Insane

One thing I learned from my childhood is to never piss off my step-father. I thought I would never see happiness again, I thought I would never see daylight as a child. It was this day which probably marked the beginning of the end of my sanity. song-fic for Pixiella's story contest

Song: Insane by Eminem

Warning: Explicit content, dirty language, reference to slash, reference to rape/sex, but no sex scenes...You are warned.

"How many tragedies start in childhood? Environment is everything, and when placed in jeopardy, children will imagine what they need to survive."

-Ranse Truman

In the dark environments of St. Petersburg, Florida, lived a young boy named Sean Waltman. He seemed rather tough on the outside, especially when he went to school. Sean was known as the 'X-Pac.' The X-Pac, was of course, one of the top bullies at school, he would always get what he wants, push, punch, and fight his way to the top of popularity. He's pretty quiet when around new people but will certainly let everyone know of his presence in school. But this time it was different, today was the first day in 5th grade, and to really become popular he would show all the kids in his grade that he is the 'X-Pac' one of the toughest and coolest kids you would meet. He wanted to make everyone hang out with someone like him, and wanted to make every girl drool at the sight of him, make every girl wish they could be with someone like him.

However, Sean is different when he's home. He's not known as the 'X-Pac' the tough guy he is at school. He is known as that little rascal, his step-father's sex toy. Robert, Sean's step father is very abusive toward his step-son and isnt afraid to express his feelings either verbally or physically. He is very expressive about his feelings physically by the way, to Sean or to his mother Debra. Debra had been one of the first to witness his abuse, as she was caught hanging out with one of her guy friends, one of them being Paul Levesque. That was the only father figure, Sean could ever look up to. He knew he could always talk to Paul if he ever needed someone to talk to. Of course, Sean did, but he never told him about his step-father's wrong doings as he feared what would he would to do him next.

It was Monday, again, the first day of junior high for Sean and it was early in the morning when he heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. His step dad and his mother were arguing not too long ago, and Sean figured his step-dad was coming upstairs just so he can take his anger out on the poor child.

Sean's POV

With each footstep, the knot being formed in my stomach grew awful tight. I knew it was him, he would always come upstairs angry from the arguements he would have with my mother and I would be his little punching bag, someone to take his anger out on. Sometimes, he would hit me or beat me up right when I was in the middle of sleeping peacefully. Sometimes, he would slip in my bed and start touching me in weird places. Most of the time he would rape me, and he would make my mother watch as she would listen to me cry, and scream for help. But of course, she wouldnt do anything. Fear is a great motivator. She feared that if she even attempted to call for help that she would pay for her wrong doings. My step-father is always a man of his word.

I was born with a dick in my brain
Yea fucked in the head
My step-father said that I sucked in the bed

It was only seconds into the door to my room flew open.

"Get up you worthless piece of shit!" Robert yelled to me. After this, I refuse to call him my step-father as I would grow disgusted to even have some sort of relation to that man.

Til one night he snuck in and said

"We're going out back, I want my dick sucked in the shed." Robert told me as he grabbed my arm and forced me to get up. I wanted to refuse, but that's when fear decided to consume me. I had to do what he said, or there will be hell to pay as Robert would always say.

"Cant we just play with Teddy Ruxpin instead?" I asked hoping that he would at least and try to act like my father.

"After I fuck you in the butt, get some head" With that being said, Robert grabbed me and pulled me out of the bed. I began to cry and scream for my mother as she ran out to see what was going on, but she didnt help me. All she did was watch in horror, as Robert drags me outside into the shed and started what he said he was going to do. There was nothing I could've done, yeah, I fought but it was no use.

After it was over, my father dragged me back into the house and threw me back on the bed.

"Bust a nut, get some rest "

I knew Robert nor my mother didnt want me to go to school today, especially with the condition I am in. Robert would never let me go to school after he's done toying with me as his little sex slave. I went to bed crying that morning and woke up with the weather matching my mood perfectly. Sadness. Rain, you go outside and feel God's tears, you go outside and hear God's screams and cries with thunder and lightning. Rain. The perfect mood for sadness. Yeah, sadness.

The next morning, I seemed a little bit off today. I started seeing things I wouldnt normally see, and my vision was really a blur. And for a moment, I saw the whole world spinning around me. Maybe I needed to go and lay down. I realized this when I came down to breakfeast, its too bad my mother made me breakfeast for nothing because I was no where near hungry.

The next day my mother said, "I don't know what the fuck's up with this kid"

"The bastard won't even eat nothing he scared" I could hear Robert talking with my mother with his really loud voice. I dont even know what she sees in him. Robert was characterized as an overweight man, with a brown beard and a bald head. His typical attire was a red shirt with overalls which he hasnt changed in like weeks. Disgusting.

I went up to my room and found a rope when an idea popped in mind. "Maybe I should just kill myself, I'll be a lot happier." I said to myself. I tied the rope around my neck and looked around to see if there was anything in my room, anything with great height to tie the other end of the rope on. But there was nothing. I heard my mom calling me as she comes upstairs. Seeing no other choice, I dropped to the ground and pretended to play dead.

She opened the door to see me laying on the ground with the rope around my neck. "Robbie!" My mother called for her husband as she went downstairs.

"He just hung himself in the bedroom he's dead."

"Debbie don't let that fucker get you upset. Go in there stick a fucking cigarette to his neck. I bet you he's faking it. I bet you, I'll bet he prolly wants to see how upset you would get. I'll go handle this of course unless you object. I'll go fuck his brains out if any is left in his head."

Unconvinced of his step son's sudden suicide, Robert went upstairs to see this for himself and Sean again, suffered from another one of Robert's dirty sexual tactics.

If you could count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed and up under my faucet
Then you would know I've completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he's insane (x2)

Sean's POV (continued)

Being a victim of abuse is really not good at all. At least, thats what I clarified. There are two effects of being abused, some kids and people end up being abused so much that they either end up dead or lose their sanity. Some people get abused so much they lose themselves, they lose contact with reality or find some different way to become someone else besides you. You know, all that psychiatric crap when you decide to create alter ego's and all that. I dont know, I never really payed attention to health class when they would teach you about your personality. After all, Robert thought it was a bunch of as he quotes, bullshit.

I wouldnt say I am necessarily close to death, but I am more likely close to losing my mind, my sanity, as everywhere I look I see hallucinations, I hear voices cackling at me, mocking me. The voices would sometimes talk to me, they would talk to each other, or they would just talk crazy stuff. One of the conversations being this:

"You get it?"

"No he just tried to bite my face off
I just got fucking chased off with a chainsaw
Then he took the chainsaw bit the fucking blades off
Ate the blades, stuck a baseball in a slingshot
Then he aimed at his own face let the thing pop
Took his eye out picked it up and played ping pong
Then he played ping pong with his own ding dong."

"That motherfucker's got nuts like king kong"

"Then he set the lawn mower out on the dang lawn
And he layed all up underneath it with the thing on
Then he took his pants he took every fucking thing off
Everything except his tank top and his training bra
Ain't he raw? Yea, maniac that Shady dog
Man that motherfuckers gangsta, ain't he dog?
Shady dog, what be going through that fucking brain of yours?
Say no more, what the fuck you waiting for? Sing along."

I sat back in the corner with my knees to my chest, and covered my ears as the voices started to sing, laugh and mock me. I didnt want to lose hope in living the rest of my childhood life. I never thought I would see death staring at me in the face. I heard the door open and close, I looked out the window to see that Robert and my mom were getting in the car. I figured they would leave me alone in the house one day, but I didnt care. Because I looked at this as a time to get help. Racing downstairs, I got to the phone and first called Paul, that way I could at least have some back up and at least have the time to tell him what's going on.

"Hello?" I heard Paul's voice appear over the phone.

"Paul, tomorrow, could you pick me up from school? I promise, it'll be an emergency just when I decide to end this call. I'll explain everything just please come." I begged him.

"Okay, okay. I'll be there first thing after school." Paul told me as I hung up the phone. I knew I would have to face the music if Robert found anything about this. A few hours later, Robert and my mother came home and Robert was drunk so he decided to beat me and my mother up and the night ended there. I found myself crying to sleep that night.

After school, I slowly walked out of the building only to see Paul standing outside of his truck with his arms crossed, waiting for me. He spotted me, and he quickly opened the car and urged me to get in.

"Sean, what's going on? Is something wrong?" Paul asked me. I looked at him with tears in my eyes.

"Don't you know what felch means? " I asked him. Paul gave me a confused look when I didnt answer his question.

"Yeah." He responded.

"Well then tell me, would you rather get felched or do the felching? Fuck 'em in the ass suck the cum out while you're belching. Belch and go back for a second helping. Can you dig what I'm saying man? can you smell me? I want you to feel me like my step-father felt me. Fuck a little puppet kick the puppy while he's yelping." I for one, had no idea I was saying this, as I realized that I was only repeating what the voices were saying inside my mind.

"Sean, what are you saying?" Paul asked.

"I dont know! Help me!"

What the fuck's happening? I think I'm fucking melting! I started to have a little spaz attack and after a few minutes, Paul managed to cool me off getting me to explain everything that has happened to me up to this point. Paul was livid of course, I was like his own son to him in his eyes, and I can understand that because I look up to him like he's my own father.

We arrived home and once Robert seen that I was with Paul, he flipped out.

"What the fuck bring's a worthless piece of shit like you to my house!" Robert yelled.

"I only came to tell you that I'm taking Sean in, and I already called the police, they are on their way." Paul told him.

Robert went inside and brought out a butcher knife.

"Oh no you're not. That little fucker is coming with me, and I'm not going anywhere. The only place you are going to is Heaven or Hell if you dont back the fuck up out my business." Robert threatened lifting his knife.

"As you wish," Robert was the first to attempt an attack on Paul, but Paul dodged it, thankfully and started to attack him, punching him and kicking him. My mother came out with her robe which looked really ragged up and dirty along with her brown hair, she looked a mess. Robert countered Paul's attack and stabbed Paul near his shoulder. I screamed and closed my eyes but after a few minutes, police sirens approached my house and there were gun shots. I looked up to see one tall police officer standing in front of me still armed with the gun.

I looked between his legs to see Robert on the ground and Paul holding his fresh wound. His shirt was now caked with blood as police officers rush to his aid. I for one was happy that the madness was over.

"Sean, are you okay?" Paul asked me.

"Is it over? Is it really over?" I asked him.

"Yes. Your mother wanted to take you in but she's not. She's been charged for possession of drugs, so she wont be seeing you for a while." Paul told me. Maybe that explains why my mother looked like crap.

"I'm taking you in Sean, thanks to your father, you have to attend a psychiatrist, as you as a child can not be mentally healthy after a situation like this. I love you Sean, like my own son, and I wont let anything like this happen to you ever." Paul told me. That was sadly, the first time someone told me that they love me, as I never heard it from either my mother and never from Robert.

He took me into a tight hug as I hugged him back. I was thankful to have someone like Paul who now takes care of me. I would probably be dead if it werent for him. I squeezed him tight and enjoyed the warmth of the hug.

Feeling his heartbeat against my chest made me the happiest person on Earth.

When I listened to this song, I have to say, I was beyond disgusted, but after looking into it I can understand why a kid would probably go insane after events such as this occur. I can understand why Eminem would make a song like this. Anyway, review! :)