Hello - only a short comment on this fanfic:
It is my first one and I'm no native speaker - Please don't be cruel to me :)
Swaine
Swaine watched the clear wild water running in the river with white crests swimming on top of it. It looked strong and kind of peaceful at the same time. He had no doubt the water would crush him on the next rock if he dared to go swimming. But the sun glistened so nice on the cold flowing surface, breaking the light and making it glow in a turquoise colour. The water splashed against the dark crags and produced a strong sound of massive water.
No, he thought, no way go swimmin' here. He was fooling himself watching the river as if there was nothing wrong with him – or the situation. He was a no-good, a thieve – no prince. Not for fifteen years at least. All he had was his pistol and the trust of his friends. But he would never be able to protect them as he wished to. Oliver was the one who saved them back in Perdida. Not him. The worst of all: He wasn't able to protect her. She was right with mocking him all the time, calling him a coward. At last why would she even care for him otherwise? Swaine would have done anything to get a look of her like his brother did. The handsome prince, he remembered himself, not the prince of swines. Actually that's why you changed your name, didn't ya? You could have had it otherwise. Yes, he could have gained the throne for himself. But even when he felt this powerless he knew Macassin always would be the better regent of Hamelin. Gascon wasn't anymore – it was Swaine standing at the river runnig at his feet.
The group was split up – Oliver and Mr. Drippy helped some people in Ding Dong Dell with their broken hearts while Esther insisted on swimming in the river nearby. As an inhabitant of Al Mamoon the girl was used to dusty hot weather and the only big well she knew was the one of milk in the fountains of the city. Their whole journey she saw the sea, rivers and lakes – but told them she never swam in sweet water before. Now was the time she wanted to change this and forced Swaine to accompany her. Not that he disliked that really. He just pretended to. Maybe because he didn't want to admit to himself how he liked the idea of splashing in the water … with her.
He shook his head in concern. Stupid man you are, he thought clenching his teeth, Time to grow up! You're not ten anymore. Back then, he remembered painfully, she was older than him – almost sixteen, almost a woman. The Esther of the past was just born probably. And he was a stupid prince, taller than her but crude and snotty. And handsome. So bloody handsome. When they travelled back in time he almost failed in identifying himself. Now he was filthy and … old. So much older than her. She cared for the boy he was – not the man he became.
But still there were these lovely disputations between them – how much fun they were every time. He liked to mock her, always waiting for a reprehension. He smiled the first time since they walked to the river.
"Swaine!"
Speak of the devil!