Broken :)
This is a little sad, but something I think Ste will be feeling, I hope you guys like it.
"Well what you waiting for then…do your worst."
I was scared, of course I was scared. Who wouldn't be? Standing up to Trevor was not on my to-do list for today, or any other day for that matter. But as the punches started to come and his fist connected with my face and my body, it felt strangely good. Suddenly my mind is filled with Brendan and all the promises he made me and now with my body aching, my heart doesn't feel so bad. In fact it's kinda nice feeling hurt on the outside for a change.
I sometimes wonder how my heart is still beating after all the damage and pain it has endured. I live in hope that one day I'll be rewarded, that one day I'll be able to have my heart's desire without consequence. How can me getting beaten up by Trevor turn out to be about him? Maybe because he lives inside me, run's through my veins and the memory of us has taken over my mind. I don't know how to be without him; all I know is that right now this beating is making me feel better. Trevor hits me hard and I welcome every punch.
Without Brendan by my side I feel nothing but misery and now I live every day in torment. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind, so getting my head kicked in makes a refreshing change. I wonder what Brendan would do if he was here? I don't think Trevor would live to tell the tell that's for sure, but he isn't here is he? I'm left alone with no one. No one gives a shit, no one cares and the only one who always has is locked away from me. Out of sight and out of reach.
Trevor batters me good and proper, kinda reminds me of Terry and with every strike, the intense throbbing in my heart aches a little less. He doesn't stop until I drop to the floor, even kicks me when I'm down and my unconscious body lays there because I can't take any more. Part of me wishes I was dead, because when I get over this and my body doesn't ache anymore that's when the real pain comes back. That painful, stinging ache in my heart that has been with me ever since Brendan went away. I know it will never leave me.
I wake up in the hospital and every part of me is sore and tender. I know that this is just another lesson for me to learn, I thought that I might have had enough of them, but obviously not. I'm totally alone now; in fact I have never felt more alone. No one is by my side, no one is bringing me grapes or wishing me well, but I guess I've brought this all on myself. No one can touch me now, no one can get close to me and as for Trevor he can't break me because I'm already broken.
Please review xx xx xx