Originally posted on AO3 in October of 2013

Inspired by "your will is not your own" on AO3 by Merideath

and by Chris Evans with a beard pics

and by my own personal like of men with beards. It's likely that's due to growing up in New England, as it's recently come to my attention that we're the only crazy ones who grow beards for sports (baseball, hockey and football).

The Man with a Plan (to Shave off his Beard)

Steve walked into the shared living room in the tower, scratching at his beard. "I'm shaving it off as soon as I buy a new razor," he snarled at the person behind him.

"That's a shame, Steve. I think it's a good look for you," retorted Natasha calmly.

"Don't listen to her, she grew up in Russia where all the boys are born with beards, and the women get them when they turn 16, like dwarves" teased Clint.

Steve just growled and continued to scratch at his beard. The three were returning from an undercover operation in the Middle East, and Coulson had encouraged Steve to grow a beard so he'd stick out less. They'd also done temporary dye to darken his hair to a light brown; that combined with the tan and no one on the street would mistake him for Captain America.

Darcy and Jane had been watching TV, but they looked up as the three trooped in. Jane watched her assistant's reactions with interest, she knew Darcy had a bit of a crush on Steve. To the physicist's surprise, the expression on the other brunette's face was amused and a tiny bit patronizing.

"Steve, have you ever had a beard before?" Darcy asked.

"Uhm, no actually," he responded, "And I never will again."

"That's a shame, it looks pretty good on you, and I bet it makes you almost completely anonymous, " she retorted.

"It's true, Steve, no one recognized you on the ride home," Natasha added reasonably.

"But it itches," he whined.

"That's because you don't know how to take care of it," Darcy smirked. "It also helps to have a friend with superior beard scratching skills."

"Oh really?" he asked dubiously.

"Yep," she came back quickly. "C'mere and I'll show you," Darcy invited, her hands outstretched making grabby motions. Steve ambled over and sat next to Darcy on the couch, relaxing back into the cushions with a groan. She turned to kneel facing him, with her knees towards the back of the couch. In her preoccupation with his beard, she was completely unconscious of her thigh against his.

Nat, Clint and Jane watched, surprised and amused at Darcy's audacity and Steve's calm acceptance of her orders. Clint looked a little jealous as Darcy began to run her fingers through Steve's beard, and then started scratching with the ends of her fingers. She didn't have long nails, but they were long and sturdy enough to reach the skin buried beneath the prodigious growth.

Steve moaned and relaxed even further into the couch, tilting his chin up to give Darcy a better angle at all of his scruff.

"The secret is that you have to wash and condition it like you do the rest of your hair," she explained, very matter of factly, as she worked her way around the Cap's jaw, chin, cheeks, and even scratched her fingernails through his moustache. At this point Steve was practically purring.

"How'd you know this? And where'd you develop those beard scratching skills, missy?" Clint snarked. He'd worn beards before, but always had the same problem it the itching, and no one had ever done for him what Darcy was doing for Steve.

Nat and Jane looked on thoughtfully; Nat thinking of Clint's occasional beard for undercover work, and Jane thinking of Thor's beard.

"Well, I have three brothers with sensitive skin. None of them could wear a beard until I asked them why they didn't treat all their hair equal one day. Just because the hair happens to be on your face, instead of the back of your head, doesn't mean it doesn't need love, aka conditioner," Darcy explained. "As for my leet beard scratching skillz," she taunted, "my beard knowledge meant my college boyfriends could grow a beard comfortably, and a good beard scratching is a great way to reward a man, or bribe him into doing something." She blushed as she finished the last part of her explanation, realizing whose beard she was currently working her fingers through. Steve was sitting, eyes closed, too caught up in the wondrous scritching for her comments, or blush to really register.

"All three of your brothers had beards?" Jane asked.

"You know I grew up in New England. They're crazy with their beards and playoffs with the sports teams up there. Not sure why, it's some sort of weird Sampson superstition thing."

"Any special technique?" Nat asked.

"Not really. It's kind of like a scalp massage, but with more nail. The type of massage you'd do when you're trying to get your hair to grow, or when it's been several days since you washed your hair." Jane and Nat both nodded knowingly; both had also spent time in the desert. "It's also important," she continued, pausing for a moment to bite her lip as she concentrated, "to comb it all back into place, into the right direction, when you're done. You can do it with your fingers and nails, or with a comb, but it helps smooth it out," she finished explaining, matching her actions to her words.

Steve sighed, rolled his head to the side a little, and gave Darcy the sweetest, sleepiest, most content smile she'd ever seen on his face. "Darcy, you're a goddess. Marry me?" he quirked an eyebrow as he asked.

Darcy blushed; she was so flustered that the color continued down her chest to the top of her shirt. Steve idly wondered how far it went, then quickly set that thought aside for later when he was alone and wouldn't embarrass himself with unwanted bits standing at attention.

"You don't have to marry me, I'll scratch your beard whenever you want Steve," she responded shyly, eyes on his chin, determinedly not meeting his eyes.

Steve crooked a finger under her chin and raised her face so her eyes met his, "No one's ever done anything like that for me before. At least let me take you out to dinner tomorrow night?"

"Really, you don't have to," she protested as she started to get up from the couch.

He grabbed her wrist, "Please, I'd like to have dinner with you. We can try out the beard in public and see if you're right about being anonymous."

"I, uh.. sure, I'd like that," she managed to stammer out.

"Good," he responded, as he tugged her around to sit facing forward, with his arm around her shoulder. "Now, what were you ladies watching when we so rudely interrupted?"

"We were watching "Big Bang Theory", Jane mentioned as she settled back into the other end of the same couch as Darcy and Steve. She'd paused the DVR when Darcy started talking to Steve, and she restarted it now.

Clint and Nat settled on a love seat, and snuggled together to watch TV with this part of their team.

Darcy relaxed into Steve's side. It was starting to sink in that she had a date with the guy she'd been crushing on for months. Maybe it wasn't all one sided. She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed in contentment.

"Comfortable?" Steve asked Darcy quietly.

"Yes, thanks," she turned her face up to smile at him and scratch his beard (in the right direction).

"Mmm, I'm glad I had to grow a beard for this assignment."

"Me too."