Shattered

Chapter One-Invited

I walked through the streets, head down, in the pouring rain. My hood was up but it didn't give me much protection from the elements seeing as it was soaked through. Port Angeles was grayish with the rain. I hadn't seen the sun for about a week. Although, I supposed going out during the day might help, maybe. It was always gray out in this stupid place. I turned into an alleyway. It was empty, as desolate as I felt.

I had been a week since I had visited Emily. I went since I hadn't seen her for a while. It hurt to go over there, but since Sam was out, I went. We had a nice time at her house. I didn't even hurt. We just talked and gossiped. She mostly asked me about being a wolf. But then I had seen the stack of invitation replies. I picked one up and read it as her back was turned. It was an RSVP to her wedding, which was to be held in a week's time. Each word cut me like a knife. I had known they were engaged, but they were already getting married? Without telling me? I had turned around and stalked out while she was busy doing dishes after I threw the letter on the floor.

I was so mad. No, that didn't cover it. I was hurt. Sad. Jealous, for sure. If you took all the bad feelings in the world and stuck them in one place, then that would represent me. At that moment, the pain in my heart was too much to bear. I screamed and punched the wall. Bad idea. Crimson blood splattered the rust-colored bricks. It felt like I broke a knuckle. I didn't really care. It was already mending and the short-lived pain was enough to distract me from the constant ache in my chest. That is, until I turned and saw a figure standing at the end of the alleyway.

I knew what he was here for. I was one hundred percent sure who it was. But he couldn't take away my pain. It was funny to think that I thought I was almost over my feelings. Ha. I would never be free of these feelings. Irritation and raw anger welled up inside me as I stared back at the silhouette.

"Go away, Jake," I hissed, putting as much venom into my voice as possible. Jacob walked forward in the hazy light.

I had known Jacob forever. I was in his pack, his right-hand woman. But I did not want to talk to him right now. He obviously didn't care about my wants.

"Come on, Leah. What are you doing? Running away from your problems will not help solve them. Come back to La Push with me. Seth's worried about you," he told me.

"In this particular case, running away from my problem will solve it. In case you haven't noticed, my problem can't be solved. So, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just go on your merry old freakin' way."

"Leah," he began, stepping forward, his voice full of pity, "Leah, it'll be—"

"No," I whispered. "Don't you dare try to reason with me, Jacob Black." My voice started to rise. "I'm so tired of being pitied. I thought you, you of all people, would understand how I feel! But you really don't give a damn, do you? You're off in your happy little freakin' world without a care." I was screaming now. "You don't even know the pain I go through. When you're so close to getting that damn rock on your finger, that you lose sight of every other person in this world except that one who you would die for!" Suddenly I was whispering. "I knew they were engaged. They've been engaged for a long time. But I didn't know the wedding was so close. And how can they expect me to sit there and smile when I'm shattering into a trillion little pieces." I fell to my knees. "Jake, Emily wants me to be there," I whispered, looking up at him with wide, hollow eyes. "I can't do that. I just can't deal with this pain anymore. I can't watch them seal their lives forever…" My voice drifted away. Jake kneeled in front of me.

"So what're you going to do? Kill yourself? Leah, it's not the end of the world."

"But I…"

"Why don't you go away for awhile and look around. Maybe you'll—"

"I won't Imprint, Jake. I'm a genetic dead end remember? We had this conversation before."

"I know," he said, his face reddening. "I think that's been burned into my mind forever."

I rolled my eyes, trying to overcome the pain. I didn't succeed. "It's not like it's bad to talk about. I just told you I'm meno—"

He clapped his hands over his ears and started shouting, "La la la, not listening!" I smiled a tiny bit and sighed. My face felt like stone. Jake removed his hands and said, "So can we go back to La Push now or what?"

"I guess. But don't ask me to go to their house."

"Oh yeah. I should probably tell you about what I caught Seth thinking about the other day."

"How's it concern me?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.

*~*~*

I ran, full speed, in my wolf form through the forest. I'm going to kill him! I shrieked in my head. Jake ran behind me, struggling to keep up.

Easy, Leah. I don't even think he did anything. I just thought you'd want to know, he told me. I wasn't even supposed to tell you.

I'd have found out sooner or later. There aren't any secrets in the pack. Seth! I shouted, gaining his attention.

What? He asked this warily, sensing something amiss in my tone.

Meet me in the meadow. You know, the one where we fought the leeches.

Why?

Just go. Jacob, this really doesn't concern you. I suggest you leave. Now. I heard his paws hit the ground behind me as I shot into the clearing like a rocket, almost colliding with Seth, who was sitting there with his ears back slightly.

Actually it does, seeing as you two are in my pack. So I'd rather you did not rip him limb from limb, Jacob explained.

Who? Rip who limb from limb? Seth asked, cocking his head.

I looked at Jake. Did I forget to mention he was a preemie?

Jake nodded. And lemme guess: he was in a room full of bright lights and noise.

Bingo. I turned to Seth and asked sweetly, Seth, do you have a girlfriend?

He took a step back. What! N-no! I— But I could see the direction his thoughts were going. I saw a fair-skinned, blue-eyed blond holding his hand at school, kissing him on the beach, then behind the house. I saw he leading him into my room. MY ROOM! I shrieked wordlessly and pounced on him, holding him down by the shoulders.

No, Leah, we didn't do anything, I swear!

SETH! I screamed in my head. WHAT DID YOU DO? I stood over him and snarled.

Nothing, nothing, really! She was tired and—

Did you sleep with her?!

I-no, I wouldn't. I didn't! He whimpered. I suddenly remembered that I was missing three shirts. She just took a nap, that's all!

That's all, is it? That bit—brat stole my shirts! I caught myself before I could call her a "female dog" to put it mildly. That's kind of what I was. I'd really bring everyone down on me then.

No, Leah, I didn't know!

Seth, so help me I'll— I stopped short. I'll just let her have them. They were too small anyways. Seth looked at me like I was crazy. I felt Jacob's eyes drill holes into my back. I backed off my brother and sat down, tongue hanging out and tail wagging.

Leah?

I can't believe you thought I was serious! I was just kidding, Seth! He rolled onto his stomach and stood up.

Really?

Duh. Jeez, take a joke. Really, I'm just kidding. I haven't had a good laugh for a long time. I just guessed that you had a girlfriend. Good guess.

Jake, he said suspiciously, you weren't involved in this?

Nah. Leah told me what she was doing and I couldn't resist seeing that. You better get going. We can take the patrol over from here, Jake told him.

You sure?

Get going, I told him, nudging his side with my shoulder. He nodded, tongue lolling out, and ran towards La Push. Keep that girl out of my room, I shouted after him.

Got it. In a few minutes he was gone. He had phased back. Jacob turned to me.

What the heck was that about? We started running in opposite directions, taking up the patrol route.

Nothing.

Something, he insisted.

I just figured I shouldn't punish him for doing the same thing that I'm doing.

And that would be…?

I sighed. Looking for love.

Ah.

I think he wants to Imprint.

Not Seth! No way!

I do. He sees how happy all of you are with your Imprints and how couldn't he want to? I've caught him thinking about it before. He had just gotten rejected by some stupid, snobby, fugly, prissy—

Too many adjectives, Leah.

Ok, so he got rejected by a stupid girl. Happy? Anyways, he was thinking 'I wouldn't have to date if I had just Imprinted.' And it makes sense. You know, some people have commitment problems. Some—cough, cough, me, cough, cough—have trouble asking someone on a date or whatever. You know, I mused, it took me almost three months to look Sam in the eye. And I didn't talk to him for another two. Things kinda fell into place after that.

Leah, I'd really rather not hear about your personal life.

It's not personal. The whole pack has heard it. So really, it's my public life.

Whatever. Everything seems good here, so we can drop the patrol, if you want.

That's fine. I started running toward La Push. I planned on visiting the library on the edge of the res. Jacob caught the drift of my thoughts.

Why are you going to the library? He asked me.

Because I'm doing some research.

On what? He prompted.

None of your business. By the way, Nessie wants another book. She finished the other one last night.

Damn. That girl finishes books like—

Like you eat food, I snickered. She's a smart one.

Thanks.

I wasn't complimenting you. You're an idiot. Maybe some of her brains will rub off on you, I said as he ran up next to me. Lord knows you could use them.

Oh, come on! I'm not an idiot!

Only sometimes. Like when you jumped in front of me when we fought the leeches.

I saved your—

No, no, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful. But you risked your life and, got your bones crushed just for me. You didn't even like me then. Nobody really did. They wouldn't have missed me as much as they missed you. I don't have friends. I never have.

Jake held his head higher and looked me in the eye. I'm your friend.

I was so astonished that my front legs got tangled and I fell on my face, skidding to a stop a few seconds later. What now?

Well yeah. I mean, you're in my pack. You're my second in command, too, in case you forgot. He pushed me up with his shoulder.

Thanks.

Any time.

For everything, ya know? I know I really complicated things when I came into the pack. I didn't mean to. Really. I was just so confused and—

I know. I can't imagine what it would be like to be the only guy in a girl pack.

I bet you can. It was hard, though. At first. Being in your pack is a bit better.

Only a bit?

Get to work on something that will keep us from being nude when we phase back and I'll be way happier.

Yeah, like that'll ever happen.

Like I said, being in an all boy or girl pack would be better. Seeing as that can't or won't happen, I'll have to make do. Anyhow, stay here while I phase back. I shook my leg with the clothes in a bag.

Will do.

I walked behind a big clump of bushes and trees and focused on pulling myself inward. I got dressed, not believing that Jacob had called me a friend. I always pictured us as…acquaintances, not friends. But it was true, I guess. I had always felt like the odd girl out. Jake and I were a lot closer than we used to be. And even Embry and Quil did not seem as annoying as they used to be. I really—

"You coming, or what?" Jacob called. I walked out of the forest and toward the tiny library.

"You don't have to stay, you know."

"I might as well get Nessie's book. Why are you here anyways?"

I sighed. "I just want to see if I can find anything about other shape shifters."

"But there's not."

"And you'd know how?"

"Okay, so it's highly improbable," he said. "Are you looking for Imprinting legends?"

"If I can find any."

"You already know the legend, though."

"Yes," I said, "But it obviously happens a lot more than we were led to believe. I just want to know if Imprinting happens to make stronger wolves or if it's just a chance thing."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I guess I'd like to know if I should start…I dunno, looking for a boyfriend. I mean, what's the point of waiting to Imprint if I won't." I sighed. "Listen, I'll be back in a while. You can just leave if you want." I kinda hoped he would. I didn't want him over my shoulder, looking at all my despair-filled attempts to find something I could use.

I sat down at a computer, wondering if anyone was like me. I doubted it. But I had to know. Was I a genetic defect? An accident? A freak?

Whatever answers I was searching for, I didn't find them at La Push's library. When I got up to leave, I noticed Jake slumped behind a huge, old looking book. Wait, Jake was reading? That was impossible. I walked back over to him and peered over the ancient binding. I noticed two things: one, the book was upside down, and two, Jake was sleeping. I sighed and pulled the chair out from under his lazy butt. He fell flat on his back and yelped as I shook my head.

"Oops." I couldn't hide the immense satisfaction in my voice.

"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his head.

"You were sleeping."

"Well duh. Thanks for telling me, Ms. 'I think I know more than everyone.'"

"Yep, that's me. I'm going home. Did you get Ness's book?"

"Yeah. I just have to check it out." He leapt up and walked over to the librarian's desk. My nose wrinkled. The librarian was a monumental hag, hated by all school kids who had to use this library. I didn't like her. She didn't yell at me, at least. I loved to read and took good care of books.

"So how was the dictionary?"

"Oh, fine. Better than this," he said, gesturing towards Gone with the Wind.

"This," the librarian squawked, "Is a classic!" She snatched the book from his hands and stroked the spine. Jake gave me a look that clearly said, weirdo. "Why do you want it if you don't like it?"

"It's for a friend." She huffed at his response and rang up the book. As we walked out, Jake said, "Jeez, what a bi—"

"Watch yourself!" I snapped. He smiled.

"Just kidding. Where are you going now?"

"Home. You?"

"I'll give the book to Nessie, then hang out there with her."

"Big surprise," I said sarcastically as I walked away through the rain.

"Leah," he called. I stopped and looked over my shoulder.

"What?"

"You know Emily's wedding is in a week, right?"

"And?"

"You know she wants you to be there. And that she's sorry you saw the RSVP's before she told you about it. She knows you were hurt."

"I know," I whispered.

"Just don't do anything stupid, alright?"

I was silent as I turned and walked away, towards my house. I felt Jake's eyes hitting my back like laser beams. My heart was heavy as my home came into view about fifteen minutes later. What was counted as stupid? Running away and hurting Emily? Never talking to her again? What if being stupid saved me from more hurt? Would it make it any less stupid?

I wasn't sure about anything. That is, I wasn't sure about anything except the fact that I had to get away from here for a while, away from Emily, away from Sam. I needed to be somewhere where I could think clearly. I just didn't know how soon I'd need to leave.

A.N.-So tell me what you guys think. I'll only continue if I get good reviews, since there's no reason to write if no one's reading. I hope you like it. Oh, and I lost the game. Don't ask, cuz you don't wanna know.