Ianto Jones is trying to focus on drinking his coffee when suddenly he notices that Jack is staring at him, or at least giving him a passing glance. It's not where anyone can see-it's from up in his office- and, to be honest, it unnerves him a bit. He can feel the frown, the pierce of those sharp, keen eyes, and the lightning thoughts that might be going through his mind. What is he thinking? What does he see?
Ianto wonders if Jack sees through everything-all the walls, all the cover ups, all the excuses-. It's a double edged sword, that stray question. Part of him says that it would be terrible for Jack to see through, because then he'd know, and then what? Then, Jack pities him- something Ianto can't stand- and that will lead to more frequent nights spent in his bunker, more frequent hand brushes, more often flirtatious jokes aimed in his direction- things Ianto loves-; but even these will be fleeting, because all of it would be Jack trying to make up for it, and once that's done, everything would be back to the way it was before. Jack isn't a monogamous man at all- "It's a twenty-first century thing, monogamy. I'm not a twenty-first century guy," He says- and that would be too much for him, staying with Ianto. It's either that, that curious part of Ianto says, or Jack sees and he doesn't care. It's a real possibility. Jack has lived so long, gone so far-farther than Ianto can even think about- that maybe Ianto is just a blip on the radar. It's a simple explanation, and perhaps he just isn't memorable enough to care about. Everyone else Jack has loved has been insane- like John Hart-, daring- like Jack's supposed Doctor-or even just notable- like Gwen-. Ianto is none of those, could never come close to them. It's frightening to think about it, but it might very well be true.
Another part of him- the stupid part - wants to tell Jack about it, tell anyone about it. It's a small part and Ianto shuts it up quickly. He knows that that kind of attention is never something he's comfortable with; he's never liked being in the spotlight. He's fine with sticking to the shadows and telling someone would mean they would shine the light on him and he'd hate every second of it. But even you did tell, Ianto asks, who would care? He wants to know who would really care about the silent tea boy who accidentally had an affair -he dares not say the words he really means- with his boss. It's so cliché and schoolgirl-y that he nearly cringes at the thought of telling someone. They would laugh; he would, too, if it hadn't happened to him. He hates to think of what would happen if he told Jack of all people. Of course, that's why that part of him is stupid. It doesn't think of the consequences and downsides that the other side knows and understands.
He lets Jack stare, and continues to work. Ianto doesn't think that he knows, and that is better than the alternatives.
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