scan the room, desperately looking for the fastest way out.
"You told us your… disease was over. That you were better."
The words hurt more than the punch Emma had been preparing herself more. Tears roll over her cheeks again but this time she stands, facing her mother; all her anger boiling up inside her. "IT'S NOT A DISEASE!" She screams.
Noelle latches out and hits her cheek with so much force Emma actually loses her balance and falls on the ground. "Don't you ever talk to your mother like that!"
"You're not my mother." Emma says weakly.
Noelle kneels onto the floor and her nails pinch into Emma's chin, forcing her gaze up. "What did you just say."
Emma stares her down but this time she chooses the wiser decision to back down. "Nothing."
Noelle smiles. "That's better. You will go to the church with me at the end of the week and he will help you get better. You will get over your silly girl crush."
The girl wants to argue but her throbbing cheek stops her just in time. Instead she just nods and waits for her step mother to leave the room. Not long after, David walks inside.
He doesn't say anything, just sits on the floor and pulls her into his strong grip. He shushes her and whispers that everything will be fine. She wants to push him away, get angry that he is her father, that he should do something but she can't. All she can do is listen to him and sob quietly as her body shakes lightly in his grip.
The next morning she feels even worse. Her cheek is blue and she feels emotionally drained. Now that everybody knows she's gay, things can only get worse, Emma thinks as she forces herself through the doors of her school. The previous day immediately comes back to her.
Emma was all too glad when it was finally 3pm and time for history, the only class she had with Regina. Regina Mills was for sure the most pretty girl in the entire school. Emma couldn't stop staring at her and most of the times Regina would stare back and smile softly at her before turning away again.
Emma always blushes and focuses her attention on her work again, not daring to stare anymore for at least fifteen minutes. She can't be too obvious of course.
"Miss. Swan!" her history teacher says. "Would you mind paying attention?"
"Yes. Sorry." Emma says, embarrassed that she'd been caught staring. She hopes that Regina hasn't noticed but she doesn't dare to look back to check.
When class is finally over she rushes out, not realizing she drops one particular notebook on the floor. One she never wants anyone to see, especially the person who picks it up after her, Regina Mills.
"Shit shit shit." Emma says later that same day.
"What's wrong?" Ruby asks as she walks closer to her friend, who seems to be in complete panic.
Emma drops her back on the ground and sits down next to it, searching desperately for her diary. "I lost my diary." She says, her eyes wide and unfocused.
Ruby wants to chuckle but catches herself quickly when she remembers why Emma has the diary and how important it is to her. "What's in it?"
Emma takes a deep breath, but her hands continued shaking. "Everything. My entire fucked up life. The school's therapist told me to write down everything that I felt. From my home situation to.." she drifts of there but her friend knows her well enough to know what she is talking about.
"Regina."
"Yeah."
"Shit."
Emma nods and searches one more time, though she knows it is hopeless. Finally her shoulders drop down and she gives up. "What am I gonna do?" she asks, her tone more desperate than she likes it.
"Have you tried going by the principal's office?"
Emma shakes her head, but her eyes shine with hope. Maybe the teacher found her book and brought it to the principal. She stands and grabs Ruby's arm, ready to drag her towards the principal's office but a hand on her arm stops her. She turns around and all her hope disappears, instead she feels like she might actually pass out.
"Emma?" Regina Mills speaks up.
Emma can't do anything, only pray that she was imaging this. If Regina had really found her diary everything was over.
Ruby nudges her out of her thoughts and she manages to nod.
Regina smiles at her and hands her back her diary. "You dropped this. I promise I didn't read anything."
It took a while for that comment to sink in. She didn't read anything, she really didn't read anything. She must be lying, right? But then again, Regina was smiling and she definitely wouldn't be smiling if she'd had read all her dark thoughts and longings towards the brunette. Finally, Emma lets her lips curl up into a tiny smile and she lets out a relieved breath. Just as she wants to thank the girl, there's a loud beep and everybody rolls their eyes, they know what this means: another message from the principal about them not cleaning up their shit in the hallways. However, it's not the principal's voice that crackles through the machine. It's Tamara's, the school's queen bitch. Emma frowns, what would she have to-
"There's a special message towards a girl from another girl that I'd like to read to you all, I'm sure you'll find it just as amusing as me," she takes a deep breath before starting, "To Regina Mills, the girl across the room in History."
No. This cannot be happening. Emma's mouth drops open and tears are pricking in her eyes. Regina frowns but keeps staring at the blonde and then at the book in her hand.
"We steal glances across the room. A secret smile, our souls consume. No one's aware of my chagrin. I hide you within like a sin. A yearning, taboo desire. A love forbidden, a fire. I fright the flame, I hold it in. I must hide my love like a sin."
Emma feels like she's really dying now. Ruby is holding her, which she is vaguely aware of. Regina isn't paying attention to the blonde girl anymore. Emma wants to flee but the voice continues.
"You are the light in my darkness, you are the strength in my weakness. You are the joy in my days of sadness, you are the strength in my weakness. When my days are so dark I almost can't see anymore, it's you that brings me light. When I don't think I can handle it anymore, all you have to do is smile. How can I ever show you how important you are to me?"
Tamara finally shuts up, or at least Emma thinks, before she speaks up and ruins things even more.
"Secretly yours, always. Emma Swan."
At that moment Emma lets go of everything she's holding, including the diary and runs out of the school, straight home. How could Regina have lied to her like that?
Emma notices Tamara walking past and she wants to walk up and punch the girl in the face but someone stops her, Ruby she thinks. However, when she looks around she notices that it isn't her friend, but her father. She should have known that her father was going to make things worse, Noelle has probably send him.
"Come on." He breathes in her ear as he pushes her towards the principal's room.
"Emma!" Mary Margaret says as the blond girl walks inside and pushes her glasses further up her nose. The principal approaches her and strokes her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Emma is completely caught off guard by the woman's gentle attitude. Hadn't she just called her up angry yesterday? "And you must be David, Emma's father?"
David smiles broadly at the woman. "Yes. Miss Blanchard was it, right?"
"Mary Margaret is just fine." She sais and motions for them to take a seat.
"Okay… I hear we have some problems we need to discuss."
Emma barely lets her finish. "Yeah I know. I'm sorry. " She waves it off, not wanting to make eye contact with the woman because she is still very well aware of the throbbing bruise on her cheek.
"Why are you apologizing?" she says in a sing-song voice, and Emma can't resist looking up at her, completely confused.
Mary Margaret fails to hide her shock when she sees the ugly bruise but she catches herself quickly. "Emma, I do not know what your … step mother.. told you about the conversation we had together but I am not angry with you. I am concerned about you."
Emma looks from David to Mary Margaret and back. David looks just as confused. "You're not?"
The petite woman knows that there are boundaries but she is the principal after all; she walks over towards Emma's chair, sits down in front of it and takes both of Emma's hands between her own.
"No. I have no reason too. I told your mother to tell her about what had happened yesterday and that maybe we needed to figure something out to help you better. We are already having programs installed in school that should make students more aware of everything and teach them important lessons such as; it doesn't matter who you love, it matters how much you love. And Emma, you love a whole lot and that is not something you should be ashamed of, or even scared. And no-one should ever, ever make you feel like it's wrong to feel what you're feeling. I promise you. It will get better."
Emma can't help herself. She's a wreck these days and she can't seem to stop herself from crying. No one had ever said such a thing to her, no one had ever told her she was normal and that it was okay to feel what she was feeling. David wants to wrap his arms around her but a shake from Mary's head and he pulls himself back into his own chair. A hug from her father is not something she needs right now.
"Thank you." She manages to say after a while and Mary Margaret smiles at her.
"Dad." Emma says when it has been silent for a while, though she has noticed the glances between her father and her teacher.
"Yes?" He asks her.
"Things need to change." It is tough to say but she knows she has every right to say so, the bruise on her face was proof enough.
David takes a deep breath and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I know. I need to leave her, but it's going to take some time."
Emma nods and smiles sadly.
"I think you two need to have a talk together with Archie, our school's therapist. I'm sure he can help you, and David?" David looks up immediately, forcing his eyes away from his broken daughter. "I know I have no right and I apologize in advance because this is none of my business, but your daughter is right. Things need to change, you need to start thinking about her."
To Emma's surprise David nods and smiles. "I will."
All three release breaths that they didn't know they had been holding. A soft knock on the door disturbs them and Mary looks at Emma. "Emma, there's another person you really need to talk to."
The door is pushed open and there is Regina standing awkwardly in the door opening, her arms clutched around Emma's diary.
Emma's eyes fill with fire and she opens her mouth but Mary interrupts. "Just hear her out, okay? She didn't lie to you."
David and Mary Margaret both leave the office, not before squeezing Regina on the shoulder. Then they are alone. Suddenly it feels like the office is much smaller than a minute before.
Emma doesn't want to hear any of it, why couldn't the girl just ignore her and pretend like it had never happened? That usually works fine for her.
"Does it hurt?" Regina starts as she sits down on the couch.
"What?" Emma asks. A lot of things are hurting right now.
Regina touches her own cheek and Emma understands what she's talking about. "Not so much anymore."
They are silent for a full minute before the blonde finally breaks the silence. "Look Regina, I understand that it was really funny and all to have Tamara read that out loud but you also could have faced me and properly told me that I disgust you."
Regina shakes her head quickly. "No no. It wasn't me. I went to the bathroom and left my back with her, she found the diary and took a picture of one page. I didn't lie to you. You have no idea how mad I am with her. I just… god I hate her right now. I'm so so sorry for what she did to you. I wish I could have stopped it."
Emma wants to stay mad at her but knows that Regina's speaking the truth and her weak heart has already forgiven the other girl. She takes a deep breath and focuses on another thing they really need to discuss. "I understand if you want to talk but I would rather have that we just walk away from this and like… ignore each other from now on. I'm sure principal Blanchard can place me in another History class, besides-"
Regina's hand on her wrist stops her. Emma hadn't even noticed that the girl had stood up in the midst of her rambling.
"Emma. I uh.. I read your diary."
Emma makes a disapproving sound and rolls her eyes, showing that Regina is clearly stating the obvious.
"No, I mean, I really hadn't before but after yesterday when you left it with me I read some parts and I want to help you. Please don't be mad."
The blonde understands that she's talking about her crappy home situation and rolls her eyes once more. She doesn't even care anymore that Regina had read the rest too, she's practically already an open book. "Listen, that's really sweet and all but there's not much that you can do and really it would be better if we stay away from each other."
Regina frowns. "Why do you want to stay away from me, why won't you let me be there for you?"
Emma shakes her head and takes a step back. "Don't you understand? You did read my diary right?"
Regina nods, taking a step forward; causing Emma to step back again.
The blonde feels her eyes water again but this time she forces them back. "You have to understand, I can't be around you. Because it just.. hurts, and it hurts even more when you say you want to be there for me because I want you too but I need time. Time to get over you, can you please give me that?"
Regina shakes her head, her own eyes watering too. "No."
Emma's mouth drops open, tears finally streaming down her face again but she doesn't even care anymore. "God Regina! You just don't understand do you? Why-"
Regina's arms wrap around her so tight that all her word die in her throat. The brunette nuzzles her wet cheeks in the blonde's neck.
"No. You don't understand." She murmurs into Emma's neck.
She feels Emma frowning and pulls back to look her in the eyes. "I like you too, Emma. A lot. I don't want to give you time to get over me because I don't want you to get over me. I hate the way this all happened to come out but I am not ashamed to admit that there's a tiny part of me that is happy too. Because I stared at you too."
The blonde doesn't even know what to say anymore. Screw Noelle, all she cares about right now is the girl in her arms. This shouldn't be happening, but it is. Needing the physical contact she pulls Regina back into her arms and flush against her. Everything else could wait.
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