Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

Well, once upon a time, it was me. Snow White, the most beautiful princess in all the land. I was blessed with beautiful pale skin, red lips, black hair, and a singing voice that divas would give their right leg for.

Of course, that thing with my step-mother was a real problem. I had to live with some dwarves for a while, THAT was hell, but I managed to put a positive spin on it. And I met some really nice animals there, they helped clean that little hovel the dwarves were living in. And then there was the whole poisoned apple thing, god that was SO painful, I thought my stomach was being shredded.

And then the next time I woke up I was in a coffin! With this man standing over me, a proper man, not a dwarf. His kiss had brought me back to life! We got married, it was a beautiful ceremony, the dwarves were there, and my little animal friends, and we went on a lovely romantic honeymoon, the wedding night wasn't as good as I expected but I knew it would improve with time. I was Princess Snow White, I had some lovely rooms, a handsome husband, and when my father in law died I was crowned Queen and the ruler of a beautiful, prosperous land.

But it wasn't a happily ever after. The poison was still in my body, there was no way to get rid of it, and it continued to do its work, slowly but surely.

I didn't realise anything was wrong at first, during those wonderful early years as princess. But after his father died my husband, Prince Charming, started to talk about having children. Well of course, I don't mind children, but frankly I preferred animals, they couldn't argue back or throw tantrums or anything like that. But royal duty is royal duty and I figured all I would need was one son and then my husband would have his heir and I'd be done on the baby front, there were plenty of witches in the kingdom that could tell me how to conceive a son and I took their advice.

Did it work? DID IT HELL! The first thing the poison did was destroy my fertility. Once or twice I thought I might be pregnant but then my cycle would start and prove I was wrong. I bribed a few doctors to tell the King that there was no problem with me, so he'd think it was him. And that worked, for a while. He disappeared for a few weeks in the summer, hunting and that kind of rubbish, and came back in a very cheerful mood.

A year later and I had the shock of my life. This woman, this...BLONDE woman with big blue eyes and perfect cheekbones shows up on MY doorstep carrying two baby boys, claiming that my husband raped her! She said her name was Aurora, although she had been nicked named "Sleeping Beauty" after being cursed by a witch to sleep for 100 years, that my husband the King had found her during his little hunting expedition and tried to wake her with a kiss (like he had done with me), but when that hadn't worked he lifted her skirt, had a go on her, and then left. She had slept all the way through the birth and only woken up when one of them had sucked the thorn out of her finger while trying to get milk.

I tried to get rid of her but she insisted on seeing my husband. The look on his face when he saw her standing there, I realised it was true. Sleeping Beauty said she didn't want the boys, she wasn't ready for a family, so she handed them over to him then and there and left. The King said he would never speak to or see her again, but he would raise his sons as his own. He now knew that I was the wrong unable to have children, but at least he had two heirs.

And things got worse. The next thing the poison affected was my voice. One day I was singing in the bath and suddenly I hit a flat note. I had NEVER hit a flat note in my life before! It quickly got worse, by the end of it I couldn't sing, and when talking my voice was horrible and raspy. My hair started to turn gray. I was only 30 and I had GRAY hair! By the time I was 32 it was completely gray, flat and lifeless, you have no idea how much work I put in to it every morning just to make it curl a little bit.

The King stopped coming to my rooms, and my bed. My animal friends stopped visiting because I couldn't summon them by singing; even the dwarves became more interested in their stupid jewel mine than me.

And then the poison started to affect my brain. I can't see properly any more, even with these glasses on, I can't smell or taste much anymore. I hear things, or don't hear things. When I sleep I have terrible dreams, so I spend most of the night sitting up in bed with the candles all lit until I am too exhausted to do anything except sleep, and then I tend to wake up regularly, I only get two or three hours sleep a night, and that's been going on for five years now. And of course that means I have bags under my eyes, my snow white skin is now the colour of cold porridge, I'm not even forty yet and I look like I am close to ninety!

My King lied about never seeing Sleeping Beauty, he moved her in as soon as my hair started to go gray, gave her a whole suite of extravagant rooms, took her out hunting and horse riding, bought her every kind of dress and piece of jewellery, even more than he gave to me when we were first married. He told the servants to make sure I stick to my own rooms as he didn't want me to be seen in public, he took Beauty out instead, with their sons. They have more than twin sons now, she's proved to be very fertile, two more boys and two girls over the past 6 years, all of them beautiful, angelic little children.

Well it won't be a complete happy ending for them either. My most loyal servant managed to get hold of this sword for me. There's some big party downstairs tonight, to celebrate the latest little prince that Beauty managed to squeeze out. I'm going to stand at the top of the ballroom stairs, where they will all see me! I will tell them what the King has done, betrayed me and swapped me for some cheap blonde tart, and then I will drive this sword straight in to my heart. Or maybe I'll slice at a few of them first.

I have been forgotten by them all these past years, but my death is something they will remember forever.