Clouds of darkness, concealing the earth in it's dusk. Small, bright crystals danced along the sky as an orb of light hung beneath them, like a father watching over his children. Thick blankets of grey fog seemed to linger across the vast skies, hiding the earth's external beauty. Urban noises occasionally passed by as the evening streetlights shone. Business employees still continued their late-night work, yearning to go home, to see their family. Teenage ruckus roared among alleys and sidewalks, showing their brawn, but really having none of the opposite.
A normal day has fulfilled its cycle once again. Staring at my vague reflection, I could hear bickering in the house. The distinct voices belong to my mother and grandmother, as usual, arguing about me. My mother has been a model since she was 16 years old. Of course she had gave birth to me when she was only 15, how else would young adolescent men still fall for her at the age of 29. She wanted me to be exactly like her, a model. I never liked any photographs being taken of me, nor would I ever like having those pictures posted on popular magazines, seen by the public. However, my mother would not hear a word of it, I was going to be a model, period.
Usually when they started their disputes, I would turn on music. The kind of melody that would enrage your mind and body, to bear and continue on through all the turmoil and unrest that occurs in life. Searching desperately, for any kind of tune, that could ease the throbbing pain. Unfortunately, nothing could be found. Only the drone of a desperate plea, wailing within. I knew any attempt in trying to get involved in their conversation, would have no effect. That's why I loathed times like these. Music was my only escape.. Now I was trapped. Anything that could stop the thunderous pounds in my mind would simply be good enough. I closed my eyes, and thought of other moments like this, then I could gather strength from it.
Though it would be hard, since through the prior years of my life, it had been a morbid time. A neglecting mother, who is constantly on daily photo shoots which would last for hours and excessively caring about her looks, and not about me. I could count over and over how by mother has not been there for me, and the results would have calculated as I always thought it would. The majority of my life, my grandmother would take care of me, on those lonely days and nights, where my mother was no where to be found.
My father's presence had disappeared long ago before I was born. My assumption was that he ran away when he found out, mother was pregnant. And since then, not a word of him was mentioned or heard. Neighbours often tell me I resemble his features, his eyes and his strength. Everything they said about him only aroused my curiosity about him further. When I consulted mother, she always claimed that she had other important tasks to do. But I knew that was far beyond the truth. I used to dream about who he was; maybe that would cure my curious mind.
Things have gotten far worse at school. Everyday, I dread coming there. Even a step near it, would haunt my soul. It was not the building.. There was no evil involved. Only loneliness. Maybe I was frightened, afraid of others, afraid of everything. I've been so alone at home; perhaps I just did not want to feel that anymore. School was a nightmare to me now; a nightmare that would not end until the clock's hands rotated from 12, clockwise exactly at 90ยบ. Otherwise, it was just torment. Everyone has each other, and I have no one. The words I feared so much were 'partner up.' It would just remind me of my solitude. No one could understand how I feel, no one.
I would just have to endure the pain, hiding my frailty and not letting anyone know.. How insecure I really was inside. Teachers would yell, about my unfinished assignments. Endless lectures, always ranting. Each lecture, had similarities which concluded to, 'Ruki, you have to do your work, or else I am forced to call your mother and inform her of your difficulties in class. You need a good education in order to succeed in life and it's obstacles.' The existence of life.. Countless times have I pondered over a simple question such as that. How was I to emerge victorious in life, if I had already failed? Social outings, friendship, love.. Each one a threat to my imperfection and had already added to my failure. Maybe it was my fault, for being born this way.
In television shows, it seemed that almost every show had an outcast, the loner.. Anti-social, not outgoing. The characteristics seemed like it was I through a screen but in spite of their efforts in trying to show what lonesome was, they could never portray the true loneliness that a person could feel. You had to experience it for yourself. Even though, I knew I was physically alone, a facade of an invisible being constantly watches me. Telling myself, how paranoid I am, that was completely stupid. Nonetheless thinking that something not visible watching you closely, how insane as I? But it was true. Consistent observations as if I was some kind of live experiment, observing and determining my weakness.
It's laughs at my seclusion, mocking my pride, ridiculing my entire life. Continuing its surveillance over me, tears started to fall from my eyes. My strong will couldn't even surpass the falling tears. And for the first time in years, I cried. The laughter of the unseen started to snicker in my head again. There was so much pressure against me. Being raised up without a father, and having a neglected mother, leaving only my grandmother, who could hardly take care of me, I comprehended the situation though, at her age, she shouldn't deserve to watch or to take care of me.
Every night, she always had an argument with mother about considering spending more time with me, instead of flaunting in front of a camera, all day long. And yet again, she would always make an excuse. Either that, I'm old enough to take care of myself, or that I was fine without her. When the truth was I was suffering in repine. Never had I'd been fine, for a moment in my life, holding in all this agony and misery inside of me. And when it unleashed, in a form of sorrow and descending grief, it couldn't be stopped. Right now, I didn't care if anyone laughed; it was my moment of grieving.
I guess I was so caught up in my mourning, I didn't notice a hand that had just rested on my shoulder. Looking up, I saw a young boy. With messy auburn hair that completely matched his handsome brown eyes. He had a cheerful smile, and you could easily tell that he was one of the popular ones. "What's wrong?" He asked. His voice seemed so concerned. "Nothing." I replied back, hoping he could leave, and let me be. "I know that's not the truth, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be crying."
I almost laughed at that thought. Beauty wasn't an attribute I had carried. My mother may possess it, but not me. "I'm not pretty." I chocked out from my sobs. "Yes, you are. You can't deny it; I see it right now. Ruki don't be like this." Surprised by his sudden words, I looked away from him. "How do you know, who I am? No one else does. And I am not beautiful, either." The boy looked hurt, "You can have it your way. But even if no one knows you, that doesn't mean that I don't."
He spoke, with utmost care and I was sure he had an agenda to fulfil. "Ju-just go away. Please, I don't mean to be rude." Rejecting my request, he stood in front of me and grabbed my wrists. "I'm not going to watch you, get hurt any more then you already have," he responded, eyeing me harshly. I wanted to do so many things to him at the time.. But I was weak. I cried out, "Why do you care, Takato?" He avoided my gaze at him, and looked away. We were both silent for a while, like the wind that was gently passing by, until he said words, that I thought I would never hear anyone say to me, "Because I love you Ruki."
I glared at his sincere eyes. Nobody could love me, it just wasn't meant to be, not for me. Stricken with anger, I demanded, "How could you love me?" I rose up to my feet swaying his arms away from me. He answered timidly, "I don't care if you don't feel fore me like I do, but I just wanted to let you know that." He paused, watching my cold expression hoping that it would affect me somehow. But to his misfortune, I was still rendered by his words and showing no emotion. "I love you because; you're you and no one else. And when I see the pain and suffering you go to everyday, Ruki, it upsets me too. Your not alone, I've had a terrible past, too." He persisted.
"You're different, Takato. You had friends; I was left alone, isolated from the rest." I said, feeling heat from the tears that filled my eyes. Takato's words gently rolled out, as he gently brushed my tears, away from my eyes, "Popularity doesn't build character; it just corrupts the good ones you once had. Ruki, you have to believe that I do love you more than anything in the world." He finished. Gradually, he knelt down and embraced his soft lips against mine. The kiss fell through in a passionate motion, and I realized he wasn't telling fibs about his feelings. They were real; somehow that osculation had changed my feelings towards him. After our lips caressed, he took me in his arms and whispered near my ear, "I'll never let you be alone anymore."