Together For Never?
Chapter One-He's Gone
"It will be as if I never existed"
Edward
My eyes could see nothing in the half-light, but it didn't matter; there was nothing left to see now that he had left me, taking my dreams with him. I had seen him angry, I had seen him scared, vulnerable, uncertain. Only a few hours ago, I had seen him devastated, ashamed. Now I didn't see him at all, and that was far worse. My ears detected a low rumbling, a sort of growl. Charlie had told me a thousand times that there were bears in these woods, but right now I didn't care. If it ripped me open right now, letting my guts spill onto the floor, it would find no heart. He had taken it, he had everything. He had all of me. The growling subsided and where it had been, stood a tall man with russet-coloured skin. He was Native American in appearance, and, if I had not been so numb, I would have realised that he was beautiful.
"Bella Swan," he said in a deep voice. In the fog of my mind, I barely recognised my name.
"Are you alright?" he asked me, bending down to get closer. I tensed up as I felt him approach and suddenly I realised, he knew me.
"Who're you," I mumbled, my throat dry.
"I'm Sam Uley, Charlie sent me to look for you. I'm glad you're okay," he continued.
"I'm not," I mumbled. I wasn't okay, I was a million miles from okay. Okay was a plot on a map I'd lost.
"Are you hurt?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Can you walk?" he asked. I shook my head again. As light and as floppy as a ragdoll in his arms, I was carried out of the forest, to where Charlie stood.
"Bella, are you alright?" Charlie asked. I called out to him, but my voice was weak and it sounded more like a groan. A crowd had gathered and was watching me loll in Sam's arms. I was a freak show. When I was safely inside, a doctor tended to me and asked all the usual questions.
"Are you hurt?" only more hurt than I've ever been in my life.
"Are you confused?" My whole world is gone, of course I am.
"What's the last thing you remember?" I didn't want to think about that. Ever.
"She seems fine, just a little concussed and confused," said the doctor.
"Where's Doctor Cullen?" I managed to choke out, causing both the doctor and my father to gape at me like I was a zoo exhibit.
"We have no Doctor Cullen at our hospital, we never have," he said, looking puzzled. Lies, all lies.
"Yes you have, or did. He sewed up my arm, look," I raised my arm that had a gash on it which was only a few days old, but it wasn't there. My arm was pale, as usual, but unscathed.
"Maybe it healed," I muttered.
"Perhaps," he smiled, giving me a patronising look. When he had gone, Charlie went into cop mode.
"Why were you in the forest, Bella?" he asked me, seriously.
"I went for a walk with Edward," the name gave me a pain somewhere inside my chest.
"Edward?" he asked, puzzled.
"Edward Cullen, my boyfriend," I said, plainly.
"Is he related to the doctor you were just talking about?" asked Charlie. His apparent lack of knowledge infuriated me.
"Yes, Carlisle Cullen. You've met them both, loads of times. Edward was over here, right before I....we went into the forest," I persisted.
"Was I here at that time?" asked Charlie, confused.
"Yes! You ate pizza together, remember?" I pressed, willing him to remember, even one detail.
"I've never met a boy called Edward....where is he now, anyway?" asked Charlie. I rose from the sofa and walked towards the window.
"He's gone....I wish I knew where. One minute he was here, the next he was gone. He said he'll never come back," at this point, I could hold back the tears no longer and collapsed into a heap on the floor. Charlie rushed over and picked me up; putting an arm around me for support, he mustered some consoling words.
"It's going to be okay, Bella. Whatever has got you all confused and upset, we'll sort it out," he promised, kissing my hair.
"He's done this.....Edward" I mumbled.
"Where did you meet this Edward?" asked Charlie.
"At school, in my Biology class. Wait a minute, I have photos," I said, dashing upstairs, excitedly. I grabbed my new digital camera from my bed and began flipping through the photos. There were ones of Jessica, Mike and the crew at school, ones of Charlie, ones of me, but no Edward. I had taken them, I knew I had. I slumped back downstairs, disappointed.
"Are you okay, Bella?" asked Charlie. I curled up on the sofa and spoke icily.
"The photos are gone. They were all I had left of him. He's gone forever, all of traces of him, just like he said," I shifted slightly and let the hot tears run down my cheek.
"I think you should rest, Bella," said Charlie, softly. I had barely climbed into my bed, when I heard him on the phone to Billy Black.
"She's always been imaginative, like her mother.....I'm real worried this time....she's invented a boy and a family for him.....where she met him.....it's scaring me," I heard enough of what he said to make me take action. With agility I had only ever seen displayed by the Cullens, I ran downstairs and towards Charlie.
"Bella, you should be resting," he said, turning scarlet.
"You should talk quieter the next time you accuse me of being crazy," I seethed.
"I don't think you're crazy, Bella....I'm worried about you," he replied.
"Invented...imaginative...I'm telling the TRUTH, he was here and now he's not," I persisted.
"Go back to bed, Bella. We'll talk about this later," he said. I hurried back upstairs and jumped back into bed, seething and fragile at the same time. So, people thought I was crazy. As I lay back and felt warmth that was normally occupied by a cold torso, I knew I was right, and they were wrong. As a child, I found nothing more comforting than settling into my warm bed for the night, but now it felt too hot beneath my covers. Even when I threw them off in a fit of rage, I was still overly warm. There were no strong arms cradling me at night, nobody to hear me speak of my dreams as I slept and nobody to wake up to in the morning.
"Bella, you're going to be late!" called Charlie from downstairs. My alarm clock had gone off half an hour ago, but I had no urge to get out of bed. If I had been able to choose, I would not have woken up at all, but so is the hand I was dealt.
"Bella!" he called again. His concerned parent act had faded the minute I'd started to talk about Edward, and now he was acting as if he had never existed, as if WE had never existed.
"I'm COMING!" I roared, showing emotion for the first time in days. Charlie muttered something about manners and responsibility, but I wasn't listening. He headed out of the door, his gun strapped around his waist. I was glad he hadn't left it behind, I couldn't be held accountable for my actions, not when my reason for living had disappeared without a trace. When your whole world collapses, there is nothing left to hold onto; and so you fall, slowly, painfully, until you hit the ground.
I took the quickest shower I had ever had, turning the heat down to feel something close to the cold touch Edward graced me with. It was nothing alike, this cold didn't leave me surging with electricity, it left me cold and sad and alone. I dressed casually in jeans, a hoodie and my favourite pair of converse, drank a glass of milk and headed out of the door towards my truck. I climbed into the cab and glanced at the dashboard, mournfully. Where there had recently been a brand new stereo, was my old, crappy radio. He had taken it out, just like he had taken himself out of my life. I swallowed my tears and drove towards school at top speed.
"Hey, Bella. How are you?" asked Mike when I climbed out of my truck.
"Hey, I'm okay," I muttered. I searched the car park, even though I knew I wouldn't see Edward's silver Volvo today, or ever again for that matter.
"I didn't think you'd be in today....after what happened," he began.
"Why? Because everybody thinks I'm a nutcase? Because they think I can't distinguish between fantasy and reality?" I was furious again, at myself, at Edward, but Mike got the full blast. Ah well, shit happens.
"No, because I thought you might be sick....pneumonia or something," he said, slowly.
"Oh, well I'm fine. Thanks," I said, faking a smile.
"Good, well we have Gym first period," he said, conversationally. My heart sank; Gym was no place for the co-ordination challenged, like me. I had always been a klutz, since birth.
"What sport are we doing?" I asked, trying to sound like I cared.
"Track and Field," he replied, heaving his bag onto his shoulder.
"Oh no, I don't do running," I said, shaking my head.
"We could always ditch, go to the arcade or something," he suggested.
"That'd be cool," I agreed and we started back towards my truck. I figured ditching Gym was no big deal, as I was abysmal at it anyway. We returned from the arcade just in time for second period, which was Biology. Edward's seat was empty; which although came as no shock to me, still gave me a pain in my chest. Lunch was uneventful; without Edward's intellect and interesting conversation, I felt like I was surrounded by idiots. I wanted to tell them to shut up about their crush or last week's beach party, because none of it mattered, not when I was feeling like this.
"Edward, where are you?" I asked out loud, a little too loud.
"Did you say something, Bella?" asked Mike, kindly. I flushed scarlet and began stammering, as I always did when I was nervous
"I was just wondering...where Edward and the rest of the Cullens went," I murmured, going redder.
"Edward?" asked Mike, with the same puzzled expression Charlie had worn.
"The Cullens?" asked Jessica, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Edward Cullen, he was my boyfriend," I said, choking up as I spoke.
"I never knew you had a boyfriend, Bella," said Eric, in surprise. Had-the past tense stung like a knife in my side and I almost began crying there and then.
"Which school did he go to?" asked Lauren, interestedly.
"Ours," I replied, irritably. Why was everybody so stupid these days?
"What did he look like?" asked Jessica.
"Flawless skin, very pale, copper hair, butterscotch eyes, toned," I replied. This was just a brief description, I could have gone on forever, describing the different shades in his eyes, explaining how his hair shone in the light, turning it reddish brown, his pale, muscled body.
"He sounds dreamy, can I meet him?" giggled Jessica.
"You did meet him, loads of times. You all did," I protested.
"I'm sure we would have remembered a guy like THAT," said Lauren. I got up and walked out, their mocking tones and laughter just too much for me.
"Bella, wait!" called Mike, behind me. I spun around and saw that he looked sad, too.
"You believe me, don't you Mike? You knew Edward, you met him, you hated him," I reminded him, standing on tip toes now.
"Bella, I'm worried about you and the whole Edward thing," he said, looking at the floor.
"You think he was wrong to leave me, don't you? I should be with him; we're made for each other, aren't we?" I asked, knowing he wouldn't let me down.
"I'm worried that you've turned to this idea for support....I think you should talk to someone," he said.
"The only person I want to talk to is Edward, because I love him. I love him so much Mike, and he loves me, he just didn't want to hurt me anymore, that's why he left," I ranted, misunderstanding Mike's words.
"No, Bella. I think you need help, of the professional kind," he said, kindly. He touched my arm and it felt warm....all wrong.
"He's real!" I yelled and ran out of school, towards my truck. I drove home, tears blurring my vision and was shocked to see Charlie's Cruiser parked outside the house. I didn't want or need another concerned parent talk, so I walked in without saying a word to him.
"I'm here, when you want to talk to me properly," he called. I did want to talk, but to Alice. I sat at my ancient computer and typed a message to her email address, which I had memorised.
Alice
I miss you so much. I miss Edward of course, so much I feel like a huge hole is dominating my chest and that I will never be happy again, ever. I want to see him, talk to him, touch him again, just so I know that he is real, that we were real once. Nobody remembers you, any of you....did you do something? I miss you almost as much as I miss Edward, in a different way of course, but miss you all the same. Please email me back to let me know you're all ok.
Give my love to everyone-especially Edward.
Bella
The server informed me that the email address was not in working order and I sighed. They had truly left without a trace and now I was all alone in the world. I knew a secret I couldn't tell anyone and now everybody thought I was going insane. I went downstairs to where Charlie sat and I cried until it hurt.
"Nobody believes me, about the Cullens," I sobbed, gasping for air.
"To you, they're real Bella. Nobody else has seen them, you can't expect people to remember somebody they've never met," he reasoned.
"But they are real; they lived in Forks for a few years! Names and faces I could have invented, but not feelings, not love. I love Edward, dad, this is what it's really about," I sighed.
"That's why we're going to get you some help, kiddo," he said, kissing my head. I didn't feel fury this time, or patronised, or even frustrated. I felt at peace with the world, it was the calm before the storm that was to be my life.