Disclaimer: I own nothing J.J does. The song belongs to Linkin Park
A Kate/Sawyer fic. Takes place after Whatever the Case May Be.
It's Easier To Run.
It's easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
it's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone
He was standing by his little makeshift home smoking a cigarette. He was watching her sitting by the fire. He found himself doing that a lot lately. But hell, what else was there to do. She was so beautiful as the firelight illuminated her creamy white skin. He knew she was one of those girls who knew they were beautiful and weren't afraid to use that to their advantage. Hell she'd used it on him more then a couple times and on the doctor.
He saw a toy airplane in her hand. He was curious. Was that what was in the case? She was just sitting there staring at the plane, even from this far away he could see the sadness in her eyes, she'd been crying.
She never liked to show weakness around him, she was always the tough I-can-take-care of-myself girl. But when she was with the doctor, the savior she was different. It was as if she wanted him to save her. Save you from what freckles?
Then Jack walked by, she didn't even look up and give him her innocent puppy dog eyes that she usually she did. The hero looked at back at her and continued walking. He knew now that it was Jack that made her cry. So the all-powerful Oz of the island forced it out of her. He found himself getting a little angry with that. Yes he wanted to know what was in the case too, but he was playfully joking around with her, to get her to tell him. Even though it was killing him inside. She wanted that case so badly and he saw the way she looked at. There was something important to her in there.
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
Kate leaned against the root in the ground feeling the heat of the fire on her skin. She held the plane in her hands, his plane.
She spent months planning and plotting and getting a poor sucker to help her. Pretending to be attracted to him. Then letting him think he planned the whole thing. She smiled a bit remembering how easy it was for men to think that they were saving you. Jason never knew that he was just a pawn in her plan. She looked up to the sky. Just like you taught me, chess is one of the most important games to play. Move the pieces where you want them to go after your true prize. She didn't want to shot him or the others but things got out of hand. It scared her how easy it was to pick up a gun again and shoot. She didn't want to have that feeling. But she didn't want to forget that night.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
She watched it all as if it were in slow motion. She saw the burst as it took him in the stomach, blowing him backwards. Without even thinking she took her own gun out of the back of her pants. She aimed at the still standing man and a single shot took him right between the eyes.
What she had just done, didn't even process in her mind, the only thing that mattered was that he was gone. She ran to the fallen man. He had taken three rounds two in the stomach and one in the chest that was leaking frothy blood.
"Kate" he whispered as she tried to find something to patch him up with. She was shaking uncontrollably. "Kate, look at me" he said and she did
The tears were streaming down her face, she was covered in blood his blood.
His breathing was so shallow that she had to place her ear to his mouth to hear what he was saying. "There's a bank in New Mexico" he coughed "Safety deposit box 850"
"Don't talk, save your breath," she said
"No, you have to go there…something I want you to have" He hand lifted a little of the ground. "take this"
Kate reached her own bloody hand over and took a key from him. "go there and get it"
"We'll go there together" she said
"No" he said a little louder then started coughing. The tears in her eyes were blinding her sight. "I can't lose you, were not done yet"
After a little while he said "We are, but your not. I've taught you everything I can." He paused "promise me you'll go" he said grasping her hand in his.
She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I promise" she chocked out between sobs "But I'm not on the signature card."
A slight smile came across his features. She smiled back trying to remember every crease, every dimple on his face. "Right" she said knowing full well that she could get into the bank without a problem.
She closed her shaking fist around the key. "Kate" he said in a soft whisper. She leaned closer to him again. "I love you" he barely croaked out. "I love you too" she sobbed.
And then he was gone; she killed the man that she loved.
That was almost two years ago.
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
Sawyer had his eyes closed thinking about her. When he felt a shadow loom over him. He reached for the nearest object he could and sat up. And there she was standing in his door way.
She was just standing there with tears in her eyes. She saw him look at her and then she started to turn away. Sawyer didn't have much time so he jumped up and lightly grabbed her hand and then leaned back in case she would hit him. The girl has a mean left hook. But what surprised him even more was that she stopped and grasped his hand tighter.
She slowly turned around and he saw such pain in her eyes. He wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. He didn't even know why he cared so much. But there was just something about her that he was drawn too. He didn't know what she would do, but he led her in into his tent. She hadn't said a word yet. She walked over and lay down on the airline chairs he used as a bed. She still held on to the plane like it was her lifeline. Her eyes were a blank glassy stare. She wrapped her arms around herself.
When he told her about his parents and why he became Sawyer he looked into her eyes and for a brief moment he saw the darkness in her too.
He found himself getting the blanket and placing it over her. He sat down on the sand next to her. He placed his own hands around his knees.
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change
And again when their eyes locked there was no need for words the understanding was there.
When her eyes finally closed, Sawyer took another blanket and bunched up and stuck it under his head.
It's easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
it's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone