This is the Brittana side of my other story Sometime Around Midnight. It can definitely be read as a stand alone. Hope you enjoy.
You're alone. Again. You stand at the sink, rinsing off your singular dinner plate before rubbing your eyes. You're exhausted from the long day of class and you've been studying since you got home at three, but you're going to stay up and wait for her to get home.
You trudge to the small couch in your small apartment. This is not what living in New York looks like in movies. No one tells you that you can barely fit all of your clothes in the closet or that if you have more than four people in the bedroom you're all touching each other. This two bedroom is a steal and it's still ridiculously expensive. You lived in California a block from the beach for as much as it costs for you to live in this place.
But you're not going to complain. Sure sometimes it rains for an entire week straight or it's freezing outside for at least five months, but you're not here for the weather or the apartments. You're here because Brittany's here. When you were without her in California, you never felt complete. You fell into old patterns of one-night stands and drinking until you pass out. You were trying to use those to make up the half of your heart that was missing. The one that had been missing since you broke up with her. You can't really count all the times you cried yourself to sleep, not that you care to.
You pick up one of your books for school and settle in the corner of the couch with it. You're going to study until she gets home. These first few weeks of hammering out the choreography for her new show are killing you. She's out until really late and she leaves with you in the morning. You almost never see her during the day. It's hard, but it's her dream. So it's your dream too. You're sticking with her this time. You're not going to get scared and run off. You're not going to get jealous and run off. You're not going to get mad and run off. Your feet are firmly planted in the ground next to her and you aren't going anywhere. You don't think you can stand to live without her anymore.
Before Brittany gets home, Quinn calls. She's coming to New York for a few days. You get a little excited because maybe you won't be alone all the time. You've told her before that she's welcome to the couch, but this time you offer her the guest room. It was your room for a while before you moved into Brittany's room. Then you rented it out a couple times, but no one ever stays long. They always complain about the noise coming for your room. You start laughing when they bring it up and they all leave. Now you use it to store books and it's where you go for extreme studying. You lock yourself in there before a test to concentrate. You have to study like crazy. You have to keep your scholarship. There's no way you can finish med school if you don't.
She's coming for a real estate conference. That sounds like a one-way ticket to suicide for you, but that's her deal. You can't remember her ever sounding this excited so you just listen to her talk before getting off the phone to resume studying. You miss Quinn and you're glad she'll be here. She's been your only company for the past few months while Brittany is working and she's hundreds of miles away.
At around eleven the front door quietly opens. You immediately look over the back of the couch and see her sleepily walk into the apartment with her bag over her shoulder. She smiles like she always does when she walks into the room and she sees you. You close your book and stand from the couch relieving her of her bag. You give her a kiss and take her bag over to the washing machine closet thing you have. It's just a tiny room off the tiny kitchen that stores your stackable washer and dryer. You take her dance clothes out of the bag and start them to washing. Then you put her bag on top of the washer, making sure you didn't miss anything.
When you turn around, you see on of her legs draped over the back of the couch. When you walk around the end of the couch and look down at her, she's got an arm draped over her eyes. "How was work?"
She looks up at you and removes her arm. She takes your hand and pulls you down on top of her. "It was okay. I think we're almost done with the first act."
You kiss her gently, reigning in the hunger you have. You love her so much and you never get to see her. You pull away, "That's awesome. Only a few more weeks of planning right? Then you start rehearsals?"
She nods and kisses you, resting one of her hands on the back of your neck pulling you closer to her. Her tongue slides along your bottom lip and pulls it into her mouth. When she's in the mood, her kisses are never less than earthquake inducing, mind-blowing spiritual experiences. You can feel her brush her thumb against your jaw.
After a few minutes of a PG-13 make-out session, you can feel that she's getting tired. You know she has to be so you pull back and look at her with a smile, "Let's go to bed."
It doesn't take much coaxing to get her off the couch and into the bedroom. You bring the book you were studying from because as per your usual routine as soon as she's asleep you turn on your lamp and resume studying with one of your hands on her. Usually on her back or stroking her hair. You just like to know that she's there. Being able to feel her warm body in the bed next to you, the slow rise and fall of her chest, makes you remember that the four years you spent in California without her are over. You're here with her now for almost a year and you'll never leave her again.
When you're both settled down you mention that Quinn's coming in next week and you need to borrow her car. She smiles with her eyes closed and says, "Awesome."
The next few days go on the same way. Coffee, Class, Study, Dinner alone, Brittany comes home, Bed, Study. Luckily Quinn is arriving on a day where you don't have class because she's landing at nine in the morning.
You splurged on some overpriced coffee on the way to the airport, but it feels worth it as it runs down your throat making your body jerk awake. You see Quinn she's walking toward you with a bag over her shoulder.
She tells you that you look tired after a hug and you tell her that you have a test coming.
She rubs your arm and gives you an encouraging smile, "It's only like three more years right?"
"Ugh," you groan. What the hell did you want to go to med school for again? "Don't remind me." You shake your head. Oh yeah so you could take care of your parents and Brittany and her parents and sister. You take care of those you love and they're your family. Hell Brittany is your world and you will make sure that they never want for anything for the rest of your life.
You turn to Quinn, "Anyway, how's Lima?"
Her face squinches up around her eyes and the corners of her mouth. She sighs, "It's still Lima."
You unlock Brittany's car and open the trunk so she can put her stuff in it, "When are you going to move out here?"
All you get is a half-hearted shrug. She looks sad and it makes you sad. You know she's not happy there. You know she's not happy with Finn. It's taken all of your restraint to tell her that she's being an idiot. That she needs to dump his ass and high tail it to New York asap. But you're an adult now, or so people have been telling you so there is now a filter from your brain to your mouth stopping your underappreciated comments.
"Nice ride," she smiles and taps the butterfly air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror.
You roll your eyes, but smile, "I don't actually own a car smartass."
Quinn pauses before she asks, "Where is your better half?"
"She's at work," you try to keep the bitterness out of your voice. You really hate that you feel like this. You're happy for her most of the time, but the rest of the time you would rather be impoverished and live in her car than for her to be working like this. At least that way you'd get to see her.
The traffic is lighter than normal which you're happy about. When you get to your apartment, you're a little self-conscious. It's definitely not the cute house she's used to living in. Sure you sent her pictures while you were re-painting and changing some fixtures, but seeing it in real life is different.
Luckily she doesn't seem to notice. Quinn just follows you to the guest room. Your books are all over the place, but you stayed off of the bed and kept the nightstand cleaned off for her. "I'm sorry about the mess," you take a deep breath, "I meant to clean it, but I lose all kinds of time when I'm studying." You're about to start picking it up again when her voice stops you.
"It's perfect," she says with a smile, which surprises you.
A yawn jumps out at you from nowhere. You cover your mouth and let it run its course before asking, "Is there anything you wanted to see that you haven't seen yet?"
"You say that like I come here all the time," she puts her bags down by the bed. You take that as she's ready to leave the room so you walk the two steps it takes to get to the living room and she follows, adding, "I haven't seen anything except for the time we came out here for Nationals in high school."
"If you would have snuck out with us you would have seen a lot more too," you smirk, the memory still vividly with you. You and Brittany snuck out with everyone except Quinn and Rachel who stayed in their hotel room, but when you got far enough away from the hotel you and Brittany took off from the group. You walked through Central Park, holding hands. You walked down Broadway, talking about how you were going to get the hell out of Lima by any means necessary. You maxed out your credit card of 5th Avenue, but you couldn't care less when you saw the smile on Brittany's face.
When you finally rise from your revelry, you find Quinn is off in la-la land too. You bring her out of it by asking, "What time is the show?" You almost forgot that Quinn bought tickets to…something that has a name that you can't remember and asked you to go.
She digs them out of her purse and says the time before you're sure that her eyes could focus on the tickets, "Four."
"I keep forgetting how early weekend shows can be," you offer. The last show you went to, at Brittany's insistence, started at eight. You fall back onto the couch, careful not to spill your coffee and then take a long sip of it. You practically live on it now. You glance at the clock on the wall, "Well we can get dressed and go have lunch before the show. It'll be dark by the time we get out and maybe Brit can meet us for dinner." And maybe pigs will start flying and you'll find a billion dollars in your purse. You decide to try anyway. What could it hurt? At worst it's an excuse to tell her you love her.
Quinn stands up and walks to the window. You carefully watch her while listening to the dial tone. Instead of a standard hello, which you no longer expect from your girlfriend, you get, "Guess who is going to be home early tonight to take you on a date?"
"You are?" you're praying for her to say yes. You haven't had a date night in over a month and you really need this time with her. Of course when you spot Quinn looking at you, you sigh. You completely forgot about Quinn. You lick your lips before she can add anything, "I'm sorry babe. I'm going to a show with Quinn…"
The phone is promptly yanked from your hand by the blonde real estate agent. She puts it to her ear with a smile, "Santana would love to." She pauses for Brittany to speak before saying, "Hey Brittany." Her smile gets wider and you love that you can't think of a person in the world that Brittany doesn't have that affect on. "Of course….I would love to…see you later."
As she hands your phone back to you, you can see a hint of sadness in her eyes. You tilt your head and as, "Are you sure? I mean, you're only going to be here for a few days."
She slowly shakes her head, "You never get to see her. You need some quality time. This way I'm gone for a few hours so I don't have to hear the reason you two can't keep a roommate. We can meet for dinner or something." She gives you a smile that tells you that she knows you and Brittany are pushing through some hard times. Her gaze is also slightly envious. You know why and you're not going to call her on it.
You stand up and pull her to you in a, rarely seen from you, hug, "Thanks Q. We need this." And you really do. You feel Quinn hold you close and wonder how sad she really is and why she puts up with it.
Brittany texts you and tells you to bring Quinn to the deli that you two eat at down the street. Brittany throws herself onto Quinn who just laughs. Your girlfriend tells Quinn, "I've missed you so much. You really need to come up here more often."
Quinn smiles, "Or you guys could come back more often," Quinn offers. Your eyes bounce back to Brittany who scrunches up her nose. You giggle at her face. She's so damn adorable.
"I'd rather cut off my-" you trail off. You were about to med student geek out. So you shake your head, "I almost said something really nerdy." That's been happening a lot lately and if you want people to think you're normal and not super brainy med student that you need to stop.
"Phalanges?" Brittany asks, teasing you. She bumps her shoulder with yours and takes your hand under the table. You look at her with a smile that never seems to go away when you're with her. She kisses you before turning to Quinn and asking her about everything going on. You've told her some of what Quinn had told you on the phone, but not all of it. You tell Brittany that Quinn's sad, but not exactly why. You notice that when Britt brings up Quinn's marriage, she turns the question around and asks Brittany about her work or something. You decide to bring it up with Quinn later so Brittany doesn't get down about it. You dip your fry into the ketchup and bite your lip, trying to figure out how to get Quinn to stay.
When you're all done, Quinn offers to pay, but Brittany refuses. You're not rich by any means, but she makes enough money so that you live comfortably. Your apartment is tiny because it's where she lived when she was a broke dancer with a roommate. Now she's a dancer/choreographer who has a leech of a girlfriend who is working her ass off to get through med school and you're both too scared to move to a bigger, nicer place. The entertainment industry is a finicky place and there's no telling if this show she's working on now will take off and if it does, how long it will run for.
Quinn hugs you both before taking off to the show alone. You feel bad for her going alone, but you really do need this time with Brittany. When you look up from your plate, you see that she's looking at you trying to figure out what you're thinking. You smile at her and rest your forehead against hers, "I love you."
"I love you too," she replies, kissing the tip of your nose.
You giggle and pull away. Taking a sip of the milkshake you got to share, you ask, "So, this date thing? Is this it or are we actually going to do something?" You kind of just want to take her back to the apartment and ravish her until neither one of you can stand.
She grins, "I was going to take you to the Natural History Museum so you can nerd out, but you look like you just want to go home."
"Excuse me," you pull her to you, "But you nerd out too. Don't kid yourself."
She mischievously smirks, "So the museum? The skeletal exhibit is closing next week."
You can't imagine your life without Brittany. She's never been stupid. She just learns differently. She gets bored in classrooms, but she'll absorb everything a museum has to offer. No one can't present her with information and expect her to know it. You know that she needs context. That's why she's so damn good at dancing. She can move and make everything connect the way it's supposed to. You lean in and pause before you kiss her, "Smart girls are hot." You move in for the kiss and mesh your lips together.
She hums into the kiss, "Mhmm."
You peruse the museum for a few hours hand in hand before going home. You shed your jacket and toss it onto the back of the couch.
"That was fun," she leans on the kitchen counter, "We should go more often."
It slips out of your mouth that you could if she didn't work so much. So your adult filter doesn't work all the time.
Her eyes fall to the ground and her hands slip into the back pockets of her jeans, "It's only a little while longer I guess. I really miss you, I do. I just…it's my job."
"It's not just your job. It's your whole damn life," you spat, knowing that you shoulder. Knowing that this evening is one of few alone with her. You just can't seem to stop your mouth, "If you could have sex with it, it'd be your girlfriend too."
Her eyes go from apologetic to angry. "You know it's not like that."
In a matter of seconds, you're both blown up, yelling at each other. Finally she throws her hands up in the air and stalks off to the bedroom, slamming the door shut.
You sink onto the couch. When you hear the shower turn on you know that it'll be no use talking to her for a while. She's just not going to talk to you and you'll stumble over your words and say something stupid, starting another battle. You push off of the couch and go into the guest room, picking up a couple of your books on the way.
"San. San, wake up."
Your eyes slowly open up. You must have fallen asleep reading. You look up at Quinn with a groan, "Hmm?"
"What are you doing in here?" she asks, sitting back on the bed.
Your legs are sore as you try to stand. You forget about the book in your lap and it goes crashing to the floor. You run a hand through your hair, "We had a fight," you blink your eyes back to life and sigh, "Don't worry about it. I'll be on the couch."
As you walk out of the room, Quinn grabs your hand and asks, "A fight about what?"
You drop your head, ashamed of what you did and what you said, "In my med school induced haze I told her that she works too much." You pull your hand away from Quinn and rub your face, "She apologized and was all sweet about it and I said something stupid and she got mad and I started yelling…" You shake your head, "It was stupid."
She takes your hand again, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her eyes are sympathetic, "Tell her you're sorry and go to bed. You love her San. Why would you want to be away from her?"
You swallow. You know she's right. You've never really wanted to be away from Brittany in your whole life. Finally you nod, "You're right."
She grins, "Of course I am." You're grateful for her breaking the sour mood in the room. She let's go of your hand and stands up.
You search for a subject change and finally ask, "How was the play?"
Her eyes glaze over and she sounds completely in love with this thing, "It was amazing." She pauses, blinking the dreamy clouds out of her eyes, "I ran into Rachel and we went out for drinks."
"Oh yeah?" you ask, starting your walk of embarrassment back to your bedroom. You want to keep the conversation lingering for a few more minutes so you can scrounge up what's left of your pride to offer to Brittany as an apology. "How was that?"
She shrugs, but a light in her eyes makes you think she had more fun that she was letting on. "It was alright. We're going out again tomorrow night. You guys are more than welcome to come with."
You glance back at the bedroom door imagining what Brittany's going to be doing tomorrow night when you go out with Quinn and Rachel. Working duh. "I'm down. We'll have to ask B if she's going to be working or not." You say, but you know that she will be. You're still desperate to not confront your girlfriend so you keep the conversation staggering on, "What time is your conference thingy tomorrow?"
Quinn let's out a fake gag, "First seminar is at nine. Remodel: Bathroom vs. Kitchen."
Your day tomorrow isn't looking that bad compared to hers. You joke with her, "Oh damn, I wish I didn't have class. I'd so be there."
Your friend puts her hands on your back and propels you forward out of the guest room, "Don't be jealous that I get to stare at toilets for two hours."
"Only if you're not jealous that I get to stare at bedpans," you counter, stopping at the door to your bedroom. You have a brief stare down with the doorknob before resting your hand on it.
"Goodnight," Quinn adds.
You look back at Quinn who is donning a sly smirk. You shoot another one back her way and open the door, slipping inside. You quietly close the door behind you. The room is dark, but you can see her stunning eyes watching you in the dark. She's laying on her side of the bed, under the blanket you both share.
You don't bother to change into some sleeping clothes. You just take off your pants and crawl into the bed in only your underwear and t-shirt. You're nervous because she doesn't move to you like she usually does. Instead she just watches you. You nervously
You slide under the blanket and scoot so that you're pressed against her. Your arms encase her and you kiss her cheek before whispering, "I'm so, so sorry."
Her whisper back is weak and her voice breaks when she answers, "Me too."
Tears jump to your eyes knowing that you caused that pain in her. You squeeze her tight against you, "I was wrong. I love you."
You're nervous that you fucked up really huge this time until her arms make their way around your waist, holding you. "I love you too." She tucks her head under your chin and sighs heavily.
"Go to sleep baby. You're exhausted," you murmur and then kiss her forehead. She has a long day tomorrow at work and needs her rest. You roll your eyes at yourself. Even in your thoughts when you mention her work you sound pissed off.
"Mhmm," is her reply and she easily slips to sleep in your arms.
You lay awake for a few more hours, your stomach tying itself into knots over upsetting Brittany, never seeing her, your insane workload from med school, and life in general. Finally you think yourself to sleep a mere four hours before you have to be up again.