Humanity is not a skin issue
Author's note.Hi minna-san! This is my first fanfiction so please don't be too rough with me. I'm new at this, so it will be like "shooting on the red cross" (it's an Italian saying, meaning "Taking aim at an easy target"). I have got an hard time to convince myself to post it (I think I'm even more shy than Zel). So if you're reading this it's because I finally have gathered enough courage to do such a thing…gods I'm so ashamed. By the way, I know the title sucks, sorry, my muse was out for shopping when I chose it. Ok enough rambling from me *deep breath* that's the story.
Disclaim: I don't own Slayers. Slayers' aren't mine. I don't make money from this (look at my empty pocket if you don't believe me) so please don't sue me.
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Blood. A lot of blood. The sight she fear the most. And her hands were almost covered whit it. Too much blood. His blood. But how was it possible? His skin was stone so how could he bled? Then she shifted her gaze from her hands to him and the memory struck her. Gaav! The Dark Lord was going to kill her with his huge sword! But Zelgadis had protected her. He had jumped in front of the mazoku to take the blow aimed at her. He had saved her. And got hurt. Badly.
She woke up whit a shriek. Her hands trembled and her whole body was covered with sweat. She let go the deadly grip on her blanket and stared to the dark room that surrounded her. That nightmare. Again. That memory to be exact. But in the dream she hadn't be able to use Resurrection on him. He had just died on the ground, covered with blood, wounded by a sword. Just like her. She was a little child when her mother was killed in front of her and Gracia but she remembered the blood. It was almost all she could remember.
But the nightmare. Why Zelgadis and why just now? now that all was quiet. That no mazoku was after all of them. Now that they were coming back to Saillune and to their normal life. She can't understand. She can't figure out what was wrong. Of course she was a shrine maiden so she had premonition power and maybe this nightmare could be a sign. A premonition. But why had to be the blood? Why Zelgadis's blood? She considered for a moment to tell the others what was happening but what could she say? And to who? Lina-san would just make fun of her and Gourry-san probably had completely forgot they battle against Gaav. This left Zelgadis-san and Xellos-san. But how could she trust Xellos-san's word if even he'll tell her something at all instead of his trademark sentence. And Zelgadis-san was simply out of question. She couldn't tell him she dreamed of him. It was too embarrassing.
With a sigh she headed out of the bed. Like the other night sleep was now out of question. So she get up and decided to get downstairs to see if there was something left in the kitchen to eat. If Lina-san and Gourry-san had left something edible at all in the whole inn, of course. She giggled a little at the thought of her two friends battle over their meal. Sayloon's cook hadn't yet recovered from the last time Lina-san and Gourry-san stayed at the palace. Amelia was sure that when they'll show up the poor man will suffer of a sudden nervous breakdown.
The sun hadn't yet raised so the kitchen was completely dark but a little spell provided enough light to allow her to find something suitable for eating and she sat to a large table to eat a small sandwich. Her mind still lingered on the possible meaning of her dream. Maybe they were just her worries about him getting hurt again. No it can't be. She'll always worried about her friends get hurt. So why start dreaming of it now? Nonsense. Maybe she was insecure about herself. About her power. Maybe she wasn't sure to be good enough to heal her friends if they were in trouble. This was a possibility. But again, why start now?
While her thought were going in that direction, a small noise caught her attention. She stand up in a second assuming a defense position letting go the light spell hovering in her hand and preparing an Elmekia Lance instead. As the power gathered in her hands, she called "Who's there? Show yourself right now, otherwise the Hammer of Justice will strike upon you! It's really unjust to spy people while hiding in the dark!". A sweat-drop could at this point be seeing on the kitchen threshold from where the noise had come. "It's me Amelia" said a deep voice while the owner cast a light spell of his own "And I wasn't hiding. You just hadn't give me time to call you"
"Zelgadis-san! You scared me!" complaint Amelia lowering her hands and letting the prepared spell go dissipated. "I thought you were a villain! I almost Elmekia lanced you!"
"Sorry about that" replied the chimera reaching the table at the centre of the room "I just heard you going downstairs and wondered what was the problem. Can't sleep?"
"Sort of" said evasively the black haired girl. "And I was hungry!" she added with a smile, hoping to change subject. She can't say a lie even if she wanted and otherwise tell lies is always very unjust!
"I see" stated Zel noticing her half eaten sandwich. "Don't you mind if I join you? I really will enjoy a cup of coffee"
His aqua eyes were fixed on her and she couldn't do anything but blush and lower her gaze "Of course Zelgadis-san! I'll be glad to have company. Please sit down, I'll prepare your coffee in a second!" she was so happy he want actually spend some time with her that she miss completely the thoughtful look in his eyes.
"Thank you, Amelia" his hand now holding a warm cup of coffee, Zel sat on the opposite side of the table Amelia was sitting.
"You're welcome!" He's so handsome. How could he think he's a monster. He just look so great. Her gaze was so intense he could feel her eyes upon him. The feeling wasn't so bad but it was a little uncomfortable. He blushed and coughed lightly to gain her attention.
She snapped out of her dream world into reality and resuming eat her early breakfast.
"So, did you have another nightmare?" asked Zel bluntly.
"How did you…" she started but then lowered her gaze and simply said "yes"
"I have a pretty good hearing you know. I can hear your scream from my room. It happen quite often lately. Every night in the last week in effect. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm sorry I interrupted your righteous sleep Zelgadis-san. I'll try to not wake you up again. It's just a dream, you know. Nothing to worry about, I assure you. Maybe it's just stress" she said sheepishly. She know it wasn't the plain truth but it wasn't a lie either. She really don't know if there was something to worry about and with the last event she felt completely worn out!
"Yes, we had a lot of stress lately" he said softly. "But you're not just a girl, you're a shrine maiden. If it is always the same dream it could be a premonition. So, don't underestimate it."
"Actually, it's a memory, not a simple dream" she gave in with a sigh. Maybe he could really help her to understand it. She was so embarrassed but now was too late to turn back. She blushed a fierce red, took a deep breath and continued "it's from when we fought Gaav. The time when you got hurt in my place. In my dream I can't cast Resurrection and I woke up while staring at my hands covered whit your blood" she blurted.
He fell silent thinking about what she had just said. He remembered quite well that moment. It had scared him to hell to see her injured before Milgasia saved her. He had felt so helpless. So, when Gaav was going to hurt her again he can't stand to see her in danger. He simply jumped between her and Gaav's sword with his chimeric speed without thinking. An incredible pain had exploded in his back when the sword had cut his stone skin sinking inside his flesh. And then the next thing he remembered was Amelia hovering over him casting a spell, Resurrection probably, over him. He can't recall her hands covered with blood but it was very probable seeing the wide strain that covered his outfit at the end of that adventure.
Seeing his thoughtful face, Amelia found herself thinking another possible option for the meaning of that dream. Maybe she could even gathering enough courage to tell him this hypothesis that was forming in her mind.
Taking another deep breath she stood up from the chair she was sitting and approached the chimera on the other side of the table. He saw her coming just when she was a foot from him and raised his stare. A quizzical expression written all over his face.
Without a word she leaned closer and seated just inches from him. "Maybe I know the meaning of my dream. Can I ask you a question Zelgadis-san?" a look of determination in her deep blue eyes. "I know it's a very personal question, and it's something you probably don't want to talk about but it's necessary to know if my hypothesis about my dream is right. So, can I ask it?"
Her big blue eyes locked whit his. Fear started to run inside him. What if she ask me if I love her? What can I answer? He tried to find a way to get out of this but can't come up with a reason good enough. Damn! He couldn't deny nothing to her especially when she was looking directly at him. Her gaze was just hypnotizing.
In the end he sighed and gave in "Sure" was the simply answer.
She closed her eyes for a moment to take a deep breath hoping this'll help to calm her racing heart. Then she set her gaze on him again and with a deadly seriousness asked "Why do you hate your body so much Zelgadis-san?"
At first he think he just had misunderstand her question. He managed to not fall from the chair but actually face faulted on the table. The smashing sound of a stone face landing ungracefully over a wood table was loud enough to wake up the whole inn. Fortunately the kitchen was far enough from the rooms so nobody showed up to ask them what were they doing this early in the morning.
He picked himself out of the table, in which of course some of his wire hair had struck in, and, an hand rubbing his sore nose, stared at her in disbelief. "Y-You're telling me that after almost five year you hadn't yet understood that I hate this body?? You're kidding me, right?"
She stared back at him untouched "No, Zelgadis-san. I know you hate your body, I just can't understand why you hate it"
He was going to say something to leave the table and the conversation but she stopped him laying a soft hand over his mouth. "Let me explain, please, Zelgadis-san" she withdrew her hand and continued "I have thinking on that for a long time and simply can't get up with a reason good enough. You hate your body stone that's obvious. But why? It can't be a mere appearance question. I'm sure you aren't so superficial to give so much importance to the exterior of a person. Maybe it could be the way the strangers treat you but in Saillune everybody know you as a hero and aren't afraid of you anymore. Nobody will see you with suspicious eyes and the same is in Sairaarg and even in Taforashia. So you could just stay in one of this kingdoms and nobody will ever bother you. Or you could settle in another place and after the first impact everybody will know you and treat you like a normal people. So what is the REAL problem with your body?"
Her hands were pressed on the table surface as she was standing beside him. Her head turned to him to stare directly in his eyes. She had spoken with a soft tone but her body was tense and twitched slightly. Her words, just like her eyes, were so full with determination that he completely forgot what was about to say. So he simply fell silent, lowering his head to stare at the table.
Amelia noticed his astonishment and decided to quietly wait for an answer. A slight blush covered her features but it wasn't embarrassment. It was the result of the speech she had made. She had put all her feeling in those word. All her love for him.
After a moment of silence he regained control of his mind and come out with a resigned sigh "It's not my appearance the problem Amelia" said finally raising his head. She refused to lower her stare and with a slight nod of her head signed for him to continue.
"The problem is that I am not a human! Every time I look at myself my reflection remind me that I'm a freak. The problem is not the way I look on the outside. Is the way I feel on the inside." That's it. He had said it. He had spoken of his feeling. At last he had done such a thing. He never got so far with anyone. Not from the "incident". Not from his change. And even before that he had never talk to nobody about his feeling because there was nobody to talk to in the first place. Zolf and Rodimus were more parental figure than friends and Dilgear and Noonsa wasn't friends at all. They were just minion. Rezo, well, he was his mentor. He had taught him shamanism and black magic as well as almost practically all he knew. Music, literature, art, history and so on. He never had a mother or any female figure to teach him how to deal with his feeling so he simply ignored them. Until now. Until when a young, cheerful and caring princess showed up in his life to force him to look inside himself. To unlock all his feeling. To try to understand them. It was unbelievable how easily she had avoided all his mental shield to get inside his head. And inside his heart. Just unbelievable. And amazing.
She had taken his words and was now frantically thinking to figure out how to proceed. He had just opened a bit to her. If she wasn't careful he could close again inside himself.
Instead of the words she finally opted for a simple action. She sat down on her chair beside him again and raised her hands to reach his face. She carefully and shyly landed her hands over his cheeks cupping them.
At this move he snapped to reality and look stunned the girl sitting at his side. She wasn't staring in his eyes, instead her gaze was directed at the skin on his face. Her hands probing his skin with her little fingers.
His skin was warm and very flexible. It had to be, otherwise he couldn't move or talk. So smooth. Amazing. Even the little stone encased in his chin and around his eyes were smooth and warm.
"You're warm" she whispered. Her heart racing because of adrenaline and the wonderful feeling this simple contact was rising inside her. "Just like I thought. This confirmed my hypothesis" she added after a moment. The blood in my dream wasn't a premonition, she thought, it was a way of my mind to show me how to help him to understand something important about himself. I just hope he will let me show him how human he is.
He was froze on the spot. When she had taken his face in her hands his mind had stopped. And so had his breath and everything inside him. His heart started to run again just a moment later. He had touched her in other occasion. During a battle when they casted some spell and when she was in danger to put her out of the way. He had even smacked her on the head when she deserved. But this contact was different. This was a skin contact and was much intimate than any other he had had in a lot of time. Years maybe. Her soft hands were sending an amazing sensation down on his back and his wire hairs on his neck were standing up. He knew he had to stop this. To withdraw from her touch. To broke the contact. But his body simply refuse to comply. So he froze. He barely dare to breath and could do nothing but stare at her in amazement. Then her words brought him back to reality. "What hypothesis?"
She thought for a moment, then went on "Your body is warm. That mean that you've got blood running inside yourself. And is not far from the surface. Otherwise you won't be able to blush. And if there is blood there are organs as well. You're not made entirely of stone. Just your skin. A thin layer who protect the human part of you" she made a pause and he took advanced of her hesitation to withdraw and make a point "Humans don't have a stone skin!"
She was disappointed by the broken contact but her features showed only determination "But it isn't a skin to make a human what it is. Otherwise a person whit his skin completely burned won't be human. So it isn't your skin to make you less human. Your golem part is only on the outside. Just like a dress, or a glove." She pointed to his hands.
He frowned. How could his skin not be a clear sign of he not be human? Was she right? Was he more human that he had used to think after all? It can't be!
"Even if my skin wasn't a problem, there is always the demon part of me. He isn't confined in a spot. He's merged with my soul. So I'm not just a human with an awful skin!" he smirked. Sadly, his logical mind had made a point.
She looked up for a second in deep thought. This was difficult. Very tough. But she wasn't going to give up so easily. "Actually, I think the demon part is what help you to feel more human!" she said with a sly smirk.
He stared ad her in disbelief. "WHAT?" his eyes wide open and his first clenched.
Amelia noticed he was becoming angry so she raised her arms in defense and hurried to make an explanation for her previous statement. "Don't take it wrong Zelgadiss-san, I'm not making a fool of you. Just think over it. What power your demon part is giving you?"
He angrily stuttered "W-why did you ask this?"
"Please Zelgadiss-san, answer my question" pleaded Amelia with a sad look on her face.
Even if angry he can't bear her watering eyes so, defeated, he meekly explained "Enhanced speed, strength, magical ability and improved senses"
"What senses?" asked innocently her.
"All of them" he replied "Sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch"
"Just like I thought. Can't you see Zelgadis-san? The demon part is what give you the humanity the golem part took away" she said softly.
Zel was at a loss of word. She was using logical to win this conversation. To compel him to change his mind! She was smart, he know this, but he never thought she could be so smart! Her last sentence was sinking inside him and comprehension start to forming inside his mind. "You're saying that if I hadn't the demon part I won't feel nothing touching my skin?"
"Exactly" stated Amelia standing upright again. Eyes sparkling with joy she added "The enhanced sensed allow you to feel like a normal person with ordinary skin, with the advantage of being practically invulnerable and much more stronger of any other man! Your condition isn't a bad thing, if you could just stop moping yourself about how bad you look you could be happy with what you have!"
"But how could I have a normal life looking that way? How could anyone stand around me without being horrified ad disgusted at my sight? I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life!" he hadn't really meaning to say this words aloud but they are come out before he could stop them. For the first time in so long he was having an emotional breakdown. He felt all his barrier gone, and was showing all his most inner fear to Amelia. Of the all person of the world just to her. The girl he cared about so much.
She was taken aback by his outburst but recovered quickly. Anger was flowing inside her now. "How could you think nobody will wish to be near you? There are lots of person who will simply love to be just around you. You are the most clever, caring and handsome person I ever met in my life. And considering the fact that I have to meet people for work this it's quite a lot. I'll be just glad to be around you for the rest of my life and you would had noticed it if you wouldn't be so busy to be the 'gloomy heartless magical swordsman' you seem too much enjoy to be!" she stopped to catch her breath. The anger was now slowly subsiding inside her blood. Her fist clenched. Her face flushed. Her whole body trembling. The mix of emotion had taken completely control of her. Finally, tears began to flow from her eyes. Her quiet sob catching his attention again.
He had fall in a shock state caused from her words. She wanted be around him. Did she mean she want him? That she had feeling for him? That she actually loveshim? That can't be true. He must have imagined all. Maybe it was just a dream. He would wake up in the morning inside an inn's room with Gourry snoring in the bed across from his…that were his thought when she started to sob.
He snapped his head in her direction and finally, finally everything became clear. Clear as water. He hadn't paid enough attention to her. He hadn't paid enough attention to himself either. If he had he would have noticed long ago that something more of a friendship was standing between them. Something deeper and stronger. He finally had understood.
Suddenly Amelia felt a shy arm wrapping her in an awkward hug. Her heart skip a beat and almost instantly returned the hug, softly sobbing in his chest. They stand this way for a long time, keeping comfort from each other, then he raised a hand over her cheek and whispered a soft "Thank you". Her answer never came out aloud because he leaned over her locking her lips with his in the most soft of the kiss.
Author's note (take two). If you're enjoyed this little story, please let me know. If you think it sucks please tell me also. I really hope to improve so if you take a minute to tell me what is wrong in this work it will be very appreciated.
Thank you everybody for your time. Have a nice day!