I hope you like this, it is indeed a revision of one I wrote a very long time ago. Please review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ocs
Kakashi legs finally gave out as he crashed unceremoniously onto the muddy grass. He physically, mentally, and emotionally couldn't handle it anymore. He clutched his chest frantically; it felt as if his heart was being shredded into millions of pieces and for once he wasn't over exaggerating. The pain was so intense that he was sure that his chest would explode at any moment. The rain was coming down so hard at this point the only indicator that tears were streaming down his face relentlessly was the stinging in his eyes that came with it. His chest heaved with each sob and he hugged himself tightly in futile attempts to keep himself together.
They always left him eventually; he was always the one to get left behind. They never stayed for long. And usually it was his fault. Why did he let himself believe this time would be any different? He should have never fooled himself in thinking otherwise. He was so naïve. First his mother, then his father, Obito, Rin, his mentor, and now her.
It was in that moment of true desperation and complete self-despair that Kakashi swore he would never open his heart to anyone again. This was a man defeated.
-2 Years Earlier-
Being in the ANBU Kakashi had seen many things; death, torture, disembodiment, and he himself had done these things before. And besides the beginning of his career, these things hadn't bothered him much anymore. But this time as different somehow.
He, along with Tenzo and Itachi, were sent on a rescue mission. Normally ANBU don't accept missions like these, but like all things, there were exceptions. Amhara Tsoran the last member of the Amhara clan that had inherited their ability and was the heir of their clan. A band of rogue ninja had raided the compound that their clan resided at in the mountains just at the edge of the forest in the Land of Fire and kidnapped the girl. The Amhara clan had a specific type of chakra control that caused any kind of chakra to be pulled to their person to be used as a purer and denser form of chakra. This is what draws rogue ninja, like the ones that attacked the compound, to the Amhara people. Basically if you put a chakra seal on them their bodies become a battery, filling up with chakra until it is released.
Lord Third had said that this was the fourth attempt on the young Amhara within a couple years, and that after the third time the clan had entrusted the Leaf with the safety of their heir. The compound had been attacked early in the morning, just as everyone was waking up, and only one person that had managed to escape the raid and alert the Leaf. Everyone else was trapped inside the Amhara residence. Lord Third had said to expect the worst.
And so when the three ANBU members entered the grounds, they were not at all surprised at the gore that they were presented with. Bodies littered the ground, and the walls were painted in red. Silently Itachi scanned the inside of the building, locating all enemy targets. He gave the hand signs for eight in the main room, three guarding the door, and four farther back in the compound. With a quick hand motion from Kakashi the three men sprung into action.
It was easy for them to take out the guards, Tenzo hardly lifted a finger. But what was odd about their adversaries were the white masked they wore, not unlike their own ANBU issued ones. But the masks these men wore were not from any village that they recognized.
They quietly moved forward and soon learned that inside was much worse than the outside had been. There wasn't anything in the hallways besides over turned furniture, but when they got closer to the ballroom where Itachi had said they were holding the girl, the stench of decay and blood was enough to burn their noses and pull at their gag reflexes.
Kakashi wrinkled his nose in disgust, tugging his porcelain mask tighter around his face in attempts to keep the smell out. This was one thing he hated about the job was the smell. Disgusting. He thought with a grimace.
The silver haired nin pushed the smell to back of his mind for the moment and focused on the mission. He had Itachi placed the rogue mask wearing ninja in the room in a genjutsu, this was going to be over fast, easy and efficiently. No long drawn out battle. They were ANBU and they went for the efficient route. Kakashi watched as the men stiffened in their places and when Itachi gave them the them ok, the three of them stepped out of the shadows.
The outside was no inclination of how truly appalling and sickening the inside was. As expected there were numerous fatalities, but the odd thing was that they were all lined up in multiple, neat rows. They looked like a gory, soulless audience that were all watching the action going on center stage. They were all facing the young Amhara heir who was lofted about two feet off the ground, suspended by a chain that hung from the ceiling, bound and gagged. No matter how many times Kakashi thought he had seen it all, some sick lunatic had to go and prove him wrong.
They didn't spend more than a second analyzing the situation in front of them before diving into action.
Tenzou set out quickly to dispose of the paralyzed ninja, while Kakashi moved to release the girl. The young heir was covered in blood, there was more of it than he could see of her actual skin, her clothes were torn to tatters, and her green eyes were as wide as saucers with tears streaming down her face. Kakashi hated that expression, it was too familiar.
One of the rogue ninja was standing frozen beside her, he had a kunai pressed against the bare skin on her stomach where her shirt had been shredded and his other hand was stopped just short of her chest. His eyes were glazed over, watching some vision that Itachi was easily feeding them from the front of the room. The Copy Ninja narrowed his eyes angrily at this man, he was absolutely disgusting.
At first Kakashi though that Itachi had put her under the genjutsu as well, because she wasn't moving at all, but then she must have realized that her assailants were immobile because she began thrashing about and making these awful muffled screaming noises in attempts to escape.
Tenzou paused to look over a Kakashi curiously when he noticed the strangled noise, but continued on when his captain waved him off. Kakashi slowly made his way over to the struggling blonde heiress, trying not to scare her more than she already was. As he approached she started to struggle more, but when Kakashi pulled the kunai that was leaving thin red lines on her stomach away from her instead of attacking her like she had though he would, she calmed. But kept the petrified expression.
He hated how her wide eyes tracked his every move, the expression on her face made him feel uneasy. She looked absolutely terrified of him and suspicious like she was expecting him to do something unforgivable to her. He suppressed a saddened sigh, those eyes. He thought. If it wasn't the horrific state of the girl, it was her expression that made his chest hurt out of sympathy.
Almost without thinking about it, Kakashi used that man's own kunai and slit his throat and let him fall to the ground to drown on his own blood, trying to block out the gross gurgling sound that the kidnapper had begun to make in attempts to fill his lungs up with air. The girl instantly began struggling against her bonds and screaming again, if possible her eyes widened more. Shit, that probably wasn't the most considerate thing to do right in front of her.
"It's alright we're here to help you." He tried to soothe her when jerked away from him when he moved to untie her. She probably thinks we're one of them, what with all the killing and the masks. He thought shaking his head slightly. Her eyes were red from her tears that held a steady flow streaming down her paled cheeks. Kakashi sighed and reached for the rope that held the girl to the roof despite her thrashing, grimacing when of her wild swings caught his rib, and used his katana to deftly cut her down. He awkwardly set her down onto the floor and went to untie her bound arms but before he could, she panicked and gave a swift kick to his groin.
"Ughmmph-!" Kakashi groaned as he fell gracelessly to the ground, completely surprised with how the events quickly turned. Itachi and Tenzou had just finished with the rogue ninja when they watched the girl temporarily incapacitate their captain. She didn't wait for them to make a move before she tore out of the room clumsily, legs wobbling from lack of use. She had been hanging there held captive for just over two days.
"I-I was not expecting that." Kakashi stammered, voice shaking with pain and slight embarrassment. He pulled himself off the floor and the three took off after her, catching up quickly. She had been hanging for the better of three days; all her muscles were stiff and uncooperative and she looked like a little foal attempting to walk for the first time. Kakashi would have chuckled if the situation wasn't so heavy-hearted. They carefully entered the room that she had fled into moments before, the girl was in such a frantic rush she hadn't even hut the door. If she's trying to escape why would she trap herself inside the center of the compound? Surely she knows we could easily get in.
It was odd that she didn't take notice when the masked Leaf ninja came up behind her; she just stood in the middle of the room, unmoving. But as the sharingan user took in the rest of the room, he recognized it as a nursery. Ice ran through his veins. There, carelessly thrown on the floor, was a small child, pale, lying in a tiny pool of blood, obviously dead. This is what got to the grey haired man the hated most, the unnecessary tragic deaths that always befell innocent children. The boy didn't look older than one.
The shinobi shared a look, this mission just kept getting worse by the second. The heiress then unexpectedly collapsed onto the ground beside the child, weeping. Such a god awful sound. Kakashi thought sadly. I hate that sound.
No one moved for a few moments while the girl sobbed into the floor, her hands were still tied and her mouth still gagged, her body shaking pitifully. Kakashi frowned at the sight and carefully cut the remaining restraints off of her. She didn't even flinch at the contact his hand had briefly made on her shoulder.
Slowly, she reached out to the child as if to stroke its hair but then abruptly stood up and stumbled away from it. Then when she could stomach no more, she threw up, or rather dry heaved. She hadn't eaten in three days, there was nothing left in her stomach. But none the less her stomach convulsed violently again and again until she trembled, unable to keep herself steady anymore.
There was a yell from the front of the compound as the remaining kidnappers realized that someone had infiltrated and Tenzou left to finish off the rest of them. It was time for them to go. In and out, that was how they worked.
"Amhara-san, we are ANBU from the Hidden Leaf," Kakashi said, lowering his voice when the girl flinched," we are here to take you back to the village. We are here to help. Do you understand?" She nodded her head slowly, her eyes were distant.
"Can you walk?" He asked. She didn't answer. Instead using the wall as support she pulled herself up in a labored manor. She took a step forwards but collapsed in exhaustion, she would've rammed into the floor had Kakashi not been prepared for this and caught her.
"Will it be ok if I carry you Amhara-san?" Again she gave no response, but she didn't argue it so he picked her up carefully and secured her in his arms.
"Itachi?"
"Tenzou has finished with the other rogue ninja. We can go back out the way we came." The Prodigy Uchiha answered automatically understanding what his captain had been asking for. Itachi turned his red gaze to the girl Kakashi was carrying, the familiar dark circles under her eyes softened his expression for a moment. It was unfair for such a young girl to experience something this devastating; though he was one to talk she was older than he.
"Alright let's go then." They began walking back to Tenzou through the corridors. At the sight of another dead body that was strewn on a stair case the girl began to sob again. Kakashi could understand, all around her loved ones were slaughtered and left rotting on the floors of her childhood home. A deep frown etched its way onto his face. Yeah, these kinds of missions were the worst.
He set her down onto a chair in the hallway and reached into his pocket, pulling out his Konoha head band that he kept hidden in his pocket during ANBU missions. The girl stiffened but otherwise didn't move as he blindfolded the band over her eyes, securing it with a knot behind her head. She didn't need to see anything more.
He left his band over her eyes long after they left the compound. It seemed to calm her and this was much better than looking into those torn green eyes. When they reached their temporary camp Kakashi undid the band and they all watched silently as her eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the dim evening light. The time it took for them reaching the compound, rescuing the Amhara girl, and returning back to there was only under a couple hours, it hadn't taken much time at all. This was around the time that Kakashi noticed the heiress seemed to be vibrating, and for whatever reason he didn't know why.
"Itachi, do you see this?" Kakashi asked in a hushed tone. The thirteen year old nodded.
"Hai. There is something obstructing her chakra flow." His red eyes roamed expertly over her lithe form, searching for the perpetrator. It only took a few moments for Itachi to locate a chakra seal on her right collarbone. He gently placed a hand over it and gave the release jutsu. She slumped against the tree she propped against and let out a sigh relief. A wave of chakra pulsed away from her, with her as the epicenter.
"They must have placed this on her during their original attack." Itachi commented. "Given the amount of chakra that was built up in her system." The girl nodded tiredly in conformation.
"Th-that's why I couldn't fight back…" She rasped, little white puffs blowing out. "I was never trained i-in combat, only chakra control…" She trailed off, either unwilling or unable to finish her thoughts, but they understood. The Amhara clan was known for using their chakra control for passiveness, not aggressiveness, so she would have been easy to take down and handle. Once they cut off her only way to fight, it was like lion taking down a duckling.
Tenzou awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder, he had seen other members do this to comfort one another and it seemed like good idea. But when the girl flinched and jumped away, he retracted his hand confused. If they hadn't been wearing masks the wood style user would have seen the amused, albeit sympathetic look on Kakashi's face.
The girl glanced glumly down at her hands, a sorrowful look on her face. It's better than a fearful one. Kakashi reasoned. For a while her hysterics had calmed down, but they came back in full force, whether it was because she was relieved to be free, or tormented by survivor's guilt or both. She buried her face in her hands and her small body was ravaged by sobs that no matter how tired she was continued to plague her. Kakashi tried to calm her down, but all that did was cause her to hyperventilate. A panic attack.
As Kakashi watched this young girl, who no more than two years his junior, crumble in front of him he couldn't help but be reminded of his own self when he had to endure all his loved ones disappear. Taking pity on the fragile looking blonde, who was caving in on herself in agony, the Copy Nin pushed down as gently as he could to be able to render her unconscious, allowing the sleep that had been avoiding her the past few days to overtake her. All three ANBU could admit that this was the kindest thing they could do for her for the moment.
"We're going to have to send a cleanup team to the compound; we should send a hawk back to Konoha." Tenzou commented. The wood style user was lounging on the floor of the hotel room they were staying in, in front of the fire place. The first major snow storm of the year had started up, so the team took refuge in a nearby town. The Amhara girl had not woken up yet, they had her tucked firmly in a bed while her body rested. That seal had taken a lot out of her, it had built up so much pressure inside of her that when it finally released her chakra levels were close to nonexistent.
Itachi, who was resting in a chair with his mask placed neatly on the table beside him, nodded in agreement and silently pulled a piece of parchment from the table and began to write the request. Kakashi sighed and flopped unceremoniously down onto one of the beds in the room. He rubbed his masked face in agitation and ran a hand through his hair, it felt more grey than silver though. Missions like these were ones that chipped away at his ever corroding soul. Yes, he was glad that they were able to rescue the Amhara girl like they were supposed to relatively unscathed, but he out of all people know what it's like to wake up one morning and realize every single person you loved are dead and gone.
"Be sure to warn them about what they're walking in to." Kakashi instructed tiredly. Itachi gave no indication that he heard him other than a slight tilt of the head. The Copy Nin had gone back to compound after they got settled into the inn to gather intel on the rogue ninja. And as far as he could tell they were just random men that had banded together with the common goal of obtaining more power. But it didn't appear as if their leader was there when the Konoha nin had taken over. He wasn't too concerned with that fact at the moment, he doubted that they would risk attacking the ANBU ninjas, but he still noted to be cautious.
He wasn't sure how well the small heir would be when she woke up, they would probably have to walk back to the Leaf instead of run. That would take about four days longer than they had originally planned. He told Itachi to report that as well.
"What are they going to do with all those bodies?" Tenzou asked curiously. "Surely we can't take them back to the village?"
"They should be buried in the gardens." A meek voice whispered, barely audible. Kakashi looked over at the bed next to him, shocked to find the girl sitting up against the headboard staring back at them. She looked better than Kakashi had seen her the previous night. The old woman who owns this little inn is used to having battered ninja coming in and out of her residence, so she the second she saw them bring her in she volunteered to clean her up. Now that he could see her face without the grime and blood, he could take in her features. She had a pale, heart shaped face with a few freckles on her nose and cheeks, a small simple nose, and small pale pink lips. She had plain features that weren't as striking as Kurania's or as gorgeous as Iniochi's wife, but she was still pretty, especially her ever expressive doe eyes. Her hair also looked healthier, considering her long blonde locks were no longer matted with dried crimson.
It was Kakashi who first responded.
"Where are the gardens?" He asked gently.
"At the bottom of the hill, behind the compound." She said quietly, "It's where all of the Amhara clan members have been buried." Kakashi softened his gaze and looked over at Itachi.
"Could you put that into the report as well?"
"Hai."
Looking back at the girl she was nervously pulling at the standard black ANBU tank top that they had given the woman to dress her in. It was all they had, they couldn't put her back into those rags they had found her in, and even Itachi's, who was the smallest of the three of them, clothes were still too big for her tiny form.
She was nervous being in a room of unfamiliar men, even if they looked to be around the same age as her. Although she did feel slightly more comfortable with the fact they were no longer wearing masks. She knew that they were there to help her, but it was hard to overcome the voice in the back of her mind that told her not to trust because they looked just like them.
"We'll be sure that they are buried properly." Kakashi said.
"Thank you." She said softly. Unsure of what to do next an awkward silence fell over the four. Itachi didn't much mind the lack of conversation for he was still constructing the letter to the Hokage. Kakashi cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck.
"So, uh, this is Tenzou," he said gesturing towards the brunette boy, then to the prodigy, "and Uchiha Itachi, and I'm Hatake Kakashi." She looked around nodding at each one of them in acknowledgment.
"It's nice to meet you all, I'm Amhara Tsoran." Kakashi's lips turned up slightly, we already know who you are. He gave her his signature crinkled eye smile.
"Nice to meet you too, Amhara-san. How do you feel? She didn't look like she was going to fall apart at the moment but he knew all too well to realize that her inner turmoil was boiling just right under the surface. Tsoran took a shaky breath and I thought she would burst right then and there. I wouldn't have blamed her. But instead she said something that they weren't quite expecting.
"All at once, and much too deeply." Was her insightful, yet offhanded sassy remark. Kakashi let out a nervous chuckle, while Itachi looked highly amused with her answer, well as amused as Itachi could look.
"Well, that's…something." Kakashi said with a small chuckle. The blonde had a hint of smile on her lips. Tsoran turned and gazed out the window. And an unreadable expression on her face. The three boys watched, waiting for her next move. It was a clouded afternoon, the snow was still coming down hard and all you could see was a big wall of white.
It reminded Kakashi of the first winter after Rin died. She loved the snow and everything that came with it. She used to force him and Obito out to the training ground to build snowmen and angels. He used to find it really annoying at how much she would beg and pull on them to get them to go with her, but now he would give anything to be able to face the cold and throw snowballs at his two friends. The memories felt like a kick to the gut.
He was brought out of his thoughts but a squeaking sound. Looking over he found that the heiress had gotten up out of bed and was wobbling over to the window on unsteady legs. She leaned against the wall and peered out, watching the little white flakes fly to the ground. Tsoran brought a small hand up to the fogged over glass and traced a circle in the condensated moisture, adding a two eyes and a large grin.
"When I was little my friend Anri-chan and I would run around the compound during the winter and make smiley faces like this one on the windows." She gave a small laugh. "We used to get into so much trouble by Katsuya, the head maid. She would catch us and scold us on how the grease on our little hands would leave unwanted marks once the fog went away. Then she'd make us wash the windows." She stared at the face she had made for a little while longer and began to rub her hands together.
"And now I wish that it was only grease I had to worry about being on my hands. And I wish that water could be used to wash everything away. And I wish that I didn't have to wish for such strange things."
Kakashi gave her a confused look, not understanding what she was talking about.
"What do you mean Amhara-san?" She turned back towards the silver haired man and raised her hands out in front of her.
"It's still there. Who ever tried to wash it off with water, it didn't work. It's still there." She said desperate for them to understand. The shot one another confused looks, was the stress getting to her?
"I mean I know it's not really there but I can still feel it, everywhere. In my hair, on my hands, my face, my legs. Everywhere!" Her eyes were pleading and scared again. She was on the verge of breaking. She abruptly turned back to the window and hurriedly wiped the drawing off of the window, leaving behind a smudge.
"What's everywhere?" Tenzou asked. Her eyes flashed to him and she slumped down onto the wooden floor.
"Their blood." She whispered as if she was afraid of her own answer. The three ninja stilled.
"It's my fault they all died. If I had given them what they wanted, they wouldn't have died." The tears were back, but none of them were brave enough to run down her cheeks, instead they stayed safe building up in her eyes. Survivor's guilt was to be expected. Kakashi got off the bed and kneeled in front of the girl.
"No, it's not your fault. Those men would have killed them whether or not you had given in." But Kakashi's words fell on deaf ears.
"But I should have protected them!" Tsoran shouted angrily. Kakashi's one eye widened, this was the first time she had spoken louder than a whisper. Her fists were clenched and her expression fierce.
"I should have fought harder, I-I should have killed them!" Angry tears made their way down her face.
"No, if you think you feel broken now, you can't even begin to imagine the guilt of killing someone." Kakashi argued bitterly.
"Doing evil and seeing evil being done but doing nothing about it, is the same thing." She replied scathingly. Her green eyes narrowed into angry slits; Kakashi bit back another sigh, one of the stages of grief is anger.
"No it's not." He said quietly. Tenzou and Itachi remained silent as they took in the scene unraveling in front of them. ANBU don't go on many rescue missions, mostly assassinations, so they didn't have much experience with the after effects of their job. Itachi was pretty young so seeing such emotion was strange for him, being around ninja most of the time; emotion isn't part of the deal. And Tenzou has never been good with other people's emotion to begin with.
Tsoran let out a frustrated huff and moved away from Kakashi. Without another word she opened up the door and rushed out.
"He-hey! Where are you going?" Kakashi yelled out after her, hustling to catch up. He told his other two team members that he'd handle it. Even though her muscles were still sore she had managed to make it to the staircase by the time Kakashi caught up.
"Where are you going?" He repeated, keeping in step with her.
"Kirigakure." She replied.
"The Land of Waves? Why?" Kakashi sputtered. She still had that angry look on her face, it made him uneasy because he was expecting her to do something rash.
"I've never been outside my clan's compound before and that's where I want to go." He was a little shocked at this statement that she's never been anywhere but chose to come back to it later.
"Ok well maybe another time, when people aren't trying to kidnap you." The girl scoffed and headed towards the door leading to outside. As they passed the front desk the old woman gave them an old look.
"People are always trying to do that Hatake-san." Right. He awkwardly rubbed the back of neck and gave her a crinkle eye smile.
"Yes, but maybe you can go once we make it back to the village first and talk to the Hokage." She stopped and met his eye, looking to be contemplating his suggestion.
"No." She turned and once again pushing open the doors and walking out into the snow. Tsoran wrapped her arms around her and her jaw clenched as the cold bit into her. She was only wearing that tank top and a spare pair of Itachi's training pants. Kakashi sighed and trudged after her. He gave up trying to convince her and instead just followed her around, she seemed determined to walk all the way to the Land of Waves, even if she was going in the wrong direction.
The snow began to come down harder and the young heiress slowed her pace. Her breathes were coming out in ragged little puffs and while her cheeks were red, her lips and extremities were blue. He let this go on for about twenty minutes or so before placing a hand on her shoulder. He knew that moving around made her feel better and less useless, it certainly had been that way for him, but he was a highly conditioned ANBU member he could take the extreme weather. However, she was a pampered heiress who had never left the confines of her comfortable home. She jumped slightly at his touch but stopped walking.
"We should go back this snow isn't going to let up." She looked up at him, her eyes had lost the anger and were back to that terrible lost expression. The uneasiness was creeping back up in Kakashi's stomach, this girl reminded him too much of himself. There was too much sadness and hurt and just plain brokenness in her. He didn't like it, not at all. Tsoran nodded and turned around to walk back to the inn, which was no longer in sight. When she stumbled through the snow Kakashi swiftly picked her up under her knees and brought her to his chest. It would be a big inconvenience if she got sick; they already had to delay their coming home by four days.
Tsoran looked up at him in surprise she hadn't expected him to do that for her. Of course her feet were numb and she was quite possibly freezing to death, but Konoha ANBU were known for their cold demeanor, compassion didn't really seem like their thing. Maybe I'm walking too slowly, he's probably cold too. She reasoned looking over his similar attire. She sighed, feeling guilty that she had impulsively run out into the storm unprepared and that he had come out after her.
"I'm sorry I drug you out here." Tsoran mumbled embarrassedly. If her blood wasn't already shunting away to her core to keep her warm, she would have blushed. Kakashi gave her a forced smile and waved off her apology giving her some spiel on how it's his duty or what not. It bothered her that he would attempt to be fake around her, but then again they didn't know each other so there wasn't any reason for him to be anything but.
Tsoran wasn't sure how she was supposed to act around the others either. She had always been around her clan members all her life, but now she was on her own. Of course she had met people from the outside, she had teachers and instructors and the occasional traveler. This was different though. Should she be fake with the people she meets? Like Hatake-san? She should operate with a defense mechanism already in place? It would be easier to not let anyone else in. To isolate myself and close off everything that hurts. Like my heart. She closed her eyes and took a deep steading breath.
No I can't take the easy way out and give up. No matter how much it hurts I have to fight to get through. I have to fight.
So this is revised, I didn't like my original take on this so I'm redoing it. Hope you all like it. I apologize for grammar errors. Please review! Oh and her name is pronounced like (Soar)(rin), the t is silent like in Tsunade's name. Thanks for reading!