Not So Much of a Fairytale
Summary: Once Ginny has realised that, looking sparsely at her life, you could call it a fairytale, she looks in more detail, and finds that not much of it was.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Let's just leave it at that.
A/N: This is the sister fic/sequel to 'A Fairytale'. You probably don't have to read 'A Fairytale' to understand this, but it does fit in with 'A Fairytale', so you can read them both if you want – the older Ginny parts in this follow on from the older Ginny parts in 'A Fairytale'. 'A Fairytale' has slightly more important, HP book related stuff, but this will have quite a lot as well. And, just so you know, just because it's not the Fairytale-esque bits doesn't mean that some of it won't be happy.
Hatred
14th February 1993
I hate Harry. I absolutely hate him. I can't believe that I was actually writing him a Valentine two days ago. I don't love him. I don't even like him. He's completely horrible. He's evil. He actually laughed at me. And he has Tom's diary!
I saw it. His bag broke, and I saw it. He has Tom's diary. That's why I couldn't get it back. He went into the toilets and took it! Stole it! And I really did think he was nice. I even called him cute – and divine! How could I have? He stole my diary. Actually stole it. He's more annoying and evil and irritating than all of my brothers put together. Much worse than them.
What if he writes in the diary? What if Tom writes back? Will he find out all my secrets – will he find out that I fancied him and thought I loved him? Might Tom tell him that I think I'm the one who attacked everyone? But Tom wouldn't do that to me. He's nice – he understands me. He wouldn't tell anyone my secrets, especially not Harry, when Harry was my big secret.
But- what might Harry write about me? Would he tell Tom that I cried today before Transfiguration? Will he tell him what he thinks of me – really thinks? Maybe he'll tell Tom that he fancies me. That would be so good. But I hate Harry. I don't care what he thinks. I only care that he doesn't discover Tom, or my secrets. Although he might already know that I fancied him. He might think that I still fancy him, when I don't whatsoever. After the cupid had read my horrible, embarrassing poem, Malfoy told me that he didn't think that Harry liked my poem. When Harry could hear. Malfoy basically told Harry that I had called him divine and that I wished he was mine. I don't. Malfoy's wrong.
But he's right that Harry didn't like it. Not that I care. First, he didn't want the Valentine and tried to run away, but his bag split. Without even getting his books, he tried to run away again until the cupid knocked him over and sat on him to keep him there. Second, he laughed at it. Laughed. At it – at me. But I don't care. I don't care about anything Harry does. I don't even care that Harry lost Gryffindor five points getting the diary away from Malfoy – stealing it again.
Then again, if Malfoy had written in it – discovered Tom – that would be worse. A Slytherin discovering a Gryffindor's secrets – discovering that the Gryffindor might be terrorising Hogwarts. Everyone would know everything about me in a day – less than. My secrets – and Malfoy would say whose secrets they were – would be known, and laughed at, for the next seven years. And everyone would think that I fancied Harry. They'd blame me for the attacks. They wouldn't get a chance to laugh at me – I'd be expelled tomorrow.
But Malfoy didn't get the diary – Harry did. So Harry will find out all my secrets and- he'll tell Ron! They're best friends. Harry must tell Ron everything. So if he finds out about anything to do with me, Ron will know as well. My older brother knowing all my secrets. That's worse than the whole school knowing – but not as bad as Fred and George knowing – at least they're not Harry's best friends. Unless Ron tells them once Harry's told him. Ron does get on quite well with them.
I was going to absolutely love today – it's Valentine's Day, and there were cupids – and I got a Valentine! It was a card, with a vase of flowers on the front, with hearts instead of petals which sometimes dropped off the flowers before growing back. There was no name in it – just an 'x' in the middle of the card. It was really sweet, and I really want to know who sent it. I can't work it out. It must have been a Gryffindor first year, because no one else knows me. I wish I knew… Tom would know – he'd work it out – he's clever like that.
But I can't talk to Tom. Only Harry can. All I've got to talk to is a blank piece of parchment. Horrible.
Ginny
17th April 1993
I've had a good idea – I think. I know who has the diary, and they're a Gryffindor, so I can just go to his dormitory and take it back – it's not stealing if it was mine first – is it? I don't want to steal it, but I can't think of anything else that I can possibly do to be able to talk to Tom again, and I need to talk to him. I miss him so much. Blank parchment can't calm me down anywhere near as well as he can. I need him.
Even though I know it's wrong, and two months ago I would never have stolen anything from Harry, I'm going to. I hate Harry now. I don't mind stealing from him anymore. I have to do it. I'm sorry that I'm going to, but I have to. I'll go insane without Tom to talk to for much longer.
Ginny
7th May 1993
I really wish that I hadn't just seen that – really, really wish. It was horrible. I mean – urgh. My brother kissing someone – Percy kissing someone. It really wasn't nice. I wish I could forget the sight, but of course it's horrible, so I can't. I never can forget things that I don't like. Tom could make me forget – make me think about other things. I need him more than ever now.
Is this what I need to force me to go and get the diary? After all, I do need him now, even more than I did when I just missed him last week.
Harry'll be at Quidditch now, and his roommates will be around the common room, or eating dinner. His room must be free now. Do I dare go and get it? I don't know… I want to, but I don't want to at the same time… I think I'm going to have to get it – I need to get distracted from the picture in my head.
I'm going to go. I'm going – okay, I'm not, but I'm getting ready to go. I'm about to steal something. I don't want to, but I have to. I must – it's necessary. Okay, I'm going. I am this time. Now.
Ginny
22nd May 1993
No one suspects that I stole it – after all, I'm just an innocent little girl – who stole something. I can't say all this to Tom – I've spent a fortnight trying to work out how to put it politely – but I couldn't think of any way, so I went back to writing on blank, non-magical parchment. I stole something. I stole it on purpose, entirely selfishly. I wish I hadn't – that's why I can't say anything to Tom.
I've suddenly found a lot of things I can't tell Tom. I can't tell him that I'm getting doubts about him. I can't remember what I was doing during any of the attacks, and then I can remember everything – or at least I don't have any blank patches – when I'm not writing to him, and as soon as I start writing again, I get a blank patch and there are two attacks. I'm certain that it's me now, and I'm almost certain that Tom's doing it to me, but he's so nice and I want some proof before I stop talking to my only friend – I could be wrong.
And then I can't tell Tom that in the last couple of days, I've realised that I don't hate Harry. I can't tell him because he'd ask how I realised that, and I can't answer that to him. I wish I hadn't stolen the diary, and that's because I stole it from Harry. I wouldn't care if I'd stolen it from someone I didn't know, or from someone like my brothers who steal stuff from me, or someone I didn't like. But I wish I hadn't stolen the diary from Harry, meaning I must have stopped hating him and started liking him again.
I wish I had someone to talk to who isn't Tom – I'm starting to wish I had proper friends.
Ginny
8th September 2017
Al wrote again today, saying that James had embarrassed him 'more than he had ever had in his life' by shouting something down the Gryffindor table at lunch for the entire school to hear. Of course, Al was too embarrassed even to tell me what he had said, so I can't even write to James and tell him off for embarrassing Al.
Lily, of course, was appalled on Al's behalf, and wondered quite quickly how James would embarrass her when she finally went to Hogwarts. I had to tell her that it was never that bad – generally, everyone else had forgotten within a week and only the person who got embarrassed could remember it for longer. Then, of course, she asked how I knew this and I had to tell her that I'd been in that situation before. So she asked how I was most embarrassed at school.
I couldn't tell her that the most embarrassing time was when Harry kissed me in front of every single Gryffindor (it was one of the best moments as well, but kissing in front of everyone - embarrassing), so I told her the close third – from my first year (my second wasn't embarrassing in the same way – it was only embarrassing to me because I'm the only one who knew the truth about it). The time I told her about was when I cried in Transfiguration after seeing Harry with Riddle's diary and the one I didn't tell her – when I was the only one who knew – was when I realised – after the Chamber – that if I had just thrown away the diary more thoroughly, or not stolen it back, it would not have gone as badly wrong as that year did. I was really embarrassed about that when I realised, but of course no one else realised that I had been having doubts about the diary which, had I acted on those doubts, would have saved me. Lily seemed glad that that was the worst way that I had been embarrassed at school - she's stil lat the age when crying isn't very bad.
Ginny
A/N: As with 'A Fairytale', I've taken the dates from hp-lexicon
And, as always, please review.