Am I Bothered? – A Doctor Who Fic

Donna slams her hands on the bars of her prison cell. "I'm gonna bloody kill the Doctor if we ever get out of here." Donna looks over to Jack, who is strangely, in the same cell as her. "And what the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in a different cell? I dunno, with other men?"

Jack shrugs.

"Oh what help you are."

A warden passes by.

"Excuse me, what is a man doing in my cell?"

"These cells are co-ed." The warden looks confused. "Didn't you know that?"

Donna clicks her tongue. "Super"

"Oh and you two are supposed to put these on." The ward slips two orange uniforms into the cell.

"What's that?" Donna asks in obvious disgust.

"They're you're prison uniforms."

Jack picks his up. "Thanks" He smiles and winks at the warden, whose eyes get really big. For that reaction Jack may as well have slapped him on the ass.

Donna rolls her eyes. "Jack, stop it." She looks down at the remaining uniform intended for her. "I aint wearin' that"

"You have to. It's the rule"

"You are not getting me to wear that! It's horrific and who, tell me, who and how many people have worn this before me? It's just not sanitary."

Jack is changing in the background with out a qualm. "Tell me Donna, does this make me look like a bad boy?" He does his best blue steel.

Donna bites her lip, stifling a laugh. She coughs and gestures her head to the warden.

"Ahh right you're busy. Go on then." Jack goes back and sits on his bed.

"Look" The warden looks down on his sheet. "Noble, I can assure you it's perfectly sanitary."

"But I think it aint sir."

"Noble."

"I think it aint though."

"Noble"

"Call me Donna"

"Donna"

"Sir?"

"Donna"

"Sir?"

"Stop it."

"Sir?"

"Do I need to get the guards?"

"Are you insulting me?" Donna says with a horrified face.

Jack looks on in amusement.

"Donna"

"Are you callin my mum a prostitute?"

"Donna…"

"Are you callin my dad a wino?"

"Now stop it."

"But he aint even a wino though, he aint even a wino."

"I said stop it!"

"Look at my face"

The warden sighs and puts his hands on his hips.

"Look at my face. Am I bothered?"

"What…?"

"Am I bothered?"

"Donna?"

Donna points to her face. "Face, look at it."

"Donna stop."

"Prison bars, stuck with Jack Harkness…"

"Hey!" Jack protests.

Donna ignores him. "Puke orange uniforms, I aint even bothered."

The warden stares at Donna in disbelief. She raises her eyebrows. He sighs. "I give up." Slowly the warden walks away.

Donna walks back to her bunk with a look of success on her face.

Jack is smirking. "The Lauren Cooper impersonation always gets them."

Donna looks at Jack and smiles. "Init though?"