Should I bother a hi, FMA fans? xD no, of course not.

This is a short collection of drabbles that may or may not be hilarious or even funny. I was bored when I came up with this and thought I should share it to the world whether they care or not. If you don't, go away, thank you ^^.

I am taking requests for this! It can be Edward's reaction to just about absolutely ANYTHING. Be it in the past, present (today, I mean) or future that doesn't even exist yet but you'd like to see used anyway. Bear in mind that I have to LIKE the idea before I bother with anything, but you are free to request or suggest anything you'd think would be hilarious for Edward to react towards and I will do my best to keep it as in character as I possibly can! It can be an object, an idea, absolutely anything that he can rant about or take action against or for! It can also include any FMA character you want, should one have to become involved. If you don't understand, review or PM me and I will get back to you ASAP!

So here is the first one, to start us off. I hope you like it. I just noticed that nobody spells Ishbal the same, you see it spelt in so many different ways! The anime says it differently most times as well and even the manga, yes the MANGA spells it differently each time. I had to take notice of this, I hope this is good enough!

Summary: Ed, because of a punishment of wrecking some buildings again, isn't impressed when he sees what he calls a 'horrid report' and gets Mustang on the case.

Note: Please ignore the question marks that don't appear when they are MEANT to appear and the title not appearing underlined, fanfiction gets hungry and eats it. Greedy bastard.

Ishbal… or Ishval?

"Hey, bastard" A sigh replied back, a black head looking up from his desk of never sending paper work.

"What is it, Fullmetal?" Roy Mustang was rather tired of the constant questions and name calling from his subordinate this evening, Hawkeye had been cruel that morning, forcing more paperwork upon the unfortunate Brigadier General. He should've known he shouldn't have drunk so much yesterday, but he never learnt his lesson.

"I've got a question." Edward Elric looked over at the General from his seat. Because of his usual antics of blowing up buildings every time a rogue alchemist or chimera or anything he happens to come across and fight him. For punishment, Hawkeye had forced Ed to help the Brigadier General with his paperwork and also, quote "to help you get along better, I'm sick of cleaning the room every time you bring in a report."

"Is it something actually related to work? In case you haven't noticed, pipsqueak," This brought the fountain pen Edward had been working with heading for his head, which he ducked in the nick of time, the fountain pen now stuck into the wall behind him. Ignoring that for the moment, he continued. "Like I was saying, brat, is that I haven't got time to answer trivial questions."

"Fuck you, you bastard!" That was Edward's usual response; it hardly affected the General now.

"It's General Bastard, if you please." Roy smirked as he saw the agitated young soldier roll his eyes, muttering a quiet, "still a wanker,(1)" under his breath. "What did you want to ask?"

Regaining his posture, standing straight, trying to undermine Roy, having no success but amusing the General once again, before getting right to his desk, putting down a report he had grabbed to read and sign so Mustang could himself read the report.

"Have you seen this report? Look, he can't even spell! First he says 'Ishbal', then he writes it 'Ishval' and goes right back to 'Ishbal' changing how he spells it all the time. Is it that hard to write the damn name!" Edward ranted, although he had to admit ranting about somebody's report when his were never that much better made him feel like a hypocrite, but he didn't give a shit. "He even says here 'those dudes that have those freakish red eyes' what kind of team are you running, General Bastard? Even I write better then that!"

Roy's eyebrows rose at that last sentence. "Oh really? You really believe that?" Edward nodded, though it was futile, he knew Mustang was just going to make him feel a right prat. "Well then, let's have a look at one of the first reports you handed to me." Roy got up from his seat, reaching into one of the drawers behind him for Fullmetal's report. "Here we go, the incident back in Lior when you went to unmask that prophet."

Fullmetal's face scrunched up; confused. "Why do you still have that report? I thought you gave it in?"

Roy shrugged, getting back into his seat. He opened the report to get to where Ed had filled in the report in his own colourful language. "Here we go. Now this is the one you gave me." Mustang brought it up so Edward couldn't read it. "Took fucking days to reach a freaking tiny village, with Al always falling in the sand, getting full of it, stupid armour got me chasing him to safety to a village Lior which was filled with fucking religious fanatics who wanted me to worship their so called 'Sun God', whatever the fuck he is. Even said he'd make me taller, bastards the lot of them."

Ed gave out a nervous chuckle. "Ok, ok I get it."

But Mustang didn't listen. "Figure the prophet Corn whatever the motherfucker's name is was just a con man using alchemy and ignoring the laws like it was some hoccus poccus bullshit, which the religious fanatics thought was a bloody miracle work by their weird god. Corner him, he just unleashes some massive lion-lizard cross chimera at me, he didn't last long, before turning a bird into some giant Godzilla parrot or something."

Ed's fists started to shake. "Mustang." His voice was commanding, but his commander was paying no attention.

"Stuff happens, stuff happens and being a genius that I am, I exposed the faker, cut the whole religious bullshit into miracles that there are no such things, otherwise I wouldn't be sporting a damn metal arm and leg that are real pain in the asses, only to have some girl, Rose, was pointing some gun at me, me! I put her straight to her senses, I'm sure she'll get over it, no philosopher's stone, Colonel bastard lied or got his facts wrong, like that ever surprises me, so back to the drawing board. You actually thought the Fuhrer would take this seriously?" Roy mused; a chuckle was forced out, though he tried to hold it back.

"Bastard, stop pissing about!"

"I was merely pointing out that you had flaws too, you should really be thanking me. I did, after all, completely rewrite this report so it was legible for the Fuhrer to read and be satisfied."

Edward wasn't sure if he should actually feel grateful or not. Mustang was a manipulative bastard when he wanted to be, but he did save their heads from being shot at in the execution. Ed didn't bother an apology, he didn't do apologizing to those who were arseholes, like Mustang himself, and went back to the report. Until he spotted a map and blueprints about Ishbal (Ishval, whatever).

"Bastard, you can't even get your maps right." Surprised, Roy Mustang looked up to see what the young alchemist meant, to see a map and blueprints being held up. "This map says Ishbal, these blueprints say Ishval and it has the signature 'Mustang' on it." The only reaction Roy gave was a slight surprised look before he shrugged.

"Even legends like myself get things wrong."

"That's not the first time, arsehole."

"May not be the last, Fullmetal." With that final note, both alchemists took to ignoring each other once again and continued with their paperwork, until Hawkeye, a little disgruntled at the fact there was a fountain pen stuck into the wall like a dart, sent Edward home for the night and excused Roy later that night.

Well, my sister just chuckled a bit in reaction to reading this... that isn't encouraging. I'd love reviews, this is something I'm doing completely out of pleasure so ignore the typos please, they hardly matter in drabbles ^^;

Got an idea or question? Feel free to ask in a review!
~Blackie

(1) I laughed SO FUCKING HARD when an American asked me "What does wanker mean?" I couldn't tell you how hilarious that was! Not because it was unbelievable no but because of what it does ACTUALLY mean. If you don't know what it means, go to urban dictionary (google it) and type in 'wanker' You'll get a COLOURFUL answer ;3