I don't cry, no Jane Rizzoli doesn't cry. I don't show emotion. I've built up this brick wall that I don't let anyone get past. I had to, being the only woman in Boston's homicide division, that's how I get all the guys to treat me as an equal. But, to every rule there is an always exceptions and Maura is my exception.
We're best friends, exact opposites, but it works. I'm tough, sarcastic, and witty; while Maura is soft, literal, and a little too brilliant for her own good, I mean I'm smart too, but no one is Maura Isles smart. We work together every day, often driving to crime scenes together or hanging out after work. I make frequent visits to the autopsy room to see her and usually we eat lunch together. But, I can't really tell you how we became friends, it just kind of happened. She's the chief medical examiner and I'm one of BPD's top detectives and being two of the only women at work kind of pushed us together. Maura wasn't working in Boston when Hoyt first got me; she came a year later, even when my hands still hurt. She knew all about me and Hoyt, but she didn't ask for details or anything, and I never told her until today, or I guess yesterday now. About a month after she started working in Boston we went out for coffee and just started talking and then we've been friends ever since. She's the only one I trusted when Hoyt escaped prison, that's why I went to her house, I feel safe with her. Doesn't that sound weird? I mean, I'm a cop, I have a gun. She doesn't, she's the ME…but strangely enough I just feel safe.
It was just a normal case, stabbing in a prison, whatever cut and dry. Until I heard his voice and my heart nearly jumped out my throat. Now he's giving us a bunch of information, but wait, he helped us solve the case…oh okay I guess. But then Hoyt wants to see me because he's dying of cancer and as a last hurrah he wants to tell me ever sick thing he's done, but Maura refuses to let me go alone. So, there we are in a little room with Hoyt and his guard and he wants me to come closer…so I do…why I still don't know, but all of the sudden he's out of his restraints and has me by the throat. The guard isn't going to help because okay he's his new apprentice. Well fuck. Hoyt's whispering shit to me and tying a twist tie on me and Maura's sitting on the hospital bed crying because she's scared, and hell I'm scared. I figure Hoyt won't hurt Maura, he'll fuck with me and leave her out of it, but no, he decides to have the guard hold me down. I'm yelling at him to not fucking touch her and she's crying harder and I'm about to lose it, but I don't, not until he shocks her and starts to cut her throat. All my adrenaline kicks in and I'm off. I get the guard down and the Hoyt and I struggle until I'm on top of him yelling "I WIN" and stabbing him. Korsak and Frost walk in at the right time and shoot the guard. Well, now I'm honestly crying, or having a panic attack, or both. Vince pulls me off the ground and the first thing I do is look at Maura who is being helped by Frost before I completely fall apart in Vince's arms. Not exactly my proudest moment, but he's seen me at my worst.
Hours later and I'm out of the hospital and on the way back to my apartment after stopping at the bar to find now surprise party…oh well. I walk in my door and almost have a heart attack as everyone yells "SURPRISE" at me. Jesus. The party was great and everyone stayed until about eleven. Then it's just me and Maura and she's helping me clean up, but secretly I'd wish she'd go home because I've been holding myself together by almost nothing for hours and I need to just…fall apart. Right, I do cry, just not in front of anyone. Even though I told you I trust Maura I don't know if I'm ready for her to see me fall apart, because when I do it gets ugly. Well, as usual Maura refuses to leave until my apartment is clean and unfortunately that takes until about midnight.
"Jane, I hate to ask, but…."
"Maura, do you want to spend the night? I mean I know that's what you were going to ask and to be honest I don't want to be alone either"
"Thank you Jane, I'd love to. If you don't mind I'll use your bathroom to get ready for bed."
"Yeah, sure I'll just change into shorts and a t-shirt in my room and I'll be out in the living room when you're done."
It took me all of thirty seconds to get changed and throw on some deodorant. I sat down on the couch and the next thing I know Maura was sitting next to me asking if I was okay with a concerned look on her face. Then I realized I was crying, silently crying. I freaked out, I didn't know what to do, I got up and went into the kitchen and started pacing and walking and touching my scars and then I saw Maura's scar on her neck and I lost it. I fell apart right there on my kitchen floor because thinking about involving Maura in this was too much. It wasn't supposed to be about her, it was always me, just me.
I won't get into the details of how long it took me to stop crying, or how eventually Maura lost it too and we both just sat there crying. Totally out of character for either of us, but I mean it happens. After a while we stopped and went to bed, lame right? But no, we did, without a word spoken between us; it was an unspoken thing, a thank you of sorts for just being there, because I needed Maura in that moment, just as much as she needed me.