For now, the story will be told from a series of journal entries written by both 'Bella' and 'Edward'. Couple pairings will be movie canon. Characters will behave 'out of character/ OOC', yet the spirit of their canon characters will be there.

'Present day' will begin with the fall of 2011 but there will be flashbacks for gap filling. I'm rating this 'T' for now. There will be lemons and such, all which we'd see in what passes for PG 13 movies/PG14 TV nowadays (certain curse words, sexual situations involving only persons of the same age group, minor teenage experimentation with alcohol or drugs. And angst, lots of angst.) If I feel the need, and I might, for super juice, I'll forewarn the squeamish.

I'm drawing from a dream I had, (a tad bit of) Friends, Playing for Keeps, my first 'Twilight'- 'Maybe By Then I'll Understand' by Jane McFann, and of course, Twilight. I'll also be including personal and friends experiences. I've chosen Austin, TX as my setting. A mishmash between the mid 90s and today. In the mid 90s there was still an Air Force base open in Austin- Bergstrom Air Force Base. Priscilla Presley once lived on Bergstrom Air Force base with her family before meeting Elvis. Thankyouverymuch.

Tuesday- September 13, 2011

It should have been one of the happiest nights ever for me, turning 18. Mom had insisted, and Dad had relented, on renting a private room at the fanciest restaurant I had ever seen the inside of in my honor.

Fourteen of the most dear to me people sat celebrating me at a huge, round table in the center of a room swathed in pink roses, balloons, streamers, and banners. Plates of hors d'oeuvres were spread out in various states of half-eateness, glasses were clinked, and a litany of "Happpy Birthday's", "I love you's", "We're so proud's", and "YOLO's" were said.

My friend Angela Weber's boyfriend Eric was responsible for the 'YOLO's'. He repeated it so many times, my mother finally said, "Okay, I give up. What on Earth is a 'yolo'?". Eric explained the meaning behind the obnoxious acronym. I explained that if he said it one more time I'd vomit guacamole on his head. Everyone, Eric aside, had a huge laugh at that because they thought I was kidding. Dad asked if I was feeling alright when he got up to use the restroom. I said I was fine.

Mom glanced quickly over her shoulder and slid her glass with a few swallows of liquid in front of me winked and added, "You only live once." Eric Yorkie clearly has the attention span of a yorkie because he actually said, "YOLO indeed." Angela offered me an apologetic smile. I held the stem of the glass in my hands and then knocked back the warm champagne while she watched the doorway for my fathers return.

After my meal was boxed and the rest of the plates cleared there were presents and a cake entirely too large for 15 people. Mom asked if I wanted to take it home with me to my father's but I figured the guys, Jasper, Eric, and Mike could polish it off and I was fine with that.

The men; my dad Charlie, my stepfather Phil Dwyer, and Edwards father; Mr. Carlisle Cullen, excused themselves and headed to the bar for a 'stiff drink'. Mr. Cullen passed behind my chair to squeeze Edwards shoulders and asked, "You good, son?" Edward just nodded. He didn't move all night. He just sat there in that way that where you can be so close to someone but still so far. We could have easily held hands but we didn't. I didn't reach for his hands and he didn't reach for mine right back. We didn't even speak to each other.

There was a band on the patio that was getting warmed up. I'd never heard of them and I didn't know if it was dancing music or even a dancing kind of place but I needed to get out of the room. I stood up and told everyone I was going to go dance and left the room. Angela, Alice, and Jess followed behind me.

Alice Brandon gave me gentle, swaying, somehow knowing hug. Jess pulled my hair back from my shoulders while Angela asked that a waiter bring me a glass of ice water. My three best friends fussed over me while Edward's mother, Esme, fussed over him back at the table. Through the glass wall I could see that she had moved into my chair beside him. She must have asked his father's question again, if he was alright, and unsatisfied with his answer attempted to take his temperature with the back of her hand. He dodged from her reach and joined the guys as they decimated the left over cake. Edward picked a chalky frosting rose from the corner and crushed it in fingers. He let the dust fall to the floor.

We had listened to the band for about 45 minutes or so when the Cullen's came out the say their final happy birthdays and good-byes. Esme told me how beautiful I was and how good 18 looked on me. How she felt at 18, her world just beginning and full limitless possibilities. Carlisle added that the world had just received another fine young adult that would go on to do great things. Edward stood behind them staring at his shoes. All my friends gathered their things and made to leave as well saying it was late and a school night and whatever else.

Dad, Mom, and Phil came outside as the Cullen's headed down the patio exit. Dad had the receipt in his hand, reviewing the total. I could see him mentally counting to make sure everything was right while Mom and Phil avoided making eye contact. Of course she made Dad pay the bill. She planned this party when I wanted to just have pizza and movies and then didn't help to pay for it. I know why my parents divorced. Dad has always said it was because Mom was a free spirit and wasn't meant to be tied down with the day-to-dayness of life with a husband and children. In reality it's because she's manipulative and narcissistic.

In her recollection of 18 she tells me that she couldn't wait to be free school and her parents and to see as many places, do as many things, and kiss as many boys as possible. Phil patted her ass and said, "Thank god she's finally done being 18." before he kissed her lips. We made a quick plan to get a pedicure when I came 'home' this weekend and then she and Phil hugged me goodbye. Mom aimed a terse smile at dad. My poor father, I think he still misses her.

Dad put one arm around Edwards shoulder and the other around me. He kissed my forehead, saying, "Swell party, kid", and wished me happy birthday once more. Then he pointed at Edward and told him to have me home in an hour.

I've never missed a chance to be alone with Edward before, obviously. I'm sure Dad expected us to take full advantage of his one hour curfew and do whatever we normally did that he didn't want to think about and Edward expected to get to talk with me. But I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to sleep in my 17 year old selfs bedroom, forever if I could. So I lied. I told Dad and Edward that I wasn't feeling very well and that I was going to ride home with Dad. Dad looked as surprised as Edward but recovered more quickly. Dad and Edward did the manly hand shake thing and then Edward kissed my ear and left.

My sulky mood was pretty evident on the ride home. Dad only tried to talk with me once, to ask me again if I was ok. He said that I looked a little 'puny', old man speak for unwell. I watched the road outside my window and told him I was just fine. No, I started to say that I was fine but he interjected saying, "Let me guess, you're just fine." I actually smiled and instead said that I was swell.

I ran straight up to my bathroom when we got home while Dad unloaded my gifts. I turned the shower on as hot as my skin would allow me. I wanted to wash this day right off of me and down the drain. Let it be sent to some treatment center where it could be cleaned up and dumped into a stream bigger than me. I'm going to bed now.

Isabella Marie Swan

Age 17, I mean 18