The Death of Mary Sue: My immortal returns
A/N:
I apologise in advance for not being able to replicate the spelling of the original author, but screwing up your spelling to the point where you can't even spell the name of your own character takes a special kind of effort that would make my head implode, but I'll give it a stab. I believe the technique involved bashing your forehead against the keyboard and posting the results. For those of you who have read my other sue slayer stories, this takes place between Hogwarts, and Pirates, (i.e., number two and three)
MY IMMORTAL RETURNZ!
OMG I SAW THE HAWWWTEST GERALD WAY PIC TODAY THAT TOTALLY GOT ME WET AND ALL UZZ PREPS CAN FUCK OFF!
My name is Ebony (aka Enoby) Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. My bf is Draco Mooolfoy whois a major fucking hottie and HE"S MINE BITCHES SO HANDS OFFF!1! I was wearing a black corset with green lace and fishnets with combo boots.
But I also something have sex with Vampire (aka; Harry Potter after he went goffic and changed his scar to a pentagram and started drinking human blood).
So I was having sex with my bf and then I heard a tapping outside.
"O NOZZ!"Last time Loooopon and Snip where out the videoing me and mastcaing to it!
But whenI locked nobody waz there!/
"OMFG MAYBE ITS VOLDERZ!"
"STOP HAVING SEX MOTHERFUCKERS!"Dumblydor burst in.
"FUCK OFF YOU PERV!"I screamed at him. "I WISH I WASN"T O HAWT SO EVERYONE WOULD STOP TRYING TO HAV SEXY WIT MEEIIII!"
"I LOVE YOU ENOBY AND I WOULD RATHER DIE THANLIV WITOUT YOU!" Darco screamed.
"I LOVE YOU TWO ENOBY!" It was….McGooogle!
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU LEZZO!" I screamed and ran away. I ran outside in the rain.
Then I looked at my watch.
I was going to miss the blood party! Bloody Mary Smith (aka, Hermione) was having a party where everyone would cut their writs and drink each other's blood!
"You know, you'll get aids that way," said a creepy voice.
"FUCK OFF PREP I"LL FEED HOW I WANT!"
Then someone pucned me in the head!
Alex Arganough punched the bitch in the head and then kicked the monstrosity to the ground. Kneeling on her back she held a knife to her throat.
"I am a vampire! I cannot die!" Ebony screamed. "GET OFF ME YOU PREPPY BTICH!"
Alex snorted.
"If you're a vampire then I'm a unicorn. Let me show you how it's really done, bitch." She there was a tearing sound and she slit Ebony's throat. Ebony gagged and there was a sickening gargling noise as she choked on her own blood.
"Having fun?" Her partner Raven asked dryly. She leaned against a castle wall and watched Alex as work with her arms folded.
Alex nodded vigorously.
"I wish it would stop raining so we could burn the bitch. That little slut is an insult to vampires."
"You're also glad that the boss decided to let you kill a vampsue, as a vampire."
Alex laughed, showing her fangs.
"I'll admit it was always a dream of mine."
"So how are we going to return everyone to normal?" Raven asked just as Ebony's body sat up.
Alex promptly stabbed the body in the heart and it fell back down.
"A queen sue, it figures. Only a queen could do this much damage." Raven kicked the body.
Alex nodded. "Most sues can die just like regular people , but the queens need to be stabbed in the heart or they just keep coming back."
"I forgot about that. So what are we going to do? This Tara," Raven spat the author's name. "She's changed so much it's not even really Hogwarts anymore. Usually sue authors just change a detail here and there but she's re-written the whole universe."
"That's why we need to get out," Alex told her. "Without any substance, this story is as fragile as an empty eggshell, we need to get out before the whole universe implodes."
"That's twice now, man Hogwarts is not having a good week," Raven shook her head sadly. "It's a good thing the universe rebuilds and goes back to normal after a total collapse."
Alex picked up a cell phone.
"Yep, Kay? We need a portal. Now. Yep, she's dead. Turned out to be another queen, the sues are getting stronger. Yes, I know that's not good."
Raven kicked Ebony's body again, getting impatient. She hated listen to phone conversations, they made no sense when you could only hear one side.
"Did this one have any pets?" Raven asked.
"No, I don't think so. My cold un-dead heart goes out to the brave souls who have to read this crap. Ah, here's our ride."
A glowing blue portal appeared and the two slayers disappeared as quickly as they came.