DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters, just the idea. This is Fanfiction Net. Would I really own them?
Even when he'd planned this night, the Phantom had known he was going to die. He had known there was no way he could pull this off, no way that he could make Christine happily marry him, pull his greatest prank off without being caught. And now, as he sits in his chair, on the verge of losing Christine and his opera forever, the Phantom knows the time has come.
He throws his ebony blanket over him, blocking out the sight of shattered mirrors and a discarded bridal veil, but even its comforting darkness can't keep out the sounds of the mob coming to kill him, or Christine and Raoul's vows of love. He knows that if he lets the mob reach him, death will be a much more violent and messy affair than if he just does it himself, but the knowledge doesn't make killing himself any easier.
The Phantom grits his teeth and pulls a hidden lever in his chair, and then the Phantom of the Opera is falling backwards through a trap door, far down into the bowels of his beloved opera. Only his mask is left sitting on the seat- he has no need for hiding anymore.
As he falls, the Phantom tells himself dying will be easy. He is lying and he knows it, but it gives him the courage to not fight when he hits the water. He remembers discovering this passage, back when he was young and first exploring the opera. It used to lead to a passage full of ancient costumes for some long-forgotten show, but now it is flooded, little more than an extension of the lake above it. He wonders why he hadn't taken the time to visit all of the old passages in his opera before tonight- why, recently, the only passages he's used have been the ones to Christine's dressing room.
Time seems to slow down as he sinks, clothes billowing out and weighing him down, and it is only when he can't bear holding his breath anymore that he allows himself to think of Christine. She would have never chosen him anyways- women don't like murderers or monsters. A monster. That's what he is.
The Phantom opens his ruined mouth and gulps in water. There's a few moments of choking, a few horrible moments where everything goes numb and it is somehow worse than the pain, and then the darkness around him is complete.
For as long as he can remember, there has been something oddly familiar about Lily Evans. Severus notices it whenever he sees her in the streets of their little town, in the curve of her hair, the shape of her eyes, and the warmth she seems to exude like an expensive perfume. She reminds him of someone, he is sure of it, but the strangest thing is that he doesn't know anyone even remotely like Lily Evans- so where does the feeling come from?
Without meaning to, he begins to follow her around, curious about her familiarity, and it is this way that he discovers her magic- that she is special, like him. He tells himself that maybe this is why she seems so familiar to him, that he is sensing her magic, but, somewhere deep inside him, he knows that he is lying. Years begin to pass...
Severus stands alone in a deserted playground, watching the backs of Lily and her sister as they disappear into the woods. He tells himself that he hadn't meant to insult the annoying Muggle girl, that it wasn't supposed to end this way. Lily was supposed to...he wasn't sure what exactly, but she wasn't supposed to leave him this way.
That night, Severus dreams of another parting, only this time, the girl comes back briefly to give him a ring- and then she is gone forever. He rolls over fretfully in his sleep. By morning, he'll have forgotten all about it.
Over the next few weeks, Severus and Lily become closer, meeting up whenever they can to talk about the wizarding world and Hogwarts. He supposes that he grows a little too fond of her, but she is the closest thing he had to a friend in a long time.
Several times, Severus has to stop himself from calling her Christine. He doesn't know why, but he just can't get the name out of his head when he's around her- like she reminds him of a Christine, but that can't be right; he doesn't know anyone named Christine. He stops in the middle of a sentence about the food at Hogwarts and squints at her, trying to figure it out. Lily gives him an odd look, and he apologizes, face red.
From the first day on the Hogwarts Express, Severus feels he should've known that his friendship with Lily would have to end. She sticks up for her sister, her family, him, while he just sits there, hunched in his batlike cloak, never even bothering to stick up for himself. He ignores the feeling, though, choosing to hold onto the false hopes that Lily will be a Slytherin and they'll be best friends and maybe even something more- but, still, a tiny part of him is expecting it when the Sorting Hat sends her off to Gryffindor, to the other side of the hall to sit next to Sirius and James, the idiot Gryffindor boys, Severus' soon-to-be enemies. His only comfort is that Lily seems to feel the same way; she crosses her arms, disgusted, and turns away from them.
That night, many of the boys in his dorm are sniffling as they lie in their beds- homesick, but pretending not to be for the sake of Slytherin appearances. Severus doesn't cry, he certainly doesn't feel homesick, but still, there is a tiny little twinge in his heart for Lily. He should have known, he tells himself. He should have known.
After that, Severus tries his best to keep their friendship alive, but the happy Hogwarts years Severus had dreamed about since he first met Lily are over before they ever began. It isn't until Lily calls James and arrogant toerag that Severus figures out his feelings for her. He convinces himself not to tell her, thinking that he'll never have a chance, and, by the time he regrets not telling her, he doesn't have one anymore. He gets sick of the bullying and harassment that makes James so popular, sick of being constantly humiliated, and the name Mudblood slips out without him meaning to- just like with her sister, years ago. Only this time, Lily never comes back to him. It costs him everything.
Severus struggles through his next two years at Hogwarts, gets over the heartbreak and maybe even likes a few other Slytherin girls, but he never forgets Lily Evans and her familiarity. Never. Even if Severus himself doesn't admit it.
It is her familiarity, her unforgettability that brings him to a windy hilltop after he hears the prophecy that changes his life, that gives him the courage to say the word that puts him in Dumbledore's service and forces him to live under two masters for the rest of his life. And before Lily dies, Severus tells Voldemort that there are better women of higher birth, but he doesn't really believe it. Years ago, he had told himself the same thing.
Only this time, Lily is gone forever.
For the rest of his life, Snape lives without really living. He eats and drinks and talks and hates and duels and spies and plots and teaches and eventually goes back to his double life- but he never really lives. He loathes Harry Potter for ruining Lily's eyes by putting them in James' face, but he protects him anyways and serves Dumbledore loyally until the moment of his death.
And after Nagini has killed him and Voldemort has left the room, not even looking back at his once-loyal servant, James impossibly comes and kneels next to him- only it isn't James, it's Harry, with Lily's eyes. Snape can barely take breaths, wants nothing more than to close his eyes and give in to the soothing darkness, but he knows he can't fail Dumbledore. Knows he must betray Lily by telling her son to die.
"Take...it...take...it..." Snape groans, the memories leaking from his head- everything about Lily and the work he'd done for Dumbledore over the years- and, for the first time in his life, Harry seems to understand something Snape has said. A girl's hand offers him a vial, and Harry fills it to the brim- I'm so sorry, Lily- with everything.
"Look...at...me.." Snape whispers, and, one last time, he sees Lily's eyes before the darkness becomes complete.
The first thing Snape notices about where he is is the light- piercing through his lashes and turning the insides of his eyes red. He opens them.
There is fog everywhere; a bright fog, but like nothing he'd ever seen before. He is lying on a surface, some kind of floor to this great foggy room, but he couldn't really describe it beyond that- it is just a floor. He notices that he is naked, and wishes for some clothes to cover his scrawny body. No sooner has he done that then a set of black robes appear, lying over an armchair. He crosses to the chair and puts them on in silence. Vaguely, he wonders where he is...and if he is dead.
"Severus." a voice says from behind him, and he whirls around to see Albus Dumbledore, looking fully recovered from whatever it was that happened on the night he died, striding towards him in robes of midnight blue.
"Albus? But aren't you-" Albus nods, and Snape lets this sink in. "So this is it then? I've kicked the bucket? Bit the big one? Croaked? Given up the ghost? Gone south? This is the big farm in the sky?" He laughs bitterly.
"I'm afraid so." Albus waves his hand and another chair appears, looking extraordinarily like the one behind his desk at Hogwarts. "I've always loved this chair. Please, sit."
Snape sits, keeping his eyes on Dumbledore. "So if I'm dead, then why are you here?"
"Can't I just be here to catch up with an old friend?" Albus asks. Severus says nothing. "Well, all right then, I'll tell you. It's because of Lily."
Snape tenses up, gripping the arms of his chair. "Headmaster- don't-"
"She won't appear, I promise. I just need to know something. What was Lily like?"
Severus looks at the floor, at the ceiling, anywhere but the expectant eyes of Albus Dumbledore. Why is he making Severus relive this? "You knew her as well as I did, Headmaster. Probably better."
"No, let me rephrase that. What was she like for you?"
"Headmaster...you know..."
"No, that was far too personal. What I'm trying to ask is...did Lily ever seem familiar to you?"
Severus looks at his hands, unsure why he's discussing his innermost feelings with the only man on Earth (well, maybe not anymore) who can make him feel like a schoolboy again. "Yes, from the beginning."
"There is a reason for that. Severus, you were given a second chance."
Severus looks up. "What?"
"You and Lily lived before, Severus. The first time, you were meant to have her, but...well...you made a few big mistakes- all much larger than the ones you made in this life, I assure you- and so someone up here decided to give you another chance. Think, Severus. Try to remember Lily as Christine.
Severus thinks, and it's as if the magic of the room has freed up his mind- he can suddenly remember his life as Eric, the Phantom, and Christine, how he lost her to her childhood friend Raoul, a much richer, nicer, and safer choice than he. Severus sighs, feeling like all his old wounds at losing Lily are opening up again. "So I failed both times?"
"Well, yes." Dumbledore admits. "But I think we can say that you got a lot closer this time."
"No, I didn't. I was a murderer in both lives and I hurt the people around her! If I was really supposed to have her, couldn't the fates or whoever at least make it a little easier? Like, say, not throwing acid in my face and sorting Lily into Gryffindor? Is that too much to ask?" He pounds his fist against the arm of the chair viciously, but the chair, being magic, holds its shape.
"But they are making it easier." Dumbledore says simply. "You're being given another chance."
Severus stares at him, breathless. "I'm going back?"
He shakes his head. "You'll be born somewhere completely different to a completely different family and lead a completely different life. You won't even remember any of this. The only guarantee I can make is that, at some point, Lily, or Christine, or whoever she becomes will show up, and you'll fall in love with her."
"And James?"
"James and Raoul were different people, Severus- both of them are happy, and so both of them have gone on. Neither will appear, although there's nothing preventing another man from trying to take Lily from you- it's just how life is. Consider it."
Snape does, thinking about both his lives in their entirety. Different family? A blessing, considering his argumentative father and his other mother, the one who forced him to wear a bag and perform in a circus. Different life? Perfectly fine with him. It couldn't get much worse, could it? Different location? He could live with that. He finally looks up.
"Fine. I'll do it."
Dumbledore smiles, and Severus stands up to say goodbye as the room slowly starts fading.
Years and miles and long minutes later, a boy will be born in a clean white hospital in the heart of America. His family will gather in the room, and the nurses will try to get them to leave because there are so many of them, but none of them will, and eventually the nurses give up- they are all so excited to see this new baby boy. After pictures are taken and congratulations are exchanged, the family will watch the boy when he is placed in an examining room and daydream about what his life will be like- what foods he'll like, who he'll listen to, what talents he'll have, what he'll major in. Who he'll love.
The baby boy, lying on the table feebly kicking his feet, nearly smiles as the last remnants of Severus Snape leave him behind. They have no idea.