A long sigh escaped Kyp Durron's throat. To say that this day had been tiring would have been an understatement.
Jedi council meetings tended to end in long discussions, the Masters arguing every point on the Grand Masters list.
One of the topics had been to voluntarily visit a small planet on the Outer Rim; rumors had it there was a rogue Jedi on the loose. But since all Jedi were accounted for, it gave reason to investigate. Kyp had stayed in the back, not feeling like speaking up to any of the topics. He made sure that he listened to everything being said but he didn't much care.
His mind was elsewhere.
In the end it was Corran who volunteered to search for this ominous Jedi. Corran seemed to enjoy these sorts of missions. Sitting around in a ship hours at end, asking question to follow leads. A line of work Kyp disliked; it lacked action.
Kyp lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind wandering. Too many times had he asked himself what he would give up to turn back time, or at least have time stand still for a little while. Just long enough for him to collect himself, to think back on things that had happened.
Just to be.
He needed someone to talk to and he knew who this person would be. Even though they had parted ways only a few hours earlier, he longed to be near her again. If Kyp had his way, he'd stay with her forever.
But forever wasn't an option.
Slowly he sat up, stretching his tired muscles. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a decent night of sleep and it was taking its toll on him. When he took a look at his reflection in the mirror, he was astounded how much he'd aged in the past few months.
Lines, he was sure hadn't been there before, made him look permanently on edge; as if by uttering one wrong word Kyp would lash out.
Depending on his mood, it might even be true.
He got to his feet and took a deep breath. Yes, he'd visit his one true love again. He went to see her every day; the one person who knew him in and out, the one person who scolded him without fear in her eyes. She would make his dark day turn bright again.
And with this thought in the back of his mind, he left his quarters at a quick pace.
He stopped at a florist to buy her favorite flowers. Dark red roses, her favorite color. She had once said the color reminded her of the essence of life. And every time he saw these roses, he would buy a few for her, just to see a beautiful, wide smile surface on her face.
The scent was sweet and strong, almost intoxicating. She always set the roses on the dining table because she loved the smell. Kyp had to get used to it at first but as time went by, he enjoyed the scent.
He walked on to their usual meeting spot. Kyp knew she'd be there; she always was.
And as he set one foot before the next, he let his mind wander again. He thought back to their life together.
He stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He didn't know if he'd ever forgive himself for hurting her so many times. Sometimes it would be the things he had said – things he regretted thereafter – while arguing with her; sometimes it would be because he was never home. The Jedi needed him and he would leave with only a kiss and a hasty good bye.
He had never meant to make her cry. And he would never forgive himself for doing so.
He walked on and thought back to all the times they had laughed together. As it is with every relationship, everyone has their ups and downs. The times she had smiled at him, the times she had laughed at and with him; he would cherish these memories until he took his last breath.
He took a quick look at his chrono; yes, she'd be waiting on him. The sun was shining, the wind was cool; the perfect weather for yet another get together to reminisce on the happy days they had had together.
As he neared his destination his heartbeat quickened. He could see the gates from where he was standing. This was always the hardest part; having to pass the gates to see his beloved. Taking a deep breath he hurried through, his eyes fixed on his surroundings.
Flowers were blooming in so many different colors, birds were singing and the cool breeze ruffled his hair. It was a beautiful day.
She would have loved this. She would have stood by his side, either holding his hand or holding on to his arm and they would talk in hushed voices and silently laugh. They would kiss and pretend that everything was perfect.
Kyp slowed his walk and turned to a beautiful and elaborately crafted headstone; dark red, the color of the essence of life. The writing on the stone was her own; she had chosen this very stone before falling asleep, to never again wake up.
He placed the roses on the ground and clasped his hands behind his back.
She had been gone for almost one year now and the void she left seemed to grow larger with every passing second. He fought back tears but to no avail.
He didn't know how he managed to live day after day without her by his side. But he had promised that he would continue on, that he would live his life to the fullest. He tried his best to keep his promise but it was so very hard.
She had been his reason for changing. She had been his reason for starting a new and better life; his reason for being.
And now she was gone. And he wasn't. He was left alone with trying to fight back the pain of losing his reason.
He closed his eyes, tears trailing down his cheeks.
Kyp missed her terribly; the grief tore a hole in his soul. He missed her laugh, the sparkle in her eyes when she was happy. He missed her soft touch, her beautiful voice. He missed absolutely everything about her.
Taking a deep, quivering breath he opened his eyes and forced a smile.
"I love you." He whispered , "And I know you're doing better."
He paused, the breeze even colder when touching his moist face, "But I wish you were here. I miss you so much, sweetheart." His voice trailed off and he shifted his gaze to the beautiful, cloudless blue sky, "I need you." He closed his eyes and reached out with the Force, hoping to maybe a find her presence among the millions of beings within the Force.
The breeze picked up around him and instantly he knew it was her. As she had promised, she was there waiting for him. She always was and she always would be.
"I love you, Jaina." He whispered, her breeze caressing his face. "I love you."