The One With Jade's Plant
Jade buys a spider plant from a shady classmate that ends up becoming her worst nightmare.
Lunch Table - Cat, Andre, Robbie, Rex, Jade
"So I walked up to the panda at the end of the store and reached for a high five, when Grandma comes up behind me and-"
"Shut up, Andre," Jade said as she sat down at the lunch table and slammed her lunch on the table. "I've got a problem that I need help with."
"Girl, we all know you ain't the center of attention," Rex cried out of nowhere, to which Jade shoved a handful of fries down his throat.
"Anyway, I was at school last night to-"
"Why were you at school so late?" Cat asked.
"Will you idiots shut up already!" Jade yelled. "I'm getting there! I was at school late, Cat, because I was buying a plant from this guy I met in the hallway the other day. But he's like, really shady."
"Wait why?"
"Because the plant situation isn't adding up to me," Jade sighed, pulling out a small pot from her backpack. "I bought a spider plant from him 'cause Beck needs one for his audition for something, but I don't think he knows what a spider plant is."
"Jade," Andre sighed, "it's a stupid plant. How can a plant guy be shady? So you asked for a spider plant but didn't get one, so what's the big deal?"
Jade screamed as loudly as she could, and Cat slammed her head on the table with her hands on her ears. Some girl on the roof of the school dropped her drink, which fell on Sinjin's head as he walked by.
"Shut up! Shut up, shut up! Beck asked for a spider plant, so I asked the guy for a spider plant!" Jade yelled.
"Okay, okay! Well, we'll see what this plant grows into," Andre cried, picking up the pot and looking at it from all sides.
"Guys, can someone help me get these fries out of Rex's mouth?" Robbie asked.
Jade looked at Robbie for a good five seconds before taking another handful of fries and stuffing them into his mouth.
Black Theater Room - Beck, Tori, Jade, Andre
"How could you tell me you didn't buy a present for my sister's birthday?" Beck cried, reading off the flimsy script. "You know she loves presents!"
"Well, I'm sorry! If I'd known she loved presents, I would have bought her something! I was just busy doing... something," Tori recited in response.
"What were you doing?"
Tori paused while still in character, looking at him with uncertainty.
"...rubbing an old man's toes. But, I have a reason why!"
"How in the world could you have a good enough reason to rub an old man's toes?" Beck cried out loud.
"He said he'd give me ten bucks if I rubbed his toes! I was gonna buy a pizza with those ten bucks!"
Rex laughed dryly from one of the metal fold-up chairs, turning to Robbie to ask him why he wasn't laughing. Tori and Beck cringed at Rex, struggling to figure out what went through the puppet's head on a daily basis.
"Whatever," Beck shrugged and shook his head, "take this plant I bought. I'll just get her a new present."
"Why'd he buy her a plant?" Rex yelled from the back. "Isn't that an 'I tolerate you but don't know you that well' present?"
"Be quiet, you sorry-excuse-of-a-puppet!" Jade yelled. She took a chair next to her and threw it at him, missing and instead hitting Robbie smack in the face.
"Oh my god, Robbie! Are you okay?" Tori exclaimed as they all ran to his side.
"Don't mind this schmuck," Rex said.
"Jade," Beck started, "why isn't this a spider plant?"
"Yeah, it looks like the inside of my shoe!" Rex felt the need to include.
"I don't know, I'm sorry," she sighed out of defeat. "I bought the plant from a shady guy outside of school yesterday, and I don't know what to do with it."
"Oh, why don't you give it to me?" Robbie asked. "My babysitter collects plants from all around the world and has yet to get one from America."
Everyone turned to look at Robbie, trying to understand if he knew what he'd just said.
"Robbie, if your idiot babysitter needed a plant from America, she could go outside and get a three-leaf clover," Rex scolded.
"I know, I know. She just has a fear of tiny plants. I don't know how to get her out of it. She's scared of the succulent we have in the restroom, too."
Tori's eyes brightened up, knowing just the remedy for the strange fear.
"Oh! Trina's friend's therapist specializes in fears of tiny things! I can ask Trina to get his number if you'd like!"
"Tori, before I call a therapist for my babysitter, I'm going to need to call the hospital for the giant bruise forming on my head from the chair Jade just threw at me."
"That chair was for Rex! I already threw one at you last week!"
Jade's Locker - Jade, Sinjin
Noticing the bell about to ring for late students, Jade quickly placed the plant in her locker before heading to Sikowitz's class. But as soon as she shoved it right into her textbooks, it began to vibrate.
"Do you see this?" Jade pulled over Sinjin. "Do you see this cursed plant?"
"Yeah, it's really ugly. What kind of plant is it?" Sinjin asked, a huge red stain plastered on his shirt from the spilled drink at lunch.
"It's supposed to be a spider plant, but it's vibrating!"
"That's not a spider plant, Jade. That's a famous Vibrating Spider Plant! You can only find three of these in each state! Mind if I pay you some money for it?"
Jade sighed, looking at the plant and back at Sinjin.
"Yeah, sure. How much?"
"Does 300 dollars sound good to you?"
Jade's eyes widened, and she looked back at the plant.
"Uh, no thanks, Sinjin. I think I have an idea for what to do with the plant. Now shoo, get lost."
Trailer Park - Jade, Sinjin, Rex, Robbie
"So whoever pays more for the plant gets it, got it?" Jade told the boys.
"Yeah, yeah, we get it-"
"I'll pay 500!" Sinjin said. "600! 700!"
"Sinjin!" Jade and Robbie yelled.
"Will you idiots shut up? I can hear the hillbillies in the trailers looking for their pitchforks to hunt you all down."
"I'll pay 700, but only if I get to see the plant vibrate," Robbie said.
"How do I know when the plant vibrates, Robbie?!" Jade cried.
"Oh, you'll know," Sinjin smiled.
- 2 hours later -
"Has it vibrated yet?" Robbie asked, yawning.
"Robbie, the more you ask that question, the more I want to die," Rex groaned, eyes shut.
Suddenly, the table started to shake violently as the plant vibrated, but it grew out of control, suddenly falling off the surface and breaking the pot as it hit the ground.
"No!" Jade and Sinjin jumped for the plant.
"Well, there you go Robbie," Rex said. "The plant vibrated."
The shards of ceramic pot scattered everywhere, making the search for the tiny plant difficult. Jade could feel herself panicking as she attempted to get the plant before Sinjin, but he suddenly cried out loud in grief.
"You faker!" Sinjin turned to Jade. "There was a phone in here the whole time! That's what was vibrating!"
"How was I supposed to know?!" Jade yelled back. "Open the pot with my bare hands and look for the phone?!"
"Yes!" everyone else yelled, causing a hillbilly to come out.
"What's all the commo-shin?" he asked, shining a flashlight on the quad. "Is that mah sail-phone? Ya found 'er! Thank ya!"
"Who the fresh flying Freddie was that?" Rex asked.
"That was the plant dealer," Jade sighed, turning to look at the plant that could have earned her 700 dollars.