Author's Note: This isn't my first but it is the first I have posted so I guess I am sort of a FF virgin, anyway I hope that everyone who reads it likes and WRITES COMMENTS FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF THE STORY!

Disclaimer: I guest I do kind of own this so don't use it or any of its likenesses without my given permission!

My name is Alex and this is my story. Who I am, what I am, what I have done, my story may not matter to you. My goal isn't to inspire, interest, intrigue, or even entertains you, my goal is to serve as a warning. My goal is to serve as a beacon of passage to people. I stand here at my lowest point to guide people in their own personal life crises. I have hurt countless people, people that I love. The pain I feel is excruciating. If so, more so than the pain I have caused them. This is my story.

My Boring Life

(4 weeks – 6 days)

Monday, a new beginning, a glum day for some, for myself, Monday was a fresh start where virtually anything could happen. Three weeks had passed since the end of Winter Break from school and my friends, along with myself, were getting used to the idea that we would need to go back to the daily stresses of everyday life. Papers needed writing, problems needing to be solved. I found myself walking down the path I had walked so many times before.

"Submit, be weak, give in, let go, listen, release."

My imagination would run vivid with different ideas throughout my day at school. I would find myself imagining the impossible, things that I had only read about happening in so many silly and strange science fiction novels that I had read to pass the time on those boring nights with nothing else to keep me pre-occupied. Monday, my day.

"Paul! Wait up!"

"Alex! What's been going on, how was your weekend?"

"Everything was, well it was a quiet, peaceful, mini-vacation." We both laughed.

Paul was a friend I met on my first day of school; we had drifted apart over high school but were still awkward acquaintances. Paul had short, dark brown hair with eyes to match, fit but not overly ripped, pretty average. I had sandy-blonde hair with blue eyes, people had described my eyes as dark blue, almost navy but still noticeably blue, I on the other hand, was a little bigger than Paul, not so much more muscular but more bulkier. We were both of average height, almost six feet.

Paul was pretty well known around our high school, one of the more popular kids in the senior class. I never really classified myself as exactly being apart of the popular crowd, mind you, I wasn't a social reject or anything like that, I just stayed away from any prolonged contact to parties or socials like that. I was more of an introvert; I stayed inside my mind

"So what do you have planned for this weekend?" Paul asked. He asked this to my surprise, I was at a loss for words, and Paul hadn't ever asked me this before so it took me off guard.

"I… well… nothing really, just planned on staying home, we have that paper due in English class and I figured everyone would be pretty much grounded with that to do." I said this and thought for a minute, I thought about how much of a nerd he must've thought I was! "Oh I'm just staying home to write a paper." I must have really looked like I was living under a rock having my main focus of a weekend on a school paper; the biggest nerds in our school didn't do that!

"Ooookay? Well when you get to a good stopping point, swing by my place. I've been having some problems with my computer and I know you like messing around with that kind of stuff." Paul said.

"…Uh… sure. What day?"

To be honest, Paul's proposal took me way off guard, sure we had been friends for a while but since high school started, mostly because of extra-curriculars, we hadn't said much, just the usual 'hi' and 'goodbye' but that was it. Now I had an invitation to go to his house, and fix his computer. It's not like I was a well known techy or anything like that, I did like to fiddle around with electronics at my house though, how did he even know that?

"Hmmm, well I guess you could stop by Friday, the computer's pretty screwed so it might be an all-nighter!"

"Sure! I'll be over there around 5, Friday night, will that work!?"

I don't think that I had ever said something that sounded so peppy in my entire life, what the hell was wrong with me? I was really pumped up about this, first an invite over to his house, now I might be spending the night… Suddenly I felt a tightening in my pants.

"Paul, I have to go, see you Friday!" I ran out of there like I was in a burning building, headed for the nearest bathroom, then the closest stall. I needed time to 'cool down.'

"What the hell? Why did that happen? I was just standing there, thinking about my plans for the weekend and…Oh god, am I attracted to Paul?! No that's impossible, I can't be gay! I've had dates, sure I'm still a virgin but I've had dates before."

I tried to recount any date I could remember, nothing, the only things that came close were homecoming or sweet heart dances held at the school. I went with the first girl to ask me, I didn't have the courage.

"God, maybe I am gay. As if life wasn't hard enough as is."

The rest of the day flew by, it seemed as if I was almost in a dense fog, just drifting through, I needed guidance. When it came time for me to go home, I ran, as if someone were chasing me, as if I was trying to get away from something. I was trying to escape my fate. I came home, Dad was always on business, and Mom was… Mom was gone, not recently; she left when I was two. It was hard to grow up without a mom, seeing all the other kids enjoy theirs, I was left usually with nannies, Dad was always at some meeting, it's not easy running a pharmaceutical empire. I hopped on the elevator to get to our apartment, the top floor, not just the floor we lived on; it was where we lived, the entire top floor. I, most of the time, felt embarrassed about this, it was too much, some people would call me arrogant or stuck-up for saying that, for me it was just annoying, my father spending everything he could to buy me off for all the times that he wasn't there. He certainly wouldn't understand my situation now. What, you're a faggot?! Sure my son the queer! I hated him.

After walking through the door, I ran to my room, jumped on my bed and wept, how could something like this happen, why was I to be cursed, to never be accepted, as if I wasn't already enough of an outcast, this truth would put me over the edge.

"End it, end it all, listen, give in, submit." No! Stop it! Who was I talking to?

Sometimes my imagination would run too off course and I needed to control it. I lay on my bed for at least another hour, stared at the ceiling, then it hit me. "Paul, Paul would understand me, he was my friend since the first grade after all! I'll just tell him, he'll understand." What the hell was I thinking, he wants me over there to fix a computer, not spill me feelings all over his carpet! Paul was some big shot jock, he'd probably think I was trying to come on to him. He wouldn't understand. I would have to go anyway, I didn't want to even hint at that something might have been going on. I bet if someone would have asked me how I was. I would have broke down and told them right then and there, the best thing to do would be to act normal. Before I knew it, I was knocking at Paul's front door.

oh cliffhanger

thanks for reading it!