A/N: Some Phoenix/Maya fluff thing I wrote when I should have been studying the Apache for my history quiz tomorrow. Hope you enjoy, future nonsense forthcoming.

one : friend of the groom

"What if…Maya doesn't show up?" Wright looked like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Even his hair was wilting. It would have been almost moving if it wasn't the fiftieth time he'd asked in the last ten minutes.

"Don't be stupid, Wright. Why wouldn't she come?"

"I don't know! Maybe she changed her mind at the last minute or it was only a practical joke or-"

I sighed. Reason? No thanks, maybe later. "For God's sake, Wright, listen to yourself. You dated for a year before you proposed, she accepted, you've been planning this wedding for half of forever, and-" Deedle deedle deedle. "Is that your phone?"

"No, mine's not the Steel Samurai theme song anymore, Maya changed it to the Pink Princess when the new season came out because-"

I cut him off by flipping my phone open and answering with a curt, "Edgeworth."

"Ah, Mr. Edgeworth! Hello!"

"…Your Honor?"

"Yes, yes! What perfect timing, I was just about to call you!"

"…you did just call me. Your Honor."

"Oh. Ho ho ho." I put my hand to my forehead and took a deep breath.

"Your Honor, where are you?"

"What?"

"Where are you? You need to be here in…" I checked my watch. "Twenty minutes to marry Wright and Maya!"

"Oh, that's right. I knew that. At the courthouse, right?"

"Correct." For once, thank god.

"Where is that again?"

"W…Your Honor!! Please concentrate! You work here, you come here every day!!"
"Oh ho ho." And he hung up. I tucked the phone back into my pocket and prayed fervently that I would never marry; Wright was going to pieces in one of the back corners with Larry no doubt aggravating the situation.

I pulled my childhood "friend" up by the collar of his orange jacket. "Larry, stop tormenting Wright and go change into something halfway decent."

"But Edgeeeey." He gave me puppy-dog eyes- really, he needs to work on those, my heartstrings didn't even twitch.

"Go. NOW. Or I'll have you arrested for indecent exposure, disturbing the peace, contempt of court, trespassing…"

He was gone. Crying, yes, but gone, and that was my priority. "He'll forget about it before he even gets to the bathroom and you know it," I glared at Wright who was giving me A Look.

"Do you really think she'll come?"

"She's here, Wright, she's here, it's the Judge we have to worry about! It was enough trouble getting permission to use this place, he'd better not waste it." The courthouse was happy to marry people, but the courtroom-marrying-process usually entailed two people who wanted two witnesses and a guy to bang a gavel and say "Kiss the bride". They did not usually involve gads of friends and a red carpet and flowers everywhere and music from children's television shows. "Now where is Ms. Andrews?"

"Please, call me Adrian." She appeared from seemingly nowhere with a smile, not a hair out of place, casually flipping through her day planner. "And don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth, with your organizational skills and so many of your wonderful friends pitching in, we'll have plenty of time."

"Er. Is the reception area set up?"

"Ah, you remembered!" She beamed. "Of course, the flowers arrived thirty minutes ago and all the refreshments are being refrigerated. The DJ is here too. You do make an excellent wedding planner, if you don't mind me saying."

"Er." And yet you seem to be doing all the work, while all I can do is flutter round like a headless midwife. I mean headless chicken, or flustered midwife. I am not going to survive six more hours of this, I groaned inwardly. My fellow wedding planner gave me a sympathetic look and went off to make sure the ushers were prepared. How did I get coerced into this again? Oh, right. "Friendship." How I love childhood friends.

"Edgey!! I changed!!" My head snapped up at the sound of a pathetically familiar voice.

"Yes. Into my cravat. Change back, please."

"Eh heh heh. But I like it, and this is halfway decent, isn't it?"

"Larry. If you don't change I will strangle you with the cravat, prosecute myself, hire Wright to defend me and undoubtedly win while you will remain dead. Change. Into something you own. That is halfway decent. I refuse to write up some kind of legal document binding you to social normality!"

He pouted off, but not before I re-commandeered my extra cravat. Adrian walked into the room as Larry went out, started to say something, and just blinked at me.

"Yes?"

"You…have a spare."

"Yes. Is the photographer here?"

Before she could answer I noticed Pearl tugging on my coat jacket (How did she get into the back room?) and staring up at me with wide eyes. "What's the matter, Pearl?"

"The judge…he…growled at me."

"…growled."

Nod nod nod.

Deep breath, Miles, deep breath. At least he's here. "Ms. Andrews, please find the Judge and ask him to kindly stop frightening the cousin of the betrothed, as well as any other small children who may be wandering about. Oh, and if you do see any small children wandering, tell them to plant themselves in some corner out of the way or get out of the courthouse."

"Yes, Mr. Edgeworth."

"And find the photographer!" I shouted after her, then changed my mind. "Never mind, I'll do it myself." As I strode quickly out into the hallway, I saw a clash of color out of the corner of my eye- "Larry, you color-blind idiot, that does not match! Try again!"

"Edgeeeeeeeyyy…"

Spotting my younger sister lurking in the shadows of an alcove, I marched over to her. "Franziska, thank you for coming."

"I still don't know why I should have to be here, Miles Edgeworth, at such a foolishly foolish excuse for tomfoolery two fools think fooled foolish fools-"

"Yes, of course, and have you seen the photographer?"

Her whip snapped dangerously close to my head, but I was too used to it to even blink.

"No. Fool."

"Please send him, her, or it in my direction if you happen to notice them- I can't remember who we ended up hiring- Good Lord, Wright is going to go broke if he isn't already- and why are there so many children here?"

Franziska patted my shoulder awkwardly, but it meant a lot to me. It also helped that at that moment a police dog knocked into my leg and brought me back to reality. "Hang in there, Miles Edgeworth."

"This is the nuttiest wedding of the century," I muttered in disbelief.

"I know!" Pearl had somehow found me again and was jumping up and down in excitement. "And it hasn't even started yet!"

I wasn't one for praying, but this was one case I was prepared to make an exception for.