Leonard sighed and dropped his fork back into the plastic bowl that was filled with delicious Chinese food. „All I'm saying is that we don't need to argue about this mummy and zombie thing anymore, Raj. It's not the same. Everyone agrees on that."
„Even I", mumbled Penny with her mouth full, nodding her head to underline the statement.
„They're both dead! They both bite people! And human beings are afraid of both species!" Raj looked around to see if someone would finally get his arguments but the only thing he raised was an annoyed look from Bernadette.
„Listen, my Indian friend" Howard began to explain with a high tension in his voise. „Mummies don't turn you into mummies when you get bitten. Zombies DO turn you into zombies though. What's so hard to understand about that?"
„Ssshh Howard. It's okay…" Bernadette patted her husband's back just before shooting another warning look into Raj's direction.
„But…"
The door opened and Sheldon and Amy came in.
„Hello friends! Ohhh Chinese food, very well!" Sheldon was unnaturally happy as he almost danced towards the kitchen counter to get something to eat.
Amy, on the other hand, looked like someone ran over her dog. She smashed the door, nodded into her friends' direction without a word, and followed her boyfriend.
„Something tells me that Sheldon screwed something up without realizing" Raj squinted his eyes as he whispered.
„No really" Leonard rolled his eyes and turned halfway. „Hey Sheldon! In such a good mood? What were you up to?"
„We were at the comic book store and I was the first and only one to get the new Green Lantern comic!" A huge smile appeared on Sheldon's face.
„Oh sweetheart, you're so excited!" Penny couldn't help smiling as well.
„Yeah, he almost peed his pants" Amy growled from the background.
Sudden silence laid over the room.
Raj decided to end it after a few minutes. „I want the new Green Lantern comic, too"
„Sorry, as I already mentioned, it was the first and only one. But there's the new Aquaman, as well."
„Aquaman sucks…"
„Well, I know someone else who does" Amy grumbled and shoved herself past Sheldon, before she headed for the door.
Everyone was too surprised to say anything, including Sheldon.
Penny sighed, put her plate on the couch table, and got up just to run after Amy, who had already reached the hallway.
As the door snapped shut it was quiet.
„Someone screwed up, eh?" Howard couldn't help grinning, which Bernadette found less funny than him. She boxed his elbow into his ribs. „OUCH! Oh Bernie, come on. Isn't it funny how little of a sense of empathy Sheldon has?"
„I don't know what is wrong with this woman!" Sheldon shook his head and still stared at the door, in his face a mix of confusion and anger. „She was like that since yesterday evening."
„Did you do anything that could have upset her…?" Leonard tried to help his friend.
„Of course not" Sheldon replied immediately. „Everything is determined perfectly in our Relationship Agreement. But now that you mention it I will go and see if I might have missed any point."
Sheldon wandered off and left his sighing friends back.
„Ames, come back. Come on…" Penny carefully placed an arm around her shoulders and put the other on her elbow, before she lead her best friend into her apartment.
After the door had closed, Amy started sobbing.
Penny's eyes widened. Amy didn't cry often… in fact she had never seen Amy cry ever before.
„He's so ignorant. He's such an end of the rectum…"
„An asshole" Penny nodded while she went over to her kitchen to get a bottle of wine. „What did he do this time?"
Amy tossed her bag onto Penny's sofa, before she walked over to the little kitchen and let herself fall on one of the bar chairs.
Penny poured wine in two glasses and shoved one over the table, right into Amy's direction. Amy emptied it in one sip.
„Woah", was Penny's comment on that. „So, sweety, tell me what's wrong"
„I am missing human contact"
„Uhm…"
„Physical contact"
„You mean…?"
„Intimate physical contact, Penny"
„Ohhhhh" Penny nodded. „You want Sheldon to lay you"
Amy lowered one eyebrow. „Not exactly what I would call it but if you want so, yes"
Penny took a sip of her wine and filled Amy's glass again. She knew she couldn't use the usual lines like ‚Well go help yourself to your boyfriend then' cause Sheldon was just… different.
On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being highest interest in something and 0 the lowest, the interest in sex was a negative four for Sheldon. Penny was torn. Somehow Amy knew what she was going to be put through the second she agreed on being Sheldon's girlfriend, on the other hand Penny understood her too well. Not having physical needs satisfied could be a real drag.
„Maybe I'm just really not pretty enough" Amy muttered more to herself while she took another huge sip oft he alcoholic beverage.
„That's nonsense! You are pretty!" Penny reasured her best friend. „Sheldon is just… well" She tried to find the right words but could think of nothing better than just shrugging.
„Sheldon's what?"
„He is… special"
„What do you mean by that?"
„Oh come on, Amy"
„No, what do you mean?"
„That he'd rather learn every Wikipedia page on the internet by heart than even thinking about sex"
„Wanting to enlargen someone's knowledge is not something that makes you special in a bad way I think" Amy countered.
„I was not trying to offend Sheldon" Penny insisted immediately. „I was just trying to make clear that it's not about you. Sheldon just doesn't think about sex at all, no matter what."
„Yes" Amy's voice sounded differently all of a sudden and she looked like she just wandered into deep thoughts.
Then she arose from the chair. „I'll go home. I'm tired."
„You can sleep over if you want"
„No, it's alright. Go back to Leonard. I bet he misses you already."
„Are you sure, Ames?"
„Yeah…"
„Alright" Penny walked over to her best friend and gave her a tight hug. „Don't worry, everything's gonna be ok"
Amy nodded and left the apartment.
„…eventually" Penny added under her breath before she bit her lower lip and went back to the guys.
„Spaghettis with cut hotdogs" Sheldon grinned so broadly that his ears almost fell off. „Penny, what a grand surprise!"
Leonard tried once again to send a confused look towards Penny but she ignored him on purpose. He would find out what she was trying to achieve soon enough.
With a smile she served Sheldon strawberry milk – it was a blessing to have Amy as best and Leonard as boyfriend with background informations – and took a seat.
„So sweety, you're enjoying your dinner?"
Sheldon smiled again. „Very!"
„So" Penny was ready. Round one, FIGHT. „Sheldon. It occurred to me, that…"
„Occurred?" Sheldon looked up. „Did you eat alphabeth soup this morning?" He did his sniffy little laugh.
Leonard smiled by courtesy. So did Penny.
Then the smile fell off her face and she pierced Sheldon with an intense look. „Why don't you sleep with Amy?"
Leonard choked on his spaghettis and pounded his fist against his chest so he could catch his breath again.
Sheldon let his fork sink into his food and raised his eyebrows. „I doubt this is an adequate table talk topic"
He proceeded eating but this was not something that would stop Penny from pushing him to keep the topic alive. „Do you think she's ugly?"
As if it was the most logical thing in the world, Penny started eating, keeping her look on Sheldon. He dropped his fork into the plate for the second time.
Leonard snorted. He didn't expect that, when his girlfriend invited him and his best friend over for dinner, although it was kind of naive to think that nothing would happen after what had happened the day before.
„Amy Farrah Fowler is a good-looking woman" Sheldon said with some weird undertone in his voice.
„Then why doesn't she know about that?" Penny ignored, that Leonard kicked her under the table.
„She doesn't?" Sheldon asked weakly and it was as if you could hear his heart break in that very moment.
Penny felt bad all of a sudden. She really had caught Sheldon off guard, he really wasn't aware of how Amy felt.
„Uhm" She tried to find words that wouldn't make it sound as bad. „She isn't sure of what you feel for her sometimes. And lately she misses physical contact."
„Oh" Sheldon shook his head. „You must have misunderstood her. Just yesterday I held her hand when we walked up the stairs." He tingled some spaghettis on his fork and put them into his mouth.
„I was talking about sex, Sheldon"
For the second time in a short period Leonard choked on his food. „Penny!"
She looked at her boyfriend.
„This is a non-Sheldon topic!" Leonard hissed.
„Oh, no no" Sheldon insisted. „It is not. Actually I have read some very interesting studies about sexual intercourse."
„Oh really?" Leonard tried to cling to this last straw of hope that the topic would get off Amy and her weird relationship with his best friend.
But of course Penny wouldn't let this happen. „Sheldon, I'm afraid that if you don't get intimate with Amy anytime soon, she's gonna be fed up."
Sheldon looked back at Penny, then thought for a moment and then commented the statement with a quiet „Oh".
He put away his fork, moved his chair away from the table, picked up the napkin from his lap and stood up. „Well, that was a very nice dinner, Penny. Thank you a lot."
He turned around and headed towards her door. Leonard tried to hold him back by calling his name, but Sheldon went out the door and closed it behind him.
„Awesome, Penny" Leonard blurted, as he turned around racily. „You just HAD to bring that up, didn't you?"
His girlfriend stared at him in disbelief. „Yes, I brought it up and you know why? In case you didn't sense Amy's bad mood yesterday: It was because of Sheldon!"
„But it's their thing, Penny!" Leonard raised his shoulders just to let them fall in resignation a second later. „Stop trying to be their love doctor."
„Don't you want them to stay together?"
„Yes. And they will."
„Not if Sheldon doesn't realize he actually has a penis anytime soon!"
Leonard opened his mouth to reply something, closed it again though. There was no further argument on that. Penny was right and Leonard had been aware of it all the time: No woman was patient enough to wait for sex forever. Not even Amy Farrah Fowler.