Author's note: Ok...I am seriously stalling my other stories -.- but I can't write anything else unless I get this one out of my chest. So I will do it no matter what! Anyway, this story is intended to be somewhat short. I planned to make it only three chapters, but seeing I was writing A LOT, I decided to cut it in chunks. So it will look like a long story, but compared to the other stuff I've written so far...the chapters are less reading with more straightforwardness.

This is an AU that does not follow the Free timeline in any way, the setting doesn't matter much in this story anyway. It is yaoi, though I think that's obvious. There will be four parts to this story: Unrequited Love, Tainted Love, Indelible Love and True Love

The main pairing is Sosuke and Makoto. There is some Sosuke and Rin love in this story ;) and implied Makoto and Haru.

It is a pretty sexual fic, so if lemons bother you, then I don't think you should read (though I won't be adding too many sex scenes...). There's also dark themes like depression, which might not be everyone's cup of tea. You have been warned.

I apologize for adding the author's note here, normally I add them after each chapter, but I have no intention of adding many author notes, so I'm probably just going to put this one and another one at the end of the story (or wherever deemed necessary).

Disclaimer: Free! Iwatobi Swim Club does not belong to me in any way.

Part One: Unrequited Love-Makoto

"Hey do you see that guy right there?" A woman spoke quietly a few tables away. From her tone, Makoto Tachibana knew she was talking about him.

"Yeah, what about him?" Her female companion asked, not very good at keeping her voice down.

"I don't want to sound like a creep, but he's been sitting there since we got here. Didn't you notice?"

"Now that you mention it, didn't we get here around 9?" The other replied.

"Yeah, there's a coffee and pastry right in front of him. Makes me wonder what's taking the other person so long. "

"Who knows?" The other woman replied. And then they resumed doing whatever they were doing, not touching the subject again.

Makoto wasn't particularly bothered by their conversation. Although he did wonder how long he had been sitting there waiting. He looked up a clock hanging on the wall.

It was 11 o'clock.

It was officially three hours since Sosuke had left him stranded in that coffee shop. He wasn't sure why he remained there, almost glued to the cushioned wooden chair. For the most part, he simply stared outside the window, although he couldn't see much in the darkness. All he could see was a lamppost providing light on a single spot, from there, Makoto could spot the specs of snow as they slowly made their way to the ground, joining the other specs which mounted to pure white piles of snow. For once, he looked across the table and saw Sosuke's coffee was still almost filled to the rim, his pastry neatly placed on a napkin.

It only had one bite.

His coffee was black, just how he liked it. After all this time, Makoto was still not done with his. This was the longest time he took to drink his own cup of coffee. This would probably the first and the last, he hoped, glancing at the light brown liquid in his cup which had already gone cold. He stared at the snow piling outside the window. He felt a little strange. The past three hours, he hadn't been thinking about anything. No that wasn't quite true. When Sosuke had left, he had panicked for a little while. He panicked and thought of what he could do. Should he run after him? Should he call him? Should he go home? What was the right thing to do in this situation? What should you do when your boyfriend has left you stranded in a cafe...while pursuing another man? Alas, the questions ricocheted inside his brain like bullets. In the end, he couldn't find it in himself to move from that chair. The reasons were unknown to him. He just...sat there. And eventually, his thoughts reduced to nothingness. But now, three hours later, he wondered what Sosuke must've been doing. Wrong again. He knew what he was doing.

He was having sex with Rin.

The realization made Makoto's chest hurt. It was a pain mere words could not describe. He didn't understand how people could feel like this while being surrounded by a crowd of people completely oblivious to the pain in his heart. In a way, he was relieved by that. The world would be a sad place if everyone could feel each other's emotions. He guessed only a few people were doomed to feel that pain, since he had only met a few people highly sensitive to other people's emotions. He sighed. Why...am I still here?

The waitress passed by and kindly asked if he would like her to reheat his coffee. Makoto smiled kindly and accepted her offer, sensing her concern. When she departed with his cup, Makoto sighed once more, looking up at the clock again. It was 11:09 pm. One hour until the cafe closed.

It was supposed to be a date.

A brief date. Nothing more, nothing less. Both were looking forward to it so much, since they loved the coffee and the pastries of this shop. And it wasn't too far from home either, so it was even better. Three hours ago, Makoto had been smiling and talking unceasingly. And the taller boy listened to everything he had to say, giving him a warm smile of his own. It was subtle, but it was there. His small honest smile, and his bright teal eyes when he listened were enough to drive Makoto to the clouds.

Everything would've been great. They would go on a date. Makoto would order a vanilla espresso with a banana nut muffin. Sosuke would order a coffee-all black-and he would get a braided pastry with dark chocolate glossing on top. Makoto knew it because he always picked that combo. He never deviated from his choices, which, in its own way, made Makoto fall deeper and deeper in love with this man. That night should've been simple. It should've been the night of his life. They would've ordered their "dinner". They would've chatted even if Sosuke was not particularly fond of talking. They would joke around and laugh lightheartedly. Then they would go home and make love as if nothing in the world existed but them...between the sheets.

But…

Sosuke always chose simple colors to wear. Tonight he was wearing a dark olive green jacket. Around his neck hung a dull orange scarf that Makoto had bought for him last Christmas. Makoto watched as he removed his dark, sienna-colored gloves, folding the inside each other like pairing socks after doing the laundry and stuck them inside his pocket. He removed his dull orange hat, which came as a set with the scarf, and shook off the lingering snow. Makoto found himself smiling when he revealed his disheveled ebony hair. At that moment, the other man's teal eyes noticed him and he asked suspiciously, "What's so funny?"

Makoto folded his hands, his elbows resting on the chair, and rested his chin on his folder hands. "Nothing," He said dreamily, teasing his curiosity and only continued to smile.

Sosuke brushed it off with a simple "hmph" and folded the hat, placing it inside his other pocket.

The waitress arrived and requested their order. Before Makoto could speak up, Sosuke beat him to it and said, "I'll take a black coffee and a braided pastry."

"Dark chocolate?"

"Yes."

The waitress smiled. She then looked at Makoto. "And how about…?"

But before she could ask, Sosuke spoke up again. How unusual of him. "He'll have a vanilla flavored espresso with a banana nut muffin."

The waitress looked at Makoto questioningly. Makoto nearly chuckled. Instead he nodded, unsuccessfully hiding his smile.

After she left, Makoto cried, "No way! How did you know?"

At that, Sosuke cocked an eyebrow and flashed a hardly victorious grin. "You always order that muffin on Thursdays," he said, "and you get the vanilla espresso at any chance you get."

"Wow, you've noticed," Makoto replied, feeling excited. Now more than anything, he couldn't wait to get home and make love to him. Tonight he would make sure he got the best treatment. Makoto tightened his knees just imagining it. After all, he wasn't as consistent about his tastes the way Sosuke was.

Sosuke chuckled, "Did you think otherwise? You don't give me enough credit, you know."

Makoto laughed and replied, "I guess that's true, huh? My bad, my bad."

Sosuke smiled back but it soon turned into a neutral line, "but you know, it took me long enough. We've been dating for almost a year and a half. You knew my tastes within a few weeks and it took me almost two years for me to catch on. I'm...sorry."

Makoto smiled tenderly at him. "Don't worry," he said, brushing off his seriousness, "My interests change a lot you know. So I'm not surprised it was hard for you to keep up. If anything, I'm shocked you remembered within two years!"

At that the two burst out a controlled laughter, not wanting to interrupt the other customers. The waitress soon returned with their order and neatly placed them in front of the two men. After she left, Sosuke took a sip of his coffee, which was filled to the rim and, unsurprisingly, the dark liquid was hot enough to burn his tongue. Sosuke cringed and nearly spat out the coffee. Makoto found himself laughing at the other man, seeing him uncomposed like that proved to be a hilarious sight for Makoto. He had seen plenty of this side of Sosuke.

Whenever it was his turn to cook breakfast and the eggs would burn, he immediately became fidgety, wondering what to do with it. Another time, when he and Makoto went ice skating on an ice skating brink, he immediately fell and had the most hilarious expression on his face that Makoto couldn't control himself. The boy always pouted, but in the end, he never became angry over those things. If anything, he probably seemed less tense and uptight. The flustered look in his face was subtle, but Makoto could see it, and if he had to describe it in one word, he would say it was vulnerable. If he had to compare it to something else, he would say he looked like a lost child in the body of a grown man. It was a rare sight.

"Don't laugh, idiot," Sosuke retorted at the green-eyed boy, "it burns, you know!"

That didn't stop Makoto from laughing, however. "I'm sorry!" He said between laughs, not making any effort to stop at all, "It's just...haha...ha...hah…." His smile suddenly began to fade when he felt a familiar sensation on his thigh. And right away, the blood began to rush to his cheeks. He knew exactly what was going on. Sosuke's hand was resting on his thigh. Makoto looked up and saw the teal-eyed boy flash a highly suggestive grin at him.

That's right.

The tables by the window were very small. Their knees were even touching. This wasn't the first time he did this, but here he was, feeling up Makoto's thigh with his thick, long fingers. He felt at the fibers of his pants, the energy passing through those fibers and immediately reaching his sensitive skin. "Oi, Sosuke...not here…" Makoto said quietly, worriedly. He felt the blood boil on his cheeks as the man before him felt him up, enjoying every second of it. Watching him as he tried to deny that he was enjoying every second of it.

But the other boy only teased him more. "I'm sorry," Sosuke said teasingly, "I don't understand what you mean. Could you be more specific?" His fingers then slid to his inner thigh, which was more sensitive than most of the other parts of his body.

Makoto looked around. Hopefully no one was noticing this. "Oi, Sosuke…" he warned and then he burst out laughing, "Hahaha! Stop it! What are you doing?!"

The other boy grinned merrily as he tickled Makoto's knees. Makoto's laugh was loud enough to cause some people to turn their heads. When he had enough, Sosuke removed his hand and smirked mischievously. "Now we're even," he announced.

Makoto, still trying to control his laughter said between laughs, "That was cruel you know! You embarrassed me in front of these people!"

Sosuke arched an eyebrow. "Oh?" He stated as-a-matter-of-factly, "And who was blushing and enjoying it when he could've just scooted his chair backwards?"

"You didn't have to go that far though," Makoto replied, making a pouting face, although he wasn't annoyed at all.

It was silent for a bit. Sosuke grabbed his pastry and raised it in front of Makoto's face. Makoto looked at him quizzically. Sosuke simply held the pastry in the air and told Makoto, "Here, have a bite and we'll call it a truce. How about it?" Sosuke unknowingly made a pouting face.

Makoto chuckled. He was so...adorable. Makoto knew better than anyone that he didn't like sharing his favorite pastry with anyone. He was no exception. To see him do this for Makoto was enough to make him want to embrace him right then and there. Makoto took a bite of that pastry, never looking away from the other boy's eyes. He flashed him the most suggestive look he could muster. His eyes said it all as he took that bite.

I want you.

Sosuke must've read his mind, because almost immediately his pupils dilated and his chest stopped heaving for a second. Makoto smiled at him and took a sip of his own coffee, enjoying the reaction he got from his boyfriend. Sosuke was about to say something but Makoto never heard what he was going to say. The other boy looked outside the window and his clear eyes went still.

His entire being went still.

Makoto saw it in his eyes. His peaceful, smiling face became distorted with tension and despair. His body became completely tense too, his hand clutching at the coffee, which was still almost full. Makoto ventured to look, his eyes widening when he saw what he was looking at. It was a young man, standing outside the window next to their table. He was lightly clothed and his skin was pale blue from the coldness. On his hand, he held a large bottle of liquor. Makoto saw how tightly he gripped the bottle, since his knuckles had turned white. His wine-red colored hair and eyes were disheveled. It was a pitiful sight. Makoto had seen this man in various photos. He didn't ask much about him to Sosuke. But he knew exactly what he was to him. He was his first boyfriend. The person he had dated for six years. Makoto had only asked one question. Just one.

"What's his name?" He had asked Sosuke once.

At first, Sosuke tried to deny him even that little bit of information. But eventually he gave in.

"Rin. Rin Matsuoka."

This was the first time Makoto was looking at him face to face. He stared back at them, just as tense as the two boys. Perhaps even more. Makoto could see him clearly even in the darkness. His red-rimmed eyes were puffy. His mouth agape, revealing sharp teeth that would've seemed dangerous were he not in such a pitiful state. Makoto could see the twinkle in his eyes which were filled with nothing but sadness. Makoto then looked at Sosuke, whose eyes...returned the same sentiment.

It was then that the crimson-haired boy took off running, soon lost in the darkness. But Makoto felt strangely uncomfortable. He felt a sense of premonition. He looked at Sosuke, who seemed to be in a trance. "Sosu…" Makoto began to say.

But the other man noisily pushed his chair back and took off running out of there, stirring some attention in the coffee shop.

"Sosuke!" Makoto yelled after him, but remained in his seat, watching from the window as his boyfriend forced on the gloves and the hat he gave him last Christmas. Watching him run after another man. Watching him not glance back even once at the coffee shop, his sprints determined to catch the other. It felt as if he had been watching some tv show from this window. But in the end, Makoto knew this wasn't a television series.

This was reality.

All he was left with was a crowd of people staring at him, eventually returning about their business when the tension slowly faded.

And now, almost four hours later, he was still there. Waiting.

The shop was almost empty, save for a few people who were there. But none of the people who had been there earlier remained. They had all left and had been replaced by the few people who were going about their business. Makoto sighed deeply and looked at the clock hanging from the wall.

It was 11:16. Almost midnight.

The black coffee and the bitten pastry was still prostrate in front of him, with no one sitting on the chair. And suddenly, Makoto felt oddly cold. Perhaps the breeze that came in as Sosuke had opened the door was the cause of it. But more than the physical coldness, he felt cold...emotionally. He didn't know how to describe this sensation. But if he had to summarize it, it was a sensation one feels when they have lost to someone better than them.

Makoto had tasted this mild feeling plenty of times in his life. Like when he got one of the highest scores in a geometry test back in high school but was nowhere near the top student in his class. Or when he did joint practices with other swim teams and had to reconcile that he wasn't at the level of the other backstroke competitors. Never once did he think that the taste of this feeling could be so bitter and powerful.

That was, of course, until he fell in love with a certain boy. He remembered him so well to this day. He was shorter than he was, with cerulean eyes bluer than a clear sky or sea. Hair darker than a starless night. His personality so independent and standoffish toward strangers that if it were a color, Makoto guessed it would be gray with a tinge of blue.

Haruka Nanase.

That was the name of the man he had loved.

But he was also the man that never loved him back.

Makoto knew he should've never expected anything out of that boy but friendship. It was clear from the beginning that Haru would never see him as anything more than a childhood friend. It didn't matter how long he waited, or how much he tried to get that boy to return his feelings. The truth was, it had been hopeless to begin with.

Makoto still remembered that day. Even though the memory had begun to fade for the past two years or so, tonight Makoto remembered it so clearly that these past months felt like a lie. He had only pushed the memories in the back of his mind, not forgetting them even if he wanted to. He didn't notice that the waitress had returned with his warmed coffee and set it on his table.

"Here you go, sweetheart," she said sympathetically.

Makoto smiled kindly at her. "Thank you," he replied genuinely.

She smiled back, a tinge of sadness in her eyes. She then said timidly, "Um...don't you worry. I'm sure he'll be back soon. Hopefully before the shop closes." She was trying to lighten up the situation.

In truth, Makoto was thankful for that. He flashed a sad smile at her and stated, "I hope so too. I mean, three hours might be too early."

The two allowed a small laugh to seep past their lips. But it didn't last long. The waitress reassuringly told Makoto she would be around if he needed anything else. Makoto thanked her kindly, his smile becoming a fine neutral line the further she walked away from him. Slowly his dark thoughts began to resurface and he began to think.

Haru wasn't a big fan of coffee, was he? He thought, looking down at his espresso.

He brought the cup to his mouth and had a taste of the reheated coffee. It was tasteless and the vanilla extract was hardly there. It only tasted good when Sosuke was there. The logic made no sense at all and Makoto found himself chuckling. Why am I like this? He wondered.

But he knew.

His problem was so simple that asking himself that question was nothing but redundant. He had fallen in love first. That was his problem. When it came to the matters of love, he was always the first to fall in love. That was his downfall. That was his flaw. He thought of Haru again, remembering the time he had finally been ready to confess to him.