I stare at the digital clock on my phone, it's already 6 am, I need to get up. With a sigh to my breath I get up and try to balance upon my unsteady feet. I stayed at Sonia's last night, we had sister time. Sounds extremely stupid, when I put it that way. A rough day yesterday left me with dark circles underneath my eyes. It's time to get ready, even though I'm not ready to face another batch of emotions; emotions are hard for me to convey. I get to the bathroom without falling over, the mirror now reflecting my dull complexion. It's time to face the world.
The red Ferrari enters the school car park, the sheen on that could make any shoe shiner envious. The warm sun hitting the bonnet.
Lorraine slowly gets out of the car, she had made herself look half decent and had concealed her lifeless skin. Beneath the mask was a longing, a longing that yesterday would be here today and she could start with a better beginning. The reminder that gave her shivers through her aching bones. Nikki was one of the good things she had going on in her life, but she had to go and mess that up too.
Without thinking twice, she took her bag and walked into the office.
"Hello campers" Lorraine smirked
The other teachers now looking at her as though they were the pupils. It was kind of true, Lorraine was the benefactor and they were all her minions. Nikki looked up with a distant glare, her eyes red from crying the previous day. Lorraine took a deep breathe in and started her speech.
"I expect you all to be on your best behaviour today, I need this school to shine. There's a new pupil coming today, so I hope you've got your engines ready"
The teachers of Waterloo Road never listened to Lorraine, tolerated her yes, but listen; never.
Brooklyn Lerenn walked through the gates of Waterloo Road. Her hair dark, extremely long and she had the greenest eyes. Taking a deep breathe in and a longer sigh out, she walked up the stairs and towards the doors. With a pull to the doors they opened, she had now entered into a bright and intriguing corridor. A sofa sat in the middle of the plastic floor and there were lockers all around. Brooklyn had no idea where she had to go, so she sat nervously on the sofa, hoping someone would come along and show her the ropes. After ten minutes of waiting and twiddling her thumbs, someone came and stood over the sofa where she sat. It was Nikki Boston, a respected deputy head at Waterloo Road.
"Hello are you waiting for someone or something?" Nikki asked
"Er, yes I'm new here and I have no idea where the hell I'm supposed to be" Brooklyn answered
"Oh, don't worry, I will take you to Mr Byrne's office" Nikki gave a wave of her arm, as if to say follow me.
It was only five minutes to the office and Nikki could hear Michael and Lorraine arguing over the school once again. Nikki nocked on the door and the shouting stopped. All of a sudden she heard
"come in!"
Without hesitation she opened the door and said
"There's a new pupil not knowing where she's supposed to be"
"Bring her in" Michael suggested
Nikki brought Brooklyn in and left the room.
Lorraine sat in her chair with the back of it turned facing Brooklyn and Michael. Michael was about to speak, when Lorraine turned around to leave the room. Lorraine twirled her chair round and froze in horror. Her mouth dropped open a little as her eyes glazed over with tears and suppressed memories. Brooklyn looked in shock at Lorraine, she knew the woman.
"Michael, can you give us a minute, I know her mother" Lorraine asked bluntly; it was a lie of course, well sort of.
Michael nodded his head and left the office.
Before Lorraine could get a word out, Brooklyn was letting tears fall down her new uniform and held her mouth tightly; she was going to be sick. Brooklyn ran to the nearest thing she could find, which was a small bin and threw up violently.
"Brooklyn!" Lorraine went over to put her hand on Brooklyn's back to see if she was ok, but Brooklyn shouted and edged away.
"No, no don't touch me. They told me" Brooklyn let out a cry and looked Lorraine in the eyes.
"Told you what?" Lorraine asked
"THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DEAD!" The scream was defining, Lorraine thought how could such a loud scream come from such a small frame.
Brooklyn continued
"It wasn't enough for my mother to send me away, but for them to tell me you were dead, that's sick! I mourned you every day, every night I'd cry into my pillow. I used to think it was cliche, but now I know what it feels like. Why did they do that?"
Lorraine just stared at Brooklyn longing to hold her, they had a history and people never agreed with the relationship they had, they never liked the age gap.
They shared memories and secrets, they also shared the same intellect. They were both on the same level as each other, in love.
"What, what do you mean they said I was dead" Lorraine confused
"I laid a white rose in this small stream every Sunday, yeah it's really not you, even me, but I was lost. I had no one left, nothing." Brooklyn still crying fell to the floor, distraught and weak.
Lorraine rushed to the side of her holding her arm. Then it happened, a flashback.
I walked into that bar with my head held high, I was confident and a little cocky. I moved over to the bar, just hoping some guy would get me a drink. The bar man came over and passed me a drink, I hadn't even ordered, then words left his mouth. A tall, dark handsome guy had just bought me a drink, jackpot I thought. Yes, I liked the attention, but not the men. My type is far from any tall, dark handsome guy. I laughed to myself as I thought about how no one could tell, how everyone assumed. I took a sip of my ice cold Jack Daniels, the guy could have known me; JD was my favourite. I took another sip of my drink and then my eyes caught a glimpse of the most piercing eyes I'd ever seen. Her hair dark and thick, it was extremely beautiful. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a see through cream blouse, I liked the fact you could see her bra. She was hot and that's all that went through my head. I took another sip of my drink, trying to think how I'd get her attention. I casually took my drink over to the table near to where she was sitting. She didn't even notice me, I found that hard to believe; I was wearing red! I was looking at how she took small breathes in, her chest rising, she looked nervous. A guy walked over to her and she smiled sweetly, looked him in the eyes. She didn't know him, because she sunk a little into her chair as he leant over. She nodded her head, to silently say no and he left her. His hands were in his pockets and his smile had completely disappeared from his mouth. It couldn't have been good news. She fiddled with her drink on the table and tucked one side of her hair behind her ear. She looked so innocent, as though she was intimidated by all the strong men around. She finally looked up and over at me, I'd finally caught her eye. She looked me in the eye and giggled, suddenly looking away. I laughed also looking down, but tilted my head up to see if she'd look again. Her eyes were now drifting all around, on everything but me. I felt disappointed and hoped she would come over, but she never did. I had finished my drink, when the urge came to piss. I got up left my seat plus my empty glass and went to find the toilets.
Pulling the toilet roll to wipe, I heard the door creek open. I thanked god for letting me finish before someone came in ( I hate pissing in public) I opened the cubical door and went to wash my hands, next to me stood the girl with the beautiful eyes, well beautiful everything. She was looking into the mirror, slowly fixing her hair as I watched. I smiled at her, she smiled back and asked me what label I was wearing. I told her Gucci proudly. She didn't seem shocked at the fact I had money. I had a lot of money and always had men drooling over that very fact. I hated the way men could be, but women were just as bad. She looked over at me and discreetly looked at my dress and the way it hugged my figure. She told me I looked nice, her voice warm and welcoming. She had a husky tinge to her London accent. I thanked her and she started to apply lip gloss to her cupids bow. I was about to walk away when I had this sudden boost of confidence, yes I'm confident, but she made me a little nervous. I turned around and asked if she would like to join me for a drink, she looked surprised, but agreed. I felt a hot buzz ride through my body as she smiled cheekily at me. I'm sure I was blushing.
We both got to the table I sat at and I told her I'd get her a drink. She asked for a coke, I then remembered I didn't even know her name. I got back and passed Brooklyn her drink, that name was edgy and I found it kind of sexy. Her name really did suit her. She thanked me and I told her it was no problem. Her lips touched the glass as I tapped my hands on the table. We sat at that table for hours, telling each other about one another. She had my attention from the very beginning, she was so interesting and when she was passionate about a topic, she glistened. I loved the way she smiled, she had two dimples on her cheeks and two underneath her bottom lip. Her smile made me smile, it was infectious. We soon got kicked out of the pub, due to it being closing time. The hours truly did feel like minutes. We left and stood outside the pub doors, she was about to trail off into the darkness, the night swallowing up the surroundings. I couldn't let her walk home, not walk home alone. I offered her a lift and she accepted, even though she took some convincing. I drove to her address, pulling up to this magnificent house. It was huge, she obviously had money, no wonder she took no interest in the label of my dress. I gasped a little as she was such a down to earth being, who wasn't the kind to flash the cash; unlike me. She looked at me and said goodnight, I didn't know whether this was a good time to lean in for a kiss, but I don't even know her sexual orientation. I don't even want to consider myself as gay, let alone guess about someone else's sexuality. I left it at that and we exchanged numbers, I was going to meet with her for a coffee the following week. This was only the second time I'd gotten a girls number, sounds stupid, but only men seemed to be interested. It's hard not wanting to be 'out', but at the same time, it doesn't help your love life.
She was twenty, her name was Brooklyn and now nothing else was sitting on my mind. I got home and had a quick shower before putting my shorts and tank top on, all ready for bed. How was I supposed to sleep, when all I could think about was her. I stared at my bedroom ceiling for what felt like forever, next week was too far away, I wanted to see her sooner. I pulled my phone over to me and scrolled through the contacts, Brooklyn came up and I had an urge to call, but ended up texting her. Said something about meeting earlier and she texted back straight away, as though she was staring at her bedroom ceiling. We were now seeing each other Sunday, it was Friday.
Sunday came around, the weekend seemed to drag. I had just gotten up and went to run the bath. I liked my baths super hot and steamy, I liked the way it made me feel like I had worked out, but without the work. I laid in the crystal water, the water still with no bubbles. I laid my head on the side without the taps, laid it down to stare at yet another ceiling; this was becoming a habit. I'm a confident, independent woman, but meeting Brooklyn in three hours, made my body tingle. I was surprisingly nervous, nervous about everything. What if I messed this up and I still didn't even know if she was gay. My mind had just about given me all the scenarios it could, when I found myself looking into the long mirror in my bedroom. I was wearing tight trousers, that were cropped at the ankles, they were in black. I had a white shirt with an emerald tailored jacket, I was also wearing a black tie. I loved this outfit, although I wasn't sure whether it made me seem a bit office worker. I had black heels, I always wore heels, I'm 5' 1. I think Brooklyn must be about the same height as me, which was a bonus. Why was I even thinking about how that would affect our kissing? I don't even know if she likes me like that, but what if she is a lesbian, blimey I'm such an idiot.
I finally got into my car, it took exactly two hours to get myself ready. I had too many thoughts swarming my tired mind, so I decided to put some music on. I don't look like the type, but I do love a bit of W.A.S.P. I had the music blaring and it was a hot day, so the windows were rolled down. I had a cigarette in one hand, to try and calm my nerves, but before I knew it, I was at the Fat Cat cafe. I took some gum out of my jacket pocket and popped it into my mouth like a druggie to pills. I got out of the car and walked over to the entrance of the cafe. I knew this cafe well, me and my best friend used to come here, they were good memories.
I walked into the glass doors into the light sitting area, I figured if I sat near the window, Brooklyn would be able to see me. I sat patiently waiting, putting my gum into some tissue, when a girl in dungarees suddenly sat opposite me.
"Hey" she lightly said
It was Brooklyn, she looked so different from the other night. She was wearing denim dungarees with a white t shirt and Dr Martins. Her hair was up, a curly mess with a scarf wrapped around her head. She looked hip and young, well she was. I greeted her with a smile and asked what she would like to drink. I went over to the till and asked if I could have two hot chocolates, I casually looked back and asked if she wanted marshmallows; I definitely did. After I had paid for the hot chocolates, I walked over to where we were sitting. We both smiled at each other and started chatting. We had barely gotten five minutes into the conversation, when the cafe guy brought our drinks over.
"Thank you for the hot chocolate, you really didn't need to pay" Brooklyn sat blowing on her drink to cool it down.
"Honestly it's fine and looking at the size of the house I took you back to, I know you're not going to want me for my money"
What the hell was I saying? She wasn't even my girlfriend and I barely knew her, half of my problems were due to being too blunt. She looked taken aback, because if my stupid words. I smiled at her awkwardly and asked her what she did for a living. Her eyes lit up like a little puppy when you're eating dinner.
"I'm a musician" she replied
I had an idea that she was creative, because of her outfit, but being a musician definitely sat well with me. It was kind of a turn on after hearing she was a classically trained pianist. I told her I'd have to watch her perform someday and she accepted. I was excited, I could only think about how she had agreed to a possible second date. Why do I always get ahead of myself, maybe she was just being friendly.
The cafe had just gotten a little crazy, with it being Sunday you'd think it would be quite, but this is London after all. I asked if she would like to get out of this place, we had finished our drinks a while ago and I couldn't stand being in the crowded cafe. We both left and she suggested some place I'd never heard of. I asked if she had come by car and she said she couldn't drive, so we ended up in my car driving to the most beautiful location. I pulled up to where she said I could park and we both got out, it was breathtaking. She had directed me to a hillside, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. We took a seat on the grass, I took my jacket off and sat on it. I felt a little bad that I had something to sit on and she didn't, so I offered her the jacket, but she replied with
"It's only a little bit of dirt, it's fine."
I looked away, a little embarrassed at how stupid I was being, all down to the fact these trousers were designer. I looked out into the distance, at the scorching sun hitting the buildings, it was truly one of the most beautiful views I'd ever seen. We sat in silence for a while, then the silence broke.
"I forgot to mention, that you look really pretty today" Brooklyn's warm voice laid in the depths of my ears, she was such a down to earth girl. She had money, but without the snobbery. I replied with a thank you and shyly looked down to the grass before us.
"So how many guys have you taken here then?" my London accent sounded so broad even to myself.
She giggled and replied with an embarrassing
"Um well guys aren't really... My thing, er I'm a lesbian, but you're the first girl I've taken here"
Subconsciously I knew it, I knew she accepted my offer of coming out, because she liked me. I was so fearful of rejection, but there really was nothing to worry about.
"I know what you mean" I laughed
She looked at me flirtatiously, I didn't know whether in that moment I should kiss her. She was biting her bottom lip a little and before I could swoop in, she looked away. It left me wanting to kiss her even more, she suddenly got up and held her hand out to grab mine. She pulled me up and we were soon walking across the hill, I was still admiring the view. I let go of her hand, but she grabbed hold of it and pulled me backwards. I was now standing right in front of her, so close I could feel her heartbeat. I was sure that she could feel mine too, mine was rapidly beating as though I'd ran for miles. I looked into her sea green eyes and she looked into mine.
"Wow, you're really beautiful" she mumbled
I smiled and looked down at the floor, I felt like a sixteen year old teenager. I looked up again and her eyes locked onto mine once again, she was stroking my hair away from my face and her touch sent electricity through my flesh. I'd never had that before, this felt as though I'd just gotten hit by lightning. She leant in and that was the moment I knew it was ok to kiss her. Our faces just millimetres away from each others, her breath soft and low. I leant in more, she was the one who pulled me in, but now all of a sudden she seemed nervous. I went in even further, pulled her head towards mine, cupping her face. She had her hands around my waist, it felt good, it felt comforting. Our lips were now intertwined and our hearts beating to the same rhythm. Our kiss got slowly more passionate and then our tongues were touching, the taste of warm chocolate still engrave on her lips. I pulled away my breath slightly panting, as that kiss was so hot. We both smiled like kids at each other and I took her hands from my waist and locked my fingers in hers.
We spent the rest of the day there, we sat curled into each other, silent bliss. It was soon nightfall and I knew I needed to get home for work the next day. I could see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes as I told her I needed to leave. I drove her home yet again, trying no to get a fine for being too fast, I had a need for speed. I pulled beside her place and thanked her for joining me.
"It was really nice, today was really nice" Brooklyn's voice so low I could barely hear her. I looked over at her and kissed her again, her lips creasing a little, because a smile wanted to creep up. We said goodnight and I watched her slowly unlock her door and go in. I felt so alone in that moment, it felt so good having her beside me and now to go back to an empty apartment, it felt so cold.
I unlocked the door to my apartment and stepped inside, I was right it did feel cold. I couldn't be bothered to have a bath, not even a shower. I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to unbutton my shirt, getting frustrated at how they seemed too tiny. I was soon laying semi naked on my crisp white sheets. I had messed the duvet cover, by lumping down onto the bed. I really couldn't give a shit, I was so tired. I had only my lace knickers on and my blonde curls fell neatly down just above my breasts. I needed to get inside the duvet instead of laying on the outside, but I couldn't even manage that. What had gotten into me? I felt wrecked, although I admit I didn't sleep the previous night, due to nerves consuming my whole body. I laid there for about twenty minutes and then I couldn't remember the rest.
"Lorraine?" Brooklyn asked
Lorraine had finally snapped out of her own memories and realised where she was, her eyes glistened with tears. Lorraine looked back at Brooklyn and sharply told her to get out of the office.
"What?! So now that I've found out you're alive, you're not going to even sit down and speak to me" tears still streaming Brooklyn's face.
"Get out!" The tone of Lorraine's voice now cold and bitter.
Brooklyn did as she was told and left the room, left Lorraine leaning over her own desk in disbelief. Lorraine felt confused and numb.
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