"I'm having quadruplets?!" Canada screamed out loud, sweating nervously. He had just been born, but he had grown up at the speed of light, and he'd gotten pregnant from England, Scotland, Ireland, Newfoundland and France. He was going to have not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR babies – all at the same time!
Canada watched in horror as his belly began to puff up. It inflated so much that in just 10 seconds, his stomach had swollen to the size of a blown-up hot air balloon. Immediately after his tummy had puffed up to accommodate four foetuses, his waters broke, spilling onto the patch of lush green grass beneath his feet and deoxidizing it, turning it a dirty earth brown. He felt a series of short, sharp contractions in his stomach, and he clutched it, howling in agony. England, France, Scotland, Newfoundland, Ireland and Prince Edward Island, Canada's mother, heard Canada's cries of excruciating pain from inside their cottage and hurried up to him. They all gasped in shock on realizing that he was about to give birth.
Using all their manpower, they picked up the labouring Canada and carried him over to a small manger in the middle of the field where they kept cows for milk and beef. England slid a soft, comfy pillow underneath Canada's head, France removed his trousers and underwear, and Ireland and Newfoundland pulled a little blanket over him to keep him warm, even though it was the beginning of July. Prince Edward Island held his hand, and Canada began to push. Scotland held his other hand. Prince Edward Island encouraged him to push even more.
Ireland and Newfoundland looked under Canada's blanket, and watched in anticipation as the first baby emerged from Canada's southern region. Canada roared noisily as the first of the quartet popped out of his stomach, which still had three more 'pies' waiting to be taken out of his 'oven'. "It's a boy," Prince Edward Island cooed sweetly. The first baby took a deep breath and bawled loudly.
England took the first baby, cutting off his umbilical cord and slapping his backside. He held him in his arms, and he wailed piercingly, shaking his little arms about. Canada began to shriek agonizingly again – the second 'pie' was ready. He pushed extremely hard, with Prince Edward Island's encouragement, giving a huge howl as the second baby was delivered to the world. Ireland and Newfoundland watched him in expectation. "It's a boy," Prince Edward Island tweeted lovingly, and England took the second baby, topping and tailing him, then carrying him in his arms. The second of Canada's quads bawled in unity with his first-born.
Canada screamed loudly as the third 'pie' began to leave his puffy tummy. Once more, Prince Edward Island encouraged him to push, and he did so. Ireland and Newfoundland watched eagerly. Hollering boisterously, he brought forward the third baby. "It's a girl," crooned Prince Edward Island pleasantly. England took her and topped and tailed her, carrying her in his arms. She wailed noisily, along with her two brothers. (She was soon going to have three!)
Now the final 'pie' was ready to be delivered. Canada screeched raucously as he began to push for the fourth time, with Prince Edward Island's encouragement. Ireland and Newfoundland watched hopefully. Scotland held on tight to Canada's hand.
At last, Canada gave a finishing push, screaming so vociferously that some of the cows lowed noisily. He heard a deep breath, followed by noisy wailing. "It's a boy," announced Prince Edward Island sweetly. Canada beamed brightly. England took the fourth and final member of Canada's quartet and topped and tailed him. Now his sister had three brothers. He wailed noisily, along with Canada's other three babies.
Canada pulled his blanket down to where his southern region began, and England laid all the quads face-down on his stomach. They all bawled in unity as they basked in the pleasant warmth radiating from Canada's belly, tears streaming down their faces. "They're developing mutual bonds with their daddy," Prince Edward Island explained. "They'll last for their lifetimes." England, Scotland, Ireland and Newfoundland all gazed in amazement at her. She was very young – she only looked about 11 years old (although she had actually been around for some 200 years or so), but she seemed to know so much for her age!
All the other members of the family came closer to Canada to admire his quadruplets. "Oh, they're so bonny," Scotland cooed kindly. "Such beautiful lads – and lass," tweeted Ireland sweetly. "Ooh, pretty little ones," crooned England melodiously. "Si jolies!" sang France beautifully. "They're sweet little duckies," cooed Newfoundland, touching and stroking all the quads kindly. "Oh, beauties," Prince Edward Island chirped amiably. Canada smiled at all of them joyfully.
Scotland saw that all the quads had little strands of hair on their bald heads. The first boy had blond hair strands with a thin black curl growing out from his crown, the second boy had reddish-silver hair strands, and the girl had blonde hair strands, like the first boy's.
But the third boy's strands of hair were what caught Scotland's eye the most. He had ginger hair strands growing from his bald head. "Aw, he's gonna have the same hair colour as me," he cooed sweetly, clasping his hands together.
Canada's brain began to whirr with ideas for names. "These are my first four provinces, so they need names which will be easily identifiable and memorable," he said. Canada was in great favour of impartiality, so he let the other members of the family choose some names first. Some were sensible; others were okay; and some were just plain irrational. But every time someone suggested a name, they would get yells of disagreement from the others. Canada tried to calm them down, and his quads would bawl loudly.
Eventually, Canada came up with names of his own. He looked at all his first four province kids, then turned to the first-born, and picked him up. "Ontario," he crooned sweetly. He cried even louder on hearing that name. Canada then picked up the second-born. "Quebec," he tweeted kindly. His howling increased in volume as that name was given to him. Canada picked up the girl. "New Brunswick," he chirped amiably, and her crying went up by a few notches. After he had named each one, he would touch and stroke them gently.
Canada gazed into the third boy's eyes charmingly, and gently curled his arms around him, picking him up. "Nova Scotia," he sang melodiously, touching and stroking him so tenderly. He wailed extremely noisily, even more so than Ontario, Quebec and New Brunswick. Scotland gazed blissfully at the little Nova Scotia. "He's named him after me…" he tweeted so sweetly, clutching his hands together again. England, France, Ireland, Prince Edward Island and Newfoundland all nodded in unity, agreeing with the name. They agreed with Ontario and Quebec's names too, but they weren't so certain about New Brunswick's… "New Brunswick?" France repeated, bemused. "That's a very masculine name…" murmured Ireland. "Yeah, like, NEW BRUNSWICK!" replied England, saying 'New Brunswick' in a very gruff, manly voice. "I agree, it does sound a bit boyish, doesn't it?" Prince Edward Island said. "Yes boy…" Newfoundland agreed, sweating and chuckling fretfully. New Brunswick heard them all, and squalled in disagreement, tears driving down her face.
Scotland went up to Canada's quads and picked up their little hands and feet. "Oh! Your hands… and your feet… They're so tiny!" he cooed sweetly. Then he picked up Nova Scotia's small hands and feet. "Nova Scotia… that means 'New Scotland'," he tweeted softly, touching and stroking him tenderly. "You're my cultural ambassador in Canada." Nova Scotia wailed loudly as if to agree with him. Scotland touched and stroked him again sweetly, cooing at him lovingly.
Then Nova Scotia turned to New Brunswick, and he huddled up closer to her. Nova Scotia felt something beautiful in his heart, and so did New Brunswick. He and she bawled at the same volume at each other, and their tears streamed down their faces in perfect harmony. Canada smiled at them joyfully. He realized that Nova Scotia and New Brunswick were soulmates; they were made for each other. "Aw, so sweet," Prince Edward Island cooed, clasping her hands together. Nova Scotia put his face on New Brunswick's, and their tears blended with each other's. Their crying matched up in loudness exactly. "Aw! Even sweeter!" Prince Edward Island sang beautifully, clutching her hands together even tighter.
Canada wrapped all his four province kids in warm, comfy blankets, even though the temperature was balmy. He placed them all face-down beside each other on his chest, moving New Brunswick up close to Nova Scotia, so that their arms touched each other's. Scotland scooped up Nova Scotia in his arms and tossed him up and down, catching him safely in his hands, warbling kindly to him. "Oh, you're such a beautiful little lad," he sang melodiously. Nova Scotia's blanket slackened itself at the back slightly, revealing a portion of his bare behind. Scotland embraced him lovingly.
Scotland held Nova Scotia close to his chest, holding him tight. He giggled sweetly, touching and stroking his little bald head with thin strands of ginger hair sprouting from the crown, jiggling him very gently.
But the light jostling made Nova Scotia's stomach growl. Scotland stared in slight anxiety at him, thinking about what he'd done wrong to him. England, Ireland, Newfoundland, France and Prince Edward Island stepped back a bit in anticipation. Canada stared in mild fear too, as Nova Scotia's stomach rumbled a little louder.
Nova Scotia's stomach-grumbling increased a little more in volume at regular intervals. All the other members of the family gazed in dread as Nova Scotia's stomach growled more and more loudly. The rumbling gave Scotland a slight tingling feeling on his chest.
Suddenly, Nova Scotia's stomach grumbled extremely deeply, and he let a huge one rip all over Scotland, a brown cloud of sulphur gas gusting from his bare derriere. All the other members of the family gasped and flinched in disgust, complaining about the awful smell and trying to wave away the stinky air. "Phew-whee!" Scotland griped, trying to fan away the malodourous air, too. "Oh, Nova Scotia!" Nova Scotia wailed at the top of his voice, and soon Ontario, Quebec and New Brunswick bawled noisily too. The cows in the field lowed at bass-like pitches, creating a horrible cacophony of sound. "Heh-heh," Canada chuckled nervously, sweating fretfully. "What a great start to my life as a Dominion – and a fantastic way to start Nova Scotia's and all the others' lives, eh?" Scotland moaned loudly, and everyone else cooed in adoration – and disgust.