242 seconds. That was all it took for the fragile structure of what was left of his life to collapse around him. Barely more than four minutes. The time it took him to go pee and wash his hands.
One minute things seemed to be good, or at least getting better, and the next everything good he had been able to build back up in his life had crumbled back to the bedrock. He didn't even really know what had done it; he was only allowed to see the aftermath, the destruction but not the cause.
When Farah had ran back toward the bathrooms he had been too focused on the phone in his hand trying to get a hold of Amanda, and thanking god apparently no one had noticed his attack. He hadn't noticed the panic and worry on her face until he heard it in her voice as she told him Dirk was gone, causing his hand to fall limply to his side with his phone.
Now, as they sat at the table in silence with Farah thinking about what she had just told him, that Dirk had vanished into thin air, and what he had told her about his short phone call with Amanda, that someone was after her and the Rowdy 3 and possibly them, he himself was stuck on the attack he had just had, which he had left out when talking to Farah. All he could think was how terrible but justified it was, that he deserved it after all he had done, that it was karma and the universe giving him what was due.
He was also thinking about the fact Amanda had heard the start of it. He wasn't sure how long she had been on the line after he dropped his phone but he did remember the sound of her cries through the tiny speaker before the pain blocked everything out. He had continued in his efforts to call her back since Farah stopped talking but it was still going straight to voice mail. There was a part of him that he hated which was a little relieved because he had no idea what he'd say to her, he didn't think he could stomach telling her the truth, but mostly he just felt a crushing panic and fear for his sister; she had sounded so afraid.
Todd was pulled from his darkening thoughts when Farah let out a loud huff before saying, "It's almost a guarantee that whatever is happening to Amanda and the Rowdy 3 that it's also connected to Dirk's sudden disappearance, right?" She didn't wait for a response before continuing, "I mean, before he left, before he went outside, he seemed pretty bothered by something, like he suddenly realized something very important." She let out another huff of air as she locked eyes with Todd, her brows furrowed in confused concern, before finishing with a frown, "He was acting odd, or at least, odder than he normally does."
Taking a deep breath to try and keep himself calm, Todd forced a small laugh before joking, "Odder? Is that even possible?" When the look on Farah's face only grew more serious he decided he ought to do the same, so letting some of his crushing worry shine through in his bright blue eyes, he agreed, "They have to be connected. If there is anything that Dirk has taught me in the surprisingly short amount of time I've known him it's that much; everything is connected." Todd made some vague hand gestures as he finished, "The fundamental interconnectedness of all things and all that."
This time as he made eye contact with Farah there was a spark of concern he could see there that made him uncomfortable. It didn't seem like concern for Dirk; it seemed like concern for him. That feeling only intensified when she reached a faltering hand out to place over his hands cupped tightly together on the table. He was only realising now how tightly he had been clasping them, now that he felt her gentle touch. With a couple false starts she finally managed to ask, "How are you handling this, Todd?" Her look of concern had an edge to it that made her look a little unstable, but he still fully appreciated it, even if it made him feel a little itchy. He had never truly had people outside of his sister and parents who really, properly cared about him before; now he had two, or at least he had two when he walked into this diner. When it didn't seem like he was going to answer she pulled her hand back a little before looking down and hesitantly saying, "I'm not quite sure what yours and Dirk's relationship is," looking up she assured him, "but I want you to know, Todd, I'm right here next to you." She managed a sad smile as she added, "We'll find him, and if we need to, we'll save him."
With a sad, tight smile of his own he nodded, saying, "Yeah. I'm sure we'll find him and save him. We'll also find my sister and save her." Looking down at the table Todd felt his mind being dragged back into that dark place as he absent mindedly muttered, "Maybe we'll even save everyone this time."
It took until closing time but they came up with a plan of action. They would be splitting up in their search for Dirk. Farah would be taking the law enforcement rout, reaching out to the contacts she had made, like Estevez, as well as the ones her father had before he died. She would also be able to flash a little bit of money around in the places that counted. Todd would be going the personal rout, looking for Dirk in the kinds of strange places the taller man might frequent or have a likelihood of showing up in. He would also try looking into Dirk's life before they had met, which really, was just about all of it. They would try to keep in contact but had a standing date to meet back at this same diner after a week.
When that week passed without finding much for leads, but with many setbacks like Estevez disappearing just as completely as Dirk, they found themselves in the same booth. Farah had gotten as far as finding out a military black op might be involved, but nothing more specific than that, while all Todd had been able to find was a possible home town in England not far from London. Not only had it been hard to find out where Dirk might be but it was exceedingly hard just to find out where he had been.
This time their meeting was pretty short. It didn't take long to decide that one of them should head out to England while the other stayed. It wasn't even a point of discussion who would go, just an automatic understanding. Todd had to be the one to stay because Dirk would be most likely to show up at Todd's place or his own which Todd could keep an eye on. Not to mention Todd was still trying to get a hold of Amanda. He still hadn't heard from her since the day Dirk disappeared. He wouldn't even think about leaving until he knew his sister was okay.
The next day Farah flew out giving Todd a brief but bone crushing hug before going through security. For the next week she kept in frequent contact. She wasn't getting anything in the town she was in, so, after the first week she moved on toward London. That was when the calls started to become less and less frequent. By the end of week three it had been a couple of days since Todd had heard from her.
Meanwhile, around the time Farah stopped calling or picking up her phone, Todd had managed to get in contact with Amanda, or rather she got in contact with him. He received a short letter from her, in her handwriting, that said,
Dear Todd,
I'm still mad at you but I'm also worried. That day on the phone I heard you screaming but before I could find out what was happening I dropped my phone and broke it. I hope you're okay big brother, I truly do, no matter how big of an asshole you can be.
I know you're probably worried yourself, but chill, I'm just fine. I'm with Vogel and we're lying low for now in a place I don't think those military guys will find us. And don't worry about my attacks. Vogel knows how to handle them.
Also, make sure you warn Dirk. Vogel said the men that came after him and the Rowdy 3 will probably also try to come after him. You all need to watch your backs.
Say hi to Dirk and Farah for me. I love you.
-Amanda
There was no return address for him to write back to, which was probably deliberate considering they were hiding, but Todd felt some of the weight leave his shoulders at the news that his sister was okay. He wasn't happy about the situation, far from it in fact, but at least she was safe.
Now, that just left Dirk on his mind. Not a day went by that he didn't think of one more place to check, or go back to recheck a place he had already been days before. By the time week four was wrapping up, with no sign of Dirk and no contact from Farah in over a week, he was at his wits end.
He was having attacks on the daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and he felt like the bedrock his life had crumbled to, was now crumbling as well. Every time he had to stop doing dishes midway through, because suddenly the water was boiling his hands, he found that dark part of his mind gaining more and more control. Some days when he was done wandering the city all he could do was turn on his crappy little television, the only one he could afford to replace his old smashed one with, at let the mindlessness take over.
However, on the day that marked one month since he last saw Dirk, Todd found himself sitting in the tub for hours staring blankly at the roof. As he lay there all he could think was that he had nothing left. Farah was god knew where, his sister hated him and was in hiding from the military, and Dirk, well, Dirk was gone. He had assumed in the beginning that Dirk had been taken, it was the only thing that made any logical sense considering everything, but the dark part of his mind was more or less in control now and that part tried it's hardest to convince him that Dirk had just left. He was pretty well convinced as he let his head sink below the surface of the water that Dirk had simply decided he didn't actually want to stay around Todd any longer and had left at the first opportunity. As he forced himself to hold his breath a little longer, to stay under the water for just a few more moments, he also thought about how angry he was at Dirk. He had left him just when he needed him. Todd told himself that Dirk could have helped Amanda, found her in the least, but he had left instead. He had abandoned him and it hurt far more than it should. Todd felt it in his heart like someone had it in hand and was crushing it, breaking it beyond repair. As he felt his lungs burn it didn't even compare to his heart and the darkness whispered that nothing else ever would. The darkness promised him a way out, if only he stayed with it a little longer. He almost listened but instinct took over last minute forcing him to sit up gasping.
He wouldn't have heard the knocking if he hadn't caught his breath when he did. As it was, it was a very soft knock probably only made loud enough to hear by the rattling sound his door has made since a guy came by to fix it.
Pulling himself from the tub with a tired sigh he grabbed a worn out robe from the back of the bathroom door. He didn't care that he was leaving drops of water behind him as he prepared to tell whoever was on the other side of the door to go away and leave him alone.
He started talking before the door was even open, agitatedly asking, "What do you wan…" but felt the words die on his tongue as he took in what was on the other side. Astonished, he choked out a whispered, "Dirk?"