Author's Note: Right, so this is based off a long running inside joke between user Cedareye and me. Originally, it started out as me talking about a cutsey Heartshipping fic I wanted to write, and Cedareye jokingly added dialogue, I returned it, this went back and forth, and the original cutesy idea turned into something much, much more insidious. Most of this fic is based off basically spur of the moment RPs we've had while hanging out with our social group, much to our friends' amusement, occasional confusion, and even participation. I have decided that it would be fun to take this long and complex inside joke, condense it to make it accessible for everyone, and make it into a fic. This is an AU that features often outrageous, unrealistic humor, tweaked character personalities and relationships, and what could only be described as a character assassination of Ryou Bakura. Oh, there are also mentions of Seth Rogen in this fic, but that is based on another inside joke that will never, ever make its way onto this site. I can give you a quick answer if you're curious enough to message me about it.
So anyhoo, this is dedicated to Cedareye, who I know is going to get the most enjoyment out of this fic. I'd like to thank her for her constant support.
They're huddled under her bright blue umbrella because he figured the rain would be finish itself off while they were in classes, and now his and Anzu's bodies are pressed close to each other. He may be small, and she may possess the slender body of a dancer, yet rain still manages to fall onto their coat sleeves. She's stepping lightly, carefully, so she doesn't end up soaking her thin school issued loafers in a puddle. Yugi looks up at her, takes note of the concentration on her face, and he smiles, amused with how seriously she's taking this task.
He strikes up conversation with her, effectively taking her mind off scanning the roads with the type of stoic-faced somberness reserved for a guard on duty, and soon they're chatting about the everyday subjects of classes, the workload, and planning for their free time. It causes her to smile, and that's enough for him.
Ryou rounds the street corner and looks up from the wet ground to look ahead, and sees them together. "Sharing an umbrella," he muses. "Gross."
He frowns and his grip on his umbrella's handle tightens, and he feels like he would enjoy nothing more than to run up and snatch a clump of her mousy hair off her scalp, but no. Now is not the time.
He purses his lips and crosses the street.
He enters the quiet apartment and puts up his umbrella in the container located by the front door. He looks around and finds no one occupying the tiny kitchen or the living room. He cups his hand around his mouth and calls out, "Dad?"
"Leave me alone! I'm working on my book," yells his father from the study.
Ryou sighs and kneels to unlace his shoes, sniffling, but he soon stops himself. Once his shoes are off, he pads over to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea to warm himself up. He sits down at the kitchen table, looks around cautiously to make sure that his father hasn't left the study, and he pulls out his wallet. In the first pocket, the space normally reserved for IDs and such, is a picture of a chubby redheaded man with a round face and stubbly facial hair. The man is shirtless and sitting practically on top of the handlebars of a motorcycle, and looking at the camera in a sexy, surprised way, his mouth making a perfect O shape. Ryou gently caresses the picture with his fingertips, sighing wistfully.
"Oh, Seth Rogen," he murmurs. "If only we didn't live in two different continents; I would surely make you mine if it weren't for that pesky detail."
Ryou's lower lip trembles, and he closes his eyes, taking in a trembling breath. "No," he whispers to himself. "No, no tears. No crying."
He plants a kiss on the picture's lips, then carefully closes his wallet. "I can't have Seth Rogen," he muses, setting his wallet down onto the table and staring off with grim determination, "but I will find someone who will love me. I have to. Before it's too late!"
The kettle whistles shrilly, breaking Ryou out his private moment; Ryou shrieks and flails his whole body in his surprise, causing his chair to fall back.
"Ow!"
He isn't sure how it happened, but somehow their conversation during study hall turned to relationships. She mentioned how a random boy in one of her classes asked her out on a date, and how she had turned him down.
She sits slumped over her desk, her cheek resting in her hand, and she stares pensively at the blackboard. She sighs, and Yugi wishes that he could do something to make her feel better. "I don't even know him," she murmurs, more to herself than to him. "And besides, I don't think I could even handle dating someone right now."
He nods and makes a sound of acknowledgement, but inside he is wilting.
About a month after their small talk, he finds Anzu and Jounouchi on the school rooftop, standing by the chain-link fence, laughing quietly and making each other blush. At first, he doesn't think much of it, as maybe Jounouchi had shared a dirty joke, but then he realizes that Anzu would protest something so vulgar, and it takes much more than a lewd joke to make someone like Jounouchi blush.
Then he sees their foreheads touch and their eyes close, and Jounouchi murmurs something softly so that only Anzu can hear, and that's when Yugi realizes that he should just go back inside. They don't need to be bothered right now.
He sees them in study hall; he sees Anzu leaning across Jounouchi's desk and Jounouchi whispering things in her ear. A look of despair settles onto Yugi's face, and he looks down at his desk, trying to steady a trembling lower lip. He's not going to cry, not in front of everyone in this room. He lets out a tremulous breath and sets his forehead down on his desk. He feels as if the entirety of his chest is trying to squeeze itself into the smallest ball possible, smaller than he could ever comprehend, and this horrible feeling has him taking in small gasps of air, as the pain is almost too much. He respects Anzu's decisions, and he wants her to be happy, and he knows that he will never make the pain of her and Jounouchi's relationship known to them, but it hurts. It hurts so, so much, knowing that the one he wants is so far away from him, at least romantically speaking. Maybe it's knowing that Anzu doesn't want to be with him, but Yugi finds himself feeling, in this very moment, that no one could ever want someone like him. He's not strong, handsome, smart, good at sports, or even charming; what does he have going for him, to make him appear desirable to someone else? Nothing, really.
His moment of self-pity is interrupted by a soft voice uttering his name, "Yugi?"
Yugi does not lift his head.
"Yugi?"
Yugi groans. It sounds like Ryou. He lifts his head and shakes his hair in place, looking up at the pale youth. What does he want? "Yes, Ryou?"
Ryou lifts his hand up to his collarbone and tugs on a lock of white hair. "Yugi, um..." Ryou looks down at the ground and bites his lip; Yugi wonders why Ryou looks so nervous. "Um, I was wondering if, um..."
Yugi blinks; Ryou continues to stare at the ground. "Yes?" Yugi asks, remaining patient.
Ryou sucks in a breath of air and finally looks Yugi in the eye. "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date. With me."
Yugi blinks. Did he have some kind of deity looking down upon him, reading his mind, trying to prove him wrong? "Oh," he says dumbly. "You were?"
Ryou nods. "Mm," he replies affirmatively.
Yugi swallows and feels his face heating up. "W-what did you have in mind?"
"Movie and then dinner," Ryou answers.
A smile twitches at the corners of Yugi's lips. "Oh?" he asks. "Not dinner and then a movie?"
"No, because that's too cliche," Ryou replied, shaking his head.
Yugi chuckles once. "Well," he replies, then licks his lips. Wow, oh, wow. Somebody is asking him out on a date. What a nice turn of events. "That sounds nice, Ryou. It really does."
"Dad!" Ryou calls as he enters the apartment he shares with his father.
"What the hell do you want?" his father yells from the study.
"I got a date!" Ryou squeals triumphantly.
"Like I give a rat's ass!"
Ryou's grin falls, and his shoulders slump. "Oh," he says quietly. "O-okay, Dad."
Ryou enters the kitchen and sets the kettle full of water on the stove. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket while he waits, and presses the button for his older brother's speed dial.
"Yeah?" Bakura growls when he finally picks up.
"Onii-chan!"
"I thought I told you to never call me that," Bakura snarls menacingly.
"And I thought I told you that I don't care!" Ryou replies brightly.
"Ass."
"Anyhoooo," Ryou drawls, opening up the cabinet and considering his options. "I called to tell you that I have a date!"
A few moments of silence elapse, but for the sound of a few dozen tablets rattling in a plastic bottle and Bakura swallowing a mouthful of a liquid. After that, more silence.
"Onii-chan?" Ryou asks. "Are you still there?"
"I was sleeping, you know," Bakura mutters balefully. "I was sleeping because, you know, I work the night shift. I had a full hour of sleep left before you called me to tell me about your dumbass date that I couldn't give a single shit about if I tried."
"That is all true," Ryou agrees, grabbing the box of jasmine tea. "But you left your phone on, and you decided to answer."
"I thought you might have been my boss. Bosses can call you in early because you don't matter in the working world. You know that, right?"
"Uh, there is a thing called caller ID, onii-chan," Ryou says sweetly, plopping a tea bag of jasmine ahead of time into his favorite mug, which had a photo of Seth Rogen on it. "You know that, right?"
"Damn it all, I should block you!" Bakura shouts.
"Yet you don't," Ryou replies.
"Go jump off a cliff, you shit stick!"
"Love you, too, onii-chan," Ryou chimes.
"And stop calling me that, you little—"
But Ryou had already hung up.
Ryou smiles as he leans against the table while he waits for the water to come to a boil. His smile starts to wilt, so he pulls out his wallet to cheer himself up by looking upon the picture of Seth Rogen he keeps in it. "You're excited for me, aren't you, Seth Rogen?"
Seth Rogen does not reply, just continues to stare at him in that surprised manner of his, but that's okay because that means that he could never say hurtful things to Ryou.
Not like everyone else.
Author's Note: I'm going to admit something to you guys. There are so many lyrics from "Blank Space" by Taylor Swift that I was so tempted to use in the description. You don't even know.
Also, Ryou's wallet picture of Seth Rogen is from his and James Franco's shot for shot remake of "Bound 2" by Kanye West. I recommend checking it out for a good laugh, if you haven't seen it.