The Walls Of Jericho

by Icarus

Jack's legendary diplomacy leads to more than the usual trouble off-world.

The Walls Of Jericho
By Icarus

"Daniel..." Jack threw down a t-shirt in frustration and paced the disaster area of his office. It joined a number of wads of paper that had missed the basket. He'd been balling it up in his hands for most of their conversation. Daniel somehow knew exactly which nerves to hit. "Don't ask, don't tell is a hell of a step forward!"

"I don't see how. It's just another example of the way the military lags behind modern societal norms."

Jack made a cutting gesture, "No." He spun around and pointed at Daniel, who lounged on the corner of Jack's desk as if perfectly, infuriatingly relaxed, crinkling a pile of unsigned forms under his ass -- though his shoulders were as tense as a bow. "You're just mad at me because I wouldn't approve your precious plan -"

"Jack, that's beside the point..."

"You are, and you're trying to piss me off and taking it out on the military deliberately, because you know --!"

"Jack..."

"Ah-Ack!" Jack's finger was up, cutting him off. "Because you know I hate that pointy-headed, eyeglass-wearing, pseudo-intellectual snooty-assed crap!"

"I also happen to be right." Daniel folded his arms around himself, and looked far too smug for someone scoring a mere intellectual point. This was personal. "It's a step backward as a matter of fact. A lot of soldiers have lost their careers over --"

"No!" Jack fist swung out in denial. "No, it's huge step forward because the military admits that we're here, admits that they want the soldiers they've got, whom they've trained, who are valued AS IS. And they've promised to keep their damned noses out of the bedroom where they don't belong in the first..." Jack suddenly realized that Daniel was staring, mouth slightly open, the smug look gone. "...place. What're you looking at?"

Jack didn't feel quite ready to abandon the argument just yet, but all the fight seemed to have gone out of Daniel.

Daniel licked his lips, blinked a little. Then said quietly, tipping his head at Jack, "You said 'we.'"

"No I didn't."

"Yes. You did."

"Did not."

"Did..."

"Didn't!"

"Did, too!"

Jack shook his head and changed tactics. "Now why would I say 'we'?"

"Jack... are you... are you gay?" Daniel asked, determined, with utter disbelief written across his face.

"You're changing the subject just because you were losing," Jack pointed out, placing a whole desk between the two of them.

"I was not los-- ooo that was good, nice try, but you, you're... you are?" Daniel's hand dropped to his side.

Forced into a lie, Jack growled, "Of course not!"

"You are." That look of dumbfounded shock still hadn't left Daniel's face. He stepped forward and Jack retreated a six inches. "Look, Jack, I'm on your side."

"What side? There aren't any sides! The military doesn't want the rep of being a bunch of candy-assed fruit flies and I don't blame them!" Jack exploded. "Reputation counts. Battles are won - and lost! - on reputation alone. Those walls of Jericho didn't drop because of trumpets -- those guys were scared of what they faced. The Jews were total bad-asses." He leveled a glare to beat the point home. "No soldier would willingly give up that advantage."

He grabbed his jacket and stalked out of his office, forcing Daniel to shut up, out in the open. Of course he heard footsteps skip a little as Daniel trailed behind him.

"Jack..."

He didn't look back but kept walking, shoulders set. He made for the most public place he could think of, anything to forestall the rest of this conversation. The commissary would do nicely. "The subject's closed, Daniel," he said in a flat voice, pulling on his jacket.

Not for the first time Jack was grateful their security cameras were visual only. Just what part of Don't Ask, Don't Tell didn't Daniel get? Oh yeah - the asking part.

Jack waited Daniel out in the commissary. Various personnel gave them curious looks as the doors of the commissary swung open and shut, while Jack and Daniel glared at each other across a table, unmoving. Daniel had an infuriating 'knowing' look on his face, as if he knew anything at all. Jack swiped his mouth, hardened his jaw, and tried not to feel totally bare-assed naked.

He squirmed in the hard plastic seat, and wondered if they'd made these things out of poured concrete when they built the bunker.

"I have an iron ass. I've sat through hundreds of hours of lectures," Daniel informed him with a casual gesture. "You can't win. So, you might as well talk. My office? Yours -?" His tone was almost gracious, annoyingly concerned.

Jack's smile tightened as he took a sip of his tea, eyes glimmering over the cup at Daniel, who calmly sipped his coffee. That was Daniel's second cup -- which should just about do it. He'd been in the field with Daniel often enough to exploit his weaknesses.

Sure enough, within a half hour Daniel began to shift uncomfortably. Though he stuck it out, clearing his throat as he shifted again. Obviously waiting for Jack to also budge -- for the same reason no doubt.

It was cruel to let the man suffer, so Jack tapped the edge of his cup. It made a little pinging sound.

"Ginger tea. It's a non-diuretic," Jack explained. "In field tests you can't afford to stop and take a leak." He waved Daniel away victoriously, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Go along to the little boy's room. I'll be riiiight here when you get back."

The look Daniel gave him as he stood said, like hell.

Oh, he was so very right.

Surprisingly, Daniel didn't push it after that.

He didn't show up at Jack's door that evening (which Jack had half-expected with no little dread). Nor did he corner Jack in his office again. Daniel only nodded politely during the briefing for P5R-762 at 0930 the next morning, eyes dark and lingering a bit too long, but he didn't stare - for which Jack was infinitely grateful. He'd been through this before and didn't like being looked at like a specimen of an unknown species. He was Colonel Jack O'Neill, damn it, and no different from before. But Daniel seemed to handle it better than most, probably from working with all these aliens.

As Carter chirped on about naquadah metals, blah, blah, blah, Jack did a routine threat assessment: Daniel had no few of his secrets already, and proved he could be trusted with them. Would he confide in Carter? No. He knew better than that. Teal'c? Possibly. Yeah. A distinct possibility. Daniel needed to talk about 'things.' But Teal'c kept secrets like Fort Knox. Better than Daniel actually.

Secure, Jack waited for casual conversation to resume so they could put that little slip behind them.

He really ought to have known better.

"So the aliens are friendly?" Jack asked, settling his P-90 comfortably in his arms. It was stripped, cleaned, and his team was saddled up and ready to go. He was looking forward to this mission. He slammed the magazine back into the gun.

The gate came to life behind them, with a sound that reminded Jack of the toilets in Germany. A really big toilet. Jack smiled around at his team, tight-lipped, and wondered if he should save that joke for another time. You had to be economical with your wisecracks, in case you ran out.

"Oh, they're friendly enough I think. So far," Daniel said, tying his boot laces and holding everyone up as usual. Carter and Teal'c waited patiently at the base of the ramp. Jack stepped towards him as Daniel bounced up. "Of course, we wouldn't really know. They could despise us, but their culture requires that they be polite anyway."

He patted Daniel on the back as he pressed him in the direction of the gate. Daniel paused briefly, but didn't flinch away.

Good. One homophobia test passed.

"So it doesn't matter," Jack responded, eyeing Daniel, "just so long as Carter gets to run her great big... lava lamp."

Daniel and Sam rolled their eyes and Jack pretended not to grin. Yep. All was well. He decided to save the toilet joke.

"Planetary tests, yes sir," Sam said, gamely repeating herself from the briefing as they climbed the ramp. She knew Daniel did translations in his head during meetings, while Teal'c focused only what was relevant for security, and Jack, well, Jack filtered out the gibberish, reading everyone else's reactions instead. When General Hammond sat up it was time to listen. "The planet will probably demonstrate a higher ratio of radioactive isotopes, which means either something's strange, or this planet is a lot younger than the rest of this solar system. But that's the only way we think someplace so far from a white dwarf star could still support human life. It should have cooled off a long time ago, but it hasn't. It provides ideal conditions to refine both naquadah and trinium -- in fact, I suspect that's exactly what the Ancients used it for."

"Refining naquadah?" Daniel's eyebrows arched. "As in making naquadah metal?"

"As in potentially making stargates," Carter confirmed.

"Groovy," Jack said as he took point and stepped through the gate, with Daniel close behind.

The sky on the other side of the gate was a brilliant twilight blue, even though technically it was eleven o'clock in the morning, at least according to Jack's watch. The sun was up, as it was constantly in this polar region, a bright dime-sized white-haloed circle that washed the color out of everything like stark moonlight. A circle of jagged black mountains surrounded them, with no trace of snow.

It was the first sign that you were on an alien world, the light. A million different shades and colors of light, no two exactly like Earth.

Jack breathed out a silvered mist as the watery glow of the stargate shut off, his team stepping around rocks beside him. There were no 'greeters' or 'tour guides' for this mission. The aliens lived in elaborately carved caves over a day's hike from the gate - a testament that there were no bad guys coming through on a regular basis. But they'd have to hoof it, and camp on the way.

Not for the first time Jack wished they could just drive a Humvee through the gate for off-world travel. Why not? They already cross-pollinated cultures just by meeting them.

A Humvee with heat, CD-player for a little music, a TV... And heat. Jack stamped his feet to keep warm.

"Jack." Daniel tapped him and pointed over his shoulder. "Look over there." Four brilliant stars hovered like a necklace on the horizon, outlined against the rich blue. Daniel was smiling, his lips and face carved out of silver-blue shadows. His blue eyes just blended into this light. "The natives call them the 'day stars,'" he said reverently. "They can navigate by the stars even when the sun's out for the warm season."

"Hunh." Jack gazed at the unfamiliar constellation, which reminded him of Orion, and wondered what the names of the individual stars were. Or if he could pronounce them.

"I thought you'd like that." Daniel grinned.

Jack peered up at the sky, and the crystal clear canopy of much fainter stars. "You're sure this is the warm season?"

"It is indeed chilly, O'Neill," Teal'c affirmed.

Carter grinned at them. "It's a lot warmer in the caves. Almost tropical, in fact."

They camped on a ridgeline under the cover of some alien bluish scrub, the 'sun' still high in the sky. There was a waft of warm air from somewhere close, and a sound like a big witch's cauldron. But Carter reassured them the natives had insisted the trail would be safe. Though she hedged that volcanoes were unpredictable in the extreme, and rattled on about that bad news, while Daniel and Teal'c glanced around at the mountains, looking a little nervous.

Jack didn't feel any better about walking on the geophysical equivalent of a time bomb, but there wasn't much they could do about it. So he set 'volcano watches' and cut Carter off when she casually started in with that "unlikelihood of surviving a volcanic eruption" stuff again. Sheesh.

Jack opted to team up in Daniel's tent, just to stamp out any lingering weirdness between them, get things back to normal.

This turned out to be a severe tactical error.

On his return from second watch (Carter got third watch as reward for their upcoming lack of sleep) he found Daniel half-awake. He startled and sat up a little as Jack dropped the tent flap.

"Feel any tremors?" Jack joked. He pulled off his boots then stretched out in his bag with a satisfied sigh. No dangers except for a possible explosion, and that was out of his hands.

"No, not yet," Daniel chuckled. "Though it's only a matter of time with a planet this seismically active," he imitated Carter, and Jack coughed miserably.

Daniel leaned up on an elbow and looked at Jack. Intently. With that long pause he always had before he argued, or said something he knew Jack wouldn't like, or defied orders or... "So. What do you do?"

"What?" But Jack suddenly knew. Daniel couldn't leave well enough alone.

"I mean... what do you do?"

Oh man... Jack had dealt with this before: the bi-curious type. He glanced over at Daniel and hoped he didn't have fantasies of the big, bad colonel popping his cherry for him. No thanks, a smart man didn't shit where he eats. He'd transferred one soldier out of his command who'd gotten that idea. He decided to embarrass Daniel.

"I'll tell you what. When we get back, I'll settle you in for some nice gay porn, so you can figure out the mechanics for yourself."

"Um. Nooo. That won't be necessary."

Daniel was staring up at the roof the tent, lost in thought. Jack hoped this was the end of it.

"I meant... I mean, do you take people home?"

"Wha- are you nuts? The NID wackos have bugged my house before, do you think I'd give them that kind of ammo?"

"So hotels and that sort of thing." Daniel nodded, as if that was what he'd expected.

Yeah. Sometimes. "This is getting a little personal, Daniel. No, wait -- it's getting a lot personal," Jack said in a warning tone of voice.

Daniel stirred, rustling the taffeta of the down sleeping bag. "No wonder you're so paranoid."

"Whoa there! I'm no more paranoid than the military makes anyone. You threat assess, you learn that." Daniel was silent. "And I'm still in the military because I'm careful. I'm good at it." Jack sat up, glaring at Daniel's silence, knowing exactly what was on his mind. He'd been through this spiel before. He decided to cut it off at the pass; Daniel would say it eventually.

"You're supposed to be asking about my ex-wife Sarah now, what really happened. That's the cliche, right?" He couldn't keep the bitter sarcasm out of his voice and didn't even try.

Daniel rolled and looked over at him finally, bright blue eyes blinking and genuinely surprised. "Why? You obviously loved her."

Jack's chin lifted and he didn't have anything to say to that. Yeah.

Daniel was back to staring at the canopy, a frown carving his forehead. "Hotels. Huh. It just sounds so... lonely."

"What is this? What, d'you want some?" Jack snapped. "What do you want from me, Daniel?"

"I just want to understand."

"Well, unless you're sucking cock on the weekends you're not gonna." Which was, okay, a little more graphic than Jack intended, but Daniel was pissing him off. He was being so -- Daniel about it, and not following any of the scripts.

Jack harshly turned his back and settled in to sleep.

Daniel cleared his throat behind him, and said in a hesitant voice, "Um... good night?"

One of the fastest ways to screw up a command was to get a crush on someone you worked with. Long ago Jack learned that you avoided that by not even looking at those under your authority. They were family, and sometimes really annoying family, the kind you didn't look forward to seeing at Christmas; who kept you up all night with talk about 'seismic events' when it sounded like a lava flow was inches from your pillow; or bugged you with penetrating questions that were none of their god damned business.

Jack studied Daniel's slack face, and determined that, yes, the dark spot on his sleeping bag was drool. And that he definitely needed something better to do.

Minutes later, Jack stretched, paced the campsite and announced to the air, "Good morning! It is a balmy... twenty-three degrees Fahrenheit... winds are about three knots out of the west, at a cruising altitude of, oh," he peered over the ridge, "seven hundred feet. We should be arriving in six hours march if we get our asses in gear. That's a big if. And it's still dark out. Any volcanoes go off last night, Carter?"

"I think you would have noticed, sir." Sam flushed, crouching over the coffeepot.

"Good! Glad to hear it," Jack said. He kicked the side of Daniel's tent and was rewarded with bleary, grumpy face squinting irritably through the doorway. "Wake up, Daniel! You've got third watch tonight for keeping me all night, talking."

Daniel put his glasses on but didn't look like he could see any better. "Abusing your authority, Jack?"

"That's what it's for."

He was sure he saw Teal'c smile at that.

"Actually, sir, I'd like to borrow Teal'c and see if we can find that lava flow, take some surface readings as a point of comparison," Sam said, wiping her palms on her pants as she stood.

Jack waved absently, already contemplating coffee. "You do that." As an afterthought he added over his shoulder, "But be back in an hour! By this time tomorrow I want to be waking up in a nice, soft alien bed."

Daniel lumbered out of the tent, ran his hands through his hair and generally looked like shit. He poured Jack a cup of coffee, holding it out as obvious bait. Jack accepted it, eyes wary: Daniel had that patient 'psychiatrist' look on his face, and looked dangerously like he was about to say something.

Sam had safely vanished around a pile of rocks, so Jack beat him to the punch.

"It's not lonely." Daniel needed to get that straight, right off the bat.

But he only raised his eyebrows, and Jack took a long sip, waiting for a response.

When Daniel didn't say anything, he squatted down and added in an undertone, poking at the ground with a stick, "There's no difference between my life and lives of anyone else at the SGC."

Daniel choked on his coffee. "I beg to differ. I mean, other than the fact that you have to hide, and I'd call that a pretty big difference. Generally."

Jack snorted. "Oh, come off it. We don't have anything to hide. None of us do. Everything in our lives is top secret; we can't give that out. 'What do you do?' 'Oh, I work in radar telemetry.' What do I know about that? Squat."

"Okay, granted, but at least most of us have the illusion that maybe at some point we'll... find someone. For you it's more of a permanent situation."

"I don't think I'd want to introduce General Hammond to some 'special someone.'"

Daniel swept his hand out as if that made some kind of point. "And it's wrong that you have to feel that way."

"I don't have to feel that way, I do feel that way!" Jack glared down at the ground, controlling his voice. Black dirt, and gritty. In his peripheral vision he spotted a blond head jogging down the trail. "Anyways, it's all academic -- hey! Carter!" he barked.

"Sir, I think--"

"Carter," he cut her off, "what'd you do this past weekend?"

"Sir?"

"Oh yeah that's right, we don't get weekends. Your last leave then. What was it? Naquadah reactor?"

"I'm afraid I don't remember. Sir, I think you ought to --"

"Oooh, that sounds exciting. Memorable even. How 'bout you, Teal'c? Three days of Kel-no-reem?"

"I watched the national table tennis championships on television, O'Neill." Teal'c nodded to him.

"Ping-Pong! A thrill a minute," Jack said.

"It is a most fast-paced competition. However, the judging leaves much to be desired."

"Bad calls are part of any game, Teal'c. Okay, now let's hear about Daniel's smokin' social life. What did you do? Curl up with a nice pottery shard?"

"Um," Daniel winced. "I had a date, actually."

"Really?" Carter laughed. Teal'c raised an eyebrow at Daniel.

"Oh? A date? Well then," Jack stood, rubbing his palms on his thighs, "let's get this show on the road. Gotta get Daniel back to his hot sex life. In fact, let's finish this mission as soon as possible, so we can all go home."

He flung the rest of his coffee into the bushes and stalked off.

Sam bit her lip and stared after him, cringing. "This is your fault, isn't it Daniel?"

"Um." Daniel sucked in a breath. "I think I might have hit a nerve."

"Well," she said in a reasonable tone, "he has to wind down sooner or later."

Daniel scratched his head and scuffed at the ground. "I wouldn't count on it."

Sam set her jaw and followed Jack anyway, who had collapsed both of the tents already and was kicking out the remainder of their fire. "Sir?"

"I'm in a shitty mood, Carter. What is it?"

"Sir, I think you should have a look at something," she said. "We found that lava flow."

They stared up at the glowing arch where it crested about six feet above their back trail. It was black directly underneath, about a foot and a half wide, with little crawling glimmers of orange embers. The upper surface glowed with a shifting red-yellow-orange light as the lava flowed up, and then over, their trail.

"Whoa," Daniel said.

"What the hell...?" Jack said, stepping closer to peer under it. Nothing was holding it up, though the area around the arch was certainly toasty. He pointed. "Okay. Even I know lava's not supposed to do that."

"I guess the natives were serious when they said the trail would stay clear," Daniel said, gazing over the length of it, nonplused. It was broader at the base where the lava flowed freely again.

"Teal'c and I checked for forcefields or anything within our realm of science or Goa'uld technology that could explain it. I've no idea why this is happening," Carter said, managing to sound at once frustrated and awed.

"Well, the why of it is pretty obvious."

Everyone turned to stare at Daniel.

"I mean, I don't know how they do it, but it seems pretty straightforward: this trail leads to the stargate, and anyone using the stargate would need to keep the path open." Daniel blinked at them. "Look, if the Ancients manipulated time and space when they built the stargate system, I'd think that repelling a lava flow would be small change."

"Carter?"

Sam shrugged. "It seems plausible, sir. Anyway, I can't find any sort of mechanism here. Maybe the natives know of some sort of... abandoned control room we could study."

"The natives were clearly familiar with the properties of this particular path," Daniel added, bobbing his head in agreement.

"Okay. So one more item on the to-do list: king-sized lava lamp number two. The answers are still that-a-way." Jack gestured back towards the campsite. "Let's head out."

It was good to know that they were probably safe all last night, even if Jack didn't like to rely too much on alien technology; it tended to go squirrelly on you when you least expected.

An hour into their hike, Daniel quickened his pace to walk alongside Jack. As predictable as rain in Vancouver. "Jack?"

Jack didn't look over, keeping his eyes fixed on the disappearing twilight trail where it twisted ahead through the mountains. He made of point of not slowing down or matching Daniel's stride either, and answered in a taut voice, "You don't ever learn, do you Daniel?"

"What?" Daniel paused, his mouth open. Understanding dawned. "Oh. No no, it's not about that -- I have a theory."

"A theory." Jack risked a glance in his direction. Daniel had one of those wide-open 'starry-eyed' looks on his face. Uh-oh.

"Yes," he nodded. Jack really knew better than to encourage the man in his flights of fancy. "Since the Ancients were allied with the Asgard I imagine they probably had a similar value system. They may have protected primitive sentient life, just like the Asgard do now."

"From the Goa'uld?" Jack said, squinting doubtfully. "I thought those guys weren't around back then."

"Well, from whatever. Maybe from the lava flows here. This world must have been a pretty rough place." Daniel peered down the trail. "Up until now I haven't had any proof. But this trail - and anything else like it - might be it. These people could owe their very survival to the Ancients."

Jack failed to see the relevance but couldn't resist the lure of argument. He shook his head. "Or the Ancients could have been long gone, and the locals simply took advantage of their handy-dandy road."

Which squared more with how Jack had seen things work. Much as he liked the Asgard, they were the exception that proved the rule. But in Daniel's happy little universe all aliens were good guys until proven otherwise.

"Yes, yes I know, I need something else, some record or other protection..."

"Daniel..." Jack said warningly and stopped, catching on. "We're here for mining. That's it. This is not an archeological field trip."

"But, Jack..."

"No pet theories. No side ventures." Jack strode resolutely in the direction of the alien village. There was no point in reminding Daniel about 'mission objectives' and 'orders.' It always fell on deaf ears.

He vaguely recalled that this was what had started their fight in the first place.

Even the pictures didn't prepare Jack for the 'village.' There were no outlying buildings, no farms or suburbs gradually leading to a town square. No open air markets or chickens and whatnot. Just a path and one great, big, impenetrable door in the rock, the size you'd find on a castle... probably three stories tall. It was intricately carved with long, forbidding faces, and symbols that Daniel had said were unlike any pictographic language he'd ever seen. Which meant: not a transplanted human society. Genuinely alien, if humanoid.

Jack gazed up at the door looking for windows -- or arrow slits. Any clue as to what these people were like militarily. There was nothing he could see. The door seemed to be strictly defensive.

"Well." He turned to his team. Teal'c peered up at it with undaunted curiosity. "Someone ring the doorbell."

Daniel folded his arms. "Actually, we don't know how."

"Oh for crying..." Jack walked up and knocked. There wasn't a trace of an echo, and the door could've dented his P-90. "Ow." He shook the jangle out of his fingers and ignored the sly smiles exchanged between Daniel and Carter. "What is that stuff?"

"A form of basalt, sir," Carter explained. "An incredibly hard igneous rock."

Daniel scanned it with wonder on his face. "It must have taken them centuries to carve all this. Generations spent just on this door, like the gothic cathedrals of medieval Europe."

Jack was impressed. A door like that had to have the mother of all hinges. "So what do we do now?"

"Clearly we wait," Teal'c said.

Daniel went to one knee and bowed low. Jack had strict instructions not to say a word, so he just smiled at the cluster of native people arrayed on the doorstep, wearing long red robes and funky head-dresses. Ah, primitive society. You always knew it by the drapery they wore.

They didn't smile back.

"We give you greetings from a far away land, beyond the mountains and the stars," Daniel gestured towards the stargate in full formal mode; then added, "We're from a planet called Earth."

One of the short little guys - not the leader, who looked as forbidding as the stone faces - stepped forward and kneeled across from Daniel. The big door was wide open behind him. Jack hoped this wouldn't take too long: they'd let out all the heat. He winced and could almost hear his mother yell, Jonathan, don't heat the outside!

Whatever Daniel had said, it had been the right thing, because the leader nodded and everyone relaxed and stood. Without a word, the leader and the rest of the group filed into the... castle... for lack of a better description. There was no further acknowledgment of their presence. Which was definitely odd.

The one who'd bowed gestured for them to follow.

Directly inside, they found themselves face to face with more carvings and some sort of curtain made of what looked like some kind of rough reddish-pinkish fabric, which hung from a very, very tall ceiling. Jack craned his neck to see if it was suspended from a beam, but it was too high. The other aliens were already out of sight.

They turned another corner and threaded their way through what turned out to be maze of these tall curtain-panels, each lit by elaborate braziers of coals. Jack hoped the stuff was fireproof. Once they'd gone through a few twists and turns, the breeze from outside was completely gone. It slowly grew warmer until Jack unbuttoned his coat.

"Which family of cithriel is this 'Earth,' if you are permitted to say?" their guide asked.

Permitted-? Cith-what? Daniel returned Jack's confused look, equally puzzled.

"On the circle haerodalgia."

Sam took a quick breath of recognition and pointed to her shoulder patch, tapping it. "Uh, this one."

"Ah yes." The alien nodded knowingly.

"The gate symbols, guys." They all glanced meaningfully at each other. She turned to the young man. "Do you mean you use the stargate -- this heirodi...?"

"Haerodalgia," Daniel said quickly, note perfect on the first try. It never failed to impress Jack when he did that.

"From... there?" he pointed generally back the way they'd come. "No, no. We do not go there." He gestured to the Earth gate coordinate on Sam's jacket. "This is part of our traditions, the great families."

"Ah," Daniel said, as if that had made any sense at all.

"I will show you to your sleeping rooms, where you shall dress for the evening gathering."

"Dress for dinner? And here I forgot my tux." Jack snapped his fingers. Daniel gave him a dirty look, but Jack had bad images of the four of them in weird head-dresses trying to eat.

A slightly cooler breeze warned them that they'd come to the end of the curtains. They stepped out from behind the last panel, and Jack whistled.

There were pillars carved in rich detail, faces and bird-like things extending as high as he could see. Stretching out before them inside the cavern were roads, archways, and side streets curving away. Some went uphill, some were clearly sloping downward. Everything was lit at regular intervals and light filtered through doorways covered by more of that drape-y fabric. People glanced at them in curiosity, but shyly looked away when Jack tried to catch their eyes.

It was an underground city.

Jack swiftly re-evaluated their level of threat, and the comfort level they could expect for the night. Definitely hot baths, he decided.

As they crossed the street, Jack trailed behind the group to get a better look at the place. Daniel slowed to match his pace, and murmured in Jack's ear, "I think the gate symbols represent some sort of religious icon. I doubt they know what the stargate is: their dress and architecture indicate a pre-feudal, post Bronze Age level of development. Though their art is nothing short of incredible." He glanced around in awe.

Ah. "Just so long as they don't think we're gods, I'm okay with that." Then he peered at Daniel. "What was with all that bowing stuff anyway?"

"Oh, I was presenting myself for a ritualized beheading." At Jack's alarmed look he added quickly, "No no, it wasn't dangerous. If there were some dispute between you and the leader here, you'd each offered up a proxy you see. But there isn't... so..." Daniel shrugged and gave him an innocent look. "It was all in the briefing."

"No. It wasn't." He was sure no one had mentioned the word 'beheading.' Hammond would have definitely sat up and taken notice.

They were given a trio of rooms and, lucky them, an en suite bathing room just as Jack had hoped. The walls were all of that same black rock, rough with more carving (which was starting to wear on the eyes), but, wonder of wonders... Jack settled on the edge of the square platform with a sigh of satisfaction... this alien species had invented something bouncy and reasonably similar to beds. It beat every sleeping platform, straw ticking and pile of pillows he'd ever encountered off world.

Sam looked surprised when Jack assigned Daniel and Teal'c to share one of the rooms, while he gave one to Sam and took the last for himself. But he wasn't giving Daniel a second shot at 'conversation.'

Unfortunately, as he'd feared, there were also four sets of those 'curtains' draped across the end of each bed.

"They're apparently a highly structured and ritualized society," Daniel said patiently when Jack complained, his tone saying yes you have to. "We don't know their hierarchical structure yet, but they expect the forms to be followed at every level. If we want to get anywhere we have to play along."

"Okay." Jack blew out a breath. "Let's freshen up for dinner then, shall we?"

Jack nabbed the bathroom first. If he was going to let an alien society embarrass and torment him, he was gonna to take advantage of the amenities. He was sure aliens did these things just to fuck with people.

As he stepped out of the tub, Jack was surprised to find the floor warm on his bare feet and chalked another one up for these guys. Their towels were cheap-hotel scratchy on the other hand (oops, lost a point there) so he made do with his camp towel, dressed --

and stepped into his bedroom to find Daniel sitting on the bed, hands clutched together between his knees.

Quick-draw Carter grabbed the bathroom behind him and the heavy rock door shut with a soft thunk. Teal'c was nowhere to be seen.

"I already said no." Jack really hoped it was Daniel's pet theory he wanted to discuss, with that hovering aura of anxious importance. "You may not go artifact hunting and that's final."

"Um. This isn't about that."

It was too much to hope.

Jack swung the towel around his shoulders, folded his arms, and pointedly didn't sit down. "Come to apologize then, for nosing into my affairs?"

Jack inwardly winced at the bad choice of words, and the very unfortunate plural there. Stupid, stupid. Daniel was a linguist. He wouldn't miss that.

"Nooo." Daniel looked down at his hands and hesitated. "I didn't think I'd get another chance."

He was right about that. Jack waited with a stony face.

"Jack..." His voice trailed off. He took a breath and started again, saying quickly, "Why do you stay?"

Jack's eyes narrowed. He had no clue what Daniel was talking about. But cornered or not, he was not going to discuss this. It was really none of Daniel's business. He'd made a mistake in answering before.

"In the military. Why don't you... leave?" Jack's mind couldn't even wrap around a word for this, and Daniel pressed on, urgently, "-- so you can be yourself."

Finally he managed a "What?"

"Where you don't have to..." Daniel's hand sketched in the air, "pretend... anything any more."

"You think I'm pretending?" Jack stabbed a finger at his chest.

Daniel didn't budge. "Well, to be here you'd have to, at least on a certain level."

"I am myself. This -- Colonel Jack O'Neill -- is who I am." Jack spun about in consternation. "What'd'you think, I'm acting? No one could fake this!"

Daniel rolled his eyes a little and muttered, "You're right about that..."

"Tell you what: I changed my mind -- go artifact hunting. Now." Jack's finger pointed, dagger-like, at the door.

"But don't you want to be --" Daniel swallowed and started again. "You can't be complete without all of who you are. Don't you want that?"

Complete? Of all the romanticized bullsh-- Jack's mind did a three-step leap of logic and it clicked:

Daniel.

Incomplete.

Shau're. That's what this was about.

Jack took a calming breath.

"Daniel," Jack began gently. "I was married to Sara for, what was it? A decade? You were only, well you and Sha'ure weren't together very long. And there was all this exotic-ness and culture-stuff. Languages. Everything you ever wanted. But it isn't... this Romeo and Juliet thing... it isn't it."

"What does Sha'ure have to do with you?" But Daniel's voice still broke on that name.

"I'm just saying -- it's not it. This fantasy you have, being together forever. It's not real."

Daniel looked dumbfounded and Jack pressed his advantage.

"She was just a person, Daniel. If she'd lived she'd be... well, she'd be confused by what you've made of her. This larger than life Thing."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this."

There was a long silence. Daniel was perfectly calm.

Then he stood and said in his all-too-cold voice, "And Charlie was just a kid."

Colonel O'Neill strode through the elegantly shadowed halls in full military gear, weapon slung over his shoulder, his face like a thundercloud. Sam, done up in the local costume, looked him up and down.

"Where's the tour guide?" Jack said, forestalling any comment.

"Sir. We're supposed to wear the ceremonial..."

"Forget it, Carter."

Her eyebrows raised, and she shot a quick glance at Teal'c. Which Jack ignored.

"Where's Igor?" Jack continued. "We have a dinner to get to, and I for one would like to know where it is." Then he spun around a little, checking up and down the hall. "And what happened to Daniel?" he snapped.

"He told me you gave the go-ahead to hunt for artifacts," Sam said.

"Oh he did, did he?" Jack scowled at her; then after a second's thought he nodded. "Right now he's better off out of my sight anyway. Let's get this over with, have a look at their damned caverns, and get outta here."

"Um. Sir, the briefing said we can't attend any diplomatic event armed."

Jack spread his hands. "Well I'm sick and tired of going into every potentially hostile situation helpless and unarmed. The answer is no."

"These aliens are not hazardous," Teal'c said.

"Right. The residents have given us no reason to suspect --" Sam began.

"That's what Daniel would say," Jack snarled.

"Daniel would be right, sir." She was starting to look cross, verging as close to insubordinate as she got.

"No, Daniel is not right." Jack glowered. "Daniel is wrong a hell of the lot of the time, and those few times he is right do not outweigh the times he's dramatically, spectacularly wrong."

"But sir --"

"Enough!" Jack put his hand up.

"Yes sir."

An alien guy arrived and looked a little taken aback by Jack's attire. But he was gonna have to get used to it, because Jack was not playing their game. Not today.

"Hi. Nice to meet'cha," Jack growled at the 'friendly native' with a forced smile and as much warmth as he could manage at the moment. Guaranteed peaceful natives; they all were according to Daniel. Until SG teams started getting their asses blown off.

Daniel calmed his breathing and, with an effort, slowed his stride. He nodded politely to a pair of aliens he passed in the halls. They bowed, but edged close to the wall to get around him.

He was a mature adult. Just because Jack wasn't didn't mean he would let his mood get in the way of a golden opportunity for research. Daniel knew it was childish to so gleefully take Jack at his word, happy to know it would piss him off... annnd he didn't care.

The aliens hadn't mentioned if strangers could wander their city, and based on the looks these people gave him Daniel was beginning to suspect that it wasn't allowed. But he could apologize later. Sincerely.

He gazed up at the beautiful pillars. There was no writing that he could find, or recognize anyway. He turned the corner and glanced around at the open 'city' street, deciding where to go first. There was no real indication of a city center, no 'this way to the library/temple/something interesting' sign, so Daniel made a small helpless gesture and decided... okay, left.

He wandered at random, vaguely hoping he remembered the way back, until he found a section where the caverns grew steadily more crude, less decorative and more functional. The glow of the various cloth-covered entryways were spaced evenly apart here. Daniel rubbed the back of his head and guessed that he'd found some sort of residential street. The cloth doorways suggested a very low crime rate, possibly a small community with close family ties.

Or it could mean something entirely different. The fact was he had far too little information.

The smooth stone streets were empty and Daniel wondered where everyone had gone. Was there a curfew? Or perhaps some sort of religious ceremony? Everything here indicated a regimented society, and their guide had placed a high significance on their wearing the gate symbol. Jack's voice came back to him - irritating because he was still mad at him - a reminder of a joke about his missing the obvious. Daniel slapped his forehead.

Of course. It was dinner time.

Which he was going to miss, and he was hungry, and so far he had accomplished nothing.

He turned to leave, and his steps slowed. Hel-lo...

Ahead, off to the side, there was an odd puddle of light near the doorstep of one of the... well, houses was a bit of stretch. Home-caves. Daniel coined a term on the spot. A child, no more than eight or nine - though who knew with alien physiology - sat playing with a collection of glowing balls.

Daniel approached and squatted across from him. He remembered these people didn't smile for whatever reason. It might have a different meaning in their culture.

"Hi," he said, and kept his face serious.

The kid glanced up, blinked at him, then continued to play. The glowing ball radiated heat, then broke off into two smaller balls.

"What have you got there? Looks like fun."

The little boy held up a couple of pebbles in a perfunctory gesture, and returned to his game. Or whatever it was.

"Rocks?" Daniel picked up a stray stone and showed it to him.

The little boy made a disdainful face and shook his head, showing him the pebbles in his hand again with a curt nod. One was green, and the other white-ish, or maybe yellow, it was hard to tell in this light. As the kid turned away to show him, the globes melted between them into a glowing, golden puddle... molten.

Daniel stared, the light flickering off his glasses, as the kid held up the pebbles again, demonstrating patiently like Daniel was a little slow. At his gesture, the molten lava raised off the ground and twisted into a complex form, vaguely bird-like.

A woman's voice called out from the house.

The little boy stood, ran the pebbles up and down the form hastily, and it stopped twisting and froze into place. A few final orange flickers ran along its surface. He waved to Daniel as he ran inside.

Daniel lifted his hand, a little too late to wave back.

He carefully touched the shape -- then jerked his hand away. The basalt was still hot.

Daniel jogged back the way he came, golden torches reflected on glossy black streets.

He now had an insight into how they'd been created, could almost see the molten lava poured like asphalt, controlled by unknown forces. He took several wrong turns, but managed to convince wary aliens to point him in the direction of the main dining hall where he was sure to find SG-1.

As he approached the darkened hall, he winced a little and felt a surge of conscience. After all, he was the cultural expert for this mission and he'd just abandoned his team to fend for themselves on their first important contact. Though it was only a dinner, and frankly, he and Jack might have killed each other with the steak knives. Which would have made an impression, but probably not the one they wanted.

It was unnaturally quiet outside the hall, and even before Daniel poked his head around the curtain he knew everyone was gone. Short dinner... He thought of the Powerbars in his pack and made his way back to their quarters. The lights shone from Jack's room.

"Hey, you guys, you won't believe this --" Daniel said pushing the curtain open, and paused.

Jack was sitting on the bed, an arm wrapped around his knee, his head buried in the crook of his elbow. A wary glance took in Daniel, then he leaned his forehead back on his knee. Sam leaned against the wall, dispirited, and just beyond them Teal'c perched on a too-small chair, elbows braced across his lap and shoulders slightly slumped.

Teal'c and Sam looked up with heavy eyes. Daniel let the curtain drop.

Jack didn't acknowledge his presence, nor did he make a single sarcastic comment; no gee, thanks for joining us, Daniel, or where've you been. Instead he rubbed his forehead with his fist as if he wanted to sink the knuckles into his brain. With a loud sigh he hung his head.

This was bad. Very bad.

"What happened?" Daniel ventured carefully, chewing his lip.

"Oh they were very polite," Jack sighed. He looked up with a pained expression. "They're having a few... technical difficulties with their caves." He stared at his hands.

Sam looked away. Teal'c did not.

"You were most unpleasant, Colonel O'Neill."

"I did the best that I could," Jack said, sounding resigned as he hung his head again. Sam's eyes widened and she looked everywhere in the room except at her commander; which said it all really. Jack rubbed his face and continued with a gesture, "They say a lava flow has blocked the entrance to the lower caverns, and that it will delay any access for the next several days."

"They're lying. They have complete control of--"

"We figured that. It's just their way of saying no."

"No, you don't understand. They have complete control of the lava. They can shape it like clay or beeswax, it's amazing. This kid just... made this thing, right in front of me." He was met with blank looks, so he tried again. "This place didn't take centuries to build. Based on what I saw they could've done it in weeks, or months or I dunno -- but a very short period of time."

"Are you telling me that these people are more advanced than us?" Jack squinted at him. "I thought this was a primitive world."

Sam perked up, interested. "Not necessarily, sir. This is a completely alien society. They could be primitive, but with a totally different form of technology. There's probably no basis for comparison." Jack still had an expression hovering between pained and confused, so Sam took a breath. "Something that's every day and not particularly advanced for this form of technology may seem extraordinary to us."

"Oh, it's every day all right." Daniel tipped his head. "The kid was playing with lava like it was a Lego set."

"It's similar to the way our technology is vastly different from the Asgard: even though they're way ahead of us, it's still useful to them."

"So primitive, but not primitive."

"In a manner of speaking sir."

"Meaning, we need them more than we did two hours ago."

"Yes sir, quite possibly."

Jack dropped his head to his hands, then ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up more than usual. He let out a breath. "Okay. In the morning we make nice with these oh-so-polite aliens, apologize, hop on one leg while chewing bubblegum or whatever it is they want us to do. Then we find out more about how they work this lava stuff. Daniel," Jack looked up. "I want you to handle the communications from here on out. They, uh... well, they don't like me very much. And I can't say I blame them."

Daniel hesitated in the entryway and was about to leave with the rest of the team.

"Um. Daniel...?" Jack began, cringing.

"Yeah." Daniel looked at the ground.

"About the --"

"Yeah. It was..."

"... over the line..."

"...way over. I mean, I was..." Daniel tipped his head and huffed a breath, "...whew."

"So..."

"Yeah."

"We're good?"

"Yeah. It, uh, cancels," Daniel made a vague gesture of two waves coming together, "you know."

"Oh, okay. Good."

Daniel hesitated, then said, his shoulders sagging, "I meant what I said... just... eventually. Not - not now. You retired once, right?"

"Yep," Jack said, flat and noncommittal.

Daniel patted the wall as he left; the curtain swung shut behind him. Jack laced his hands behind his neck and leaned back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He decided the room was way too big for one person. He should've shared with Teal'c.

It was first thing in the morning when Jack really appreciated those warm floors. If you got up to take a leak, there was nothing nicer on your bare feet. All they needed was real toilets and a jacuzzi, and these aliens would have clinched the Martha Stewart awards in his book.

He pulled the stone door open, only to be blinded by a roomful of lit torches. Or braziers, whatever. Steam formed a cloud bank about halfway up from the floor and Jack wafted it away from his face. Standing at the shelf with a full washbasin, vigorously brushing his teeth, was Daniel. Stark naked, unless you counted the towel around his head.

Daniel glanced back at him, and spit.

"I wasn't looking," Jack said, scanning Daniel up and down. He had thick thighs for a guy, broad shoulders. Though those Colorado winters did him no good at all: his ass was Ultrabrite white.

"I didn't think you were," Daniel answered. He toweled off his hair, then slung the towel over his shoulders. It was one of those scratchy 'native' ones and Jack winced in sympathy for his abraded skin. "Besides. You've had plenty of chances before now; I doubt it makes any difference."

Well. It was certainly a... unique perspective. Only it did make a difference that he wasn't hiding behind his towel like Olive Oyl knowing... what he knew. Which admittedly wasn't much. But Jack wasn't going to try to follow the logic of why it made a difference.

Daniel continued to stand there and pulled out his razor. (He did need a shave. Bad.) Jack decided to take the dare and pretend this was the locker room at the SGC. He lined up in front of the toilet (marble hole in the ground; no Martha Stewart points there) and took care of business as Daniel lathered up. He peered over at Daniel, who had ignored him completely.

"Wasn't looking." Jack said it casually.

"Don't care." Daniel answered in the exact same tone.

Jack shook his head, blinked at the strangeness, then fetched his own shaving kit. He stood beside Daniel at the tiny basin in his underwear and washed his face. Daniel edged over slightly. Jack dipped down to rinse off just as Daniel reached to clean his razor.

"Hey!"

"Sorry."

Daniel held up the tiny mirror from his kit and shaved with simple, precise cuts. Once across the left cheek, then rinse with a quick flick. Across the jaw from the ear. Rinse; another tap on the side of the basin. Then the harder corners, under the jaw, near his ear, face stretched in those weird contortions guys made. Daniel's eyes cut over at him, and Jack's eyebrows flicked up as he remembered - oh - to lather up himself.

Nope, this wasn't strange. No shades of bumping around Sarah in the mornings, kissing the top of her head. Or a million different encounters where he was elbow to elbow with some guy, both of them trying to beat the last minutes before check-out time. The sweet smell of steam and soap. He could handle this. It was admittedly borderline, but fine.

Daniel stretched his neck up like a cat to do under his chin, his skin almost entirely pink and clean. From head to toe. The stroke showed off his tricep to good advantage, and he looked smooth but solid. Meaty, the type that built up easy while Jack had to work his ass off and still stayed stringy. A flat stomach, but not overbuilt, which always made Jack feel like he was parked next to an M-1 tank. Teal'c looked good, but nope. Not for Jack.

Jack glanced down. He was also clearly one of those guys who only turned blond in the summer.

Jack swallowed and forced his eyes back to shaving. This was not borderline; this was stupid.

He kept his eyes front and center, focused only on his shaving, unwilling to give out that this was not okay. It was exactly what he liked, a guy straight from the showers, freshly washed, shaved, skin pink and warm. Or fresh from a workout -- okay. Stop.

The door on the other side of the room swung open. Daniel scrambled for his towel.

"Oh," Carter averted her eyes. "I'm sorry -- I --"

"Just barge right in, Carter," Jack said, relieved at the interruption.

She stood with her back to them. "I didn't -- you can't knock on these heavy doors."

Jack toweled off his face. "That's alright. It'll make up for all those times I walk in on you."

"You haven't, sir."

He rinsed his razor, swishing it in the sink. "Not yet."

After a bath -- he made Carter wait her turn and Daniel leave -- Jack stepped into his bedroom to find two of the aliens waiting for him. He wrapped his towel tighter about his waist and tipped forward on the balls of his feet.

Funny, he didn't remember ordering room service.

He decided not to say that out loud because if there was one thing he'd learned about these people, it was that they had no sense of humor. Worse than the Goa'uld, 'cause the Goa'uld at least laughed when they were killing you.

"Good morning," he said as politely as he could, wishing Daniel would get his butt out here. Now. The long-faced guys bowed slightly, their eyes just a little too big and a little too dilated to make Jack comfortable. He adjusted his shoulders. "What may I do for you?"

There. That was worthy of Major Davis.

"You are invited to attend the morning gathering," the taller big-eyed alien said. "You may wear this if you prefer," he gestured to Jack; his slight cynical undertone suggested he thought Jack would wear what he wanted anyway.

"No, I think I'll try clothes if it's all the same to you." Jack clenched his fist. Damn. Why did they even send him on diplomatic missions? Frick and Frack nodded again, perfectly polite, and left, almost gliding in those long robes.

Of course that's when Daniel showed, buttoning his shirt as he peered in from the bathroom.

"What was that?" he blinked.

"We're invited to the morning's entertainment, whatever it is," Jack said. "Oh - and you can wear your towel," he added with an innocent blink.

Daniel gave him a strange look.

The entertainment turned out to be just breakfast, as formal as the other night in the same high-ceilinged hall, except that they weren't at the main table and aliens came and went. Red robes had not been provided for them this time, so they wore their SGC uniforms. Apparently everyone had heard of them (word spread fast in small towns), or so it seemed, because the locals wouldn't look at them and acted extremely uncomfortable. No one sat at their table until the hall was completely full and there were no other options. Sam looked up from her bowl. Her big bambi eyes read: Uh-oh; this isn't good. Yeah. Only Teal'c was completely cool with it, being Teal'c.

Jack started to feel a little vindicated, however, when Daniel attempted to chat up the locals. He showed signs of increased Daniel-esque frustration.

"So this... this lava. You can shape it," he opened.

"All things have shape and form," the alien said gravely.

"But you can choose that form, direct it," Daniel tried again.

The alien shook his head. "No. No one can do that."

Daniel took a deep breath and deliberately ignored Jack's smug smile. Daniel's hand circled a little. "So there are other forces at work that... shape the lava."

The alien said delicately, "It has shape and form."

Daniel's eyes slid to the side. "Mmm...yeah. So does the lava shape itself? Make these different forms," he gestured at the tall pillars, "these pillars, this art? I saw somebody do that," he explained.

The alien looked startled. "Create the Great Hall?"

"No, shape some lava into this little... work of art. This bird-like thing, it was about this tall, it swirled around." More gestures. The alien looked confused. Daniel admitted, "I saw someone make the lava do what they wanted."

The alien tipped his head gently. "The, what you call lava, has form."

"So. Are you saying that the shape already exists within the lava and you... bring it out?"

And on and on in a circle. Jack rolled his eyes.

On the walk back Daniel flung his hands up in consternation. "I can't tell if they're being deliberately obtuse and stone-walling me, or if these words mean something completely different to them, or if I'm just so far from the concept of how this is done that I can't even ask the right questions."

"I'm sure they're stone-walling us," Jack said in a cynical tone, scanning the aliens as they went about their daily lives, doing... whatever it was they did. The aliens avoided looking at him.

"What did they say to you anyway?"

"What?"

"Earlier, when they invited us to breakfast?"

Jack shrugged. "Just suggested I could come in my towel."

"Why?" Daniel frowned. "They provided the towels, obviously they don't wear them to breakfast."

"They were just saying we could wear whatever we want. He - it - was being a little snide if you ask me," Jack said sourly.

Daniel looked confused.

Sam took a breath and broke in, "The colonel didn't exactly conform to the dress code last night." She shot him a look, and Jack was grateful she left it at that.

"So they said we could wear towels?" Daniel looked astounded. "Guys, they just equated our usual clothes to going half-naked."

The light went on in Carter's eyes and she swallowed. "So we just went to breakfast in our underwear?"

"I think so."

"In public?" she winced, looking distressed.

Jack tipped his head, glanced down his BDUs and kept walking. "Everything's covered from where I stand."

With a frustrated huff of breath, Daniel returned from his 'meeting' with the aliens way earlier than he was supposed to. In fact, he had just left. It somehow didn't shock Jack exactly, though that flushed their last hope the one member not present that night would be immune.

Daniel hovered in the doorway, rocking on his heels. "They say our meeting has been unavoidably postponed."

"Ah," Jack responded, non-committal.

"They didn't give any details."

"Really." Jack tried to sound sincerely surprised, but he was never very good at that. He pursed his lips and flipped a pillow between his hands, turned it over and dropped it on the bed.

"Jack," Daniel's mouth worked. "Just what in hell's name happened last night?"

Sam licked her lips and looked at the floor with an 'ask me when hell freezes over' kind of determination. Teal'c raised his chin like a good Jaffa: the First Prime of Jack O'Neill.

Jack reminded himself to give them a raise or medal or something.

"That bad." Daniel looked from Sam to Teal'c. "Look, I can't solve this if I don't at least know what happened, what's been said."

"It's immaterial," Jack assured him with a practiced casual wave.

Daniel turned around, exasperated. "We can't just give up. No matter how bad it is."

Yes. Because Daniel had a pet theory to prove. "The floor's open to suggestions." He gestured dramatically and folded his arms, waiting.

"Well... we can't," Daniel said in a helpless voice.

Unsurprisingly, when Frick and Frack summoned them to the noon meal, Daniel was on them like white on rice.

"So... just where is it that we're meeting?" Daniel asked them. Not when - where, Jack noted with interest.

The two aliens glanced at each other. The answer came a half beat too late. "The site has not been determined at this time."

Uh-hunh. Jack let his hand drop and practiced his poker face.

"It's just that we would not wish to tax your hospitality for too long," Daniel said. "These talks are very important to our leaders."

Ooo, that was good. Even Jack translated this to: we plan to wait here for as long as it takes. It wasn't true, they had at most another 36 hours before they needed to report back, but it might just work. A ball of rock like this probably didn't have inexhaustible supplies for visitors.

The one Jack had mentally named 'Frack' bowed and said, "We shall speak with the leader of our great family."

"Thank you," Daniel said with his sincerest gratitude.

Frick didn't follow his buddy, but stationed himself outside their door. A guard. Well. That put a damper on any more exploration.

Their guard didn't appear to have any weapons of any kind, but they were trapped nonetheless. After a few unproductive hours spent listening to Daniel's unsuccessful attempts to start a conversation with their host ("What's your name?" -- "It is the name of my family" and so on in a circle, geeze), finally Frack returned. Jack pulled himself up from where he lay prone on the bed, grateful for just about any distraction at this point. If they led them out at gun-point at least it would bring a welcome change of scenery.

Frack bowed to them, even deeper than before, and smiled. Huh.

"We shall take you to the, what you call, caverns. You will need your things," he nodded at their assembled gear, "it is a far journey. We shall leave as soon as you are able."

"Well, okay then," Jack said, surprised. "Thank the boss for me."

Frick and Frack exchanged glances as they filed out.

Jack's arms swept out, forestalling his doubtful team. "Hey! At least they're smiling."

Daniel's brows knit and he paced a little. "I'm not sure that's a good sign."

"What?" Jack asked, knowing he was better off not knowing. "Worried about your 'pet theory'? We've got our caves, and that's our mission."

Daniel made a dismissive gesture. "It's just I assumed we'd have to negotiate with them a bit. I mean, they didn't let the other SG team near their caverns and we haven't been doing much... better." He eyed Jack. "I was prepared to at least suggest there was something in it for them."

"The other team didn't get in the front door," Carter pointed out, though her doubtful tone was clear.

"Change of heart?" Jack offered, trying to look perky because, no, it didn't smell right. "Maybe we remind them of their uncle Sal?"

Daniel's blue eyes studied him utmost patience, mouth set in a tight line.

"Holiday spirit?" Jack added hopefully.

Daniel paused on the bluff and tugged at the shoulder strap of his backpack; it seemed to grow heavier with every mile. His throat was raw from the cold and the slightly acrid air, and he felt a tickle as his allergies started to act up.

Below them stretched a barren landscape carved of blue and black edges and smooth slopes. Fresh smoking mountains that were a little flatter than they should be (that would be the difference in gravity) sprouted amongst worn hills of ancient stone.

Occasionally a black plate slit with cracks of orange glinted like pools in the darkness below, winking at them teasingly. But no no, the caverns were always a little farther. And a little farther. Their guides were uncommunicative, and tireless.

This planet was old. It looked old, and it felt old.

The stars were the only relief. They winked in a vast deep blue sky, distant, cool and pristine. Daniel gazed at the brilliant 'day stars' to his left, and wondered what their individual names were and whether these people made legends and myths out of the constellations just as humans had. They would do well to make a religion of the stars here, he thought, gazing at the bright hopeful points of light. But perhaps they had, and that was the significance of the gate symbols to them.

Further down the trail, Jack turned and gestured for him to keep up.

Pebbles crunched underfoot as Daniel loped downhill and Jack matched his stride, P-90 at ready. The two of them took their little group's six, a comfortable team, falling slightly behind. They walked in tired companionable silence.

"It won't work." Jack said it out of the clear blue sky, staring straight ahead as if at something very interesting.

"Whaee-?" Daniel hated these inarticulate moments and inwardly blamed the cold. It was mind-numbing.

"The retirement idea. It won't work."

Which clarified surprisingly little.

As their footsteps crunched along, Jack finally continued in a low, tight voice. "Daniel. I'm a colonel. I have a pension at stake and a little cabin in Minnesota that's counting on it." He spat. "The highest ranking fag to ever... risk it," Jack couldn't even say the words, "was, if I recall, a rank below mine." He fixed Daniel with an accusing stare, one eye nearly scrunched shut. "I've already thought about it. Didn't you think I would?"

Daniel's watched the ground, little stones kicking around their feet, and felt slightly ashamed. Of course Jack had considered all the options. That was his way. They climbed another slope. The moss underfoot was crunchy with frost.

"Colonel, actually," Daniel said after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"The highest ranking, um, fag as you say. Was a colonel."

"Threw the book at him, didn't they?"

"Her. And, yes, they did."

Jack was staring at that very interesting something again. "The Air Force might ignore a corporal or captain who turned queer after they got out, but someone at my level?" He made a face and shook his head. "Nah. I have way too many enemies to chance it. You're just gonna have to accept that I chose this. For good or bad. So... it's not as simple as it once was, with Sarah. So what."

Daniel walked alongside Jack in thoughtful silence, as the hovering necklace of day stars shifted behind them and slightly to his right.

Daniel took a slug from his canteen, capped it, and stared off at the 'day stars' again, now directly ahead.

Jack held out his hand and Daniel passed the water bottle over. The rest of the team rested on the trail, packs off; their hosts squatted together a distance away. Which was always a bad sign for intercultural relations, though he was getting a little tired of the brush off at this point. They needed some common ground, a starting place.

Daniel peered at the sky again.

"Jack..." He tugged at his sleeve. Jack handed the bottle back, swallowing hurriedly as he wiped his mouth.

"No, no -- Look." Daniel nudged in the direction of the stars and murmured, "Unless these aliens have some technology that can rotate their world on its axis, which I sort of doubt, that's the second time those stars have been in front of us."

"Yep." Jack sounded unsurprised. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "We've been going in circles for hours. I figured they were just trying to confuse the way to their secret hide-out - I would, but," Jack sucked air through his teeth, "we're not going to any caves."

Sam approached with a look of irritated concern. "Sir..."

"We're on it, Carter." Jack calmly turned towards the aliens.

Daniel held up a finger. "Um, Jack? I'm on it."

He approached the aliens, not for the first time wishing that they'd been willing to give him their names. But who knew? Maybe names were sacred or... something. He lifted his hand in a shy wave. "Hi..."

The aliens looked a little twitchy. He'd bet any amount of money they'd guessed their gig was up.

"Ah. It's, ah, getting a little... late. How much farther do we need to go?"

"It is far."

Daniel licked his lips and tried again. He felt SG-1 close ranks behind him, which was not the attitude he needed right now. Not if they wanted to become friends with these people. Well, at some point anyway. "How long then do you think it will be?"

"We're going in circles," Jack broke in. The aliens said nothing, frozen.

"As I see it," Jack continued, "we have two options here. You can take us straight to these... caverns, like you said you would, or we can go back."

"Jack..." Daniel cast a look over his shoulder.

"What'll it be?"

They didn't answer.

"Perhaps it was simply too far a journey for such a late start," Daniel suggested, offering them a way out. He gestured. "We can... come again another time."

The two aliens looked at each other, obviously at a loss. Daniel suspected they probably had orders to keep them occupied, at least for a while.

Jack clapped his hands, rubbing them together, then gestured to Teal'c and Carter. "Okay, everyone. Let's head home."

"You do not know the way," the taller alien said.

"Oh, I think I can manage."

Daniel interrupted with a wild guess, "It would be discourteous of us to keep you away from your families for too long."

Small community, pictographic language with a likely limited lexicon, close-knit social structure and in-group cohesion... the signs were all there. The two aliens paused.

"Yes," Jack's eyes flicked between to the two of them. "Discourteous. Very bad."

They nodded and acquiesced. Their shoulders relaxed with obvious relief at the explanation they could accept. "Then we will come another time," the tall one said.

Lying through his teeth of course.

Following them back along the trail, Jack bumped up against Daniel's shoulder. "Not bad, Daniel. 'Spose that's why they pay you the big bucks."

"Well, they've been so careful to be polite, I figured losing face was the bigger problem," he murmured back. "Were you really willing to just walk away like that? I mean, we're pretty far out here." He gestured at the dusky landscape.

"Oh, I made sure to leave us a little trail of bread crumbs."

Daniel thought for a moment, and began, "You know Jack..."

"What?"

He closed his fist and decided to leave it alone. "Never mind."

The sun, such as it was, had dipped down to the tops of the mountains, occasionally hidden behind the black peaks that were outlined in sharp relief. They marched their way down their long, winding back trail. They had made relatively decent time now that they were no longer going in circles. Hours of fruitless walking -- in the cold -- recalcitrant natives, oh yeah, this was Jack's idea of fun. But he was prepared to forgive them anything for a hot meal and good, long soak.

He mentally erased the image of Daniel sprawled out in the tub, head tipped back sensuously in the steam. 'Accidentally' walked in on of course. Though he'd probably just sit there, hold a conversation, giving Jack a good look at the merchandise. Okay. This fantasy's gotta stop. He squinted and forced himself not to look over at Daniel.

Jack had taken point when they crested the hill about two hundred yards from the door to the Emerald city. He winced when he saw a small figure parked outside. As he watched, the door opened a bit, and the little alien scooted inside.

"Oh crap." A lookout.

Sure enough, as they plodded downhill a welcome party filed out onto the doorstep and waited for them. Which meant their return wasn't routine, which at this point could mean nothing good.

Their leader -- a different alien from before -- was all smiles. Jack gritted his teeth into a smile in return. They bowed, but no alien offered himself to be beheaded this time. Too bad. Jack might have taken him up on it.

After some meaningless small talk, which didn't seem to be moving in the direction of indoors Jack noted, the alien got to the point. "You have returned so early," he said with an obsequious nod. "We regret family has come from afar and we of course needed to give them your rooms." Jack heard Daniel's quick in-drawn breath next to him. "But you may have the honor of staying in the houses of our ancestors."

He gestured to the open mouth of a cave.

"Oh for crying out loud..."

Daniel cut him off. "You are most generous. However, perhaps we might stay in the protection of your great city. The evening is, " he waved at the sky, "well, it's a little cold."

The alien bobbed his head. Then he held up his hands - Jack vaguely discerned he was holding a couple little rocks between his ring and forefingers - and the aliens surrounding them straightened. Orange-gold lava bubbled up near the mouth of the cave, and Jack stepped back. It flowed slowly in a line around the perimeter of the interior, like water in a dike, then followed a carved line like a moat outside the cave, crossing in front of the big alien door, tracing the bottom step in bright gold.

"Whoa," Jack said, blinking and taken aback. Let there be light. He wondered how the aliens might've adapted this to some sort of concealed weapon and eyed them with suspicion.

"It shall keep you warm," the alien bowed to them as he backed away. "We wish you a pleasant rest."

The alien ensemble crossed respectfully around the lava, and filed inside. The door slowly shut with a loud echoing thud.

Jack studied their 'accommodations' and gazed up at the tall door.

"Anyone else notice that that lava is between us and their precious city?"

No one answered. Carter coughed a little as she scanned their immediate surroundings for threats.

"Feels like a trap to me," Jack observed, eyes searching the valley around them. The aliens could station themselves anywhere along the ridgeline. No way up, and only a narrow opening at the far end of the valley. They were sitting ducks.

"Agreed," said Teal'c, on full Jaffa alert. Which was comforting.

"Okay." Jack backed away from the city, keeping his gun at ready and an eye on that door, as well as any other likely openings around them. The little valley in front of the city could not be more perfect for an ambush. "This mission's a bust. Let's find our own campsite, away from this... lava."

He gestured for Carter to take point, Daniel and Teal'c took their flank while Jack brought up the rear. They moved slowly, careful not to excite anything while they were in such a vulnerable position. Jack shut off the voice in his head that was mentally cursing his stupidity and focused on the task at hand.

They traversed the long valley, with nothing but the wind stirring, no sign of life beyond a few mossy boulders.

Then the lava flared to life.

"Um, Jack," Daniel said, casting a glance over his shoulder. The lava blazed bright yellow, zipping along the ground towards them.

"I see it." They broke into a run as an orange glowing line streaked along either side of their path. It passed them easily and left an even six feet to either side, but Jack flashed back on that archway from early in their trek, and put on more speed.

At the narrow entrance to the valley, it arched over their path. Carter dove under it, quickly followed by Teal'c and Daniel. Jack felt the warmth as he passed underneath, but nothing reached for him or burned. He rolled into the icy moss, got up, and scrambled back into a run.

A hundred yards later the lava was a thin glowing line in the distance.

It didn't follow beyond the valley and Jack breathed a sigh of relief, heart still pounding. His breath misted about him as he caught up with the rest of the team. Damned knees.

Tired, he forced everyone to hike another couple hours till all traces of the alien settlement were completely gone. Then they bushwhacked a little off trail through broken rocks and scrub and made camp. Carter protested that they were safer on the trail than off, but there was no way he was trusting the path to the stargate now, not while they were asleep. Primitive civilization, my ass.

As they lit their tiny (and thank god tame) campfire, Jack squatted down beside it. With a heavy breath, rubbing his temples, he mentally composed his excuses to General Hammond.

Jack walked the perimeter of their campsite. It was a solid, defensible location on high ground with good visibility and limited egress. At least he could do this much. As far as he could tell there seemed to be no pursuit. That light show had seemed more or less automatic. But he didn't like to make assumptions while on alien worlds. He returned from his survey to find dinner ready.

Carter spooned up a bit of the stew Teal'c had made, dropping a little. The man was an artist with MREs, had been ever since that first: "Do the Tau'ri consider this edible, O'Neill?"

She wiped the corner of her mouth. "Sir. Daniel and I have been talking. We don't think that lava was dangerous."

"Are you kidding? Those aliens were hostile and that shit chased our asses!"

Daniel swallowed his bite. "No no, hear us out -- we've made some assumptions --"

"It's lava! Hot, burning stuff?"

"They never fired on us, sir," Carter interrupted.

Which was true. It had bothered Jack, though his first instinct had been to get his team out of danger. Daniel seized the moment.

"These aliens show every sign of a primitive civilization, except for this lava technology. It's out of place. Why? Why don't they use it to light their homes? Why isn't it everywhere, like electricity in our society?"

"They use it to heat the floors," Jack pointed out. He raised his eyebrows at them. See? He could figure stuff out too.

Daniel ignored him and continued, "If my theory is correct, then they were either given this technology by the Ancients, or they found it and have been adapting it to their own purposes. But they don't understand it well enough to do more than a few things with it."

"That would explain why they don't have lava weapons, sir."

"So what do you call what chased us back there?" Jack said, suspicious.

"It acted more like... running lights, actually."

Automatic. Ah hell...

She gave him a tight smile. "I don't think we were ever in any danger."

"You mean these folks just turned on the porch-lights and we ran like raccoons caught digging in the garbage?"

"Um. Yeah." Daniel looked chagrined.

Carter winced. "It seems so."

"You see, we didn't recognize it because they don't use that kind of lighting anywhere else," Daniel added.

"Oh Christ. This mission keeps getting better and better." Jack pulled his hat off and ducked his head. He peered up at them. "I can't wait to tell Hammond."

"We acted appropriately given our understanding of the situation, sir," Carter said in a wan voice, obviously knowing it wouldn't help.

"Yeah. And that's just what I'm gonna tell SG-9 when they're laughing their asses off at us." Jack stuffed his hat back on his head. "Is there any good news? Have we accomplished anything at all on this mission?"

"That depends if we are referring to a positive or a negative effect, Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c said, while Sam and Daniel stared at the ground.

"Thanks, Teal'c. Just rub it in why don't'cha."

Daniel followed Jack to where he was perched overlooking an active lavafield. Steam rose where the orange glow wiped out some of the only greenery on this planet.

"Don't waste your breath," Jack cut Daniel off before he could say anything. "I've already heard reassurances from Carter, and a completely unnecessary apology from Teal'c."

"Grand central up here, huh?"

Jack snorted. Daniel made a face and settled in on a boulder next to Jack. They watched the lava move in slow motion like a glowing river.

"It really is beautiful," Daniel said softly.

"I miss crickets. Birds. Something. It's too quiet up here."

"Yeah, that's probably what's wrong with these aliens," Daniel mused, his voice low and thoughtful. "They didn't develop with a variety of species, so they expect everything to be exactly like them. You can't even dress differently."

Jack tossed a pebble over the edge of the cliff and they watched it fall, soundless.

Jack stood, and stared off into the night, thumbs hooked in his belt loops. "There are a lot of people like that." He patted Daniel on the shoulder. "C'mon."

He steered Daniel down the ridgeline, and for the first time in days it felt normal between them. Except Daniel got this strangely faraway blank expression, though he didn't pull away from Jack's hand.

Huh.

Well, okay. Almost normal.

The main reason Jack shared a tent with Daniel was strictly military necessity. Carter was a perfectly capable soldier, yeah, but as a woman she'd never have the sheer brute force of the former First Prime of Apophis. And even though Daniel was shaping up as a soldier, the truth was, his first instinct would never be to grab for his gun. He still had to think about it, especially out of a dead sleep. Jack could share with Carter, but they'd had a problem with that, so it just seemed wiser not to tempt fate.

The fact that Jack liked to share with Daniel didn't enter into the equation. But there were fringe benefits.

For one thing, Daniel tended to hang by the fire, which gave Jack his own private Idaho till Daniel's ass got cold. Also when Jack got hungry, Daniel -- who tended to wander off and miss meals translating stuff -- carried snacks. Lots and lots of snacks.

Jack dug around in Daniel's daypack. If he could just find the damn things.

Jack pulled out an over-stuffed toiletry kit - he flipped it open - with a full-sized toothbrush, a little can of shaving cream... no wonder his pack was so heavy. Jack shook his head. Daniel also carried a little down pillow, which was somewhere between cute and disgusting. Closer to disgusting, Jack decided. Even Carter used her jacket. And he had books. Heavy ones that Jack was willing to bet had nothing to do with their mission. Extra socks - Jack pulled those out - which at least made sense. Jack tossed the handful of Powerbars he'd found onto Daniel's sleeping bag for easy access.

There was a rip-roar of the tent zipper as Jack settled back to scan one of Daniel's books.

Daniel hesitated in the doorway, clutching a notebook to his chest. He glanced at the mess on his sleeping bag. "Help yourself, Jack."

"No problem."

Jack held up a Powerbar, still chewing as he thumbed through Daniel's book.

"You know... I hear you can bring a book for entertainment, then as you finish, you can use the pages for toilet paper and fire starters." He shut the book and tossed it to Daniel's side of the tent. "That way you don't have to pack it out."

"Thank you. That's..." he thought carefully, "... utterly disgusting." He propped up his head lamp, and pulled off his boots. Daniel slid onto his bag and started reading.

Jack contemplated another Powerbar, flipping it between his fingers. "I thought you had this watch."

"Oh. Teal'c said he'd cover."

"Ah." Jack pondered. "I should talk to him about that."

"Um-hmm," Daniel said in his go-away-leave-me-alone voice.

Jack read over his shoulder. Damn. Not even English. Daniel's eyes flicked up, glowering patiently over his glasses.

"So. How's it going on that pet theory?"

"Oh," Daniel let the book fall.

Yep. That snagged his attention.

"Well, for a bit there I thought that these people might be somehow related the Ancients themselves, but the language is not linguistically similar so I ruled that out fairly qui..."

Jack settled his shoulders back in his sleeping bag, entertained by Daniel's eager and animated face as he rattled on about Ancients and gates and whatnot. A few dramatic gestures thrown in for good measure. Jack smiled, and considered that it would be nice to have this conversation stretched out with his head in Daniel's lap. He smirked and let himself get away with that thought.

"... and I hate when you ask me a question and then don't listen to the answer."

"I was listening. Gates. Ancients."

Daniel took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his fists like a little kid, sighing with exasperation. He stripped down to his T-shirt. Jack waited for the next layer to come off, watching under lowered lashes. He'd perfected the technique, even if it worked better with sunglasses. But it was just T-shirts tonight -- though the evening was still young.

Daniel glanced at his watch. He picked up a fleece sweater and fumbled for an armhole. "Jack. This probably isn't a good time but..."

"But?"

"It's not like you'd have to put out a shingle or a notification in the local paper." Daniel pulled the sweater on over his T-shirt and picked up his coat. "What people don't know won't hurt them."

Christ.

"Daniel..." Jack snapped. Then Daniel sat up and pulled on his coat, straightening his collar. "Hey. Just where do you think you're going?"

"Oh." Daniel waved vaguely at the door as he stepped into a boot. "Teal'c's only covering till seven." Jack scowled as Daniel ducked outside.

"You did that on purpose!" he shouted after him.

Daniel's voice carried through the tent wall as he zipped the door shut. "Yep."

Jack slept in a sprawl and was breathing softly when Daniel returned from his watch. He was a notoriously light sleeper, so Daniel undressed as quietly as he could, rustling gratefully into his down bag with a satisfied sigh.

Then he saw the green glow of Jack's watch as Jack checked the time. Daniel stared up at the tent ceiling. Shit. Jack's eyes were a dark glimmer in the shadows.

"What do you want, Daniel?" he asked, voice low and rough.

"What?"

But Daniel knew exactly what he meant.

"You keep bringing it up. Why?"

"I told you -- I'm just concerned."

"Concerned."

Daniel swallowed. "Okay. More than concerned." He licked his lips. "Jesus, Jack -- you had this big part of your life and I had no clue."

"Unh-huh."

"I just want to know what's going on."

"See, that's where I don't get it." Jack's voice raised slightly. He leaned closer on his elbow. "You do know what's going on. You would've dropped it after the first night."

"Oh? What, so I'm not allowed to be your friend? Not allowed to care? Jack, I would venture a guess that half the problem is you keep everyone at arm's length."

There was a gulf of silence between them. Then a hand touched Daniel's lips. Followed the line of his jaw.

"At... at arm's length..." Daniel thought he might have said that already. "And you can't do that..."

"I know."

Daniel's breathing came heavier, but he was determined to keep going until he got through to Jack...whose hand slowly, carefully, traced his cheekbone. "Then... then don't."

Daniel shut his eyes. Jack closed the gap between them.

"Okay."

Jack's lips, firm and dry, pressed against his for a long, slow moment. Moved softly, melting against his. They parted to breathe.

"Then... good," Daniel ended, not sure what they were talking about any more.

Jack rolled towards him in a rustle of sleeping bags, his chest warm against Daniel's, eyes steady and intense.

"We'll have to be quiet," he said in a low voice.

"Yeah. No shit," Daniel breathed.

Sam shivered and rubbed her shoulders. She was grateful for the fire at least, but second watch was only marginally better than third. If the colonel drew fourth watch one more time she was going to suspect cheating.

With a sigh, she blew on her hands and reluctantly followed procedure and walked the perimeter of their campsite, the fire snapping behind her. She glanced back. It was too smoky, or at least it would be if there were any hostiles about. But they'd established there weren't. She was sure about that.

Well. Pretty sure. Theoretically it was sound.

As she approached Colonel O'Neill and Daniel's tent she heard a sharp yelp -- and froze. Daniel. She leaned towards the tent, but the sound didn't repeat.

"Daniel?" she whispered, edging closer. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah..." His voice sounded sleepy and somewhat strangled. "Um... just a - a rock."

Sam raised her eyebrows and tried not to laugh. "Okay," she managed. From the sound of Daniel's voice it was obvious what he was doing, though he'd better not wake up the colonel if he knew what was good for him. "Then I'll, ah, leave you alone."

She crept away, wiping her mouth as she smothered a giggle. If Daniel thought he was getting out of this without being teased tomorrow, oh he was sadly mistaken.

Inside the tent, Jack had his hand clapped over Daniel's mouth, effectively cutting off his oxygen. Not that he had any blood going to his brain anyway. When Sam's footsteps faded, he released Daniel and mouthed vividly: A Rock!

"I... couldn't think of anything..." Daniel whispered.

"A thousand IQ and you couldn't think of anything."

"Hmmm. An IQ of zero right about now," Daniel murmured and sighed as they rolled back together. He dragged Jack's pants down to join his own, warm skin pressed against his, the brush of coarse hair against his thigh. Daniel started to kick Jack's pants past his ankles, but Jack shook his head.

"Never all the way off," he breathed. "You don't wanna hunt if something happens."

Daniel nodded blankly, and Jack crawled over him to fumble in his vest. With a startlingly loud crinkling sound he whipped open a paper thin space blanket and sat up to tuck it around their door.

"That'll give us crucial seconds if someone comes in," he explained over his shoulder.

"You seem to know what you're doing..." Daniel observed suspiciously, eyeing him.

"I've been around." But Jack couldn't help his spreading grin as he scrambled back with a thump into the down, his knee sliding over Daniel's thigh.

Daniel folded back into his warmth... mmmm, amazing how cold it could get in just a few seconds. He squelched a distant voice of reason and leaned up for another kiss, squeezing Jack's knee between his legs. Jack's arms bracketed his pillow, cold dogtags tickling Daniel's chest as Daniel gave him another sloppy kiss. Well, it was an awkward angle.

He felt a soft rumble under his lips. And realized Jack was laughing. "Wha-?"

Jack didn't answer, just fell to his side in a boyish tumble and reached over his head for his vest again. A spurt, the sound of lotion. "I hope you don't mind SPF -" Jack held it up and pretended to peer at it in the dark. "- SPF nine hundred and something."

"Now I'm guaranteed not to burn."

"Oh, it's gonna burn all right," Jack leered as he leaned closer.

"Is all well, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked.

Sam tipped her head doubtfully. "Yeah..." she said, slowly drawing the syllable out. "There's no sign of enemies or lava creatures or anything... strange." Her brow furrowed.

Puzzled by her manner, Teal'c tipped his head, scanning the camp for anything peculiar. Then he heard the murmur of voices.

"Doctor Jackson and Colonel O'Neill are awake," he observed.

Her smile was grim. "They've been talking all night." The whispers continued, interrupted by a sharp bark of laughter that was quickly smothered.

"This is most unwise. They likely will be in no condition for tomorrow's duties."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you want to play den mother and tell the boys to get some sleep?"

Teal'c frowned. "Mother...?"

Closing his eyes, Jack explored and circled. Okay, that got a little strangled squeak, but -- worth it. Daniel was musky with sweat, and pressed onto Jack, smothering eager little breaths.

And... this was way too easy. Jack paused and gave Daniel a narrow-eyed look.

"I'm guessing you've done this before," he murmured in an almost-growl.

"Hmm?" Daniel looked bleary and confused. "No, no we haven't." Jack's shoulders sank in sarcastic patience. "Oh, oh, you mean, you mean with - with a man?" His eyebrows raised. He cleared his throat and glanced away. "It's not like... Well... not exactly. Sort of. Not a man exactly." Jack puzzled over that. What-? "That came out wrong." Daniel huffed and writhed a little. "Can't we... just, um...?"

He moved again with a little whimper and no regard for the angle he bent Jack's fingers. Jack quickly grabbed his ass and gripped Daniel's hip. Try not to break 'em off, Daniel, jeeze. If he knew anything at... all...

Ah. No, Jack was willing to bet he didn't know.

He gave Daniel a sultry smug look. "Toys."

Daniel's chin tucked in, cringing, as Jack's smile slowly spread.

"Hoo yeah, the things we don't know about each other." Jack moved aggressively his very open, very embarrassed, and very willing Daniel. "Open-minded are we? Yeah, we're open all right."

Daniel threw his head back, glorying in it, face flushed.

"I want..." he whispered, almost whining.

Jack had himself ready in seconds. "Reading you loud and clear."

Jack reached down till he found that familiar candy-wrapper sound, buried where he'd dropped it between the sleeping bags.

Daniel peered over at him, mouth open. "You've got a condom?" His eyes fell on the little square-wrapped package. "You brought a condom on an off-world mission."

"More than one. You complaining?" Jack answered. He tore it open. "They should be standard issue. Next time I'm trapped on some god-forsaken planet for months and months, I'm not holding back. Never leave home without 'em."

"Oh. Mmm-yeah, come to think of it, I probably have one in my wallet."

"You brought your wallet?"

"Don't laugh, I brought my car keys once. Didn't mean to; it's just habit." Daniel shifted to his side.

"Okay, I did the car key thing. Lost 'em, too." Jack snuggled down into the sleeping bag next to Daniel. "If the Goa'uld ever show up in my living room, we'll know how they got in."

Jack's ass was getting cold, so he rolled a somewhat startled Daniel on top, warm thighs bracketing his waist. He looked slightly... concerned, confused, until Jack languidly squeezed and stroked his bare legs. It was the reverse of the tub fantasy, Jack noted with a smirk. Daniel licked his lips and lifted up as Jack patted and then held his hip, gently guiding him.

Daniel grimaced... his mouth slowly fell open, ecstatic, eyes half-closed.

"Shhhh..." Jack said, breath shaky. This was where it got dangerous.

Oh, how he looked. Jack wanted to pull his shirt up and off, but it wouldn't be smart, so he contented himself with running his hands up and down under the t-shirt, enjoying his smooth, hard skin, and the way Daniel melted into his hands. Hadn't expected that, that Daniel would be such a softie. The eagerness, yeah, he'd figured.

Daniel jerked a little awkwardly at first, then found Jack's rhythm, gazing down at him cautiously, mouth hanging open in the dumbest of his dumb looks, tinged with a mindless smile. The sleeping bags rustled a little too much under them. Jack showed him how to be quiet, go slow and easy.

Sighing up at the roof of the tent, Daniel's chest rose and fell. Jack's bag was unzipped and cocooned over them - which was damned stupid. If anyone poked their head in, it would be pretty hard to hide. But Jack savored that glorious invention that was body heat in a cold tent, snugly wrapped around Daniel, as warm as a furnace. Oh yeah, he believed this could save you from hypothermia.

"Actually..." Daniel began, his breath warm, teasing the hair on Jack's arm. Jack was cuddled tight against his smooth back and glanced up in surprise. Thought he was asleep. "I really did just want to talk."

"Disappointed?" Jack curled closer, hugging Daniel's hip.

"Um. No."

Daniel stirred muggily and blinked awake, his head throbbing and muscles sore. Probably dehydrated.

He pressed his fist into his forehead, turning it slowly, drilling between his eyes as he licked his lips and tried to decide whether or not he had water in the tent, or it was even worth the effort to move.

He felt as though he'd spent the night drinking. Only more... he fumbled for the word... surreal. Disconnected, like the universe had shifted overnight and he didn't have a map. He ran his hand through his hair. What had happened lingered with the heavy scent in the tent, and the fact he still felt sticky and his sides were cold; the sleeping bag was still unzipped, folded around him tenderly like a blanket. There was also the smooth, slick feeling in a place where, admittedly, it wasn't a new sensation, but the implications here were a little more... extreme.

He glanced over. The sleeping bag next to his was unzipped and empty, and he felt a momentary surge of alarm... until he remembered Jack had this watch.

He knew he should think about this. Grapple with the implications. Instead, he rolled onto his back, sighed, and shut his eyes.

Jack staggered out of the tent, grumbling to himself. His body felt liquified and heavy, and what he really wanted was a beer. And a shower. And eggs for breakfast, with an hour or two to scan the Sunday funnies.

He decided off-world sex was not what it was cracked up to be, not when you had fourth watch at four am, and a long march home to look forward to. Worse than mid-week sex - what was he thinking? He blew on his hands, sniffed, then fired up the camp stove to boil some water for coffee.

He smelled like sex, too, with no shower until they got back to the base.

"Good morning, Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c said, the frozen moss crackling underfoot as he reported in from his last perimeter check.

Jack peered up at him and decided against speaking. He nodded faintly.

"Did you have a good rest?" Teal'c asked in a mild voice. Too mild.

Jack gave him a laser-beam stare, instantly suspicious. He paused, glanced down with a poker face.

"No. No, I didn't," he said honestly. Then poured instant crystals into the hot water and stirred, blowing on his coffee. Took a too-hot sip to stall for time and sighed, staring down at the cup. "Shitty night's sleep in fact." He stayed deeply interested in coffee. Mmmm. Coffee.

Teal'c inclined his head, acknowledging the truth of this. That sixth sense of Jack's settled somewhat. Whatever had been... off... was better now. And frankly, he could never, ever, lie to Teal'c. You didn't lie to a guy betrayed by fake gods. It was just... too wrong.

As Teal'c returned to his tent, Jack stared into the embers of the fire, unseeingly. The steam rose from his coffee in slow trails.

About an hour later, a soft rustling sound came from Daniel's tent... the shifting of sleeping bags, a muffled cough - Daniel's wake up sounds, echoing clearly across the rocks of their little campsite.

Jack tried not to glance in his direction at the tent zipper pulled and Daniel staggered out, following the siren smell of coffee. His hair was a little more mussed than usual, but nothing anyone would notice. Their eyes met: an intense blue-eyed stare, raw and uncomprehending. Then Daniel shifted from one foot to the other, right, left, awkwardly looking at the ground.

Jack tried to wipe the smug look off his face as he took a sip.

Daniel sat down next to him with a rich sigh. He kept his eyes to the ground as he reached for the hot water, the tip of his tongue moistening his lip... oh shit. Jack willed away his reaction from the last thing that tongue did and cleared his throat.

He studied the perimeter. Rocks, moss... yep, still there.

"You're up early," he observed. Not looking at Daniel.

"Coffee," Daniel said, toasting with his cup. His voice was gruff, a little hoarse.

"Ah."

Jack noted the way Daniel settled on his rock uncomfortably with raised eyebrows and a surge of pride. Fucked you bow-legged, did I?

Their eyes met, and Jack tried not to smile. Daniel folded his lips over his teeth and flushed, shifting again. His eyelashes fluttered up at Jack, and Daniel heaved another soft sigh.

Ah, geeze. Flirting over coffee. Jack wiped his nose and turned away, pissed at himself.

"You're gonna have to fake this better," Jack said, staring down into his cup of now too-cold coffee.

Daniel coughed a little, hiding a slight smile.

"It can't happen again," he continued calmly, surveying the surroundings.

Should never have happened in the first place.

Daniel nodded slowly, as if he'd been expecting this, studying the same moss as Jack. "This is because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell -?"

"No. Much worse," Jack sighed, ran his hand through his hair and pulled, turning to Daniel. "You're under my command."

"In more ways than one it seems." And Daniel's gaze heated.

He winced. "I'm your C.O., Daniel."

"Supervisor, actually," Daniel pointed out, finger waving in that overly cheerful way he had after a few beers. Always the one to argue. "There's a distinction."

"It's called chain of command."

"Well... I can see why no one wants the boss diddling the secretary -"

"Diddling?"

"- but I'm not really under your command." He made a waving gesture with his fingers. "More like across."

"Is that what you think?"

"I'm not in the military, Jack."

Jack rubbed his temples. "Fuck... No wonder you never follow orders."

"Well I do in a battle situation of course, but that's because you know what you're doing..."

"You're in a field unit, Daniel," Jack snapped. "That means you're under my command."

"If you say so," Daniel said casually, humoring him. He swallowed a sip of coffee. "But I do understand, really," he continued in an abstracted tone of voice. "It's not a good idea. I mean, for one thing it could conceivably damage our friendship."

"No. I don't think you get it," Jack cut him off. Daniel's eyebrows raised at him. "If it becomes a problem, I'm transferring you off the team."

"You can't do that."

"Oh yes, I can. And I will. Part of that command thing you don't seem to get." Jack scowled at his hands. "I'm not sacrificing the functionality of the team over this."

"That's ridiculous."

"That's how it is."

"Define 'problem," Daniel peered at him angrily.

A muffled voice complained from Teal'c and Sam's tent, "Are you two fighting already? It's six a.m..."

Jack leaned backwards and called over his shoulder, "Sorry!"

Then he turned back to Daniel, whispering emphatically, "That's what I mean by problem." He pointed. "Messing up the team."

"If irritating Sam is a problem then we've had one a very long time."

"Not up for a vote, Daniel. This isn't a democracy."

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson. One cannot imagine SG-1 without you."

Sam yawned hugely and squeezed her eyes open and shut as she peered out of her tent around their camp, disconcerted by the dim light and stars. Her mental clock expected broad daylight, or at least some light. It was morning after all.

"Oh for..." Jack was saying. "That's completely out of context!"

Daniel was planted squarely in the middle of the campsite gazing up at the colonel with a mutinous glare. He looked like Cassandra just after Janet had said no to getting her ears pierced - only Sam didn't think Janet would want to deal with this. He vigorously stirred a sizzling skillet of reconstituted eggs with a spatula even though it was her turn to cook. Sam scratched the back of her head but had no argument with someone else - anyone else - cooking. Especially not Daniel. It might even be edible.

Reconstituted eggs... hmmm, well. Okay, maybe not 'edible.'

"And what would the appropriate context be, Colonel O'Neill?" Teal'c had continued implacably. "I was merely confirming that Doctor Jackson is an invaluable member of the team and would be difficult to replace."

"Yeah, Jack, what would that context be exactly?" Daniel goaded him.

"You're the one talking about dying here!"

"No," Daniel said slowly, drawing out the syllable and blinking. "I'm talking about the difficulty of finding someone with precisely my qualifications. Dying was simply mentioned as one of the possible extenuating circumstances."

"Yeah? Well don't."

"Let's see... I speak twenty-three earth-based languages... several Goa'uld dialects, Ancient..."

"Hey, I speak Ancient."

Daniel gave him a dismal look.

"Some." Daniel continued his steady stare. "Philates. It means... head or something," the colonel spluttered, then quickly recovered. "The point is none of us is irreplaceable. Not even me."

"Yes, but we weren't talking about you, were we?" Daniel gave the colonel a cold look.

"Are we talking about replacing Daniel?" Sam ventured with a puzzled frown.

"No!"

Jack and Daniel shouted at once, then turned on each other.

"Oh? Glad to hear it, Jack."

"No one likes lobbyists."

"Ooooh-kay." Sam stepped aside carefully. She knew when she wasn't wanted. "Cheery place around here this morning," Sam murmured, exchanging a meaningful look with Teal'c.

Daniel scraped some eggs into plastic bowl and handed it to her. "Good morning, Sam."

The colonel rolled his eyes and kicked a little dirt in the direction of the skillet. "And you can't just buy them off with some eggs."

"Ummm, red bell pepper," Sam hummed around a bite.

"Fresh," Daniel ignored the colonel, pulling the pan to safety. "I figured we'd need the vitamin C without the," he gestured to the sky as he searched for the word, "natural sunlight."

"I'm bought. Show me where to sign in blood." Daniel grinned with grim determination and handed a heaping portion to Teal'c.

"As am I." He settled the massive plate on his lap as he sat cross-legged. "I will participate in your blood ritual."

"Ever hear the phrase 'The army travels on its stomach,' Jack?" Daniel said.

"This is the Air Force."

Sam's fork paused, mid-bite, as Daniel scooped out a bowl for himself. "Doesn't the colonel get any?"

"He already had his." Daniel said it with curious emphasis, and Sam glanced between them.

Both men looked noticeably embarrassed. The colonel dug at the ground with the toe of his boot while Daniel pursed his lips and studied the spatula. He finally dished out a bowl for the colonel, not meeting his eyes. Then the colonel sat on the ground gingerly, as far away from Daniel as possible, gazing off in the distance as if he had some important military reason for doing so. They ate in tense silence.

Sam took a deep breath. "Nice weather today." She forced a bright, false smile. There was no response. "We're, um, all chipper this morning." She kept her eyes carefully on her bowl, scraping up a last few peppers.

The colonel gave her a sharp look.

"Yeah, well, I'm not looking forward to my meeting with the general." He broke apart some sticks and threw them into the fire, studying her with narrow eyes.

The group abruptly sobered with the reminder of their failed mission. Teal'c straightened, while Daniel studied the ground. Although the colonel's manner didn't change. It seemed he hadn't forgotten.

"I don't suppose anyone's interested in hearing some good news..." she ventured.

"It had better be great news, because I'm the one who's gonna get his ass chewed out."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "I think we all will, sir."

"No. That's before Hammond's door shuts." The colonel's lips pressed together in a thin line.

Sam's smile tightened, though it was more like a cringe.

"Well sir... I don't know if this counts as great news, but while I was on watch last night I started thinking. The aliens' caverns were just convenient for us, a means to kill two birds with one stone: we could develop relations with them," everyone looked away at this point, so she hurried on, "- and we could get our core readings. But all we really need is access to one of these magma vents."

The colonel blinked, looking both bemused and pleased. "Great. There's one right down there." He gestured to one of the flat lava pans in the valley below. "Go. Do your magic."

She smiled at him indulgently. "I'm afraid that's just lava flowing over open rock. It's considerably cooler. We'll need to get to one of these active volcanoes and find a way in."

"Go inside a volcano?" Daniel's tone was flat and his jaw dropped. "An active volcano."

"Well, like I said, the aliens' caverns were considerably more convenient."

"Okay." Jack stood and clapped his hands. "Pack up, kids. We'll stop at the MALP for an equipment we need to locate one of these..." he gestured vaguely, "... air vent things."

"Do you think this is wise?" Daniel asked.

"I'm not seeing a lot of options here, Daniel. It's this or go home empty-handed." Jack spun around to the rest of the group. "Let's have a show of hands: who here wants to go home and explain to the general why we were booted out by these aliens?"

"Well, I wasn't there but I'm given to understand that it was largely your fault."

"Yes," the colonel said with false cheer, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. "You weren't there."

Daniel folded his hands in his lap and had nothing to add to that.

Sam glanced between the two of them again. "I'm no geologist, but it should be relatively safe. Most of the volcanoes in this range are in the shield-building stage. Like Mauna Loa in Hawaii," she explained. "So long as we have the proper equipment and don't bumble into a lava flow, we should be okay."

Sam was outlined against the dim stars, face buried in a pair of binoculars. She turned and focused them carefully, then let them fall as she looked up at the crack of a branch.

"Hey Daniel," she smiled, a worried frown creasing her forehead.

Arms folded, Daniel nodded in the direction of her observation. "So we're going there."

"I think so. The geophysical surveys back at the MALP will help, but I'm almost sure that's where we'll find the easiest access to a 'hot spot.'" She added hastily, "The alien caverns were just a lucky break. This is what we would have normally had to do anyways."

Daniel sealed his lips and decided not to say anything.

"It's just a matter of setting up the naquadah particle generators around the magma vent, near as we can get to directly over the mantle plume, and then letting them -" she spread her hands and grinned, "- do their stuff, as Siler says.

"With any luck we'll be able to fire particles directly along the path of the rising magma, with a minimum of refraction, towards the core, making use of the planet's natural internal geography." Sam beamed with enthusiasm. "By measuring the particle speed, refraction and decay rate we'll know the various parts of the planet's interior and we should be able to determine what this planet is made of. It'll go a long way to explaining why it's generating so much geothermal heat. It's a shame we can't do this in Hawaii. Seismic waves are nowhere near as accurate as naquadah particle emissions and frankly, we don't even know what our own planet is made of. Not for sure."

She broke off at Daniel's funny look.

"Oh and, um, we'll find out about the naquadah and trinium refining too. Of course. That's a given." She gave him a guilty sheepish smile. "It's just that this planet's a complete mystery. It's not acting like it should. It should be just a dead ball of rock like everything else in this solar system, but the radioactive isotopes prove it's much younger. Which just can't be. If it were a captured planet, the orbit would be at least a little eccentric."

"Ah," he said with dawning understanding. They shared a conspirational smirk. "So... what do we need to do to find out if we can refine trinium here?"

"Throw some in and see how fast it melts." She shrugged. "But this won't take much more time, and the scientists back at the base are counting on these readings."

"How'd you guys get this past the general?"

"Oh, you know the military. They love lots of facts and figures, especially ones they don't understand. Complicated equals important, right?"

Daniel chuckled. "I won't tell the colonel." He turned to leave.

"Uh. Daniel?" Sam hesitated, taking a half step after him. The gun at her hip shifted.

"Hmm?"

Her little concerned frown had returned. "I was going to wait until we got back to the base, maybe take you to lunch, but now's as good a time as any." She cleared her throat, clearly uncertain, and Daniel waited.

"The colonel, you know, has always kept a close eye on you."

"Uh-hunh," Daniel nodded slowly.

"You're good friends."

"Yeah..." Daniel couldn't look at her. He had a feeling he knew where this was headed.

"Just," Sam took a deep breath, "don't get too close. The colonel has something of a history."

Daniel kicked at some moss and then replaced it with his toe. "So... you know."

She made a face and gave a quick nod. "Not officially. But a friend of mine was worried about me, thought I was getting too, well, attached to... him. So she told me everything. And she's got it on pretty good authority."

Daniel stared off into the distance for a moment.

"I'll bet Janet does," he said wistfully, and glanced over at Sam's surprised face. "Don't worry, I won't reveal your sources." He gave her a wry smile. "Mum's the word."

"Daniel... There was someone -" she shook her head and changed direction. "People have been transferred before, when things didn't work out with - with the colonel. I mean, legitimately," she added hastily, "but... for stuff he'd normally overlook." She turned big worried eyes in his direction. "He's a good leader, you know that. But he's not someone you want to cross."

"Yeah. He's warned me."

"Oh. Daniel. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

"I do. That's what scares me."

The trip back to the MALP was uneventful. An easy downhill trek, with a few of those lava bridges over the trail that gave Jack the willies as he ducked underneath, eyeing them cautiously.

He was dead dog tired and wished they were really going home.

He watched the stargate flash to life and was tempted - for just a second - to call it a wrap, take his twenty lashes with a wet noodle, and then park his ass in front of the TV with a beer for the weekend. It would take all of, oh, forty-eight hours to forget any of this had ever happened. Then he'd be back at work, fresh as a daisy come Monday morning.

He had plenty of practice putting bad news behind him.

But Carter had gone all perky and cheerful when it turned out she could play with the lava after all, and Daniel had that hovering 'we need to talk' look. He'd taken to standing around with his arms folded, doing that eyebrow thing at Jack. Which was, lucky for both of them, not real attractive. So strategically it was a better move to make her happy, keep him busy, and plan for a happy general, too.

When did he ever think being in command meant doing what he wanted?

So Jack folded his arms, squinted at a stargate that had become too intensely bright after all this twilight, and let the moment pass. Daniel as their all-star bullshitter delivered a terse 'less is more' message that gave their destination but neglected any mention of 'natives' and 'caverns.'

As the stargate cut out, Daniel turned and asked Sam, "Isn't that sort of close to where they were walking us in circles?"

"We'll keep our eyes peeled for any No Trespassing signs," Jack told him.

"Theirs could be along the fault line. Plate tectonics, you know," Sam shrugged into her pack. "Plus there are probably other sites all in this area. This plate's been sitting still for a while."

Jack nodded. "There you go. Tech-tronics. Lots of them."

Sam and Daniel rolled their eyes.

Teal'c had all the heavier equipment already assembled. Jack tugged on Teal'c's pack-straps pretending to tighten them while he checked to be sure he didn't carry more than his share. Teal'c raised an eyebrow at him. Then Jack moaned as he pulled on the pack he almost never wore. Thank god they were carrying trinium, and not, oh, naquadah bowling balls. Because it definitely felt like naquadah. Bowling balls, that is. Which reminded him...

"You're leaving those books here, right Daniel?"

It never hurt to do a 'common sense check' with him.

"Yes, Jack."

Their eyes met with that sudden reminder of the night before, books and Powerbars scattered over Daniel's sleeping bag, and Jack coughed and kicked at some pebbles. Then he carefully fell in step alongside Teal'c, head down, avoiding Daniel's hopeful look.

It figured Daniel would fight dirty.

They made their first camp early, overloaded as they were with naquadah generators, doo-dads and trinium samples. The cold air caught in Jack's lungs and the mountains around him smoked and steamed. He would've had a commanding view if it weren't cut off on all sides by looming black peaks. Not that anyone needed a view to take a leak.

Daniel stepped around into Jack's little cul-de-sac, carefully evading loose rocks.

"Jack?"

"Daniel," Jack said irritably. "Privacy?"

"Well. It's not like I haven't seen it all before..." he said in a sultry amused voice and simply waited, arms folded casually as he looked around, bored.

With business-like calm, Jack turned around before he'd tucked himself in and zipped up. If Daniel was going to do this he was gonna pay in embarrassment. Daniel looked away hurriedly and Jack smiled, satisfied, as he buttoned his fly.

"Now, what can I do for you?" Still smiling.

"That's not really the question, is it?" Daniel said. His face was thoughtful and determined, which meant he was in one of his 'meaningful' moods. Daniel took a careful, rehearsed breath. "The question is: what do you want, Jack? Really."

Jack stared at him in silence. Daniel stood between him and the campsite, feet planted. Not willing to leave without an answer. And Jack didn't plan on shoving him out of the way either.

Daniel continued, pressing his advantage, "I've been asking you this the entire trip, and you still haven't answered me."

Jack stepped up slowly into Daniel's personal space and leaned close. Daniel smelled like three days of sweat overlaid with sex, and his blue eyes went dark. Jack murmured into the space just above his ear: "I'd like to bend you over that rock."

Then he brushed past Daniel and left him standing there on the edge of the cliff, breathless with his mouth hanging open.

Ask a stupid question...

Unsurprisingly, Daniel avoided Jack after that. And in the space of an hour Jack had their sleeping arrangements all mapped out.

He decided it would look suspicious if he changed tent assignments now, but if he took second watch and gave Daniel third, that left only the first and fourth watch alone in the tent. Daniel could be trusted to hang outside till late - that took care of first watch. Then in the mornings, well, he slept like the dead anyway.

Yeah. This could work.

With the cold air and smoke and pools of lava everywhere, Jack had decided it was no great risk to have a fire, even if they were moving into occupied territory. So Sam - firebug that she was - had one built out of big chunks of moss, burning merrily away (if a little smoky) with piles set out in a circle to dry. The smoke shifted from one side to the other as the wind whipped around them this high up in the mountains, the mist half smoke and half cloudbank. They used the moss chunks as seats, so had a pretty cozy camp if Jack didn't say so himself.

Sam was poking shrubbery at her pet fire when Daniel returned, evading Jack's gaze as he sat down to a late dinner, face more intent than macaroni and cheese deserved.

She gave Daniel a worried glance. And Jack studied his hands.

Yep. This had better stop now.

Out of their unspoken sort-of agreement, Daniel stayed by the fire until Jack started his watch. Then he shut his book and slipped away to their tent with a bare distracted nod, as Jack pulled up a seat to relieve Teal'c.

The moss was warm and toasty, way better than sitting on rocks. Teal'c settled in a meditative posture, shifting his shoulders from side to side until his back was straight.

"Not going back to your tent?"

"I can Kel-no-reem just as easily here."

"Ah." Jack raised his eyebrows. "Miss the candles?"

Teal'c didn't answer, so Jack lapsed into silence, staring into the remains of their fire. The little moss tendrils resisted the wind nicely. They flared up on the outer edges with the breeze while the inner core heated but remained unmoved.

"I am reminded of a story Bra'tac once told me..."

"I thought you were going to Kel-no-reem," Jack said, startled. If curious.

"I intend to," Teal'c informed him. "On Chulak, there was once a mighty warrior. He had two sons."

Oh. Cool. Story hour. Nothing like a good story around the campfire to distract you from the cold. Jack blew on his fingers.

"It was thought they would be just as powerful as their father, and so to teach them, they were installed as fighters under his command."

"A little nepotism, eh?" Jack snorted.

"Quite." Teal'c nodded. "Their father placed his eldest son at the head of a Sheth'tah over more experienced warriors. Yet his son was unwise and overconfident in his strategies. The younger son was given the duties of the Kel'tang, the Jaffa reconnaissance."

"Let me guess: he was made the big boss, too."

"On the contrary, the warrior was most dismissive of his younger son's abilities, although there was no evidence that it was deserved." Teal'c continued, "Once his sons joined their father, his number of victories began to decline."

"I'll bet."

"Yet anyone who criticized the elder son was immediately put to death."

"Now see, that's what I call over-protective. Kids just don't learn that way."

"He most certainly did not." Teal'c agreed gravely. "One day, in order to recover some of his losses, the elder son planned a great battle. But the younger brother returned from his reconnaissance with the news that they were hopelessly outmatched." Teal'c paused.

"The warrior refused to listen to his younger son, and any who confirmed it were removed from his presence. He claimed that his son was merely jealous of his elder brother and wished to prevent his success."

"I'm thinking this has a bad ending. A lot of Bra'tac's stories have bad endings - you ever notice that?"

"They are intended to be lessons," Teal'c answered. "And in fact, the leader, his eldest son, and many fine warriors all died needlessly in that battle."

Jack squinted at him. "But the younger kid made it?"

"He did."

"Well that's good."

"Thus, ever since that time, Jaffa warriors do not fight alongside family members," Teal'c said, then gave Jack a calm sidelong glance. "Nor alongside any with whom they are intimate."

"Uhn-hunh."

Jack leaned his elbows on his knees, eyes squeezed shut, thinking fast. No way Daniel would have mentioned anything. Not now.

Jack swallowed and inwardly cursed loud sleeping bags, squeaky Daniels and Jaffa supersonic hearing. Though Teal'c was observant; he would've figured it out anyway. He took a deep breath.

"Yeah." Jack sighed. "We have rules like that on earth, too."

"I see."

Sleet pelted them as they slogged up the side of the mountain, their pace slow on the steep scree. Jack was inches away from breaking out the ropes as they scrabbled and slid, elbows leaving divots in the slope. He took the group's six, right behind Daniel, with Sam as their resident scientist in the lead.

He studied Daniel's bedraggled form, squinting through the cold half-rain.

Daniel really had no ass to speak of, he decided.

And yeah, okay, he had a great body now. But when they'd first met Daniel had been a bit of a weed. Jack bet that the minute Daniel stopped going on missions he'd let himself slide. Either develop a pot-belly with three-inch love handles or - more likely, given the man never ate - shrink back down to a twig. Probably let his hair go, too. Back to the sheepdog look. Because, face it, at base Daniel was really a straight guy, with just a little more curiosity than was good for him. Or anyone else.

And it should surprise no one that he was easy. Christ. He'd married a girl on the first date.

So while normally Jack would find a wet and pathetic-looking Daniel kinda cute, the way he looked up the slope hopelessly, obviously tired and unable to hide it - it wasn't working on Jack O'Neill today. No siree, Bob.

Which meant it was a simple matter of shaking Daniel of his crush. That wouldn't be easy, given the old O'Neill charm... Jack was hot property, he knew. Between the uniform and being in killer shape, he had 'em lining up.

Jack momentarily toyed with the idea of setting Daniel up with one of the nurses, and discarded it as too obvious.

Daniel paused to take a long sip from his water bottle, feet dug into the hillside, legs braced. Jack waited for him, just out of politeness.

He couldn't even drink like a normal person. No. He had to tip his head up, dark hair stuck to his face, and pour it between parted lips... something about other cultures and not touching the bottle to your mouth, yadda, yadda. Like they couldn't just wipe it off. Daniel blinked at him with baby blues someone could fall into.

Yep. There was that crush again. Jack didn't want to be harsh, but sometimes you just had to do the right thing.

At the top of the slope they rested. Jack took this as the best to time to cut it off with Daniel for good. He pulled him aside.

"You need something?" Daniel asked as he stumbled after Jack, lips pursed, looking slightly pissed. Teal'c and Carter glanced in their direction warily. Jack scowled at them and then turned back to Daniel.

Jack said in a low voice, standing close to keep this just between them, "I want you to... no." He shut his eyes a moment and started over. "You need to understand," he raised a finger, pointing, "that it ain't ever gonna happen again."

Daniel stared at him, utterly blank.

Jack wiped at his mouth. "I'm just saying."

Daniel blinked. Licked his lips, and seemed... amused. His mouth moved with several wordless attempts to answer. Finally, he bobbed his head condescendingly. Jack hated it when he was condescending.

"That's... good to know. Just, um, keep me informed." He patted Jack's shoulder, gave it a squeeze - whoa - and walked away.

"Right."

That went... well. Jack rolled his shoulders uncomfortably and tried to look nonchalant as he followed Daniel. He was an expert at nonchalant; it went with the leather jacket.

Just... he couldn't quite shake the feeling that somehow, somewhere, this had all gotten away from him.

Sam reached the top of the ridgeline first.

"Sir..."

Jack really didn't like the sound of that 'sir.' Anxious and worried was not what he wanted to hear today. Teal'c paused at her elbow and peered about the landscape below. No immediate alarm, but that Jaffa-face did not look pleased. Daniel scrambled up beside them.

"Well, you mentioned 'no trespassing' signs..." Daniel said, hands on his hips as Jack caught up. "I think we just found them."

Along the mountain slope below was the curve of a road or trail, lined with some familiar intricately carved posts every few dozen feet. Crap. They led to a broad opening in the side of the mountain.

Jack scratched the back of his head and looked around. "I don't suppose we could try next door? There's a whole lotta volcanoes around here." He gestured at the mountain range and wondered how far they'd have to lug the equipment now.

Carter didn't answer, just chewed her lip. Which answered that one.

"It appears to be abandoned," Daniel suggested hopefully, and Jack gave him a sarcastic look. Daniel answered it with a slight shrug. It would be too much to hope for.

Jack growled to himself; this mission had been shit from the beginning. Then he asked Sam, "How long will this take?"

"Not long, sir," she assured him, a shade too perky.

Daniel dug at the ground with his boot, his lips sealed, unusually quiet. Teal'c waited impassively for Jack's decision. Jack sucked the inside of his mouth, weighing the risks against the general's wrath - or disappointment, which was worse in Jack's book.

"Okay," he said finally, waving them forward with a sharp glance left and right as he started down the slope. The others followed. "We get in. Grab the intel. Then get out fast. Teal'c, you're with Daniel. Carter -?" He nodded to her. "After you."

Daniel's flashlight played about the inside walls of the cavern, Teal'c's making a more steady pattern, seeking obstacles on the ground ahead. The light caught but didn't entirely illuminate man-high alcoves, one over the other, each occupied by a startlingly realistic statue of the local people.

This was so not a good idea.

It wasn't that Daniel didn't want to see these caverns. He was absolutely for studying civilizations both ancient and living. But there was an enormous difference between wandering through deserted ruins and... breaking and entering. Besides, no matter what he could glean from studying this... structure, (he aimed the flashlight at the distant ceiling), it paled in comparison to what they could learn from the inhabitants themselves. What he wouldn't give to talk to the ancient Akkadians, for example.

Not to mention that Sam's idea of "not long" when applied to her pet projects could prove Einstein's theory of relativity.

He had started to say as much, but then it occurred to him that given what Sam knew about him and Jack, it might be misconstrued as "undue influence." And while that wasn't true, it could look pretty bad. There was even a (remote) possibility that he could affect Jack's decision. Unintentionally. But on the other hand, if he held back, then wasn't that the exact same thing?

While he struggled on the horns of his dilemma, Jack had made his decision, and well... here they were.

Daniel's radio hissed: "How's it goin' over there?"

Daniel answered: "Fine, fine. It's fascinating... The statuary appears to go all the way through the structure, on up to the ceiling." He let his flashlight play slowly upwards. The beam highlighted noses, cheekbones, and threw the serene faces into sharp shadows. "It's incredibly detailed. I've never seen anything so lifelike."

"Yeah." Jack sounded disinterested. "Any signs of the locals?"

Teal'c answered: "There appear to be none present. However, it is far too clean for this place to have been abandoned. It seems that they simply do not come here often."

"Well I don't blame them. This place gives me the creeps."

His voice faded slightly, as if he'd turned away from the radio: "Do you think these statues have eyes like in those old horror movies? They look like they might have eyes." They could hear Sam snicker in the background.

Daniel answered: "Yeah, well it's certainly very old. Older than the underground city that's for sure... oh. Wow. Hey, Jack, we've definitely found something."

Jack hated it when Daniel did this.

'Oh we found something' - and then radio silence, except for a muttered 'you gotta see this' or 'come here, quick.' See what! A saber-toothed tiger? A legion of knife-wielding alien ninjas? And those were only the more pleasant images Jack conjured up, not the ones drawn from a lifetime of combat and missions gone badly wrong, with body parts and blood and dead friends.

He hustled through a maze of corridors to Teal'c and Daniel's last known position, Carter in tow, with no idea what they were walking into.

Jack blinked at the heat as they stepped out into an open cavern, his eyes stinging suddenly. Then he got buffeted by a blast of cold wind that ruffled his hair.

He spotted the tiny wind-blown figure of Daniel standing on the edge of a glowing pit, gazing up at the sky. Sky? Ceiling actually. Mostly. Teal'c, even smaller, was scouting along its outer edge.

After another blast of heat, Jack decided this was where the aliens must freeze-dry things and he turned in a slow circle, taking it all in. There was a ceiling of sorts with sporadic holes in it, like a mad scientist's skylights here and there. Not particularly useful as ceilings go. More statues were here too, thousands of them, going all the way up the cone of the volcano around them. He would guess that meant it hadn't erupted in a while, eh? Good sign. He put his hands on his hips.

"Big," Jack commented, looking over at Sam. She seemed impressed too.

The Daniel-figure waved, skipped a little and came running over. As he got closer, they could see he was holding binoculars in his hands.

He reached them out of breath.

"You have to see this. Take a look at this ceiling!" He stuffed the binoculars into Sam's hands.

Sam trained them upward, then blinked. "Oh my god. The stargate emblems."

"Now, over there-" Daniel aimed her in the direction of some vague squiggles Jack squinted at. "Seem familiar? It's the script of the Ancients," he added, spoiling the surprise.

Sam handed Jack the binoculars, but Jack already had his own out, so they focused together. Now the squiggle looked like... an even bigger squiggle. Though... yep, it was familiar alright. "What's it say?"

"'For those who are sealed in light will ascend on high.'"

"Ascend, huh?" Jack said doubtfully.

"This isn't another Kheb if that's what you're thinking." Sometimes Daniel knew him all too well.

"How can you tell?"

"I'm not sure. It just... feels different."

"Ah." Jack managed to fit you're-nuts and I-can't-believe-I-believe-you into one syllable.

"That, and," Daniel gestured, "the lack of... glowing ascended beings flinging lightning bolts."

"Yeah. There's a clue."

"It's a starchart," Sam interrupted in a surprised voice, pulling the binoculars away from her face.

Jack and Daniel glanced over at her. She pointed at the ceiling.

"This hole in the ceiling lines up with one of the constellations that makes up one of the gate coordinates to this world. And that-" She focused the binoculars again and started nodding eagerly. "-yep, the gate symbol is directly below it. Unbelievable."

"Oh. That's incredible," Daniel added breathlessly, face lighting up as he gazed upwards. "It's like a... a Stonehenge for gate travel."

"That's real cool, I'm sure. So what? What does it mean to us?"

Sam answered, "They have our address, sir. When they recognized the emblem on our jackets, they actually knew where we were from."

"They understand the stargate, Jack. Even if they don't use it..." Daniel puzzled. "I wonder why not."

"So..." Jack added up the implications, feeling slightly pained. He spotted Teal'c returning from his recon. "Even more advanced?"

"By the second," Sam agreed, still peering at the ceiling through the binoculars.

Jack scowled and scanned the cavern as if this meant the aliens were descending on them that moment. But there was no sign of life, just a lot of statues. Jack dismissed the far-too-many-horror-movies thought of all these statues coming to life to attack, and focused on the issue at hand.

Teal'c approached. "Colonel O'Neill. There is sufficient access surrounding the target area."

"Okay. Good. Carter, you set up your portable whatever -"

"-volcano observatory..."

"Right," Jack said, forgetting the term the second he heard it. "Daniel, Teal'c and I will drop the tripod thingys -"

"The EDMs, naquadah particle generators, correlation spectrometers, and the LDR radio telemetry systems," Sam corrected cheerfully.

His brain hurt momentarily from the flood.

"Yeah. Those babies," he nodded, aware of a headache starting behind his eyes. "We'll drop them around the... hole..."

"-caldera."

"-grab our intel and get the hell out of here, pronto."

"Um. Wait." Daniel had his finger up. Oh no. Not the finger. "Shouldn't we figure out what this place is first?"

"Thought you said it was Stonehenge." Yeah. That was definitely a headache.

"Yes, but why put it in a volcano? Why all the statues? What's the significance of the writings?"

"Daniel. We may never have the answers to those questions and I'm not running the risk of pissing these people off any more than I have to."

Daniel leaned his forehead on his hand. "First off, we don't have to piss these people off at all. We don't have to be here. Second, we can't just go poking around when we don't know what it is we're... poking at."

"Oh? We've developed some expertise have we? After doing exactly that for the last five years?"

Instead of arguing, Daniel gave him a patient gaze. "Jack..."

"Don't 'Jack' me."

But Daniel persisted with the 'look,' his big earnest eyes communicating this-might-be-important and the-fate-of-the-known-universe-could-depend-on-it. Either that, or he really needed to go to the bathroom.

Jack's shoulders melted and he gave a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off what was fast becoming a fierce headache. "Oh, all right." He waved Daniel away gruffly. "Go. Go play. But be back here on the double."

"Sir?" Sam's eyebrows went up in surprise.

For a moment Daniel frowned and looked like he was going to argue with the word 'play,' but he seemed to think the better of it and trotted off. Jack swung his arm in a broad gesture to wave Sam towards the... lava pit. "C'mon Carter, let's go. Teal'c, I'll take the left flank." He motioned with his chin.

Jack had the last of his... tripod thingys... set up and ready to go. Or at least the little lights were green, which he assumed meant 'all systems fully operational.' He squinted through the wavering heat at the dark figure of Teal'c on the far side near the cavern entrance. His apparently were done, too, as he moved towards Carter's position just inside the entryway. It was like a sauna by the edge of the pit, only Jack's back was freezing. Jack wiped the sweat from his face and made the mistake of looking down into the caldera. It was way down there, but he could see bubbles bursting on the smooth surface. It reminded him of cake mix. He blinked, feeling a little dizzy, and stepped away from the edge. Whoa.

He radioed: "We're good to go here."

"Sir." Sam's voice responded. "Are you experiencing any symptoms
He said: "I've a headache if that's what you mean."

"Okay, everyone needs to put on their headgear. The VEI index may be zero for this place but the COSPEC shows the CO2's pretty high."

VE-what? Jack responded: "Roger that."

Teal'c clicked on: "My protective armor is in place."

Jack waited till the count of five to hear from Daniel.

Then counted two beats more. No sound.

He snapped into the radio: "Daniel."

No response.

"Okay, Carter, you go ahead. I'm gonna go check on what's keeping sleeping beauty."

"Yes sir."

He found Daniel, sans headgear he noted without surprise, picking away at the hand of one of the statues.

Daniel spoke up without looking in his direction, "I heard you and I'm fine. Just a little dizzy. But I haven't had the exposure everyone else has since I've been all the way over here."

"Daniel..." Jack said in a warning tone.

"I'll get it in a minute... Jack, look at this. This statue has fingerprints."

"So?" It was irritating, the little shit that so fascinated Daniel.

Jack ran his boot over an imperfection in the ground, which turned out to be a straight cut. Someone could trip on that.

"Well, I've heard of detail, but that's ridiculous. What's the point of carving fingerprints on a statue? No one will ever see it." He looked almost annoyed with the inanimate object. "They're even different from each other."

"Yeah, well, aliens are crazy folk," Jack smiled thinly, ready to make the headgear an order.

He glanced back and saw lines cut into the floor radiating out like rays of the sun towards the cavern walls. Little lines connected between the rays, like a spider web of dikes. He frowned, recalling those 'running lights.'

"Daniel. What's this?" He jerked his head towards the patterns.

Daniel blinked up at him. "It's a design."

Jack rolled his eyes. "I can see that. Look familiar?"

"We determined those weren't dangerous, Jack."

"Yeah." Jack eyed them. "Well, whatever you do, don't step on a crack. Something'll come out of the wall and grab your head or something."

Daniel ignored him, scraping at the statue with a fingernail. "Hmm..."

Jack didn't like the 'hmm.' He didn't like 'hmm' and he didn't like lines. Besides, 'hmm' from Daniel was usually a bad thing.

Daniel picked at the fingertip a little more. Then something black chipped off and fell into his hand. "Uh-oh."

"What uh-oh?"

Jack's P-90 was up and ready.

Daniel stood up and took a step backwards, gazing up the figure in front of him, face frozen. "It seems they aren't really statues." His mouth fell slightly open as he indicated the statue. "That's bone underneath."

"Whoa. You mean these are all bodies?"

"Yeah..." Daniel gazed up and around the walls of the vast cavern.

"We're in the morgue?"

Jack looked around the stadium-like alcoves with a shiver running up his spine, though he was less surprised than he should've been. He'd known those statues were weird. "That's a whole lotta dead people."

"Yeah." Daniel shook his head as if to clear it. "I'm thinking this is sort of a cemetery, or sepulcher, rather. They're covered in a micro-thin layer of basalt, so they must use the lava as..."

He trailed off, and Jack could almost hear his mind clicking at light speed. Daniel's head slowly turned towards the caldera, face blank.

"What?"

Daniel ignored Jack, but suddenly grabbed for his radio and called: "Sam...!"

"Look, I'm working as fast as I can."

"No, Sam-!"

They heard a click in the background. "...should just about do it..."

The caldera went off like a bomb in a flash of white-gold light.

Jack shook himself awake as the ground shifted and squirmed underneath him. He felt a kick in the leg and then in the shins. Ow.

"Dammit Jack, get off!"

He hit the ground with a thump as Daniel rolled over. His back stung and felt peppered with rock salt from when he'd leapt on Daniel to cover him; he breathed the acrid smell of singed hair. Shoulda had the headgear on, he thought, leaning on his hands and knees, coughing.

"C'mon, Jack!" Someone was shaking him, had him by the collar. Daniel. Jack trained a beady-eyed glare on the culprit, but then was distracted by the bright light.

Ho-ly shit...

A sheet of liquid metal and rock rose up in front of them, flowing along those cracks in the floor, hitting a criss-cross then rising like a slow, twisting wave. Thick ropes of it reached up with thin sheets stretched in between, dripping down. He squinted at it, breathing hard, his face hot.

"What the fuck's that?"

"I don't know, but I think we're about to be-" Daniel coughed. "-embalmed."

"Sir! Colonel!"

Jack fumbled around then snatched up his radio: "Yeah! We're here."

"We can't reach you! That wall of-"

"-we noticed," Jack coughed out, and looked around. They were in a cul-de-sac, now cut off from the rest of the cavern, watching the steady slow approach of the lava. Ropes of it arched towards the wall but broke off and dropped to the floor, melting back into those cracks. The cavern ceiling wavered overhead in shuddering heat.

"Sir, this is not an eruption! I don't know what that is, but that stuff's going straight upward - it's impossible. We're cut off, sir. Teal'c's trying to locate another tunnel entrance." Daniel was feeling along the bit of wall left to them looking for openings behind the bodies. He looked at Jack and shook his head firmly.

"Negative! No good, Carter! Nowhere to go but up!"

Daniel looked surprised for a moment, then gripped one of the statues. Jack clicked the radio off and hoped that was enough as he cupped his hands to give Daniel a leg up. Daniel scrabbled over an alien arm, and then a shoulder, feet slipping, scrabbling in a shower of flaking rock.

Jack hefted himself onto a statue, cracked off an alien ear as he clung to the next alcove, arms wrenched and shaking. Daniel glanced back and moved to help him.

"No! Keep moving!" Jack snarled at him. "Don't look back!"

Daniel nodded, compliant for once.

Jack got a knee over the ledge, rolled, then broke his own rule to glance back at the bright uneven wall. The part closest to them rose higher as they climbed.

Shit. Jack swore and clambered the next statue a little faster. For the first time he wondered if these people were alive or dead when...

"Teal'c!" Major Carter's voice was sharp with alarm.

Teal'c spoke into the Tauri radio: "I heard them, Major Carter. I shall attempt the roof."

He said nothing more as he began to jog through the twisting halls, trusting to memory and the faint currents of air to find the swiftest route to the outside.

Daniel's head swiveled and he stopped.

"Jack! That thing's following us." He dissolved into a coughing fit and little chunks of gravel fell into Jack's eyes; Jack ducked away.

"Shut up, Daniel. I know!" Jack gasped, his arms screaming for rest. "Shut up and climb!"

He clung to an alien head, fighting dizziness and CO2 poisoning. "Just climb..."

Teal'c's radio hissed and clicked: "Teal'c. Don't stop, just listen. Keep heading for the roof. I'm going to try to turn off the naquadah particle beams since that's what probably triggered this effect."

Teal'c paused, considering the location of the particle beams and their proximity to the caldera. Then he increased his speed as he answered:

"That will be very dangerous, Major Carter."

"Yes. And I could make it worse. Just get there as fast as you can."

Sweat poured down Jack's face and made his grip slippery. Daniel's breath above him came in fast ragged pants, sounding more like a St. Bernard than a person. He probably sounded the same. The rocks and the hard weird edges of these... people... cut into his hands.

It was easier to think of them as statues.

The lava had fallen behind somewhat, and they were seven tiers up and climbing, clinging to the wall like bugs. He looked up, and it was... way too far. Way more than seven. And the roof curved, up there. They didn't have rope. His mind worried at these problems in the background as he climbed.

He wiped his forehead on his shoulder. The radio hissed in his ear: "...I'm going to try to turn off the naquadah particle beams, since that's what probably triggered this."

Jack swore to himself. That was fucking dangerous and he couldn't tell her no. Damn her, she was blaming herself and taking stupid, unnecessary risks because of it.

He clenched his teeth, lungs laboring as he grabbed for another ledge. When he got outta here he was gonna have her hide.

Teal'c caught the scent of burning before he turned the corner. He slowed to a more cautious pace.

There in front of him was the exit. But his way was blocked.

Sam edged into the cavern, goggle-eyed at the lava streaming up out of the caldera, like it was being pulled, fed along channels towards the wall with the colonel and Daniel. She stared at it and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head, unable to take in the sheer impossibility of this. She crept along the floor where the air was coolest, as low as possible, determining that it was best to try the one closest since that would tell if this would work or not - and give her the shortest distance to run. She glanced up. Through the heat she saw the colonel and Daniel climbing, dark specks on the wall. They weren't very far off the ground, and were moving very slowly.

Here goes...

The lava didn't dive for her as she'd feared it might, and she scrunched up her face behind the gas mask as she approached the heat. Her worst fear, that the naquadah itself had fallen into the caldera during the explosion, was at least unfounded. The little tripod perched on the edge though, far too close for comfort.

Sweat dripped into her eyes, but with a silver-gloved hand she reached for the switchplate and...

"Ouch!"

She snatched her hand away, burned. The glove smoked slightly. She breathed through the pain and pulled her sleeve down over the glove and reached again.

Clicked the switch, thank god they were loose...

And nothing happened.

A bunch of rocks pelted Jack's face. A bigger piece of the alien above him broke off and bounced to the ground.

"Sorry." Daniel looked over his shoulder and down, his face scrunched up and covered in black grit. Beet red and sheened with sweat. Lips open and panting he struggled for another handhold, and Jack waited for him to get a little further ahead. If one of them fell...

He decided not to think about that.

Glancing back at the doorway, Sam decided to chance the next tripod. She breathed heavily, sweat soaking her. Her face hurt from the heat.

There were six. Maybe turning off just one didn't make enough of a difference. She crawled away from the caldera and slunk towards the next. A calculated risk, i.e., it was no dumber than the last move. She could hear her inner 'dad' voice, yelling at her to get away from there, and she ignored it.

"Teal'c!" she gasped into the radio. "I'm going to try for the next one. The first didn't cause a ripple."

There was no response.

"Teal'c!"

Nothing.

She could only hope he didn't answer because he was busy climbing the outside of the mountain.

She cast another glance at the colonel and Daniel. Now not only were they going too slow, they'd stopped. And the lava wall continued to rise. She steeled herself for the heat, because... they weren't gonna make it. There was no way. The distance was just too far.

Jack's knees felt like noodles and his arms shook. He paused, just to rest a moment, and saw the wall under them, longer now, gaining momentum. Or just catching up. He couldn't tell, and couldn't care either.

"How're you hangin' there, Daniel?" he said, when he could breathe again.

"My legs feel like linguine..." Daniel whined.

"That'll teach ya to avoid the stairmaster."

He thought that cough was a laugh. They both had stopped. He thought about giving Daniel a hard time. But he started it and stopped first. Started? Stopped -? Oh, he was losing it.

"It think it's going to coat the whole wall."

"It's hard to breathe," Jack said as an excuse, to Daniel or himself, he wasn't sure.

"CO2," Daniel choked. "And possibly... sulfur dioxide... maybe some hydrogen chloride..."

"Yummy."

"It's mostly water though."

"We'll open a spa."

Neither of them had energy to laugh, though Jack smiled as he leaned his head against some dead alien. The ones higher up were more crumbly and a disquieting bone stuck out at eye level: a bit of shoulder blade.

He could hear Daniel's comforting chuckle.

Then Daniel said in a quiet voice, "It was fun, Jack."

And Jack knew what he meant, and why he was saying it.

"No famous last words. Get your ass in gear."

At the entrance, more than a dozen aliens stood in Teal'c's way. They blinked at him and appeared to be more startled than afraid. They were also unarmed.

"We have come to honor our dead," one of the younger ones, a female, said to him, as if he required an explanation; which in fact he did not.

They carried wreaths of painted moss, and had several young with them - most likely family members. Thus it was likely true.

"Why is the mountain awake? There is no karaashiae scheduled." The other female appeared disturbed.

Teal'c weighed the hazards of honesty and answered bluntly, "My friends and I have awakened your mountain."

They dropped their wreaths to the ground.

As Teal'c raced after them, he felt it was to their credit that these aliens wasted no more time with useless questions.

Sam crawled the last several feet to the third particle beam.

The second had tipped over and had been broken, stuck in the 'on' position, damn their rotten luck. She could smell the acrid smoke of burnt plastic as she approached the last on this side of the cavern. It had also fallen on its side, but away from the lava vent.

This had better work, because an honest assessment told her that she wasn't up for a trip around the circle to the hotter part of the cavern.

What she couldn't figure out was why the lava was bent on Daniel and the colonel, yet had ignored this side of the cavern completely, rising slowly. It wasn't sentient - she didn't think - so what was this stuff?

She reached the switch.

Hallelujah, it was still intact: only the read-outs were melted.

She kicked the switch off with her boot, praying quietly.

The force of the blast rattled the walls, and Jack and Daniel held on for dear life.

A sweltering heat suddenly baked them, and in a panic, Jack looked back. The wall of lava had flared up and was level with their position and closing. Daniel was already scrambling higher.

The arm of the alien Daniel climbed broke off, smacking Jack in the shoulder as it fell. Daniel clutched around its neck, looking really scared as Jack scrabbled for his footing -

Then cold, claw-like hands grabbed Jack's shoulders.

For a brief panicked moment Jack thought the statues had come to life. Then he turned and found himself staring into the living face of one of the aliens. He looked around to try to find wings, or flying spacecraft or... how the hell had they gotten up here?

He glanced down and spotted... stairs. Why hadn't he and Daniel taken the stairs? Other than the fact that they hadn't been there a minute ago. Up above him, two aliens had Daniel by the arms and were coaxing him - unsuccessfully - to let go of the dead.

"Never thought I'd be glad to see you guys," Jack whispered, entirely too honest as he coughed and let go. He was handed down the line of aliens and was almost to the ground when he realized Daniel was still up there. He reached back, but Daniel was hidden from view.

"Daniel-?" Alien hands pulled him inexorably away and Jack started to squirm and fight.

"I think we'd better go with them, Jack." Still hidden, Daniel's voice came from not twenty feet away, and Jack relaxed.

"Major Carter..."

Sam blinked awake to find herself staring into a very worried-looking Jaffa face. And with one hell of a headache. She felt the bump on the back of her head and realized that her gas mask was off.

Her mind quickly processed that Teal'c wouldn't be just sitting there if the colonel and Daniel weren't okay or... she tried to sit up.

Teal'c anticipated her question. "They are there."

He pointed to a series of stairs that led to where colonel and Daniel were being lifted from the wall... or rather the colonel was. Daniel clung to a statue like a barnacle.

Where had the stairs come from?

"The staircase was formed from this... lava."

Did she ask that aloud? Teal'c sounded rather disapproving of the entire concept of lava, and at this point she didn't blame him.

The aliens passed the colonel from hand to hand, down the stairs, touching him and holding him... which seemed rather weird. They had finally persuaded Daniel to loosen his grip. His arms were draped over two of the aliens' shoulders and he too was guided down the stairs, shorter red-robed aliens clustered tightly around him. They sort of reminded Sam of... chickens. Or a flock of birds, the way they gathered together protectively.

As she sat up, she realized the aliens were leaving without them. In fact, had ignored them completely. She and Teal'c exchanged looks and got up to follow the strange procession.

"Where are you taking our people?" Teal'c asked one in a firm voice, frowning deeply. Sam had started thinking for the first time about something other than survival... such as trespassing and possibly broken local laws.

The alien at the rear of the procession said simply, "These families have spoken for them."

The aliens would answer nothing more, though they made no attempt to stop Sam and Teal'c from following the strange procession back to the city.

Teal'c and Sam stood at the MALP, leaning into its camera as the stargate flared to life. She could hear the familiar klaxon in the background as General Hammond's voice came through, loud and clear over the radio.

"SG-1, report. You are overdue. I was about to send a team through."

"Sorry sir, we had a bit of a delay."

"Where's Colonel O'Neill?"

"He and Daniel are in the custody of the aliens. They've let us talk to the colonel, and he reassured us they're fine. He seemed to be doing well - very well in fact. But we've not been permitted to see them for the last four days. I elected to stay near the city in case something happened."

"Do these aliens seem threatening in any way? I was given to understand this was a peaceable civilization." She could almost hear the general frown.

"Actually, they've been a lot nicer to us." Which had been very strange, considering. "We're supposed to get the colonel and Daniel back today, sir. I think it's some sort of alien ceremony, but no one's telling us anything." Sam couldn't quite bite back her frustration at the aliens' calm, circular answers.

"On the plus-side, we do have our readings and we've determined the site is ideal for refining trinium at the very least."

"That's good news. Report back to me if you have any trouble recovering Colonel O'Neill and Doctor Jackson. SG-2 is standing by."

"Carter out."

She looked up at the starry sky and sighed, feeling slightly depressed. Among other things she really missed sunshine.

Sam and Teal'c were led to a narrow alley, passing an alien who looked like he was taking out the garbage. They stood in front of a small, well-lit doorway covered in reddish cloth.

The cloth was pulled open by a grinning Colonel O'Neill dressed in the alien robes. He looked like he was answering the door in his bathrobe.

"C'mon in! C'mon in, don't be strangers!" he beamed.

He tried to move aside, but limped as a little alien child clung to his leg. "Hey! You! I can't move," the colonel barked at him cheerfully. The kid held on more fiercely, eyes filled with laughter and glee as the colonel stumbled out of the way. It was noisy here, chaotic, so unlike the quiet alien streets.

"Sorry." The colonel tried to edge out of the way in the narrow hall. "Tight quarters around here. I've had to share with these little guys. Or rather, they had to share with me."

"You snore!" Another kid tackled him from behind, "GRAR!" The colonel held his ground, grabbed him and flipped him over his shoulders, carrying him down the hall.

"Really? I got my own room with my family." Daniel's voice came from around the corner, and Sam smiled in relief.

"Rich boy," the colonel mock-growled in his direction.

Around the bend of a hallway cluttered with shoes and toys and dropped kid-sized clothing, they found a few steps that led down to a warmly lit sunken living room. Daniel was curled happily at the end of a cushioned bench toying with a beaded object in his hands. He looked more natural in the long alien robes than Jack, but then again, he'd lived on Abydos.

"Hi," he smiled and waved cheerfully, moving over to make room.

There were rugs on the walls and some sort of squishy matting on the floor. The whole room wasn't much bigger than one of their tents. Daniel handed the beaded thing to a little girl who squirmed over to lean against his knee and murmured to her, "Very pretty."

Teal'c looked around for a seat, looking... perturbed was the only word for it. Daniel quickly threw him a cushion.

"Looks like you guys have been having fun," Sam observed, as the colonel bounced to the floor, wincing as he readjusted his knee.

"Oh. Yeah. Fun." Jack let his head fall back to the couch in exhaustion, hands to his forehead. Come to think of it, Daniel had circles under his eyes. Though he looked happy.

Daniel laughed. "Actually it's been a lot of work. Jack and I are in different families, just catching up now." He readjusted his long sleeves. "Haven't seen each other for...?"

"--about a week now?" The colonel looked puzzled, frowning.

"I think a week..."

"It's hard to tell, isn't it? Dark out all the time."

Sam interrupted them. "It's been four days."

"No kidding?" The colonel blinked at her in surprise. "Wow. Seemed longer than that."

Daniel shifted the little girl to his lap and chuckled, "It's been pretty busy."

The colonel huffed a breath, "Eee-yeah."

"What have you been doing?"

"Singing!" the colonel said brightly, eyebrows raised. "Lots of singing."

Daniel licked his lips and leaned forward to explain. "The people here have passed their myths and legends - their entire history really - down from generation to generation through song. So. As new members of the family we are responsible for..." His eyes cut over to the colonel. "...memorizing them."

The colonel wrinkled his nose. "I'm working on it."

"You're stupid!" said one of the kids.

Jack grabbed him about the waist and in a swift move, wrestled him to the floor. "No! You're just very smart."

Daniel gave a wry smile, gesturing to the group. The little girl at his feet snuggled closer but wouldn't meet Sam's eyes. "You're looking at our, um, classmates. What we were learning is usually taught to their children."

Laughing, the colonel rolled back up, his hair a tousled mess. "Great kids... Couldn't keep up with them." He beamed and seemed completely undisturbed by that fact.

"So you have sworn oaths of allegiance to this world?" Teal'c asked, tipping his head. He didn't frown but it was clear he was concerned.

The colonel swiped at his hair, then seemed to give it up for a lost cause. "Well, it's not really a choice thing. More like... blood brothers."

Daniel frowned at him and rolled his eyes a little. "Only... not," Daniel said slowly. "They don't help strangers, you see. Only family. So by helping us they were agreeing to take responsibility for our lives."

Teal'c's eyebrow raised. "Yet they did not hesitate to assist you."

"Yeah, well," the colonel said, "they're really nice people once you get to know them." He sat up straighter, stretching with a groan. "Besides that, we owe them, big-time." He gave a one-shoulder shrug. "That means they can trust us."

Daniel elaborated, hands making a little spiraling gesture. "You see, according to their customs we owe them a sort of... life debt... that can never be repaid. So we can never do them any harm. Not that we would anyways." His eyebrows raised as he added quickly, "Oh - and we were right, Sam: they do know about the stargate."

"-allll about it."

"They just have no interest in going through it."

Sam blinked at him. "You're kidding. Really?"

Daniel nodded eagerly. "I finally have the translation of haerodalgia, their word for stargate. It means 'End of Hope.' Or 'Hope's Death,' I'm still futzing with the translation..."

"Wow. If they call it that..." Sam's eyebrows raised.

"Yep." Jack spread his hands in a gesture of awe for almighty Allah. "Might as well call it the big Tidy Bowl in the sky."

"It's a reflection of their culture and history. You have to understand the history behind it. They were once a very advanced civilization, but they faced imminent destruction because their technology... this lava technology... was sucking their planet dry. Aging it prematurely."

Sam nodded, "Plunging them into a permanent ice age." She explained at the colonel's quizzical look. "Most of the heat on the surface of a planet is generated by radioactive isotopes. Uh. Not dangerous ones."

"So they brought in another planet!" the colonel declared, spreading his arms. "Yes, yes. Sounds incredible, I know."

"Actually, it's theoretically possible," Sam blinked at him and leaned forward. "It's like lining up a pool shot. You knock a small nearby moon out of its orbit, then it knocks the planet free of its orbit. Then if you do your math right..." She shrugged. "But to even attempt it they'd have to be..."

"Very advanced," Teal'c completed her thought.

Daniel continued, "Yes, well, ultimately, it didn't work. They got their new planet but then began subjecting it to the same technology. So this planet became unstable. Some of their people fled through the stargate, while others stayed and, in order to preserve their world, returned to a simpler lifestyle."

"Wiser than us," the colonel observed darkly.

"I dunno. Apparently they gave up a lot more than just, oh, washing machines. Modern medicine, agriculture... everything. They don't even know how the technology works any more." Sam smothered an inward sigh of disappointment. Great. Daniel shook his head. "As near as I can tell, their entire educational system collapsed when they were hit with famine."

The colonel peered at him, head tilted. "Is that what they meant by 'the sea ran with fire and blood'?"

"It's a little cryptic."

"I couldn't make heads or tails of this shit."

The colonel gave them a narrow, amused look that said, he's guessing, and Sam smiled.

"Okay. It's a lot cryptic." Daniel continued quickly, flicking an annoyed glance at Jack. "Anyhow, for them the stargate is a last resort if their world fails. To preserve the knowledge of its use as well as preserve as many stargate addresses as possible, each family is handed down a different set of gate coordinates."

"Oh yeah! That reminds me-" the colonel leaned back and flipped up his robe to dig in the pocket of his uniform underneath. He pulled out a crumpled scrap of paper and handed it to Sam. "I wanna check that out when we get back." He tapped it. "That's my family's. I just need to be sure it hasn't become Goa'uld-infested since they last stopped in to say hello."

Daniel made a sound of disgust. "You were supposed to memorize them."

"Screw that."

"Well," Sam said, still struggling with her disappointment over the lava-technology. Though maybe they could still study it. Her good mood returned, buoyed. "I did get our readings."

"Did you now? Atta girl," the colonel smiled proudly, still stretched out on the floor. Yeah. He looked really tired.

She blushed at the praise. "The conditions here are perfect for refining naquadah, if a bit, ah, volatile." Teal'c raised an eyebrow at the understatement. "We may be able to make the naquadah metal we need to create permanent stargates. Well, I mean, if and when we can figure out how the rest of the technology works."

The colonel and Daniel exchanged doubtful looks. Daniel chewed his lower lip, shaking his head. "They've given up their own technology. Do we seriously think they're going to let a foreign technology in?"

"Nuh-uh-uh, Daniel..." the colonel chided, sitting up on his elbows. "That's for SG-9 to work out. Or rather, find out." He smothered a burp and said, "But if you ask me: nah. They're not gonna go for it."

Daniel seemed to spot Sam's disappointment. "But! I'd like to collect all of these addresses from these families." Everyone glanced at him curiously. "I don't know how far Jack got in his memorization," his doubt was clear, "but some of their more advanced songs indicate that this society was flourishing when the Ancients brought the stargate here. On a ship.

"That's how old this culture is: they make China look like a banana republic. These people weren't protected by the Ancients. They were probably equal or near-equal trading partners at the time."

Jack smiled at him. "So your pet theory...?"

"Completely blown out of the water." He tapped Jack's slip of paper and said with a dramatic sweep of his hand, "But these coordinates date back from when the stargate network was first being built."

He faced a roomful of blank looks.

"Well, come on everyone. This they'll share. No one ever said we have all the stargate addresses. There aren't even complete databases of all home phone numbers on our world. Don't you think there's a chance that some of these aren't in the dialing computer?"

Jack's eyebrows raised. "Hmph. My phone's unlisted."

Packs settled comfortably on their shoulders, it felt good to be returning home to the gate. Daniel sighed and tipped his head up at the stars, hoping to return so he could learn their names. Among other things. The sharp tiny sun was hidden behind a mountain slope, and looking at the barren landscape Daniel couldn't understand why these people had chosen to stay here, except that it was home.

They trudged the last quarter mile down the hillside to the familiar circle of the stargate.

Jack was bright-eyed and looked awfully pleased with himself.

"So, ah, now that we have our happy ending and we're all buddy-buddy with these alien guys," Jack sucked air through his teeth and looked off into the distance innocently. "I don't really see any real need to go into ah... details... about certain aspects of this trip. Do you?"

Sam tipped her head, rubbing the back of her neck uncomfortably. "You don't think the aliens will mention any... trespassing...?"

"Naaah," Jack assured her, swiping the air. "Not a real talkative bunch."

She raised her eyebrows and blinked. "Well then. I've certainly a lot of scientific information to fit into my report. There's, um, not always a lot of room for much detail." Her irrepressible grin broke out.

Jack turned to Daniel with an expression that read well?

Daniel pursed his lips, making a show of considering it. He rubbed his nose. "Of course, I had permission to go hunting for artifacts the night of the dinner -?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely," Jack said, hands up scout's honor. "In fact - that was some invaluable work there, by the way."

"Thank you, thank you." Daniel nodded his head, trying not to laugh. "Good idea to send me."

"Yeah." Jack grinned up at the stargate.

"How 'bout you, Teal'c?" Jack prodded hopefully.

"I have done nothing of which I am ashamed," Teal'c said stoutly, standing tall.

Uh-oh.

"However, I do believe your typical demeanor is more than sufficient to account for any offense."

Daniel was almost certain he was teasing them. Almost.

"Thanks, Teal'c," Jack said patting him on the shoulder as Teal'c started to dial up the gate coordinates. Jack's expression was wry. "I think..."

The gate exploded into life, so much more brilliant on a dark world. Sam steered the MALP through it, then followed herself. Teal'c stepped through, disappearing into the event horizon behind her.

The watery blue light played across the strong features of Jack's face as he ascended the gate pedestal.

Daniel studied him and shook his head. "I'm just going to be another dirty little secret, aren't I Jack?" he said softly.

Jack smiled, a rogueish sparkle in his eye. He shouldered his firearm. "Very dirty."

Then he spun easily on his heel, waved and stepped through.

Daniel couldn't help but smile. He was gonna kill Jack, but he couldn't help but smile.

Epilogue:

Daniel's footsteps scuffed along the pavement, echoing in the SGC parking garage as he fumbled for his keys. It was always a little surreal to return from an alien world and then find yourself trying to remember where you parked your car. A door slammed somewhere, and he heard traces of ordinary conversation, laughter, and then an engine started up. Daniel squeezed the keychain and checked around for the squeak and blinking lights.

Hmm. Nothing.

Okay, this was where he envied Jack, who as a colonel got his own parking space with his name on it and everything. Everyone else had to fight it out amongst themselves.

A small price to pay for your freedom, but right now it was kind of... annoying.

Daniel patiently stepped out of the way of an oncoming car as it slowly rolled to a stop.

It turned out to be Jack's truck, so he waved a little hesitantly. Jack backed up to pull alongside him. The window rolled down and Jack leaned over, hand on the glass.

"Heard your car wouldn't start."

Confused, Daniel peered at him. "Um, no, at least I'm not sure at this point, I haven't been able to..." Jack was giving him an emphatic glare, gesturing him over, mouthing get in. "...find it," Daniel ended lamely, as Jack looked impatient and frustrated.

"I could give you a lift."

What?

Oh.

Oh! Understanding suddenly dawned, in a heat of conflicting emotions and confusion. "Um, ah yeah, yeah sure."

"Hop in." Jack pushed the door open, and Daniel climbed up and sank into the upholstered seat.

He had to be reminded to put on his seatbelt as Jack gunned the engines and took the parking lot way faster than he needed to. Which he always did, but Daniel didn't complain this time, or point out the extra paperwork Jack would have to do if he ran anyone over. Jack didn't like parking lots; nothing to see or do.

As their I.D. was checked and time of exit recorded, like everything else in their lives at the SGC, Daniel finally breathed. Trees whisked by along the familiar Colorado mountains.

"What are we doing?" Daniel asked.

"Driving."

Daniel was quiet a long minute, studying the road. The sun was low on the horizon as if they were just going home from an ordinary day at work.

"I thought you said we shouldn't do this."

Though it was sort of a rhetorical question at this point.

"Yep." Jack didn't glance in his direction.

"Chain of command?"

"Still a problem." His voice was matter-of-fact.

"Sam and Teal'c?"

"Check."

"So what are we doing?" Daniel asked again and frowned.

"Haven't a clue." Jack had an almost cheerful sort of utter sincerity, and Daniel nodded slowly.

"But." Jack pulled out a AAA map from under the seat and handed it to him. Daniel held it out in confusion as Jack tapped it firmly. "I figure that you can at least pick out the location."

Blushing, Daniel scanned the various highlighted hotels and motels. Jack's favorite haunts. This week was turning out to be something of an education... Daniel raised his eyebrows at him curiously. Jack just tipped his head and shrugged.

"So, ah," Daniel cleared his throat. His voice sounded a little lower than it should and he squirmed. "Is a, ah, Holiday Inn okay?"

Jack wrinkled his nose. "Nah. Let's go for the ma and pop shops. Give back to the local economy." He passed someone on the right; such a typical Chicago driver. "Don't go too cheap though. The back is killing me after all that frozen rock."

Daniel didn't think he could sink any lower in his seat until now. He covered his eyes and rubbed his temples, contemplating a very complicated, very messy future. It was hard to think of a single way this wouldn't end badly. Very badly. And there were very few ways it could go well. They passed the last exit to Boulder and Daniel's apartment.

Finally he groaned, head in his hands. "This is such a bad idea."

"Ah," Jack answered, still grimly cheerful. He spun the wheel as he shifted to the fast lane to pass an 18-wheeler. "You are finally catching on."

They drove in silence for a long moment. The traffic had thinned as they left Boulder behind. It was nearly quiet in Jack's truck; high-quality construction. It was just like Jack to spend money on his car.

Jack spoke up, his jaw set as hard as concrete. "That was your stop by-the-way.
He jerked his head. "Back there."

Daniel pursed his lips, still slumped in his seat. "I know."

Jack smiled a little, the smug shadow of it just barely reaching his lips. He tipped back the visor with a snap, then reached down to flip open and pull on his sunglasses with one hand. He gave a satisfied sigh as he relaxed and leaned into his seat. "Well then. Are you gonna tell us where we're going or are we just gonna drive in circles all night?"

Finis.

Notes: Thank you to Go Seaward and Mike for scientific tech-support and editing. All scientific mistakes are my own fault for either a) not listening, or b) not understanding your advice. Thank you Cyanei for your enthusiasm and encouragement, as well as Fiona, Thalia, and Read300300, for beta reviews and for helping me rebel.