The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The characters are owned, however, by Masashi Kishimoto.
This story is a result of my writer's block and my seeming inability to watch Naruto Shippuden without finding something wrong with it. This time, though, it's not cloaks. It's birds. And other furry creatures.
Why does Juugo always have fluffy animals around him?
The deer are from the episode in Shippuden (episode 88) when Shikamaru kills Hidan. Those deer scared the poop out of me.
Juugo's Disney Animals
Juugo walked through the forest, animals happily skipping along behind, beside, in front, and on top of him. The sun shone down in beautiful rays as the birds in the forest sang songs of love and joy.
"Hello, little critters," Juugo said softly to the bunnies.
They looked up at him and twitched their noses cutely, one scampering away to get a lettuce leaf.
Juugo continued to walk on, the other bunnies following him with the birds. No one heard the first bunny's cries as the farmer cut its head off for stealing his produce. The farmer ate well that night.
Juugo spotted some beautiful deer grazing in a meadow filled with flowers and butterflies of all colours nearby. He walked up to the deer with his bunny and birdie friends and said hello to them. A few came up and nuzzled his hands, while soft music played in the background. The trees shaded the area so that everyone looked safe and happy and perfectly sane, but in the shadows of the light, hidden in the darkness of the trees, one of the deer ate a bunny.
"Huh," Juugo said, "I thought deer were herbivores."
The deer looked at him as if to say, "No stupid. Those are normal deer. We are deer from the Nara Forest. We eat EVERYTHING!"
Juugo nodded, understanding this thanks to his special jutsu—Understand Disney Animals no Jutsu. "Okay," he replied to the deer's expression. "That makes sense."
The deer turned away and started eating the grass. I wonder if he has met Zetsu, Juugo thought idly.
The sun continued to beat down on the field of flowers, but the trees offered a cool shade to Juugo and his animal friends, which they gratefully rested in. The bunnies were eating grass and other vegetables they found, while the deer continued to eat grass and a few bunnies as well.
Ah, this is so nice! Juugo thought as he lay on the grass, hands behind his head as a pillow. A few bluebirds flew overhead, one of them pooping on him, as a squirrel gathered acorns for the coming winter. "It will be cold soon," Juugo stated to the animals.
The deer seemingly nodded their agreement to this, and the squirrel hurried to gather his nuts faster, as if Juugo's very comment would force the cold weather and snow on the forest sooner.
Juugo laughed lightly at the squirrel's actions. He slowly closed his eyes and went to sleep, as the sun set gracefully in the sky, lighting the area with a warm red glow.
A few hours later, Juugo woke up with a squirrel on his chest. Something felt odd about his left arm, and he glanced down to see blood on his fingers.
"Hey," he said to the deer trying to eat his arm, "stop that!"
The deer glanced guiltily up before turning away to find a bunny to gnaw on. Juugo sat up and smiled happily at his friends, ignoring the squirrel he had inadvertently squished with this action. "Now my clothes are dirty," he commented before standing up.
He brushed the squirrel guts off his shirt and began walking towards the trees to find some nuts and berries to eat. The deer and remaining bunnies followed him through the forest, as the birds slept in their nests high in the trees. The moon was bright in the sky, a big ball of silver light. The stars twinkled cheerfully from their positions in the sky, winking at the boy and his furry friends below.
More animals joined the group as they walked along, though even Juugo put his foot down when a skunk tried to follow them.
"Sorry little buddy, but you stink," he said kindly. "If the deer won't even try to eat you, then I'm afraid you can't come with us."
The skunk looked up at him with big, sad eyes.
Juugo sighed slightly. "I'm sorry, Flower," he said to the skunk that had somehow stepped straight out of Bambi into Naruto-world.
The skunk watched sadly as they all walked away, leaving him behind. An idea occurred to him. He henge'ed into a squirrel, and quickly scampered to catch up with the group.
"Damn, what a stinky squirrel," one of the deer said with his eyes.
"Let's eat it," a second suggested.
"Okay!" another deer agreed.
Uh-oh! the skunk thought worriedly as he watched this visual interaction take place. He quickly ran up a tree where the deer couldn't get him.
They remained at the base, watching him with hungry eyes.
Juugo started humming at the front of the line, with the owls joining in with loud "hoots" every now and then to add a trumpet sound, and the bunnies wacked each other with carrots on the head to act as drum sets. Flower began to formulate a plan for escaping the deers, so he could carry out his Ultimate Vengeance Plan, but was a little distracted by the Disney Song Juugo was singing with his Disney Animals.
"As we walk through the for-est of lo-ooove," Juugo sang, his voice melodious as he hit the high notes. "We see the bright mooon in the skyyyyy. The stars blink down on our shining forms and we walk along with no cares in the wo-oorld!"
The skunk rolled his eyes, then hopped to the next tree. He continued along his path until he was far away from the deer, who decided there were plenty of nice rabbits around for a midnight snack.
The deer pranced forward to skip alongside Juugo and the bunnies, birds, squirrels, boars, and bears that were already walking with him. They joined in with the song, and the disguised skunk watched the Disney Song Scene taking place on the pathway below him in disgust.
The evil deer put on their, um, deer eyes to gaze sweetly at Juugo, who patted their heads kindly in turn. The deer smirked. Doe Eyes no Jutsu: success!
Flower hurried along to a clearing it knew of that lay a few hundred yards ahead, and began laying his trap.
Juugo continued singing with his Disney Animal friends, who were all doing whatever stereotypical cartoon princess movie activities that applied to their species. Even the deer managed to be a little less evil, and only ate two bunnies, one squirrel, and a bear cub.
The mother bear was quite angry about this but said nothing.
No one crosses the evil deer of the Nara Forest.
Look at Hidan for evidence.
The skunk, however, had not heard this piece of news, or, if he had, he decided to ignore it. He was not one to be knocked down easily, and his determination would prevail!
When Juugo and his Disney friends entered the next clearing, some of them eating each other and others just trying to eat or poop on Juugo, Flower was waiting for them.
They kept walking.
He stared back, timing his move.
They walked.
He stared.
They walked.
He stared.
A bunny mysteriously disappeared from the group.
Juugo kept singing. "Aaaaaaand we are aaaaaaaaaaaallllll in looooooooooove!" he ended his song.
The skunk released his skunk juice.
"Ew!" Juugo shouted. The animals made similar noises and mostly passed out. The deer exchanged glances, and charged at the now un-transformed skunk.
Oh, no!
Poor skunk.
Juugo dived forward, determined not to let a fluffy creature of any sort come to any harm on his watch. "No, don't harm the skunk!"
The skunk made his eyes as big and frightened as possible, but smirked evilly at the deers who glared at him over Juugo's shoulder. Beat that! he thought.
Juugo picked the skunk up, ignoring the awful smell, and cuddled it close. "Poor skunk! Poor, poor skunk! I'm sorry we wouldn't let you walk with us."
The skunk forced himself to cry.
The deer watched incredulously.
"Oh, no! Don't cry little skunk!" Juugo hugged him tightly.
The skunk quickly became covered in the squirrel guts from earlier.
"Here," Juugo said, "the nice deer will look after you." With that, he placed Flower on the back of one of the deer.
The deer grinned evilly at the poor skunk.
Oh no, Flower thought again. Then he got another idea. He began bawling and whimpering and Juugo quickly picked him up.
"Oh, you're so sad!"
The deer exchanged amused glances at this, except for the one who had the skunk placed on him. He was unconscious on the ground.
The other animals looked on curiously, wondering when, exactly, this story went from being an innocent tale of cute, fluffy, singing creatures following the hero around until he rescues the princess, and then continuing to follow the in-love couple around until they marry, have kids, and move onto the next fairy tale, to one of murder, death, and evil deer trying to kill a skunk named Flower from Bambi.
Oh yes, that's right. Three sentences into the text, this story went downhill.
Juugo cried quietly into the skunk's fur, terribly upset that one of his Disney Animal Furry Friends was sad and harmed and just plain not living the good-old-Disney-Animal-Fluffy-Critter Life.
The skunk was getting a little annoyed at this, though as long as it kept him away from the evil deer, he would keep up the act. The deer, for their part, looked on at this interaction with disgust, and they couldn't help but feel that the skunk was over-acting just a little bit.
Though if this was a real Disney film, he had fulfilled his role of cute-but-terribly-smelly critter very well.
The moon still shone brightly upon Juugo and his friends, and the tears on Juugo's face glistened like tiny crystals in the pale light.
The bunnies watched him sadly, and began bawling as well, out of sadness for their poor Juugo's predicament. Never mind about the skunk.
The deer decided to end all this by just eating the skunk, but in order to get to him, they had to go through Juugo first.
The largest deer stepped forward, planning his next move.
He opened his mouth wide and ate Juugo.
Then the other deer ate the skunk.
Then they all ate the bunnies, boars, birds, owls, field mice, bears, and other animals that had gathered around.
The moral of this story is to never ever ever walk in a forest owned by the Nara clan with fluffy animals. They may try to eat you. Or your bunnies.
Especially if they are those big scary deer from episode 88.