I have never written a disclaimer for any of my other stories on this site, but I suppose now is as good a time as any, on my first posted foray into Harry Potter fanfiction. So here goes: NOT MINE. The characters, names and places all belong to the immensely talented J.K. Rowling, I am just borrowing them for the amusement of myself and others. That said, please read and review! I appreciate any and all comments I get!
Harry awoke at dawn the morning after his interview with Dumbledore's portrait to a slight pounding sensation at the back of his head. With a low groan, he rolled himself over so he was lying on his stomach before pushing himself slowly upward, shifting his weight unto his forearms. He opened his eyes with great care, so as not to be blinded by the early morning light that filtered in through the windows and the open hangings of his four poster bed—he never had gotten around to closing them before he had tumbled headlong into the deep, untroubled sleep of exhaustion.
As soon as his eyes had adjusted to the shocking brightness, he moved himself into a sitting position and, from his perch on the edge of his bed, surveyed his former dorm room. There was no sign of Ron, Dean or Seamus, the three other boys having trudged the familiar path with Harry up the seven flights of stairs to Gryffindor Tower earlier the previous morning for a well deserved rest. They had probably woken before him and headed down to the Great Hall for an early breakfast. Harry could not help but wonder idly if Ginny had gone with them.
After Harry had left the headmaster's office, he had staved off his exhaustion long enough to go in search of the one person who had never been far from his thoughts these past ten months, the one person whose memory had him pulling out the Marauder's Map in the wee hours of the morning just to watch her dot as she slept in her dormitory at night. And he had found her too, in the Great Hall squished firmly in between Bill and Mrs. Weasley, her head resting on her mother's shoulder, her and her eldest brother's loosely clasped hands resting on the tabletop.
Harry did not know how long he had stood there, just watching her, his wiry frame crammed behind the intricately carved doors at the hall's entrance in an attempt to avoid, for just a little while longer, the inevitable crush of well wishers and those seeking the explanations to their long unanswered questions: Where had they been all this time? What had they been doing? And how on Earth had Harry managed to succeed where other had tried and failed so many times before him?
As though she were able to feel the heat of his gaze on her face, or perhaps sensing his great need to be near to her again after so many months of forced separation, Ginny had lifted her head from its perch and had twisted her body around so she could see him where he stood partially hidden behind the door. Their eyes locked, and remained fixed on one another for what felt to Harry an eternity. Unable to keep a tired smile from spreading across his face, Harry had tilted his head to the side, silently motioning for her to join him. But rather than rise and make her excuses to her family as he had so easily assumed she would, she'd merely turned away from him and laid her back down against her mother's shoulder as though she hadn't even seen him at all.
He did not know how he would have proceeded had he not been accosted a moment later by Ron and their former roommates, all four of them intent on staking their claim on their former dormitory for some undisturbed sleep. But on the way up Harry could not stop his mind from wandering over all the unpleasant possibilities: Had her feelings for him changed? Was there someone else? Did she somehow blame him for all that had happened? These worries, all encompassing though they seemed, were not strong enough to withstand the smothering blanket of his weariness. But with consciousness all the disagreeable thoughts came flooding back.
And so, his headache all but forgotten, Harry sprang to his feet and began to dress in the neatly pressed and folded clothing that sat neatly at the foot of his bed courtesy of Kreacher, determined to find Ginny and demand to know why she had so steadfastly ignored him the day before.
With a set sense of purpose, he quietly exited his former dorm room, allowing the door swing heavily closed behind him, and picked his way quickly down the old stone flight of stairs only to stop dead at the sight bend in the staircase revealed in the room below. Before the vast marble fireplace, from which the embers of a once roaring fire smoldered brightly out at him in the dim light of dawn, stood a worn wicker rocking chair, it's occupant's brilliant red hair just visible over the chair's high back.
"Try not to slam the portrait closed as you head down to breakfast," Ginny said, startling him, her voice carrying clearly across the Common Room despite its softness. "I finally managed to rock him to sleep; it would be a shame to wake him."
He let out the breath he had not known he had been holding.
"Ginny, it's Harry," he said as he finished his descent of the stairs and moved a few meters into the room before pausing once more.
"I know," came her quiet reply. When she said no more Harry took several more tentative steps towards where she still sat with her back to him, the rocking motion of her chair never ceasing, the creaking sound it made forming a strange melody that hung lightly about them in the early morning air.
"And who is this?" he asked conversationally, trying to keep the mood light, when he had moved close enough to her to see that she held a small baby swaddled tightly in a soft ruby blanket against her shoulder.
"My godson," she said tersely. And then, as though she sensed his confusion, just as she had sensed his presence in the room moments before, she added, "Teddy Lupin."
"Your godson?" he demanded incredulously when the identity of the child was revealed, and as soon as the words had left his mouth he wished with all his being he could take them back—she was speaking to him again after the previous day's unusual silence and the disbelieving tone his voice had just taken on could be enough to wreck things completely.
But rather than get angry, as Harry had expected, Ginny merely nodded in time with the rocking motion of the chair, still refusing to turn her head the few scant inches required to meet Harry's clear green gaze with her deep brown one.
"Tonks asked me if I would be the baby's godmother over the Christmas holidays before he was born. I stood in for the both of us at his baptism," she said simply by way of explanation.
"Oh," Harry said as the icy flood of memories washed over him with the force of a tidal wave. Lupin, Harry's last living link to his parents, arriving at Shell Cottage to announce the birth of his son. Lupin, pulling Harry aside to ask him to be the child's godfather. Lupin and Tonks lying side by side in the Great Hall, pale and lifeless. Their infant son before him, sleeping peacefully in the arms of a young woman who too was experiencing the gaping hole that was left by the loss of a loved one.
"We were always rather close, you know, Tonks and I," she continued on quietly, interrupting Harry's thoughts. "She was so young when we first met her that summer at Grimmauld Place before my fourth year, barely out of Auror training, and we just sort of automatically adopted her into the fold as another surrogate Weasley. She was just so fun to be around, you know? Always talking and laughing and knocking things over. Never once did she treat me like the baby, even though everyone else did—still does. She was one of the only people I could ever really talk to and never have to worry about sounding dumb or chlidish. She was like the older sister I never had. Sometimes I would pretend she really was my older sister. I had always wanted one growing up, someone I could play with and confide in and who could teach me things, girl things, and I remember…I remember wishing that instead of me and all my brothers it was just me and a sister…."
She paused and shook her head slowly, her long, red hair, still as radiant as he remembered it being when she had kissed him on his birthday almost one year ago, shifting slightly over her shoulders.
"And it seems so stupid and so selfish now that I ever could have thought that when I would do anything to have things back the way they were."
Harry did not have to ask who she was thinking of. He knew she was referring to Fred and the gap that was left in her family as a result of his death. And as he moved a little closer to where she sat rhythmically rocking the baby—the son of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, who, along with Fred, rounded out the trio of the departed souls to whom he was closest to in life—he could see the tears of grief sliding silently down her pale face, flowing freely into Teddy's downy hair, and he noticed for the first time that the tips of the baby boy's spiky turquoise tufts were tinged a clashing shade of Weasley red.
"I'm so sorry, Ginny," Harry said as he edged ever closer, his voice cracking with emotion. "This is all my fault; if I had just—"
"Oh, stop it!" Ginny snapped, looking up at him for the first time since he had appeared in the room, the combination of the sharpness of her voice and cessation of the rocking motion causing the infant in her arms to stir in his sleep. "This is exactly why I avoided you last night! I knew that regardless of however much this wasn't your fault you would still try your hardest to take all the guilt and put it on yourself! You always do! Well in the interest of saving us both the torment of having to listen to you agonize over your supposed culpability for all the death and destruction that occurred here that night, allow me to point out that had you not worked so tirelessly these past few months toward defeating Voldemort, still more people would be dead! Not only did you save us all, but you took the sacrifices made by my brother, Lupin and Tonks and made them worth something. And for that I thank you."
And climbing unsteadily to her feet, she headed in the direction of the staircase to the girls' dormitories.
"Teddy and I are going to go take a nap in my room," she said, though not unkindly. "We're both very tired. If anyone comes looking for us, you'll tell them where we've gone, yeah?"
She and their godson had almost made it to the staircase when Harry finally found his voice.
"Ginny…wait," he said, his tone pleading, his mind whirling. She had offered him her gratitude, and though he appreciated it, it wasn't what he wanted and he wouldn't let her go without seeing if there was any chance of him ever earning what he did.
"What, Harry?" she asked, turning around as she cradled the sleeping Teddy against her chest, a handful of her bright yellow t-shirt held firmly in his tiny little fist. He could see just by looking at her pale face and purple ringed eyes that her exhaustion was not of the feigned variety, manufactured just to avoid the apparently unpleasant task of talking with him, as he had briefly suspected.
"I'm so unbelievably sorry."
"For what?" she asked warily, her brown eyes dropping his gaze to rest on Teddy's chubby little face which looked so peaceful in slumber. She was tired, that he could see, tired of fighting, tired of loosing the people she loved to the ideology of a deranged sociopath and tired of the constant emotional drain that was being the girlfriend of the Boy Who Lived. And though he couldn't blame her for feeling that way, he had not journeyed to death's door and back just to give up when he could finally have that which he wanted most in the world, and that was her.
"For what?" he repeated softly, his voice incredulous. "For everything. I'm sorry for breaking up with you at Dumbledore's funeral. I'm sorry for not dancing with you at your brother's wedding. I'm sorry for not contacting you once in the past ten months, not even to let you know that we were all right. I'm sorry for letting your mum lock you in the Room of Requirement while everyone you care about risked their lives fighting, and all for my own peace of mind, so I would know you were all right. That was probably the worst thing I have ever done to another person. But most of all I'm sorry for never telling you that I loved you before it didn't even matter anymore."
Ginny remained silent for so long that all the courage he had mustered began to drain away. He was just about to give up hope and slink off to the castle grounds to wallow in his own misery and grief when she said, so quietly her voice was almost imperceptible, "It still matters."
Harry's head snapped around to regard her with a mixture of extreme trepidation and ecstasy—he felt like leaping for joy but feared he would somehow screw this up if he moved even an inch.
"I'm not saying things will go back to the way they were last spring, at least not right away," she cautioned before he could speak. "Too much has passed, and there is still so much we need to talk about. But….I love you too, Harry, and that isn't something I'm willing to give up on so easily."
With an enthusiastic nod of his head and a ridiculously happy grin plastered to his face, Harry crossed the space between them in several large strides and enveloped her loosely in his arms, careful not to jostle Teddy. Her small face came to rest gently at the crook of his neck, her warm, sweet breath tickling his skin as he leaned his cheek against her vibrant hair, breathing in the familiar flowery scent that was so uniquely her. They did not pull apart until Teddy began to wriggle like a happy puppy from in between them.
"Looks like somebody is awake," Harry said with a wry half-smile as he reluctantly released her and looked down at the small face that was peering curiously back up at him.
"I think he's anxious to meet his godfather," Ginny said with a small smile. "He's heard so much about you these past few months."
And leading Harry over to a large, over-stuffed armchair, she showed him how to properly hold the baby before placing the blue-haired child in his arms. After watching them in silence for several minutes, a small smile playing at the corners of her rosebud mouth, Ginny gently wedged her small frame into the chair beside him and Harry wrapped one of his arms tightly around her and rested his chin on top of her head. He could have remained like that forever had Teddy not begun to fuss.
"Give him here," Ginny said gently, plucking the fussing baby from Harry's arms. Within the space of a few moments, Teddy was giving her gummy little baby grins as he gurgled happily, a lock of her long, waist-length hair clutched fast in his chubby hand.
"Don't think don't I see your angle, mate," Harry told the infant with mock severity as he tickled the bottoms of his little feet, which he had succeeded in kicking free of his blanket. "She's mine and I'm not going to let you steal her away from me, no matter how cute you are."
"Sadly it's not me the little guy loves, but my hair," Ginny said with a wry laugh as she ran a hand through the soft red strands. "All babies do."
"Well, he has excellent taste," Harry murmured as he nuzzled the top of her head. "Your hair is the most beautiful I've ever seen."
He was suddenly reminded of the first time he had ever kissed her, in this very room, just slightly over a year ago. He knew that even if he lived to be two hundred years old, he would never forget the way she had looked that day, running at him as he clambered through the portrait hole, brown eyes blazing, her long, crimson hair streaming behind her like a banner.
"Your face was the last thing I saw before he killed me," he whispered softly, not entirely certain why.
Drawing back ever so slightly, she looked at him, her deep brown eyes meeting his green ones and holding their steady gaze for several long moments, as though trying to ascertain the truth of his words.
"Oh, Harry," she murmured softly, her dark eyes fraught with emotion, and before he could stop himself he had leaned forward and captured her full, pink lips with his own in a sweet, lingering kiss.
"I can't believe I almost lost you," she whispered as she rested her head gently against the hard wall of his chest and cuddled Teddy even closer.
"The important thing is that you didn't," he replied gently, holding her more securely within the circle of his arms.
She remained silent for so long that Harry had assumed she had slipped into a peaceful sleep just like their young charge, and was just about to drift off himself when the sound of her voice broke his trance.
"What's it like? Dying, I mean?"
"It's quicker and more painless than going to sleep," Harry said without thinking, echoing the words Sirius had said to him less than forty-eight hours ago.
"Oh," she said, nodding her head ever so slightly, her freckled nose nuzzling his chest. Then, "Do you think they're…happy?"
"I know they are," he replied. "I've seen it, where it is they are going, and it is so peaceful and so beautiful. There is not a place on earth that could possibly compare."
"And when our time comes…."
"They'll be right there waiting."
She nodded again, looking thoughtful, before saying, "Knowing that doesn't make the pain go away, but—"
"—But it is a comfort," Harry said in understanding, finishing her sentence for her. Silence reigned for a few moments before a thought struck Harry and, leaning away ever so slightly so he could see Ginny's face, he asked,
"How is George?"
"Distraught," she replied heavily, her gaze drifting from his as she busied herself with wrapping Teddy's maroon and gold baby blanket more securely about his sleeping form. "It's hit him harder than anyone, even Mum. At least she cries. He just sits there in silence. He refuses to leave Fred's side, and Percy just hovers over them both."
Harry merely nodded his head in silent sympathy as he leaned against her once more. There would be so many people for the two of them to mourn in the coming days and weeks, but somehow knowing that he would have her by his side made the overwhelming depression that had begun to press upon him when he realized whose baby Ginny was holding abate somewhat. Things would not be easy for them, but he knew they would be okay, and that thought warmed his heart and spread contentment throughout him.
Unfortunately for Harry, the feeling was short-lived, for Ron and Hermione chose that exact moment to come banging through the portrait hole, talking loudly about the state of the castle.
"You're off your head," Ron was saying in response to Hermione's disappointment that the library was rendered inaccessible by the large quantities of debris heaped before the entrance, though his words had the air of bemused ribbing rather than cruel hearted mockery. "We haven't had a square meal or a decent night's sleep in months and you're actually worrying over the fate of the dragon leather bound, first edition copy of Hogwarts, A History?"
"There you are, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed lightly, tearing her eyes away from Ron's smiling face to rest on their best friend. Her expression immediately softened when she saw how he and Ginny had crammed themselves into one of room's many burgundy armchairs, his arms wrapped protectively around the redhead's slender frame, Teddy slumbering peacefully against her t-shirt clad chest. Harry could almost hear Hermione's inward high-pitched squeal of delight at the sight of two of her closest friends, together again. Ron's reaction was far less gleeful.
"Just don't go getting any bright ideas there, mate," he remarked sourly to Harry, his long, freckled face twisting into a comical expression halfway between a grimace and a scowl.
"Ron!" Hermione scolded, whirling about to give him a resounding smack on the shoulder. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"
"What the hell, Hermione?" Ron cried, rubbing his smarting shoulder as he fixed his blue-eyed glare on her. "Merlin! You can't possibly expect me to go all teary-eyed at the sight of my best mate snuggled up to my little sister and some random baby, looking all familial!"
"Well you could still be a bit more sensitive!" Hermione retorted, her cheeks coloring slightly.
"How you dealt with that for months on end without turning them both into toads, I will never understand," Ginny said to Harry with an expressive roll of her dark brown eyes, her words forcing Harry's attention to shift from where his best friends stood arguing to her face.
"I think Teddy and I'll take that nap after all," she mused contemplatively as she shifted the sleeping infant to her shoulder and climbed to her feet. She had only taken a few steps before she turned to face him once more.
"You coming?" she called softly.
With a tired grin Harry stood and, draping his arm about her narrow shoulders, led her and their godson up the stairs to his dorm room, their exit going entirely unnoticed by the room's other occupants.