*I own nothing. All characters belong to Prodigy pictures.
No fluff here, sorry. It's emo. This one shot was inspired by the song "Say You Do," by Dierks Bentley. It was originally written before S5 and adjusted some as time went on, but mostly it deals with several months after Hades has been dealt with and Lauren had broken up with Bo. As usual, I am lazy with titles so I will just use the song name.
"Don't worry about the damage done
Just let those words roll off your tongue
Even if you're lyin'"
"Say You Do."
Fire.
That's what it felt like.
The uncomfortable burn of Buckthorn and the flame I still carried for Lauren that relentlessly smoldered in my chest. Both lit me up in a bonfire of pain in some fashion or another. I was determined to use one to douse the other. Surely it was possible or else I was going to be in for a long life. Well, it would make my already long life agonizing.
Every shot of liquor torched my throat with as much tenacity as her memory did my brain. But the liquor eventually turned numbing, soothing, while the flashes of our time together seared a hole through my heart and mind inflicting more pain than any Fae ever could.
How did I get into this mess?
It all started with my damned succubus need to feed and always putting myself above all else. Even after all this time, my acceptance of this other side of me and the mastering of my abilities, I still found ways to mess things up. I thought learning to control my appetite would be the hardest thing in life, turned out, it was figuring out my human heart. It had always been so easy to blame things on my nature or Lauren's missteps or the whole Fae idea of destiny or whatever other random craziness came up, but in the end, as I sat here alone drowning my sorrows in liquor, the main source of my problems boiled down to one, simple, unchanging piece of the puzzle.
Me.
The woman in the mirrored glass reflection still looked much the same, but the me inside was so very different. This supposed Queen of the Fae who'd chosen her human side, sucked at being human. No, it was more that I sucked at relationships. Tamsin was right way back when she said I sucked at reading people. If I'd ever paid enough attention to the ones I claimed to care about I would have noticed what was going on with Tamsin, Kenzi, Lauren, Dyson. Maybe I wouldn't have left so much damage in my wake. Damage that I've worked to repair and for all intents and purposes would consider myself successful, with one exception. It seemed that no matter what I did, the one thing I so desperately needed to have right in my life, just wouldn't work out.
I slammed another shot down drawing a concerned look from Trick. He didn't need to worry about me. No one did. I was strong. I could conquer anything. Except my broken heart, but that was something I had to deal with on my own. Honestly, it was something I didn't really want to fix.
I pointed to my empty shot glass, unamused with his quirked brow. My finger thrust hard against the old oak bar top just beside the barren glass, demanding my refill and refusing to take no for an answer.
With a grimace, Trick obliged. "You okay, Bo?" His words were laced with concern as any good family member's would.
I didn't want or need his pity. "Fine," I replied in a tone that made it obvious I didn't want to talk. "Just keep them coming."
He frowned, left me the bottle and walked away.
It only took a minute for Vex to ruin my victory with needless yammering. "Easy love, that stuff will leave you with a wicked hangover."
"Fuck off Vex." Why was he always around when my mood was shit?
"Oh feisty succubus. I like it and may I say I have missed it?" He slid over and leaned in close. "The Doctor got your head in the clouds again?"
I rolled my eyes and huffed, hoping to end this talk in a hurry. "Why would this have anything to do with her? I haven't seen her in days."
"Because it always has something to do with her, doesn't it? I swear, in all my hundreds of years, I'd never met a whipped succubus. And I don't mean that in the fun way that I prefer my whippings. This is one for the Fae history books." He giggled in that ridiculous Vex way that made me want to smack him in the mouth.
"Gross. Just leave me alone Vex. Don't you have someone you could be giving a Fae STD too?" I waved him away, scooting my chair to put much needed distance between us.
"No need to snippy, Deary. Just know that your Doctor is in the back corner drinking her weight in whiskey. Aren't you quite the pair? Ta-ta." He grabbed my bottle and walked away.
Bastard!
My need to protest was overwhelmingly derailed by my need to search for Lauren. The Buckthorn was kicking in. The room spun until my focus fell on the mesmerizing blonde with endearing brown eyes that were unmistakable. She was sitting there alone, just as he'd said and my heart clenched at the sight of her staring back at me.
Her blank expression slowly shifted as the corners of her mouth turned up, offering me a hint of a smile. The only clarity I had was the picture of her. She raised her glass in a silent toast that made me smile, even though I was dying inside.
Did the sight of me make her crumble? Was she as affected as I was each time I laid eyes on her?
I wasn't good at hiding my feelings; not like her. I was never certain what she felt, except that her aura always gave her away.
With a raise of my glass, I returned the toast. We both downed our drinks, our gazes never breaking. I waved her over. My confidence non-existent, but my heart begging me to try. The tightening in my chest bordered on making me pass out and bursting open with excitement.
Her smile faltered and she glanced at the door contemplating escape.
With it went another piece of that stupid organ residing in my chest that only beat for her. The one she would give me an hour long dissertation on the specific mechanism of how it worked in a way that would make me fall even harder for her. If only she could tell me how to rid it of the ache from losing her. A broken heart wasn't literal, so what was the science behind the physical pain the damned thing then? If anyone knew, it was Lauren.
Lauren. One word, a single name that evoked so much feeling. Pleasure, pain, happiness, hurt, longing...Lauren.
Why did loving her hurt so much? Why couldn't I just let her go? It hurt bad; so bad that I couldn't put a word to it.
A beat later, she glanced back and nodded. Her smile seemed forced, but I'd take it. I'd take any bit of time I could get with her. Everything else was a blur as she made her way through the crowd. She was all I could see. I only had eyes and ears for her, blocking out Trick and his incessant need to offer his opinion and Vex making disgusting gestures. There was only Lauren.
"Hey Bo," she breathed out as she slid into the stool beside me.
"Hey." I could barely speak. She always had a way of leaving me breathless and despite our history, just her mere presence lifted my soul.
"How are you?"
I held up my newly topped off glass with a raised brow, hoping she got my point.
She cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably as I threw it back.
She understood. Hell, she always understood me, even when I didn't.
"It's good to see you, Bo. Things have been so crazy. Never a break in the Fae world," she joked, hoping to ease the tension between us.
"It never stops does it?" Small talk. I could do that right?
She shook her head. Sadness fell across her features. "Doesn't seem like it."
"I worry about you, Lauren." I was desperate to reach out and touch her, but I thought better of it. That wasn't my place anymore. But god, I so desperately wanted it to be again.
"I know and I wish you wouldn't. I can take care of myself."
Her eyes took me in with a sweeping glance, as if committing me to memory once again. It sent a wisp of hope through me as silence fell between us. The air was heavy between us. So much history, yet so much left unsaid.
"Lauren, I-"
Her hand shot up and she shook her head. "Bo, don't please. We need to move on."
Tears stung my eyes. "As long as we are on this earth, we can't not be together."
She wiped away tears of her own and nodded, but then shook her head. "I know, but we've tried. We just can't. It just isn-"
"Don't Lauren." I slapped my hand on the bar in frustration. I refused to hear it again. "Don't say it. I will never believe that."
Her mouth dropped open and a look of resignation fell across her face before she looked away.
I didn't need more excuses. What I needed was to feel her; to let her love me the way only she could; to hold me. Even if it was for only one night. "I love you Lauren. I will only ever love you. No matter the rules or the circumstances, no matter who else I thought held my heart or who I healed with, it has always been you. That will never change. And even if you're trying to save me from the pain of watching you grow old, you can never keep me from loving you every day. That is something I never want anyone to save me from." I might have been drunk, but I was honest.
She was crumbling before my eyes, but in typical Lauren fashion, she steeled her will and looked me in the eye. "I'm sorry Bo. I think I should go."
"Wait," my hand darted to her wrist, nearly falling over in my drunkenness, but I had to keep her from running. "Couldn't we, just for tonight, forget about everything else? Just you and me like old times, before everything got so fucked up?" Deep down I knew it was a bad idea. Tomorrow I'd have to start trying to let her go all over again, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything except feeling her one more time. I would never stop searching for one more time with her.
"I don't think that's a good idea Bo. It'll only confuse things." She sounded so broken, yet resolute in her decision to suffer the rest of her days without me.
I wish I understood. I really did. But I couldn't for the life of me fathom why she had given up on us after all we'd been through. After I told her unequivocally that she was all I ever wanted. I would never give up and deep down I hoped that she hadn't given up either. I just had to keep fighting. "I know you still love me."
Her head sagged slightly before a gentle nod appeared. Her solemn honey eyes met mine reaching a depth of my soul only she ever could causing my knees to buckle. "Bo, I will always care you and protect you with all I have, but-"
I didn't want to hear the rest. No "but's." Not tonight. "Couldn't you, just say you do? Even if you don't, couldn't you?"
She didn't answer.
I was begging her. Me, a succubus, the Queen of the Fae, a god, the daughter of Hades was begging this mere mortal woman to take me to bed, even just to hold me. Other Fae, even some humans, would pity me, but I was just a girl in love and broken from losing the one she wanted more than anything. The room started to spin again. I braced myself on the bar. The ache in my chest as she stared at me coupled with the effects of the Buckthorn threatened to send me to my knees.
"I don't even care if you don't mean it. Just say you might, just for tonight." I had no shame for the tears that rolled down my cheeks, no shame in begging. It had been months since I'd felt her touch and no one else could bring me the peace I so desperately needed and wanted. "Just for tonight, get in my head. Wreck my bed. All night long like we used to. Even if you don't, couldn't you say you do?" My eyes fell shut and I collapsed on the stool in a heap. Heavy sobs took over, wracking my body uncontrollably. I'd lost it. Alcohol just made it all so much worse and now I was a pathetic drunk crying over love lost in a bar.
A warm hand cupped my cheek. My eyes fluttered open to Lauren standing before me with so much emotion in her eyes.
Her thumb brushed across my cheek to rid the tears. Her free hand reached for mine, slipping her fingers between my own. "Come on. Let's get you home," she whispered before helping me up and leading me out the door.
She drove us in silence. Her hand remained in mine resting on my thigh. It was all so normal. All except for the tired smile she wore showing how hard this was for her, but I'd take it. It was a smile all the same and for tonight, I would pretend that it meant the same thing it used to; that she wanted nothing more than to be here with me.
Lauren helped into my house and up to my room. Her hands on my skin overwhelmed what little sense I hadn't numbed with alcohol. I steadied myself on her shoulders, gazing into those eyes that used to hold my entire world. Who was I kidding? They still did. My mouth fell open with the intention of saying so many things, but nothing came out.
She shook her head. "Shhh." Her finger came to rest across my lips.
My god, her fingers. Her hands. So gifted with surgical precision and talented enough to go toe to toe with a succubus in bed, yet delicate enough to soothe my soul.
She slowly pulled her finger away, replacing it with her lips. Soft, tender, loving. What started slow and innocent soon turned more passionate. Skilled fingers did their job, shedding me of my vest. With a gentle touch she laid me on the bed, stilling the spinning room.
Her lips, her hands, my heart, the Buckthorn. I was reeling. My eyes fell shut, taking in every tiny detail that I could muster of the way she felt on my skin, how she smelled and the way my pulse raced with each kiss until my world went dark.
XXX
The morning light was an unwelcome visitor bombarding me with the painful reminder of how much I'd drank. One arm covered my eyes as I squeezed them shut while the other one reached out to find an empty bed. My stomach dropped and reality set in, but as I uncovered my eyes and slowly regained focus, I smiled. My bed was wrecked. Pillows were scattered across the floor. My dresser was wiped clean, with all the contents on the floor. I was sideways on the bed, topless, with a hickey over my heart, just like so many of our rowdiest nights together, except that I was still in my pants.
I rolled to face what was once her side of the bed and my smile grew at the lingering hint of her vanilla scent. My top drawer was pulled open. A couple of sleep shirts hung over the edge. I knew right away what she'd done. She took that black tank she loved to steal on the nights she slept over and it made my smile reach the sky. My hand grasped the pillow, pulling it tight to my chest and burying my face in it to live in the moment as long as possible. When my eyes finally opened again, a glimpse of white at the head of the bed caught my attention. Sitting up for a better look I realized it was a note.
My heart raced.
I grabbed the thin sheet of folded paper and rolled onto my back. The sudden movement was dizzying, as was the anticipation of what was inside. Lauren had done as I asked and given me a night to remember without giving me anything at all and somehow, I loved her more for indulging me.
I took a deep breath to still my heart, praying it wasn't another, "I can't see you anymore" letter. Flipping it open, I let my fingers drift across her scribbly doctor writing with a love sick grin before focusing on the words themselves.
Bo,
You know I do.
Always.
Lauren
I pressed it to my chest and whispered with a smile, "I do too."
Maybe there was hope for us yet.
XXX
Thanks for reading. I know. Its a downer. But I hope you enjoyed it none the less. I will always ship Doccubus and wholeheartedly believe their love will never fade. Feel free to leave me a review or yell at me for not giving you fluff in your time of need.