`Hetalia: The Dictionary of Embarrassment

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Vash-kun, Ruegen and Switzerland-kun. Happy late birthday. X.x

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used. Some fluff. x3

{Let The Crack Begin!}

"But it really did happen! Doitsu is a clean-freak!"

Feliciano sniffed and tried to push the point that Ludwig was indeed a clean freak.
Said German shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Feli. . . . Vhere did you get vhat?"
"It was in this dictionary I found! I looked up Germany and it said you were a closet pervert, clean freak, and younger brother of Gilbert-slash-Prussia! Ve. . . . Don't get mad at me!"

Alfred began to laugh and leaned closer to Feliciano.

"So, Feli, dude, did it say anything about me, the hero?!"
"I-I didn't look in the A's. . . ."
"Oh."

Yao jumped up from his seat, looking excited.

"Did it say anything about me, aru?!"
"I only looked in the G's."
"Aiyaa! Next time look in the C's, aru!"
"V-ve. . . . Okay."

Gilbert slung his arm around Matthew, who smiled softly and snuggled into his boyfriend's chest.
The self-centered albino smirked and patted his Matthew's head.

"It better say I am the awesome Prussia! Also, something sweet about Bird."

Matthew blushed and hid his face in Gilbert's hair.
Alfred grinned.

"That's so sweet, dude, so sweet. Anyway, Feli, where did you find the dictionary?"

Feliciano pouted and thought.

"In the library. I was just looking around for art books, and it fell on my head."
"Aiyaa! Let's go to that library, aru."

~Timeskip, If You Please~

"Ve. . . That's strange. It was here, right here."

Feliciano jabbed a finger at the table, pouting all the while.
Yao looked under the table and stood up, dusting his knees.

"It's not under there either, aru."
"Where could it be, da zee~?"
"Maybe it was checked out, da~?"
"Let's go ask the librarian where the bloody heck it is."

Yao hurriedly asked the librarian, but she said she'd not seen any such book.

"Why don't you ask Elizaveta, the other girl? She might know about it."

She pointed to a brown haired girl talking to a bespectacled boy.
The platinum blonde librarian smile and folded her arms over her oversized chest, then patted Yao.

"I haven't worked here for a long time, just two weeks. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to help."
"It's fine, aru."

Feliciano and Kiku trotted over to Elizaveta, and asked her about the dictionary.
She said she hadn't seen it, either, and she'd worked for the library since forever.
So they gave up their search and were walking home when Kiku yelped.

"Dude, like, are you okay?"

Alfred turned, looked at where Kiku was pointing and pounced on a blue book.
Looking through the pages, he grinned and held it up.

"This is the dictionary we've been looking for!"
"What does it say about me, aru?"
"What about me, read, read, read!"

Everyone crowded around him, trying to get a glimpse of the entries.
Alfred turned to the K's and read:

" 'Kiku Honda: The quiet Japanese with a secret love for yaoi and kitty-cats. Younger brother of Yao Wang, or China. Is secretly dating Im Yong Soo, or North Korea.' "

Kiku blushed and pointed an accusing finger at the dictionary.

"Not true! I like cats, but not yaoi!"
"I didn't know you were dating my younger brother, aru."
"But I'm not!"

Alfred flipped to the M's and looked first at Matthew's.

" 'Matthew Williams: Super quiet younger brother of Alfred F. Jones. Hardly noticed, unless it's his boyfriend Prussia, or Gilbert. Has a strange obsession with maple syrup, polar bears and is forever hit on by France or Francis.' "

Gilbert smirked and peered over Alfred's shoulder.

"At least everything's good about Bird."
"What about me, aru!"

Yao poked Alfred's shoulder repeatedly and whined a long string of 'aru's'.

" 'Yao Wang: The immature grandfather of nations. He looks younger than he really is, because he's four thousand years old. Weird obsession for pandas, cats, puppies, cuddly things and food. In short, all things cute, and dinner. Says 'aru' or 'aiyaa' a lot. Dating Ivan Braginski.' "
"Aiyaa! I'm not dating Ivan, aru!"
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, I totally believe you."

Feliks, who'd not shown up until now, patted Yao on the back and grinned.

"Like, we all know you're dating. I wouldn't date Ivan, though. He's, like, ugggglyyyyyyy."

Ivan began to 'kol' loudly, and Feliks ran off to his date with Toris.
Alfred sighed.

"It does exist. I was starting to think Feli lied after all."
"Ve. . . . That was mean. I don't like lying."

Felicaino began to sniff, and he turned to Ludwig.

"Ve. . . Luddy, do you think I lied?"
"No, no, you didn't. Vhat does it say about me, Alfred?"

Alfred flipped to the L's.

" 'Ludwig Beilschmidt: Younger brother of Prussia, or Gilbert Beilschmidt. Clean freak. Super serious and likes wurst. Yuck.' "

Ludwig sighed.

"We shall find out out who is does vhat tomorrow. I'm tired. Feli, Kiku, let's go. Also, leave the dictionary in the care of Arthur or Yao."

Alfred nodded and tossed the blue book to a still-seething Yao.
Said panda-lover was threatening to tear the book apart, so Alfred gave it to Arthur.

And the beginning of the mystery began.