I don't understand what is happening. Everyone is crying. Why is everyone crying? They say he is dead. He can´t be dead, can he? How can he be dead? I only saw him half an hour ago. They are wrong, they made a mistake, this dead body can not belong to Fred, it is impossible. He said we would be safe and happy after the war was over. This was not part of the plan. Why would he lie to me? Why?
Molly touches my shoulder and I look at her. Her eyes are red and saggy, not cheerful like they always are. I turn my eyes back to Fred and he is still in the same position. I don´t understand what is happening. I don´t want to understand. This can´t be happening. My knees give out and I fall next to Fred. I think I scream, or maybe I just cry, i don´t know. I cup his cheeks and start calling his name, but he doesn't wake up, he doesn't even move. Now I am sure I scream. My throat hurts, but I can´t stop screaming.
I want to murder them all, Voldemort, the Deatheaters, Harry, everyone, but I can´t even move, my legs won't respond. I realize Fred's eyes are closed, I will never be able to look at his eyes again, What color were his eyes? I think they were hazel. Or were they chocolate brown?
Flashback
-222, 223, 224, 225. You have 225 freckles on your face- I told him while he laughed. He was sitting down with his back against an old tree next to the lake and I was straddling his legs.
-Was it necessary to spend almost 10 minutes counting them? - He asked me with a smile plastered on his face, as he took my hands on his own. - You do realize you have freckles too, right?
-Yeah, but not nearly as much.- I took my hands away from his and started tracing my fingers along his cheeks. - You know I love you, right?
-I know babe, I love you too- He whispered and pecked my lips. I didn´t want to let go, I never wanted to let go. I put my hands on the back of his neck and started playing with the little baby hairs that grew there. He took my cheeks in his strong hands and pulled my face towards his. Our lips connected in a kiss. I loved kissing Fred, I always felt as if I would die if I stopped. His hands rested in the small of my back and he traced little circles with his fingers. When we pulled apart I opened my eyes and his were only centimeters away.
-Your eyes have specs of green in them- I told him, staring deep into his eyes- I always thought they were just light brown.
-Really? I never noticed either. -He chuckled while he caressed my cheek- What would I do without you?
-Probably die, and also only consider yourself an ordinary brown-eyed dude.
They were light brown, with specs of green and I loved getting lost in them. If I had known I wouldn't be able to stare at them anymore, I would have looked better. I now stare at his closed lids. Are his eyes still the same color behind them?
I look at his mouth and it looks like he is smiling. He must have been laughing when he…. when it happened. What was he laughing about? His laugh, I can´t remember his laugh. Was it loud? Or was it more quiet?
Flashback.
The look on Umbridge's face was priceless. Her eyes were wide open and her body was slightly shaking. Her face was red as an apple and it looked like she would explode at any minute. All students and even some teachers couldn´t stop laughing at the giant swamp that had appeared in the fifth-floor corridor.
Fred and George had been planning this prank for ages, they wanted everything to go perfect and to cause as much discomfort as possible to Professor Umbridge. They had spent endless nights in Gryffindor's common room perfecting their "portable swamp".
-Fred, just leave it already, you have been planning this for months, it will drive you crazy babe- I told him as I sat down on the couch behind him. He was sitting on the floor with a bunch of papers scattered before him.
-If I don´t get this formula right, then the swamp will just disappear in a few days. - He almost shouted while ruffling through a folder labelled "swamp". - I need to get this done by tomorrow, otherwise we won't be able to start the prank on schedule-
No many people realized the effort and hard work that went into the pranks, they thought it was all pure talent and improvisation. However, I knew it took way more than that, including a few maddening nights, like this one.
-Hey, come here- I said and pulled softly from his shoulders until his head was rested in the couch between my legs.
-Babe, seriously, I can´t get distracted right now, otherwise it would all have been for..- He started saying but I shushed him and started touching his hair, gently tugging at the ginger strands.
-If you keep overworking yourself, you will end up having a mental breakdown. - I almost whispered. I sensed how the tension started leaving his body and his eyes began to close.- You need to rest, love. You'll see, It will all work out perfectly.- I said and leaned down to peck his lips.
And it indeed had, the prank was a hit. The rumor that a giant swamp had appeared in the castle spread in no time and everyone wanted to see it. Me and the twins were hiding on a nearby corridor watching Umbridge trying to make it disappear and, fortunately, just catching Filch as he ran desperately to Umbridge's aid and stepped on puddle, which made him slip and fall right on his butt. All three of us bursted out in laughter and I can´t remember a moment I felt happier. Fred's knees buckled, taking him to the floor, where he kept on laughing like there was no tomorrow. He always laughed like this, like whatever you had told him was the funniest thing he ever heard, he made you feel special with his laughter.
I remember now. His laugh was loud, the loudest laugh I have ever heard. He laughed as if he wanted everybody to know he was happy. Maybe he did, maybe he wanted everybody to loosen up a little, we were all so tired from bad news about the war. Maybe it was his way of letting us know there was always tomorrow, and that it would be better.
But tomorrow won´t be better, will it? Because I won´t be able to look at his eyes, to hear his laugh, to kiss him. He lied, he promised me a better tomorrow. A happy tomorrow. But he lied. Why did he lie? I believed we were untouchable and I think he believed that too.
Flashback.
-I am so tired Freddie, so fucking tired of this- I told him while closing my eyes. The soft light of sundown hit my lids and I sighed. I felt him sigh as well. We were lying on the garden of The Borrow, a few days away from Bill and Fleur's wedding. He was sitting down on the grass, my back was against his chest and my head rested on his shoulder
-I know love, we all are. But it will all be over soon, I promise- He nearly whispered and grabbed both my hands in his. I looked at his rough, freckled hands and pressed my lips against one, just slightly kissing it. - We will win and then we will buy a nice little house in the mountains, or in the beach and no one will ever bother us again. No war, no Voldemort, no prophecy, just us.
-That would be nice.- I said. A tear made its way down my face and I snuggled up closer to Fred. - I am so scared Fred, I am terrified. What if..- He cut me off before I finished.
-Don´t even think about those things, okay? We will get through this, we always do- He said and I titled my head in his direction. He cleaned one last tear with his thumb and kissed me reassuringly. - I love you and I promise I will never leave you.
-I love you too Freddie- I said and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug.
He lied. He lied. He lied. He lied. He lied. I feel someone touch my shoulder. I turn around and it is Fred. No, it is not Fred, it is George. His eyes are red and puffy. How could I not recognize him? He hugs me and I want to believe its Fred, but I can´t, because I still see him lying down, eyes closed. I turn my eyes to George and start looking for green specs on his brown eyes, but there aren´t any. Why aren´t there any green specs? Because he is not Fred. Could he be Fred? Could the body lying next to me belong to George?
Flashback.
-Hi, I am Fred, and this is my brother George, what's your name? - One of the identical twins asked me after I invited them into my compartment on the train.
-I am Nina, nice to meet you- They both shook my hand and we spent the entire trip talking about Quidditch and what would await us at Hogwarts. The rest of the day went as expected, the three of us being sorted into Gryffindor and highfiving each other about it.
The next day I ran into Fred on my way to the dinning hall- Hey Fred, how is it going?- I asked my seemingly new friend.
-How did you know I was Fred? Not even my mother can tell us apart sometimes- He asked me with a surprised look on his face.
-I just know, I guess. You are not that similar either way. - Over the following years this became a very common question. How could I tell them apart? Molly, Ginny, Ron and even teachers had trouble knowing which twin was which but It was always pretty obvious to me.
-Really, how can you tell us apart?, I have always wondered- Fred asked me years later while we walked to Quidditch practice. We had a pretty difficult game against Hufflepuff coming up and the weather forecast seemed rather pessimistic.
-You really want to know? - I stopped walking and looked him dead in the eye. He nodded enthusiastically- You really really really want to know?
-Yes, I really really really want to know- He answered, tickling my stomach.
I grabbed his hands and pulled them away from my stomach.- It is everything. To me you two are so different. It is how you feel, most than anything. How you look at me, how you touch me, how you talk to me. It is impossible to mistake you for George or the other way around. And it has always been, from that day on the train on you became so unique and special to my eyes I
couldn´t help but tell you apart.
He stared at me for a few moments and then took my face in his hands, letting go of the broomstick he was previously holding and slammed his lips into mine with such force I let go of mine as well and held on to his shoulders. He kissed me passionately, without caring who might be lurking around, watching us.
-I am so fucking in love with you it is crazy- He told me, our foreheads pressed together and a smile plastered on both of our faces.
Of course he wasn´t Fred, he didn´t feel like Fred. I will never feel that warmth again, I will never feel his arms wrapped tightly around my body. I can´t do it without him. This can´t be happening. I must be dreaming. All these thoughts rush through my head in a second. I look at George again. Everyone is either crying or screaming or in silence. This isn't over yet, but I have nothing left to lose. It doesn´t matter anymore. Nothing matters, because Fred is lying next to me, with his eyes closed. And because George's eyes are red and puffy. And because my throat is so sore I can´t even speak anymore. Nothing matters anymore because Fred is dead, and there is nothing me or George or bloody Harry fucking Potter can do about it. He is dead. He is dead and he is not coming back like he promised he would.
Flashback
Everything was chaos. Walls crushing down, people running and screaming, curses thrown from everywhere. The Deatheaters had managed to enter the castle and they outnumbered us. Fred, George and me where running away from a collapsing wall, shouting spells at any masked figure we came across.
-Fred, dad and Percy need help on the left wing of the castle.- George told his brother and started running towards his father. Fred, however, lingered a little longer.
-I'll go help dad and Percy. You stay here and help keep an eye on the injured love, I'll come back as soon as I am finished.- He started going after George but I grabbed his sleeve and made him turn around.
-Be carful babe, please. This fucking Deatheaters are a real pain in the ass- I told him and cupped his cheeks.
-I am no match for a Deatheater, love- He said smiling and kissed me softly. I stared at his eyes for a moment and let go of his sleeve. He turned around and started chasing after his brother.
-Hey Freddie!- I shouted and he looked back - I love you.
-I know, I love you too.- He said and went after his brother- Give them hell, love.
I slightly laughed not knowing that would be the last time he would ever call me love, the last time he would ever kiss me and the last time I would ever feel truly alive.