Green. Green is all I see. Green grass, green trees, green flowers. The only things that aren't green is the sky, clouds and water. It's always warm and sunny here, never a dull day. The sounds of water and the sweet hums of the wind is what calms me down. No one is ever here but me. No one will ever hurt me here. This. This is my sanctuary, my escape. My paradise.
I never get lonely while I'm here. The wind sings to me as I lay in the lush grass watching the clouds roll by. I never get bored, I always find something to do that keeps me occupied for what seems like hours. There is one thing that bothers me, the ground shakes and splits apart, it frightens me always but I know what comes next. I close my eyes and when I open them. I see the harsh light of day, I'm back. Pulled back to the harsh reality I live in, ignoring the comments people make. Defending myself from the pain inflicted by people. Smile. Laugh. Ignore. Move forward.
Is there a place where I belong?
Will my paradise ever be a reality?
The days draw by.
1
2
3
Am I destined to live like this always?
Will they eventually break me?
The more people I meet, the more friends I make. The more worried I become that someone will eventually make their way in and taint my precious paradise. My worries vanish for a while. Until I notice something. The trees. The leaves turn deep shades of red, orange and yellow. Almost as if they're on fire. As the days go by worries grow as the rest of the leaves change. My worries soon fade away as the leaves grow vibrant day by day. I find them lovely, almost relaxing to look at. I spend hours looking at them in my spot on top of the biggest hill.
Nothing else changes for a couple months, or so I thought. I went to play in the water to cool off when I noticed the shore has been littered with sea shells. The shells are colorless. But one by one they paint themselves pale shades of red, orange and yellow. Just like the trees. More and more changes, at first it scared me but the more I looked at it the better it seems here. I get this warm sense from the changes.
What is this?
I never thought this place could get any better. I never want to leave. But I will always be ripped back to reality. As long as I have my refuge I'll be okay.
Another change I have noticed is the sun keeps getting lower and lower. Day by day it's as if an hour has passed by. My eternal day is fading. I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try. I can't control these changes, I can't change them back but I've grown attached to these changes.
Will my eternal day turn to eternal night?
Another day, another hour. My fear of eternal night grows as the sun is now half way into the sea, painting it all different colors. It will be gone by tomorrow, so I admire it today. I stand up silently as I feel a slight shake. It's time to go back. Another shake. I wave to the sun. The ground splits and close my eyes.
I wake up in my bed. Another day drags by and I fade in and out of reality. Catching glimpses of the sun set in my paradise. When I fully return the sun stays frozen in it's place. My heart flutters at it the sight of it. The wind blows wildly in the direction of the trees. I look over my shoulder. Fear floods my body as I see a silhouette at the edge of the trees. It waves. I wave back. It beacons me to come to the trees. I hesitate.
Who is this person?
Are they going to hurt me?
How did they get here?
I slowly step forward as another gust of wind pushes me forward. The wind has never wronged me, it guided me to this place so why should I be scared?
I make my way to the trees slowly. It takes me a few days to get to the trees but the silhouette is always waving to me. As I get closer and closer the silhouette gets deeper within the trees. Soon, I follow it around. It's a male. He runs away from me laughing. He has brown hair, sometimes he catches my attention with little flares of fire that come from his hands.
Will he ever show himself to me?
Why am I not frightened by this fire that he conjures up?
I catch myself almost in awe when ever I see it. Sometimes he would leave little black hand prints on the tree trunks.
I spend my days playing with him. Chasing him around, his laughter echoes throughout the woods. I feel like a kid again. Running around endlessly for hours, never getting bored.
Will I ever catch him?
What will happen if I do?
I hope he never leaves. Just like everything else I've grown attached to this stranger. Or can I even call him a stranger? Something about him seems almost familiar. Is he only a figment of my imagination? I will never know who he is. But part of me tells me I don't need to know who he is just yet.
Then one day he vanished. Nowhere to be seen.
Nothing.
I look around frantically hoping to see him somewhere. No hand prints are left behind, no flares of fire catch my eye. He's just gone.
As I am searching the leaves all fall to the ground and burst into ash and the trees burn down. All that is left of the forest is charred stumps of what use to be here. I panic and I run as fast as I can back to my spot.
The sun is gone.
The grass is dead.
The sea is dried up and the shells are all shattered. The flowers are all dead. Everything I knew and loved is gone.
All I can do is curl up in the spot I claimed when I first found this place.
Did I do this?
Did I kill the grass and flowers?
Did he burn the trees?
My paradise is now a waste land. Worse than my reality. The worst part about this waste land is I'm all alone. I never knew loneliness. I feel almost...forgotten.
My world is Grey. Grey is all I see.
Then. Just as quick as everything changed it was all back to normal. The trees, water, sun, grass and flowers. It's as if all that was changed, was forgotten and put back the way it use to be.
Except, everything is Grey.
Why is everything Grey?
Was it always Grey?
Why do I feel so lonely when I look at the trees?
Am I forgetting something?
My paradise isn't what it use to be, it's a place where my sadness grows. A place that tortures me every time I come back. I want to abandon this place but I can't. I feel as if something happened here that I can't let go of.
What am I forgetting?
What is missing?
Is there something missing?
I get little flickers of color here and there. The trees all burned down again. The sea is drying up again. I'm remembering. The grass is dying, the sun is leaving again.
I remember everything. The only thing I can do is look at the trees. As if I'm waiting for him to come back to make this waste land a little brighter. Will he ever return? What happened to him? Did he forget about me?
The ground shakes and I just curl up waiting to leave. I don't want to be here anymore. The world I thought no one could reach is gone.
Everything burns away.
I open my eyes to come back to the reality that now seems better than my wasteland. My happiness, my child like behavior all burnt away with the trees. I'd rather die than go back, but I can't help but go back. It's all I have left to remember of what once was.
Months of being trapped in my Grey world swirl by. Time ticks on and my hopes of everything going back to the way it use to are gone.
What have I become?
How could one person make me feel like this?
What will happen now?
So many questions flood my mind as dark Grey clouds set in.
Will anything ever be the same again?
I want to forget again and live as if nothing changed at all. It starts to rain constantly. I fear it may flood my world and drown me with it.
Are these tears or is this rain?
I touch my face. Nothing can fill the emptiness I feel inside. Nothing.
Then out of nowhere a gust of wind blows my long hair across my face. I look down pushing my hair out of the way to see the grass. It's Green. The grass is back to its vibrant lush self. The flowers, they're popping up everywhere in colors of red and yellow. The trees grow back in the colors they were before. I hear the sound of water splashing around, I turn quickly to see waves washing away broken shells replacing them with new ones. The sun peaks up from the sea greeting me.
The wind blows towards the trees and I look back. I see the silhouette waving to me.
He's back.
My paradise is restored. Everything is back to the way it was. The wind blows back towards the sea and I'm compelled to look. I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and I can't help but smile. The dark harsh clouds dissipate now that I have no more questions.
"You're back" my voice breaks the silence that has lingered here for years.
"I'll never leave you again." He mutters
I smile again. I continue to smile. I finally know who he is. He doesn't need to reveal himself to me. Someone from my reality has made their way into my world. Changing everything. He has the power to destroy me from the inside out, but I have the power to do the same. I never see his face, don't have to. He always holds me as I would float away if he were let go. We keep each other company in our world. Not a thing can bother us, not a thing can hurt us. But the best part of all is when I leave.
"It's time to go." He always whispers.
I smile and close my eyes. When I open them, there he is. Laying right in front of me.